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Locked down. [
Posted on December 25th, 2013 @ 10:59pm
]

F   R   I   E   N   D   S     O   N   L   Y
C o m m e n t   t o   b e   c o n s i d e r e d .

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If you are here for the graphics, head over to __elysian.
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Feedback Page (14+/0/0-) [
Posted on September 1st, 2012 @ 2:33pm
]
Would appreciate all who have bought/sold items from/to me to leave a feedback! (:

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[
Posted on September 26th, 2011 @ 7:12am
]
Patience isn't my strong suit.

My motivation and self encouragement fades and I'm driven further by your words and the timelines and boundaries that you set. Your coldness only serves to distance me further.

Maybe this time it's over. But I said I'll give this a shot. So I would. But I wouldn't go too far, not when you don't allow me to. I can't clap when there isn't a hand there to meet me at the other end.

[
Posted on September 25th, 2011 @ 9:39pm
]
I decided to start writing again. For you and also for myself. I guess, this may have been what I needed - a space for myself and a listening ear.

**

I'm really sorry about today; I know I hurt you in your time of need. I'm emotionally vulnerable and not your pillar of strength.

I want to help - but I can't. These few weeks I have been struggling. I don't sleep well - I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I think about things that I can't just wrap my head around and that causes me to falter, to doubt what we have between us. Misunderstandings, the lack of communication and past issues swept under the carpet. I realise I no longer have it in me to try.

Maybe what your family said was right - I was just going through the motions the last few weeks. Doing what I think you want me to do because part of me has given up hope. Part of me is afraid of being hurt time and time again. Perhaps you have been too busy or you're still reeling from the pain. I really feel neglected and unloved these few weeks. For the first couple of weeks, I try to remind myself that you care and to be understanding. Over time, I might let my emotions get in the way. I needed that little encouragement, the acknoledgement to keep myself going to know that you care without having to ask, to know that you still think of me and love me, to know that you know that you're happy I'm here and you know I'm trying and you welcome and appreciate my prescence. I needed that reassurance that you still care about me - to ask about my day and how I'm doing.

Just a few words, a line, but you never said anything. I felt hurt when you said you felt "obliged" meeting me. I felt hurt when you keep me away when you're sad - I want to be there for you. I struggle with consoling people; I'm not good at it, but I still want to try.

I cried during the movie yesterday during the scene when the wife made an excuse to call her ex-husband. It was not because it was touching. It was because I felt foolish for her and for myself. I said stuff a few weeks ago I shouldn't have said, and I made an excuse to meet you on the pretext of passing you the bank documents. I know you saw me hovering around, but you just left. I felt foolish for being caught in the rain.

**

I'm getting sleepy, I'll continue with this later this week. But I just want to say, I regret what I said today. I know words shouldn't be taken so lightly. But if you still want this - I still want to try (harder) and give it one last shot. I want to try to be more understanding - but we need to communicate more and be more appreciative and understanding of one another. I'll pray for you and your family tonight, my dear.

if you only knew, my dear. if you only knew. [
Posted on June 30th, 2009 @ 11:40pm
]
[ mood | pensive ]

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