?

Log in

No account? Create an account
LiveJournal for Fallen words....

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (Gem_Gems).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.

Tuesday, June 30th, 2009

Subject:Reconcile
Time:11:07 pm.
Mood: Done, I have to be done.
I wrote this a few weeks ago, because as always, I needed it to be anywhere but in my head. But it remained unfinished. I thought that perhaps with time maybe something would change, but re-reading the words, nothing has. So here I am, and here are my words...

Being asked why I choose to keep you in my life. What good are you to me? What is it that you bring to my life? What have you ever done for me? I can't think of an answer. Not a single one. That's never a good sign. So I try to think on what has come before, if I don't know why you're in my life now I know there has to be a reason you were there to begin with. Only, that's proving difficult too. I remember my smile, how the very thought of you made me smile. That seems so long ago now.

Trying to convince myself that it's more than that stubborn perseverence that runs through me. I can't have been that wrong about you for so long. There had to be some part of you that was worth something, that was worth all this time. I had to have seen something under that mask you wear that made me want you in my life, that made me think you had a place in it. Balance. Where we were once the opposite sides of the same coin, now I hear exactly what you say though they are not the words you speak. Struggling to persuade myself that those who surround me are wrong about you. But even I can't deny what is so obvious, not anymore.

The presence of others dissuades me. One in particular. If I have them in my life, this unbelievably amazing person who is grateful that they've been shown even a part of my world - then what are you doing in it? If this person thinks that I'm worth a damn, then I must be. And there's the realisation. It's not about you anymore, it's about me. It doesn't matter who you are, I deserve better. I deserve someone who sees me...someone who sees me the way I used to see you. As someone worth knowing.

I know that there was a promise made, so long ago I can't even remember what the exact pact was. I think I'm going to have to break it. Know that you're exactly who I always believed you to be; despite what anyone else thought, it was always enough. Only, others were willing to show me I was worth more.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

Subject:Falling Back
Time:12:57 pm.
Mood: joyous.
It's my final morning in New York, and this city and I have had...our ups and downs. Some, including me, question my sanity returning to this place, given that every time I come here by the time it's time for me to get on that plane I'm practically screaming, 'Get me out of here!' Usually followed by the words, 'I'm done. I have no reason to ever come back...there's nothing for me here...' It's like a seriously bad relationship that you just can't let go of. Obviously though, I make my return in the vain hopes that something will be different this time. In a way, it's a way of testing myself to show that I haven't quite had the optimist kicked out of me. There's a sado-massichist in all of us, somewhere.

This year I decided I was up for the challenge again. My friend wanted a vacation, I said, 'Sure! Let's go!' Our destination: New York City. Bugger. Less than a year before I'd decided that, once again, I was done with that city. It had let me down too much for me to even contemplate a return. I had been other places where I had felt more welcome by people who had just met me than people I had known for years and who I would never expect to disappoint me as much as they had. However, I was different now. Coming out of my favourite year and deciding that being happy is a choice (okay, that revelation took me a while) I decided, New York and I deserved another shot.

Fast forward a few months and there I was, back on the plane and trying to figure out what the heck I was doing. I had no reason to go back, I've pretty much done everything I wanted to do and seen everything there is to see. There had to be a reason, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. So when asked I said it was because my friend needed a vacation, and when a friend asks - well, who am I to say no? This way of thinking gets me into trouble sometimes.

The city was as I remembered it, a too familiar friend that you're dangerously comfortable with. So much so that if given the opportunity, it would take full advantage and you wouldn't even see it coming. From the start, none of us felt like we'd actually gone anywhere, we were just taking a few days away from the jobs. I think having an internet connection in the room and the fact that we were always contactable and constantly connected made it difficult to feel we'd gotten away. That can be the best of things sometimes, coz sure as night follows day, as much as others tried and as much as I tried, things were set in place and I started to feel that old familiar feeling come on.

The details aren't necessary. A "friend", the " " are not just for anonymity but also because I don't think I can honestly call them that anymore, although everyone's come up with a rather more...I would say accurate term, let me down in the most spectacular of ways. It wasn't just their actions that I was appalled at - I should've known better, it was my own that hurt the most. I let down a friend, a good friend, in order to accommodate this person even though in the back of my mind I knew how it would end up. Inevitably it did, and the resulting backlash threatened to - once again, ruin any of the smiles that had come before, and there had been some. There had been many.

I was in the foulest of moods. I was in my head far too much and even the *HUGS* I was getting from my friends - coz, I tend not to suffer in silence anymore, weren't helping. I know things are bad when a hug doesn't sort it out. I could deal with that though, I'd done it before. What hurt more was that whenever my friends would see that I wasn't smiling, they'd get mad. Not at me, never at me, but at the situation, and the "friend" - very mad at them, and they couldn't believe how I let myself get in that far. We all knew that had the situation involved any one of them or anyone at home, I'd be the first in there with an opinion, and it'd be the right one. What they did find amusing was my choice in therapy - the retail kind and there may have been a drink involved in there too, I was acting out of character in every possible way.

I couldn't stay mad at the city though. I have been around too long to know that those kind of feelings will consume you faster than you could imagine if you let them. So instead, I walked - I walked a lot. I tried to think about the ways I hadn't been let down here. Friends, no " " needed, who had made time to see us, even though they had a million and one other things to do. Friends, who at the drop of the hat asked where I would be and came out after a hard day at the job, and had nothing but a smile and a hug waiting for me. There were people in this city who are worth a damn, and still I allowed them to be loomed over by someone who still couldn't admit that they were the villain of the piece. Most people don't like to be the bad guy, but when it's so blatantly obvious, just admit it and save everyone from the hassle.

Turns out though, the anger had its rewards, when you're pushed to the limit there's pretty much nothing you won't do. So, last full day in New York I decide to do something I would never normally do. But you know, I've been acting out of character so much - why the heck not? Before I came, I asked for a reason to fall back in love with this city. I so very much wanted one. I was given an answer by one of its inhabitants. I was told, 'New York asks and promises nothing. That is how it sets you free.' So that's what I did. I didn't ask for anything, I didn't promise anything, just a mere suggestion in the hope that some small gesture might make me smile again. Just once more in this city, I needed to smile. In return, I was most definitely set free.

New York came through in spectacular fashion. Indeed, I still find myself smiling the day after the night before. Not that quiet smile of contentment, although I'm sure that's what it will become - you simply can't sustain this smile indefinitely. I have joy in my heart. Genuine, damn I can't believe I am this blessed, over the moon, feel like I'm about to burst, joy. The smile that comes with that, it is rare for it to make any kind of appearance but for it to still be here 12hrs+ later? Unheard of. But if I looked in the mirror right now, I couldn't deny its existence.

A question was asked last night, 'How do you find people on the internet?' This question coming from someone I'd met in that exact way, posed to two people who had also met in that exact same way. Without social networking none of us would be sat around that table. The answer given, that in a space inhabited by billions, yes there are those who aren't quite right in the head, those who will take advantage, and those who are there for nothing but self-promotion, however, there are also those who are there simply to be themselves. When they are afforded no other avenue of self-expression a place where you are as anonymous as you choose to be is where you are able to show your true face. Sometimes, just sometimes, you stumble across someone amazing. Someone who will change the very way you look at the world.

To my right, someone who I've known for years. Who I very seldom talk to, but mostly because we have no need for words. From the start, kindred spirits. Not needing reason or explanation from each other, just to simply be in each other's presence enough. Before me, the person who offered the reason to fall back in love with their city. Someone new, who at the very last minute was apologising to me that they'd over-scheduled themselves when the very fact that they'd even called had brought back my smile. Someone I'd come to know in 140 character sentences sat across from me not realising the magnitude of that moment for me. Finally, here, in this city - I was surrounded by the very best of people, having the very best of times, and New York was everything I needed it to be. Because of the way I'd met these people, I was everything I needed to be too, I was me.

My friends (here and at home) are already talking up this night, and when I go home they won't let me forget it, because they're great like that. It might seem a little strange at first to those who don't understand, even perhaps to those two most responsible for last night, and it is hard to grasp how one night could come to mean so much. Simply, I think that it's because when I was at my lowest, I had people in my life who got angry at the situation for me because I didn't have the strength to, and because I also had people who, without any realisation that they were doing it, saved me. Last night reminded me, that when I'm my true self, the people who choose to, who actively want to be in my life, they are that rare breed of truly outstanding good people that you would be a fool to not keep.

I'm not sure if that makes any sense, perhaps one day I'll be able to articulate that better, but for now the smile, yes I'm still cheesing it big time, is hopefully enough.



I heart NY.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

Subject:The One Who Hits the Hardest
Time:11:07 pm.
Mood: undecided.
You understand. Yes I do, only not for the reasons you believe. You think I understand because I was there to witness it. I was. I waited in anticipation along with everyone else. Waiting for that moment when everything was just right. Waiting for a time when there was no longer any reason to be apart. Waiting, like everyone else, for something we knew would never come but believed that you knew something more. There was a secret between the two of you that we would never get. We trusted in that, believed despite everything telling us otherwise, that eventually it would be. I was there, but that's not why I understand. I understand it because I lived it.

I know what it is to have the stuff of fairytales. To have inspiration in your life and to feel the core of you feel more alive than it ever has because of it. To wake up smiling with the knowledge of what it is you have in your life and the endless possibilities the day brings. I have lived that life. I have lived it and I have dealt with the consequences of such a fall. To feel lost when you no longer have the words, to ache because the only ones you have are ones of pain and regret. Striking the bargain, saying you'll endure whatever comes if only you could feel it again even if you know it will end. Because it always ends, and each time that follows the fall is so much harder than before.

Yes I know it, I know it better than you. This story is mine, more than yours, and now I have to decide what happens next. Words I've already chosen for the moment. I could use them, or I could do what I've never done before and remain silent. The insanity of repeating the same behaviour and expecting a different result no longer my captor. Fully aware now. But do I try again? One (last) time, give another chance in the vain attempt that perhaps this time things are different even though every part of me is telling me that they're not. Or do I accept this once and for all? Admit to myself it's finally done and allow the moment to pass. Always ready to disappoint, remove the opportunity and save myself from what is certain to follow.

Perhaps I should leave it to fate, a toss of a coin. I could never trust enough though that the right decision would be made, yet my own decision making skills have always failed me so miserably. Actions and words so telling. I fight so hard to understand you, to make you see me. Someone worth fighting for, but not when we're fighting ourselves. My smile, it's never you anymore.

Months ago I asked of you a question. Your answer received I knew I would have to ask questions of myself in return. Whether I can do this again is no longer relevant, I'm doing it. Am I ready to finally let it go? Still undecided. So many more questions with each passing moment.



Clock's ticking.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, April 20th, 2009

Subject:Last Day
Time:9:41 am.
Mood: peaceful.
In the early moments of the end of, quite possibly, my favourite year, you come back to me. Unexpected and always welcomed. I see you and there is no need for hesitation, no fear of being unwanted. I go to you and am greeted by your smile. Tentative steps but only because this feels like the beginning, when we each know what we want but there is no need to rush. We have all the time in the world.

My head placed on your shoulder, the same spot it always seems to find. It fits there. Your only movement to bring it closer to yours. My breaths slow down as I try to make these moments last. In that space, nothing else exists. No words required. And always your smile.



My only regret...the one that got away.
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, March 27th, 2009

Subject:In With the New
Time:5:30 pm.
Mood: chipper.
I’ve never been one for change, I realise that things must, but sometimes I’d rather they didn’t. Sometimes though, you’ve got to. So, when my PC gave up on me on Wednesday night for the umpteenth time I decided that it was time for a change. After having a look at some PCs during lunch the next day we went down to PC World with the intention of taking a look at what was on offer – which of course meant we went home with a brand new PC.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s a lovely piece of kit. It’s super speedy and the memory on it is more than all of my previous computers combined – even if you probably multiply that amount by 10. It’s a flat screen and DVD rewriter and there’s so many card readers it can most definitely cope with the array of media that I have. As it’s Vista I’m probably gonna have to buy the latest versions of all the programmes I have, but I’ve just ordered Office for the bargain price of £12.95 because of a deal through work and I’m so used to having to reinstall things I know what’s absolutely necessary and everything else will get added if and when I need it. However, there is a sense of loss about it.

This is my 4th PC. My first bought when I was doing my A-levels, the next one when I was doing my degree, and the last one when I was halfway through my final year and there was no way I was going to be able to write my dissertation without it – since it was all about being online, the irony. I suppose that’s why there’s a sentimental attachment to it. Despite its temperamental nature, that PC saw me through a lot. Not just my degree, I wrote my first screenplay on it too – well, the first one I ever let anyone read at least. So many other words. Some of them meaning nothing at all, and others meaning too much.

It’s not only the words. There have been many conversations taken place on that screen, so many laughs – the one and only airing of the Lani and Gem show so many years ago, when friendships that don’t even exist now were just starting. And other people that have come to mean so much, so much was learnt about them between the four walls of that screen. True, those walls also saw the arguments. Mean words thrown knowing their affect. Those walls bearing witness to the best and the worst of me.

This brand spanking new piece of hardware now my instrument, I wonder how well it will fair with the passage of time. The keyboard's configured a little differently, that will take a little getting used to. The screen wider than I'm accustomed to, even if I have dual screens at the job. I resisted spending twice as much and getting the touchscreen PC, tempting though it was, there are other things my limited funds are earmarked for.

This new toy of mine has a lot to live up to compared to its predecessor, and still has to contend with my trusted Vaio - though it's lack of internet connectivity renders it as something lovely to look at rather than something I put to use. No, perhaps this is the start of a new adventure. What happened once no longer lurking in some file I forgot existed. New words and new thoughts deserve to be recorded on something new. Clean slate. Change is coming, here's as good a place to start as any.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

Subject:And the winner is...
Time:6:31 pm.
Mood: amused.
So I know that it was a long fought battle and that people have been waiting with bated breaths to find out the results following last month's surprise. At the start of the month I thought that an outsider might take away the title the way they started off. As the month progressed however things started to change and I had the feeling a few weeks in that someone else would win with the way they were going. However, the actual winner surprised me because I didn't even think they were anywhere near the top!

So without further ado the winner is...

Vix with 71 texts!

Imagine that?!?!? One of the people who is the worst at texting back and she managed to be the top of the league with quite possibly the second highest score ever! I think it's because of the fact that we send long texts rather than a lot of texts.

The other top texters for my last billing period were:

Zeebie - 55
Neil - 51
G - 45
Toni - 38

Next month, if I was a gambler (which I kinda am) I'd definitely put my bets on my Editor-and-Chief topping the table!



Okay okay, the real winners...

Who I think will win
Who I want to win
Who actually won

Best Motion Picture
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

Well, it was a longshot but I got who would win even if it was who I wanted to win.

Best Actor in a Leading Role
Richard Jenkins - The Visitor
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn - Milk
Brad Pitt - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler

You Commy, Homo-loving, Sons-of-Guns. Gotta love Sean Penn. So so so glad that he won.

Best Actress in a Leading Role
Anne Hathaway - Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie - Changeling
Melissa Leo - Frozen River
Meryl Streep - Doubt
Kate Winslet - The Reader

Yeah, again, I wanted my girl to win even though I knew she wouldn't. Still, I'm happy that Kate won - it's about time! Although, I don't know how she won lead for this one but in the Globes it was a supporting role. Having seen it, I would've classed it as a supporting role too. Revolutionary Road was much more of a lead part. I guess Kate was right, if you want the Oscar you gotta go for the Holocaust movie.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
Josh Brolin - Milk
Robert Downey Jr. - Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Doubt
Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon - Revolutionary Road

Again, not who I wanted but who I expected. I'm glad he won though. Another promising talent gone too soon.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams - Doubt
Penelope Cruz - Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis - Doubt
Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler

Not really bothered at all about this. I think after having to sit through Scoot to catch a 2 second glimpse of Vix has more than exhausted my Woody Allen quotient for a while. Plus, Woody Allen movies just aren't very Woody Allen-y anymore. Bring back Annie Hall!

Best Achievement in Directing
Danny Boyle - Slumdog Millionaire
Stephen Daldry - The Reader
David Fincher - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard - Frost/Nixon
Gus Van Sant - Milk

Again, Slumdog strikes!

Best Writing - Original Screenplay
Frozen River - Courtney Hunt
Happy-Go-Lucky - Mike Leigh
In Bruges - Martin McDonagh
Milk - Dustin Lance Black
Wall-E - Andrew Stanton, Peter Docter, and Jim Reardon

I got the hat-trick on this one! Woo hoo. If I was going to get it in any category I'm glad I can predict this one. It was one of the best written movies and the Academy does have a way of awarding the writer even if they won't give them Best Movie or Best Director, Sofia Copolla and Lost in Translation a perfect example.

Best Writing - Adapted Screenplay
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Eric Roth and Robin Swicord
Doubt - John Patrick Shanley
Frost/Nixon - Peter Morgan
The Reader - David Hare
Slumdog Millionaire - Simon Beaufoy

Slumdog strikes again. I'm so over this movie and I haven't even watched it yet, lol. But yay the Brits for doing so well!!!

So yeah, I did pretty well - as my bank balance attests, lol can you blame me? I'd be foolish not to put some money on the one thing I know something about. I guess this means I'm gonna have to watch Slumdog. At least is means that it's gonna be around for a long time so I can pace myself. I still think Milk is the best of the Oscar films though and that's not going to change.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

Subject:And the Oscar goes to...
Time:12:40 am.
Mood: bedtime.
Okay so the Oscars start in about an hour and I've only just realised that I haven't made my predictions for this year. So, without further a do here's my predictions:

Who I think will win
Who I want to win

Best Motion Picture
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

I've seen all of these movies, except the one everyone has been raving about and that everyone thinks will win. I don't know. I just haven't been able to do it. I know that after the Oscars I'm gonna have to and it's gonna be ten times busier but I'll deal with it. Now, the movies I have seen - all of them are really good. However, Milk just surpasses all of them for me. It's an amazing story and I think it's an important film that people need to see and I'm glad that beacuse it is mainstream and nominated for an Oscar so many people will. I think it's particularly important that this film receives support given the recent Prop 8 results. I'm really hoping for an upset and for Milk to win. Imagine what the world would be if he'd lived?

Best Actor in a Leading Role
Richard Jenkins - The Visitor
Frank Langella - Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn - Milk
Brad Pitt - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke - The Wrestler

Again, I love Milk so I'm really hoping Sean Penn wins for this. I think that since the Academy like Sean Penn and because of the Prop 8 result that he just might get it. Plus, he showed up to the awards with Princess Buttercup so you know I gotta support him. I've seen everyone except Richard Jenkins - but hey, he's from Six Feet so I love him by default. Mickey Rourke was very good and very believable in a brutal role so I understand if he gets it too. Brad Pitt was hot in TCCOBB. Riding around on that Triumph with the jacket and the aviators. All I can say is well done Angelina.

Best Actress in a Leading Role
Anne Hathaway - Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie - Changeling
Melissa Leo - Frozen River
Meryl Streep - Doubt
Kate Winslet - The Reader

I've seen all of these apart from Frozen River and Doubt. Now, Anne Hathaway was very good and the movie was okay but the wedding was just too distracting. So that leaves Angelina and Kate. That's a tough choice. My girl against my fave Brit. What am I to do? I would love for Brad and Angie to do the double and for them to both walk away with awards but I'm not holding my breath. However, the fact that it is a Clint Eastwood movie might help her coz the Academy does love him and she is very good in the role. Kate, I want her to win just so she gets to do another speech and hopefully remembers Angie's name this time lol. After all her nominees she deserves it though and there was that Extras sketch where she said the only way she'd win was to do a Holocaust movie. Let's see if she's right!

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
Josh Brolin - Milk
Robert Downey Jr. - Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Doubt
Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon - Revolutionary Road

Only a fool would bet against Heath Ledger, I think the odds at the moment are 1/66 - for those that don't bet that's what we call a sure thing. I want him to get it just so a comic book movie gets an Oscar! I would truly love it though if Robert Downey Jr got it just for the character he's been nominated for and the whole Kirk Lazarus thing. I know it's not gonna happen but I can hope lol. I'm surprised Michael Sheen didn't get nominated for Frost/Nixon though coz he was really good.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams - Doubt
Penelope Cruz - Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis - Doubt
Taraji P. Henson - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler

Now I've only seen the last two performances and I've just seen Marisa Tomei on the red carpet and I'm hoping she doesn't get it. I don't think it was a particularly challenging role and she seems like she'd be really difficult adn Mickey Rourke's wearing a necklace with a pic of his dog that just died and she was mean to him. Okay, so the last part wasn't based on the movie but still it's my opinion and I'm entitled to it. I'm gonna go with Amy Adams, not because of this though but because of Enchanted lol.

Best Achievement in Directing
Danny Boyle - Slumdog Millionaire
Stephen Daldry - The Reader
David Fincher - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard - Frost/Nixon
Gus Van Sant - Milk

Everything Slumdog is nominated for it'll win. Everything Milk is nominated for I'll want it to win!

Best Writing - Original Screenplay
Frozen River - Courtney Hunt
Happy-Go-Lucky - Mike Leigh
In Bruges - Martin McDonagh
Milk - Dustin Lance Black
Wall-E - Andrew Stanton, Peter Docter, and Jim Reardon

Um I'm gonna go for Milk coz I've only seen that one and In Bruges. That was a pretty good screenplay though so you never know. I think they'll give it to Milk coz they won't give it the best picture. As a writer, I'd want this one lol.

Best Writing - Adapted Screenplay
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - Eric Roth and Robin Swicord
Doubt - John Patrick Shanley
Frost/Nixon - Peter Morgan
The Reader - David Hare
Slumdog Millionaire - Simon Beaufoy

Slumdog again! I think I want TCCOBB for this one because they made a 2hr+ movie out of a short story lol. I don't care if it resembles Forrest Gump, I liked it.

Okay, so there are my predictions. I guess I'll see in the morning how well I do!
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, February 21st, 2009

Subject:LDNmeetsMNL
Time:12:03 am.
Mood: Proud.
Now, as a lot of you know and a lot of you have no idea of, I've had my hand in writing for quite some time now. Over the years my words have taken many forms. Despite my lack of brevity (as this post most likely attest) I've never quite managed to write a great novel or a 3hr length screenplay, I've realised over the years that my writing style is much more suited to shorter pieces. That's not to say that a novel or a screenplay that would make 'Titanic' feel like an ad break isn't a possibility, for now though I wouldn't be waiting with bated breath for it. To be honest, I wouldn't be waiting with bated breath even if I was on the final chapter/scene.

Anyway, my point – and I do have one, is that I am very very proud to announce the launch of a website that I am very honoured to be a part of. This site is the brainchild of one of my best friends, and I am grateful that she thinks enough of me that she would want me to contribute to the site. I just hope that I can do a good enough job. At the moment there's not a lot on there but we're hoping to update the site every other week, possibly more depending on what's happening with us at the time. There'll be new articles on there and also hopefully lots of other good stuff that'll make people want to come back and keep clicking on the site. 

As the 'About' section states, the main focus is the Philippines and Filipinos so I'm sure a lot of you are wondering why you would have any interest in it. It's true that a lot of the articles on there will be about the Philippines and events in the Filipino community. However, I hope that we are successful in writing articles that, although they have a Pinoy slant on them, will hold relevance to everyone, no matter where you're from. 

We all share common experiences and I hope that the perspectives provided will show you another way of looking at things. At the very least you can read the articles and if you have none or little knowledge of Filipino culture you can perhaps read things and think, 'Oh so that explains why Gem's like that.' Feel free to substitute my name with any other Filipino person's name that you may know, lol. Perhaps maybe not just a Filipino person's name, like I said, we all share common expriences. you'd be surprised how similar our cultures are.

Well, without further ado please take a moment to visit the site, not only that - please keep visiting. Like I said, there may not be much there yet but there will be. Give us a chance and hopefully we'll be able to create a place you'll want to keep coming back to.

Ladies and gents I proudly present:

LDNmeetsMNL
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, February 8th, 2009

Subject:Life's Circus
Time:11:15 pm.
Mood: impressed.
In the darkness, as silence falls and the spotlight focuses on its subject I realise how much the contents of Cirque mirrors life. Sometimes it's a little scary, other times it can make you laugh. Even though it may not make any sense half of the time you can't help but be mesmerised by the spectacle of it all.

The discipline it takes to master your art. The trust you must have for others who hold your life in their hands. Your bodies working in perfect sync in one shared purpose.

Some of the players dare to risk the fall without a safety net. Some juggle whatever's thrown at them - and though they may drop the ball a few times, they get there in the end. Some are there to show you what to do and scold you when you get it wrong. Others find balance and you gasp in awe at how efortless they make it seem.

At times you are merely a spectator. At others the spotlight is on you. However small your part, taking part will always bring you more.

At the end, you applaud. Appreciative that you were there to witness what has taken place before you.

Quidam.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, February 2nd, 2009

Subject:Snowed In!
Time:8:33 am.
Mood: Snow day yippee!.
I was woken up this morning not by my alarm, but by Shak jolting me into a state of semi-consciousness to ask me how she'd get to work coz there are NO buses running in London because according to our website, 'ALL LONDON BUSES HAVE BEEN WITHDRAWN FROM SERVICE DUE TO ADVERSE WEATHER AND DANGEROUS ROAD CONDITIONS.'

I hesitantly got up to see what the problem was because when I went to sleep last night I know that it was snowing but normally by the time I wake up it's all gone. Looks like it snowed all night though, and it's still falling. I texted our boss to see what was happening and he texted me back and told me to sit tight and we'll see what happens later on. According to the recent news reports though it looks as though it may let up for a bit but another snow front is headed our way so hopefully it's a snow day!

I know that lots of the schools aren't opening today. The radio says the Highways Agency is advising people not to travel unless it's absolutely necessary, of course my sister's trying to get in to work but we knew she was crazy a long time ago. There are some cars on the road, Johnny and Lisa are on the radio saying that everyone in a 4x4 can be very smug today, lol. Yeah, they contributed to the climate change that's caused this so let them be smug.

So far quite a few people aren't gonna even attempt to get into work because they'll just end up stranded. A few though are gonna try it. I told them to text their boss first coz they might not have to. I'm not sure who my sis thinks is gonna be buying a phone in this weather. She's got her big winter jacket on that makes her look like an eskimo and she's wearing my Timbs and has a scarf and my gloves on and generally looks like she's going on a polar expedition.

For me, I'm acting as the transport hub keeping everyone updated. I'm gonna stay in my PJs, at least for now and just look at how pretty it all is...



Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, January 31st, 2009

Subject:Thirty-Three
Time:10:50 am.
Mood: blessed.
Thirty-three years. That's a significant amount of time. In the bigger picture, it sometimes a third of a person's lifetime. For me, and a lot of people I know, it's more than their lifetime. Thirty-three years. That's how long my parents have been married. Today's their anniversary. Thirty-three years. Can you imagine having anyone in your life for that long, let alone spending almost every day of those thirty-three years with them?

Discounting my sister, not that you often can, my longest friendship has lasted half my life. I still have people in my life that I've known longer but I can't say that I've always been friends with them, and there are people who I've been friends with that are still in my life but I can't say that I'm still friends with them. When you look at it, it's likely that the longest relationship you'll have is with someone who is already in your life. I know that I do it all the time. I'm hanging out with my friends, or talking to them and I realise, 'I've known you for 10yrs.' Thats a pretty significant amount of time too.

I've often thought that the secret to my parent's marriage was that they bring to each other what the other is lacking. My mum's not very extrovert but my dad is - he'll talk to anyone, and everyone loves him. My dad doesn't have the best familial support and he grew up independent out of nessecity, although his family still heavily depend on him, and my mum's always been there to support him.

Last night I was watching 'Rachel Getting Married' with Neil. In brief, Anne Hathaway's very good, the wedding is distracting (other descriptions I can use are 'ridiculous' and 'tries too hard to be cool'), and of the Oscar movies - Milk's a lot better. In the movie though, Rachel is saying her wedding vows and she says something like, 'Your life is not measured by who you love, but how you love.'

My life is full. That's not to say that there isn't alwys room for someone else, that one. There are very few times though when I think, something or someone's missing. Perhpas that's why there's never been need for that one. What I lack, my friends bring to my life. These people, I don't know if I'll be blessed to have them in my life for the same length of time my parents have had each other. I don't think I'll ever be married to any of them either, unless we suddenly figure it out and realise we actually fit. Those people though, they teach me how to love, every day.

More and more, in everything I do, at the back of mind I am subconsciously trying to make myself a person worthy of their love. I'm trying to make myself someone who deserves to have them in their life because they deserve nothing but the best, and I'm hoping for a lot more than thirty-three years. I know though that I'm blessed to have even had a day.




Thirty-three years.
To thirty-three more of you and me.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

Subject:Let Battle Commence!
Time:8:46 pm.
Mood: amused.
Every month when my phone bill comes in I always check to see who I've texted the most. O2 very nicely list each number I've texted in that billing period and then lists how many times I've texted them. This saves a heck of a lot of trees because G's bill looks like a small phonebook every time it arrives as it lists every call and text she's sent in between bills.

Now, ever since o2 started billing me this way the competition's always been between Neil and G. For a while, Neil had a really good run. Then G started to get serious with her texts and for the last couple of months I think she's just pipped him to the post. This billing period however, it was all change at the top of the leader board.

Out of NOWHERE, Fatz came in a whopping entry that blew all other entrants out of the water. I mean the closest person behind her (Vix), was still 26 texts behind! As for G and Neil, they placed a very poor and competely unrespectable 5th and 4th place respectively, with Zeebie taking 3rd.

Admittedly, there were things last month that Fatz and I needed to talk about that warranted a certain number of texts be sent. However, you've got to take into account that we work in the same building and could pretty much spend the whole day e-mailing and talking to each other on our office's messenger that they so kindly installed. So, to not only come top of the table - but overwhellmingly so, is pretty impressive.

G's not happy at all. She wants her title back. Even my dad wants in on this - he placed joint last with only 1 text - but at least he got onto the table right? He said he'll text me, 'Hi' ten times a day. I said that's not gonna work, it's not about how many texts I receive, you've got to get me to text back. I'll break the news to Neil tomorrow, although I think he's more concerned with the Empire battle - which I kicked his ass at again this month! Woo hoo!

Will G show them how it's done and get her thumbs out to reclaim her texting crown? Will Fatz hold onto her newly won title for another month? Will another dark house prone to late night texts break into the top 5 and blow everyone else out of the water? Will anyone be able to beat the impressive record set???

We shall see...after all, getting to the top is only half the battle - you've got to stay there!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

Subject:I Am What I Am
Time:11:46 pm.
Mood: Proud.
A friend asked why it is they're such a dumbass sometimes. My answer was that it was part of their charm. They needed clarification. It was what made them, them. Perfection is boring. We all make mistakes, sometimes it takes us a while to learn from them. We're only human.

I don't know what it is they've done. I can only pressume it's something they've done. Maybe something they've said. Given their history, I'm probably right. I think that perhaps more than most, I would have reason to beat them up about the actions they have taken. Though I would perhaps wish that they had behaved differently and made other choices I cannot honestly say that I wish they were anything or anyone except that which they are.

I don't think that my words had the affect I wished them to. A phonecall I thought might help, but I could never keep them short and I had somewhere I needed to be. When I was sat in the theatre watching, of all things, a show set around a drag queen cabaret, an important lesson was learnt. One of acceptance, of who we are and of those we love. Those that when you have added the loves who have loved you before, love you more.

Sometimes it's necessary to stop and ask yourself what it is you're doing. The people you choose to have in your life. The path your life is on. The direction you're headed. Perhaps it's not everything you wish it to be. You make mistakes and you hurt the ones you would wish no harm on. You say the wrong thing and a dozen unnecessary problems ensue.

What people think of us, and our actions, it's only half the battle. Much more of it is what we think of ourselves. How we perceive our actions. Yes, we'll make mistakes. Many mistakes. Beat yourself up about it, but don't keep beating yourself up. At the end of the day sometimes we're all we have (all we think we have).

I am what I am. I am my own special creation. So come take a look. Give me a hook or the ovation. It's my world that I want to have a little pride. My world and it's not a place I have to hide in. Life's not worth a damn till I can say, I am what I am.

I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses. I deal my own deck. Sometimes the aces, sometimes the deuces. It's one life and there's no return and no deposit. One life so it's time to open up your closet. Life's not worth a damn till you can shout out: I am what I am.



For you, Trouble
I love your dumb ass.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, January 12th, 2009

Subject:Yay Kate!
Time:10:34 pm.
Mood: jubilant.
I love Kate. In terms of British actresses, I absolutely love her the most. So, the only way I would've been happier is if my girl won. However, since it's been a long time coming I'm more than happy to let Vix's girl go home with the prize...both of them...even if she almost forgot my girl.


CONGRATS KATE!!!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, January 10th, 2009

Subject:Love Affair
Time:5:40 pm.
Mood: undecided.
A question posed, but before it can be answered I must first ask some of my own. Of a friend. Of you. Of myself. Investigations being made. Exploring the possibilities. A tentative 'yes' is still a 'yes'. It's enough to go on for now. If I wanted to, I could do it. Certain things would have to be reconsidered. Plans changed. But I could do it, if I wanted to.

A friend jests. It's like you're in a bad relationship. Every time you go something happens and you swear you won't go back for a long time, and then a few months later you're booking your ticket. Each time I go I'm different. Each time I return I'm not the same. Bad habits broken eventually. Only, the underlying condition never cured. The voice in the back of your head, never silenced.

Trying to decide if I'm back to where I said I would never choose to go to again. Reassurances that this choice does not make me what I do not want to be. The jury's decision may be back in but this juror is still undecided; and I have the casting vote. I didn't go back, but still it seems to have all caught up with me. When it remains unresolved there's always that risk.

Perhaps this is it. One last chance. Finish this year, perhaps my favourite of them all, with that one thing that has always eluded me. Go back to where it started and finally grab hold of it with both hands or let it go forever. Who you are and who you were. More whole than you've ever been, stronger and more sure. Finally ready to make that choice.

If I were to call you one morning and say, 'Hey, do you wanna do something?' What would you say? Your answer provided. Now, the only questions left are the ones only I have the answers to: Can I really do this again? Am I ready to finally let it go?
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

Subject:Breathe in the Newness
Time:4:50 pm.
Mood: happy.
They say that you should spend the first day of the New Year as you intend to go on. You shouldn’t go out and spend a lot of money because that means you’ll be spending money the rest of the year – I’m not entirely sure not spending money will stop that though. In the current financial climate, I hear spending is the only thing that’s going to make things better. I’ve spent most of today asleep. I’m not sure that bodes well for the rest of the year.

In between my sleeping states I’ve managed to watch some vintage episodes of The Muppet Show and be thoroughly Enchanted by Disney. I’ve also let my mind spend too much time thinking about people that probably shouldn’t. So, in that sense at least, I hope that this is not how I intend to go on for the rest of the year.

Along with making sure I have loose change in my front pocket and a pen and notebook in my back pocket when midnight strikes, I also try to make sure I’ve my survey that reviews the year. The first of these rituals passed on to me by my parents is meant to make sure I have money throughout the year. The second I’ve adapted myself to make sure I keep writing throughout the year. The final ritual, the survey, intended to help me remember who I’ve become throughout the year, and who I will try to become throughout the next.

It’s a survey I’ve taken to filling out towards the end of the year, sometimes the beginning if time has gotten away from me. I’m not entirely sure how many years I’ve been doing it now; certainly as many years as my goddaughter’s been alive, so at least three. There are the usual questions on it: What countries did you visit? What’s the best book you read? What was your greatest musical discovery? The simple stuff that allows you to remember what it was you’ve actually done in the year that’s gone by.

It’s the other questions though, whose answers you write as you erase the answers of the previous year, that help you to remember who you were and who you’ve become now that next year is knocking at the door. The ones that ask: Tell us about a valuable lesson you’ve learnt. What did you like/hate most about yourself this year? If you could go back to any moment of the year and change something what would it be?

Sometimes in answering them you realise how little has changed. How the people in your life whose behaviour appalled and disappointed you last year still managed to somehow be part of this year. Other questions though show you how different you are. When asked about your biggest failure you search for an answer and realise that this year was not one for failure.

Perhaps the most telling question of all: How are you different now that the year has ended? Your answer deciding how you see the person you’ve become and determining the person you are still yet to be.

At the beginning, no matter what has come before, we are born with an unlimited potential. That beginning can come on any day of the year, but when we’re given the opportunity of such a recognised first start it would perhaps be foolish of us not to embrace it.

So breathe in the newness. The first few days of a brand new year. Full of possibility and promise. Think of who you were in the last year. Decide how much of that person you want to be in this one. Keep that question in the back of your head. In 360+ days when it comes to write the answer, I hope for me – as for you, it will consist of one word: Better.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, December 31st, 2008

Subject:A Very Good Year
Time:4:21 pm.
Mood: happy.
What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I went to a few places that I’d never been to before and that brought with it a bunch of new experiences. My first bonfire on the beach in San Diego, which is where I think I picked up that cold that followed me all the way to New York. First roulette win in Vegas, amongst other things. I touched down in Seattle, and that’s a place I’m gonna have to make an extended trip to. Then of course there was Cambodia which introduced me to headless frogs, elephant rides, tarantulas as starters and walks to work through the mud. On the home front, I can’t recall what I did the whole year but this past month was the first Christmas where us “kids” sat on the grown-up table and I went to see my first ballet.


Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
None to keep so none to break. There are things I want to do next year but I’m not making any promises.


Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yup, three of them! This year, two boys and a girl. None planned for next year that I know of, but I’m sure someone’ll be up the duff at some point.


Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully again no, hopefully next year will be the first year in a long time when I don’t become familiar with a hospital room.


What countries did you visit?
Well...there was the US and I think I managed to hit the most amount of cities this year. First off there was San Francisco, LA, San Diego, Vegas and of course, New York. Then on the next trip there was an overnight stay in Seattle before going to Hawaii. By far though the best and most awaited departure from these shores was to Cambodia.


What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Last year I wanted some job security, this year I managed to kind of get that – well, it’s as secure as any job is in the current financial climate. Other than that, 2008 was a pretty full year. I think I got what I needed from it, not all of it good, but certainly all of it necessary in order to become who I need to be.


What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
There are lots of dates I could go with, lots of births and a day in January where my heart started beating again. I’m gonna go with November 1st, only because it was the day that has been long awaited and forever wanted.


What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not being the one to go back, but being the person that they could come back to.


What was your biggest failure?
This year was not one of failure.


Did you suffer illness or injury?
No I think I made it out in one piece, more or less.


What was the best thing you bought?
My ticket to Cambodia.


Where did most of your money go?
Well a large chunk of it has just gone on Christmas. Other than that, G’s birthday was pretty pricey – it would be seeing as she chose to go to Vegas, Trish’s wedding didn’t come cheap either, Cambodia was probably my biggest expense but worth every single penny.


What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Probably my trip in April – the West Coast leg of it at least, I knew that I was going to have a good time where as with the other trips, even Cambodia, there was a part of me that felt some trepidation.


What song(s) will always remind you of 2008?
When I first heard it I thought 'American Boy' would be the song of the year, but then as summer came along 'I'm Yours' kinda took over. Even though it's an old song but I think 'Always on Your Side' is gonna remind me a lot of this year in particular.


Compared to this time last ear, are you:
a) Happier of sadder? Happier, most definitely happier.

b) Thinner or fatter? Fatter probably.

c) Richer or poorer? Financially poorer, although I’m being a bit careful with the current economic climate. In every other way, definitely richer.


What do you wish you'd done more?
I think you can always make more time for friends, I think I did this year, but there’s always room for improvement.


What do you wish you'd done less of?
Work probably, but when you lead the life I choose to, someone’s got to pay.


Did you fall in love in 2008?
Abso-fringging-lutely.


How many one-night stands?
I'm still not that girl.


What was your favourite TV programme?
Probably Strictly Come Dancing, I’m glad Camilla finally got to raise the trophy.



Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
My life was too full to waste any of it on hate.


What was the best book you read?
I definitely bought books, I don’t remember reading too many of them though. Probably the last Fables I read, that’s always a great series.


What was your greatest musical discovery?
Josh Radin and Jason Mraz, definitely the year of acoustic guitars.


What did you want and get?
Pretty much everything I wanted I got. The things I didn’t get, I don’t think I’ll ever get – I gained that knowledge though, and I think that’s gonna have to be enough.


What did you want and not get?
Seeing Maricar wouldn’ve been nice, but that wasn’t planned.


What was your favourite film of this year?
Hellboy 2 and Hancock taught me lessons I didn’t expect.


What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
2-8(volution). There was the Mexican lunch with the guys here. Then I flew over to the West Coast and played with some otters in Monterey and then had dinner in SF with the NorCal family.


What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being able to stay longer in Cambodia would definitely have made it feel more rewarding, but I knew going in that it was just an introduction. Something else too, but that wasn’t my choice to make. I don’t think I’ll ever understand it, but I’ve come to accept it.
What other choice do I have?

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Comfort reigned supreme. Made a switch in the footwear department to even more Chucks than normal.


What kept you sane?
My (in)sanity and learning to accept that some things just...well, some things aren’t up to you.



Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I think I’m gonna have to go with Brad Pitt. I was dubious at the beginning, but this year I could definitely see what Angie sees in him.



What political issue stirred you the most?
I got pretty interested in the US election, particularly since it’s not even my country. I was hoping Hillary would win, but once I found out Matt Santos was based on Obama then I was happy to have him in the White House. I still think he’s going to change the world if he’s given the chance, he’s inherited a whole world of problems though so good luck to him. Other than that I’m still pretty stirred up about the No on Hate campaign.



Who did you miss?
You. Every day. Every single day.


Who was the best new person you met?
Now there’s a question. Between Caye – I know I technically met her in 2007 but this year I got to know her a lot more and the Oceanside boys I’m not sure who to choose. Take Cambodia into account and it’s not every year you get to meet your hero let alone a bunch of really good people. I think Toun is gonna have to take the title though.



Tell us a valuable lesson you learnt in 2008:
Letting go is how you know it’s yours.


What was the nicest thing someone told you about yourself?
That they didn't think I could do what I did. I think the answer is you don't know until you try.


The most touching experience you've had this year?
Listening to Sreylean singing ‘Flower of Siem Reap.’ As predicted, I can’t remember a word or even the melody of the song, but I still know it’s one of the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard. I knew that country would change me, I’m glad I wasn’t wrong.


What did you like most about yourself this year?
I was who I wanted to be. Every choice I made was my own. I made no apologies for who I was and did not regret a moment.


What did you hate most about yourself this year?
That there were times when I could have been more present, but I just didn’t have the energy.


Was 2008 a good year for you?
Perhaps one of my best.


Where were you when 2008 began?
At home, with the family and a heavily pregnant Vix.


Who were you with?
Some of the folks, Vix, Vinny, and Ricci.


Where will you be when 2008 ends?
Down South somewhere.


Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
The people that matter.


Do you have a resolution for 2009?
I'm not good with promises I make to myself, I prefer to just go with the flow.


What was your favourite month of 2008?
I think the tail end of the year has been pretty good all around, from about July onwards. I think after I got back from where I'd been I knew what it was, and just as importantly what it wasn't, that made me happy.


What was your favourite record from 2008?
Pink has certainly outdone herself with 'Funhouse' - perhaps her best yet.


How many concerts and shows did you see in 2008?
I've lost count. I think in terms of concerts it may have just been Alicia Keys. As for shows...RENT, Chicago, Flashdance, West Side Story, Monkey, The Nutcracker, and I'm guessing Wicked was there at some point. There's probably more but I can't remember right now.


Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2008?
I can probably count the number of drinks I had in one hand, and I know exactly where two of those were. Actually thinking about it now, two wine tours and a night out with the Oceanside boys I may actually need both hands lol.


Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
No.


How much money did you spend in 2008?
A whole lot.


If you could go back in time to any one moment of 2008 and change something, what would it be?
I think that everything happens for a reason, even those things we don't want to happen. I've learnt important lessons that I might not have had things turned out differently. I would've liked for my camera not to bugger up the first week I was in Cambodia, but just gives me more of a reason to go back, not that I needed one.


What are your plans for 2009?
I don't have any firm plans, I'm not even sure where I'm going to be - but that's how I started 2008 and look how that turned out. I'm quietly excited about it though. I do have ideas about where I want to go. There are some people whose faces I need to see. I've got some writing gigs that are looking really promising. *Touchwood* but things are definitely looking good for the year ahead.


How are you different now that the year has ended?
I'm happy. Mid-year I knew that it wasn't enough anymore to simply be not unhappy, and the second part I've filled my life with that which brings me true happiness. There's an ad on tv at the moment where it asks if the glass is half fullor half empty. My dad asked me which it was and I said, 'Half full dad. The glass is always half full. You should see what's there, not what isn't.' That's how I see life now, and it makes the world of difference.


Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I think the people I went to Cambodia with, we know that we didn't change the world, but like the nurse told me when I couldn't give blood, 'There are a lot of people who can, and choose not to. At least you came through the door.' You do what you can, all it takes is a grain of sand.


Whose behaviour made you appauled and depressed?
No names necessary, they know who they are. One thing I can say about them though, they never fail to disappoint. One day though, maybe they'll figure it out.


What are your wishes for the new year?
If I can have another year filled with half as much happiness and as much love and as much life as this past year then I will count myself more blessed than I already do.


Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I can do better than that, I'll give you a whole song!

Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, December 24th, 2008

Subject:Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Time:3:54 pm.
Mood: blessed.

There's this guy who plays the guitar at my station on the way to work every Friday. I first noticed him when I was coming down the steps and I could hear him before I could see him. He was singing Amazing Grace. The way he sang was so melodic and calming that I wanted to stay and listen, but of course, I chose to not be late for the job instead. Each Friday I try to leave for work that little bit earlier so I can hear him singing, sometimes that's not always possible. You'd think of the day where I can wear pretty much whatever I like to work it'd be easier for me to find something, but that's not always the case. He wasn't there last Friday but the Friday before I'd managed to get there in time to hear him sing Silent Night. I've heard that song countless times over my 28 Christmasses, but it's one of those sounds that I know I'll never be able to remember but I'll always know that was the best I've ever heard it. That time I chose to listen.

I make that distinction of choosing to rather than having to because I think that's something I've learnt between this Christmas and last. So much of what we believe we have to do, is really what we choose to do. I understand that it's not often a choice we want to make, but it is a choice none the less. Anyone who's known me for any length of time knows the words I try to live by, and this year I really think that I have been true to myself. The choices I have made have been my own to make, and in doing so, in choosing to do so, I've become the only one able to dictate the life that I lead . I believe I'm the better for it.

I think when Christmas comes around we often use it to think about the year that's gone before, it's just that time of year. Same way so many of us do around our turning of age. We see the people we've surrounded ourselves with and we compare where we are today to where we are then. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's not. I don't know about you, but for me, this year I count myself truly blessed. I have been to places I have wanted to go to for so long, met some amazing new people, and realised how wonderful the people I already have in my life are – sometimes you need reminding. I have laughed so much it has hurt and I've had difficulty breathing, I have had my heart touched by the smallest of gestures, and I have seen the truest of smiles grace the face of the people I love as well as strangers I have only just met. That's not to say that this has been a perfect year, there are moments when I've doubted the person I am, where I have been disappointed and let down by those I care about to the point I wasn't sure I could have them in my life anymore, and where I have feared that I would irrevocably lose the people I have come to love the most. I think those times though have only made me appreciate the others more.

This Christmas, as I am every Christmas, I'll be with my family. I'll be sat in midnight mass when some of you will still be coming home after the final Christmas rush around to get those last minute pressies and others will be waking up because it's already Christmas morning. In the afternoon I'll have Christmas lunch with the extended family – still sat on the "kids" table, and we'll stuff ourselves silly and get to open presents and then fall asleep on the parents' bed upstairs like we've done so many years. In those few moments I'll get when I'm able to stop and think about what it is and who it is I have in my life I'll think of you and know how blessed I am to have you in it, perhaps for the first Christmas. I hope you get the chance to stop too, and realise what's important to you – make that phonecall you need to make, hug that person you need to let know you love them, mend old wounds. Whatever you have planned, whether you're lucky enough to be with your family – or perhaps lucky enough not to if you're not quite the Christmas-type, I just wanted to wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and the very best for the New Year.

Life is what you choose to make it, so make it what you want it to be.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

Subject:Prop 8 - The Musical
Time:5:22 pm.
Mood: amused.
Like I needed another reason to love Allison Janney, but I got one anyway...

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, November 24th, 2008

Subject:Love Him!
Time:5:54 pm.
Mood: hopeful.

I can't wait until he takes Office and he isn't even the leader of my country!
Comments: Add Your Own.

LiveJournal for Fallen words....

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (Gem_Gems).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.