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Nikki

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Oh, I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife? [01 Mar 2005|12:00pm]
[ mood | determined ]

"Your friend has a friend so tell her no secrets"
Couldn't have said it better myself haha.

There is a defining moment in each friendship when you find out if they are your true friend or not...after that you either have a real friend or one less thing to worry about. I'm okay with everything thats going on. Friendships end, its a part of life. And I honestly am glad this all happened now because it just would have happened sooner or later. Funny how you don't see people's true colors until they're mad at you. I'm done with livejournal. I think I'll go back to writing with my hand. Thats how all this drama started anyway, right? Livejournal. No wait it was the fact that you can't trust people anymore. Because people go behind your back and talk about you whether you admit it or not. It happens. Sucks though. But thats life. Livejournal just helped the drama along, but essentially its just the fact that your 'friends' don't care about what they say when your fighting. Because they don't realize how much shit could happen afterwards. But its all over in my eyes. Everyone can fix their problems on their own. Its my fault for telling Sam anything and trusting her, but its all your faults for talking about me and keeping it going. But hey, shit happens. I learned my lesson. I never thought that one thing I did would cause so much trouble. Exspecially because it has ntohing to do with anyone but me. Haha I guess its kind of funny. I'm walking away from this situation knowing very well who my friends are, and who will never be again. And thats okay, because I'm okay.




"Everybody will be your friend with you're doing the right thing. Your true best friends will stick with you and support you, even if they thinks you are doing the wrong thing." Much love to my best friends. <3

"To every girl who gossiped about me in corners of parties; to those who were my slap in the face; to the closeminded or misunderstanding; to those who broke my heart: you all challenged me to become the person I wanted to be. I am stronger because of the trials you put me through and no matter what you have done to me, you have unknowingly done so much more for me."

Bye livejournal. <3

9 Take this broken heart & make it right

[22 Feb 2005|09:48pm]
I never write in here. But things are getting a little ridiculous so here it goes. I had a fun weekend. Went up to Dickinson college for a day. Pretty sweet. Haha oh so nice to get away from Jackson with my best friend. But now that I'm home it starts up again. Oh well, I'm not going to let things get to me cause I honestly don't care what people have to say. Most of my amazing friends have my back in everything I do, thats what friends are for. Some people don't understand that and try to make me feel like an idiot or regret shit. Not gunna happen. Its my life, and my decisions. So fuck you if you want to be retarted and say shit because honestly those are the people who look like idiots. Not me. Okay I'm done.
7 Take this broken heart & make it right

[23 Jan 2005|12:21pm]
[ mood | happy ]

I hope my friends realize soon that we live really wonderful lives. Of course nothing is ever going to be perfect but for the most part we have a lot to be happy about, a lot to live for, a lot to laugh about. Of course we have things that suck in life but thats life. But we can't always stress over the small stuff. Otherwise we're going to get nowhere in life. I have a lot of great friends. And I'm so thankful for that. I've always tried to be the best friend I could be. But people make mistakes. And some people aren't meant to be friends but thats okay because we live and we learn and we fix the things we can and deal with the things we can't. I love the friends I have to death. I've only lost one friend really like completely lost and will never get back. But I'm okay with that. Of course we had some really great times that I will never forget but sometimes its for the better that a friendship ends. And it deffinately was for the better for me. So I'm okay with evrything now and I pick my friends wisely and I must say I've ended up with the best friends out there. I love you guys. I'm so thankful to have people worth forgiving. I know it sounds weird but when something comes up and you end up fighting and you know that the person is worth forgiving, you know thats a friendship you want to keep for the rest of your life, its such a good feeling. This is probably all so random and not understandable but hey thats probably what I'm most known for is randomness haha.


So I want to tell all my friends out there that I love you. And keep you heads up and look for the positivity in everything because theres so much to be happy about. And I hope you are all as happy as I am otherwise it just wouldn't be fair. Haha, and if you read this, thanks for listening. =]


Oh and to all my friends I haven't seen in over a week because I've had bronchitis I miss you so much and can't wait to see you!! <333

7 Take this broken heart & make it right

[18 Jan 2005|03:00pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I had competition this weekend and I got crazy sick which really sucked. I almost made it through saturday night but I got so sick I couldn't finish the last dance because I thought I was gunna pass out cause I was shaking and such. But we did really good for the most part in all our dances I'm really proud of velvet. I didn't model because I was too sick. Oh well, next time.




I think I'm actually going to write in here once in a while now. Myspace is getting out of hand. Haha.


How many days till summer? = ] Can't wait. <33

3 Take this broken heart & make it right

[06 Dec 2004|05:09pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I'll be just fine, pretending I'm not...Collapse )

8 Take this broken heart & make it right

[15 Nov 2004|03:10pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

 

Sorry for being so down lately. I can't help it.

I miss last year. I miss it so much. I want things to go back to normal. Stupid Christina had to go to stupid college. Well its not her fault. I just miss her. Last year we were always together. We became so close and went through everything in one school year. And then the summer too. Its crazy how fast we became best friends. I miss going to KFC after school. I miss breakdancing in my living room. I miss it.. Today was a half day, it hit me that she wasn't around the corner anymore to go on adventures with after the school day. Its sad. I want her to come home. Or I want to go there. I wish I could drive. Ugh, I hate change.

The good old days.Collapse )

7 Take this broken heart & make it right

If you were a book, I've read it. <3 [15 Nov 2004|12:25am]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

I can't sleep because I don't feel good and I'm thinking about too many things. I feel like its last year all over again. Seriously, and I promised myself I wouldn't do this to myself, and get like this again. But it happens, I'm falling behind in school, for one thing. I always get like that. I start off good and think "oh this years gunna be different" but then I just stop trying and like give up. And last week I was sick and out of school all week. Yeah wonderful cause I come back and I'm failing my classes. I can't keep up with things anymore. And dance, oh geez, missed a week of that too and suddenly all the competition dances are finished and I have no clue what I'm doing. I just feel like once I'm down I can never get back up again. I don't know. Everything is just so blah right now. And another thing, I don't understand guys. I try not to get involved with people because I don't like getting hurt and I haven't liked someone for a long time and I don't want to admit that I do now. Its weird, you never know what guys are thinking. Or at least I don't. I really don't like putting myself out there and then being ignored. I hate being ignored actually, always have. And I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to telling someone how I feel. I don't know. Everything is upsetting me, I'm emotional, what can I say. I would honestly want to know if someone isn't interested me, instead of going along not knowing waiting to find out from a guy who you can't really tell what he wants to do cause its so hard to carry out a conversation. Ahh, I don't know. Whatever. I'm going to bed. Goodnight. <3

1 Take this broken heart & make it right

I can't get the sound of all those people crying out of my head. [11 Nov 2004|10:41pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Tonight was really hard. I haven't been in school all week so it didn't really hit me. Well it did tonight, reality set in and it hurt so bad. I spent the entire car ride home crying my eyes out. I'm such a mess. I can't even write about it. I'm going to bed.


Rest in Peace Jessica. You are missed terribly.
11.08.04 - We love you.

1 Take this broken heart & make it right

[31 Oct 2004|11:13am]
LAst night was amazing. Best night of my life. I love my friends so much. <3 Thank you everyone who came it was amazing. <33333333333




If anyone has pictures can i have them? <33
3 Take this broken heart & make it right

[24 Oct 2004|07:17pm]
Ahhhhh My Sweet 16 is next week!!!!! = )
5 Take this broken heart & make it right

It's all in my head.. [20 Oct 2004|04:30pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

I'm one to hold a grudge. I'll get rid of friends because if they dick me over theres no reason to ever trust them again. fuck it. I dont care what other people think. I dont care if they think im immature and a bitch. I dont fucking care. I know how it was. they dont. I know how I feel. they dont. so fuck it. this is the way its going to be, let them talk about me all they want, it won't change my mind.

I'm not going to feel bad aboutthis. I will not. I'm sick of being the weaker person. Stop making it seem like I'm the immature one here. I know I'm not. I know I will not regret this desision because I tried too hard for too long to work it out. I had nothing left to prove.


Everything had me so stressed out. I hold back from crying at least 3 times a day from being so angry. Everything is upsetting. I'm a mess. I'm praying I get myself back together before my sweet 16. I dont know.

2 Take this broken heart & make it right

Baby is this love for real? [16 Oct 2004|11:45pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Whoah. It's been a while. I've been pretty busy so I haven't had much time for livejournal. So I guess I'll just update about this weekend. Cause I don't feel like writing about everything that has happened since last time I wrote in here.

So on Friday I got my hair rehighlighted. And I have pictures but I can't find my attatchment thing so that sucks. Anyway, Kasie was supposed to call me at 7 but she never did so I just went over to Kristen's house and me, her, Katie, and Christina watched 13 going on 30. Cute movie. I love it. So then I went home and went to sleep. I've been so tired lately. But anyway, so today I woke up around 10. And I watched How to Deal. It was okay. I kind of watched bits and peices in between cleaning my room.

So Carly called at like 11ish. Said we're going to the mall around 1. So I go over her house and Laura picks us up and we went to the mall because we had to get Laura a dress for my sweet 16. I love Carly and Laura. They crack me up. Even though she didnt get me glitter eye liner!! But anyway, so we got Laura a glitter dress. She hates glitter. I love it. She's wearing it because it looks absolutely gorgeous on her, and I love it. So, we played in Sephora. Gotta love that store. Makeup city. It's crazy. We had so much fun. God I love those girls.

Okay so from there we all went back to Car's and ate but then Laura had to leave. It was sad. =( So then, me and Car are on the computer and talking to people when we find out some interesting news about how someone is a .. what was it? Oh yeah, dumb bitch whore blob. Yeah thats her. Lmao Carly and Chels. Anyway, I hate people. Really do. I try and be so nice to people and what do I get? Well Fuck you. I hate you and I hope your alone the rest of your life. Yeah, I'm sick of being nice. I'm sick of dealing with shit that I don't have to put up with.

Well, anyway, so me and Carly went to GA. Cause we were bored. I was supposed to go with Jill but haha like she keeps plans with anyone but TJ. OKAY. So we went and talked to Lindsay. I love her. And we walked around and since it was raining none of the rides were open so it was boring. And the lady at the hypotist show shut the door on me. BUT ME AND CARLY WATCHED THE DANCE SHOW! Haha I love that show. Seriusly, I know all the moves and words I want to be in it. I really do. And I love this boy in it. I have a crush on him hes so sweet and I want to be in the show with him.

Haha I'm really not a stalker I just have a crush on the dance boy. Haha And there were these girls that were obsessed and they kept talking about him so I thought they knew him but they didn't. They were just being annoying. And at the end me and Car talked to him. He's a cutie. Well anyway, so then we got picked up by Car's dad and he took me home.

And here I am. Writing this entry. That is very long and if you read it I give you props. Haha. Goodnight everyone. <3 Leave comments if you wanna make me happy. Haha. <3

5 Take this broken heart & make it right

[25 Sep 2004|02:43pm]
[ mood | bored ]

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold/underline the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold/underline is false.





01. I miss somebody right now.
02. I don't watch much TV these days.

03. I love olives.
04. I love sleeping.
05. I own lots of books.
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
07. I love to play video games.
08. I've tried marijuana.
09. I've watched porn movies.
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
13. I have acne free skin.

14. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
15. I curse frequently.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.
18. I've been told I have a nice butt.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I'm really, really smart.
21. I've never broken someone's bones.
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I hate the rain.
24. I'm paranoid at times.
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar free.
26. I need money right now.
27. I love Sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have semi-long hair.
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs.
35. I have a twin.
36. I have worn fake hair/nails/eyelashes in the past.
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
40. I know how to do cornrows.
41. I am usually pessimistic.
42. I have mood swings.
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
44. I think Britney Spears is hot.
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I think that I'm popular.
49. I am currently single.
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
51. I enjoy talking on the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
53. I love to shop.
54. I would rather shop than eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I'm obsessed with my LJ.
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer.
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington...
61. I'm embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
62. I have a cell phone.
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
66. I love drama.
67. I have never been in a real relationship before.
68. I've rejected someone before.
69. I currently have a crush on someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have children in the future.
72. I have changed a diaper before.
73. I've had the cops called on me before.
74. I bite my nails.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
76. I'm not allergic to anything.
77. I have a lot to learn.
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes.
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
83. I shop at Old Navy.
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
85. I own the "South Park" movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
88. I enjoy some country music.
89. I love my best friends.
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
98. I have dated a close friend's ex.
99. I'm happy as of this moment.


 


Okayy now that thats done I'm going to the beach with Katie and Christina.. bye.

3 Take this broken heart & make it right

When she dances she goes and goes.. [20 Sep 2004|09:08pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

Okay so theres not much for me to say anymore. Kasie wasn;t in school today and I was really sad. I had dance and it was cool. 7th heaven is my favorite showw ever and now i can finally see it because i have dance early. Life is good. Hopefully my Kasie will come to school tomorrow. <333




I'm done now.



So I go...

1 Take this broken heart & make it right

[09 Sep 2004|04:54pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Damn. I just tried on my dress that I'm wearing for my sweet sixteen.


Yeah and it doesn't fit because I'm effing fat. And I'm upset. Damn...




Whatever if I don't lose weight I'm not having a damn party. Whatever.







Fuck this.

6 Take this broken heart & make it right

DOOOOOOOO IT [06 Sep 2004|06:06pm]
Okay so leave a comment with your address please. Thanks. <33




I need them for something, don't ask.
10 Take this broken heart & make it right

Ilissa. Haha [04 Sep 2004|12:17am]
[ mood | Ilissa ]

Okay so I wrote this whole big thing about school and how it sucks and stuff but it got deleted when I messed something up with the pics so whatever. Enjoy these they took me a very long time. <3

 

Ilissa & Nikki's lovely night. <3Collapse )

11 Take this broken heart & make it right

[01 Sep 2004|07:45pm]
[ mood | bored ]

" I'll kill you. "

Okay so today was boring as hell. No joke. I cleaned my room all day. And its not even done yet. Its a disaster. I want it clean before school starts. I guess I just get distracted a lot. Oh well.

Eric is my best friend ever and I love him. Never forget it. <3


" I'll kill you second. "

I thought it was funny. Okay Lindsay? Laugh it up. Yeah. Haha.

3 Take this broken heart & make it right

Loooong Update. [31 Aug 2004|11:49pm]
[ mood | happy ]

 

 

 

So let's play doctor babe, we'll operate today. <3Collapse )

2 Take this broken heart & make it right

I can see you. I can hear you. <3 [21 Aug 2004|10:41pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I'm back from myrtle beach. I missed Jackson, until I got here.

I just can't get a minute to be happy. I'm trying hard.
I want something until I get it, but then I don't seem to be satisfied.
I'm stubborn about everything. I expect too much. Far too much. It's me.
I set my self up for dissapointment time and time again. Don't apologize, its on me. This time I see it was too much to ask for.
'No expectations, no dissapointments'


...Maybe next time.


So I feel really sick for many reasons. I think I have a fever. Chills and cramps aren't cool either, neither is the constant feeling of needing to puke. Okay, I'm done now.







I just don't get why people lie. It makes things so much harder.

6 Take this broken heart & make it right

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