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22nd October 2003

5:00pm: [[ Dude... what the hell is happening to this thing?? No one ever talks in it. I haven't updated, because nothing ever happens in this thing.. :/. ]]

12th October 2003

11:05pm: Blaiisseee.. I miss youuuu ... Talk to me...

8th October 2003

9:27pm: Well, I guess me and Blaise are back on for the ball? - Smiles. - Our talk was quite interesting, actually. This ... outing shall be more fun than I thought it would be. :D.

That's really all there is to say.. I'm quite busy. I'll post more some other day.

4th October 2003


"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along


All of me...
Of me..

Once again, there's nothing left to say... I think I'm spoiling my cat, though. He keeps getting more and more.. plump. I just think he looks too adorable in those mittens, though. He sometimes slips and falls when he walks, but.. That's cute, too!

...Er, anyway.

I think I'm having a change of plans.. I don't think I'll go to that ball. I'll just... stay in my dorm. Clean it. Rearrange it...I'll find something to occupy my time while everyone else is either kissing, dancing, or snogging.

... - Shudders. - Rather not think of /some/ people doing either/all three...

3rd October 2003

6:59pm: Well... semi-good news I guess. I have a date for the ball? Not sure how you want to put it, because I didn't really ask Blaise, nor did he ask me. I just.. offered it. Yep.. Here's a song, though.


Wrong Again
(Tommy Lee James/Cynthia Weil)

From the day we met
You made me forget
All my fears
Knew just what to say
And you kissed away
All my tears

I knew this time I had finally found
Someone to build my life around
Who'd be a lover and a friend
After all my heart had put me through
I knew that it was safe with you
And what we had would never end
Wrong again

Everybody swore
They'd seen this before
We'd be fine
And you'd come to see that you still loved me
In good time

And they said there's nothing you can do
It's something that he's going through
It happens to a lot of men
And I told myself that they were right
That you'd wake up and see the light
And I just had to wait 'til then
Wrong again

And it seemed to me the pain would last
My chance for happiness had passed
And nothing waited 'round the bend
I was sure I'd never find someone
To heal the damage you had done
And my poor heart would never mend
Wrong again
Wrong again

I'm starting to grow fond of muggle's music... o_O

Anyway... I need to go get dinner, or I won't eat at all tonight. Bye..

30th September 2003

11:05pm: Lord (Or.. whoever.) Have mercy.
I'm sick AGAIN. What is with this school? I think someone's poisoning my food at dinner when I'm not looking..
My body aches, I'm coughing up... - Curls her lip. - Stuff, my nose is runny/stuffy on and off.. Gross.

Anyway... I think that Pansy and Draco are going to date.. again. Not sure why, but this bothers me. Gives this feeling in my stomache, that feels oddly like jealousy. Can't be, though. I don't really have feelings for him anymore. Maybe it's like.. a close friend thing? Like maybe I don't feel anyone's good enough for him? - Shrugs. - Maybe I am jealous. ...Damn I should kick myself for saying that. I'm not. I'm /NOT/ jealous of her. Or them period.

I'm debating weither or not to stay here much longer. I feel... alone here. Everyone's off in their own world, or my friends now act as if they don't know me. A CERTAIN someone knows bloody well they know me, damnit.

Well I need rest. Bye.

29th September 2003


"Bottom Of A Bottle"

Been scared and lonely
I've asked myself
Is something wrong with you
My boyfriend told me
I need some time alone to deal with issues

Something makes me carry on
It's difficult to understand
What I always wanna find

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

You always call me
And ask me how I make it throught the day
I'm always fallin
I guess it's just god's way of
Making me big

Something makes me carry on
It's difficult to understand
What I always wanna find

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

And I,
I wonder why I try
And I,
Wonder why I bother
And I,
I wonder why I cry
Why I,
I go through all this trouble

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle

Love that song... Really do.

Anyway, there's not much to talk about. Seems so according to others, too - 'Least that's why I perceive from everyone's entries lately.

I really would like to score some... substances. I really shouldn't, since I'm trying hard not to screw up again like I did last year. But, I suppose just a little... - coughs. - weed here and there won't cause mcuh damage? Helps me not to think about the things that are going on in my life now... To much damn stress.

Mum sent me my fucking CAT in the mail! My poor Meatball.. Bless my baby's heart. Mum knows he's a bit .. over weight and can't take much excitement. Especially in the air...

24th September 2003

9:38pm: I've been busy lately.. so I haven't updated in a while.

In short...In my previous entry, I noticed I was being... well bitchy to both Mandy and Draco so...consider this my apology. You two knowing me...You should acknowledge the fact of how hard that statement was to say...So..hm.

I'll be on more often soon, just once I get all this work done.

[ Sorrie ya'll but Hurricane Isabel fucked up VA *where I live* and N.C. so I've been w/out power for a few days, and JUST got it back. Thing is I need my cable modem to update so... Once I get that back, I'll be on in no time. I'm at a friend's updating right now, so..yeh. bye.)

15th September 2003

7:59pm: What the hell...
"Everybody's fool"

Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be
Have you no shame, don't you see me
You know you've got everybody fooled

Look here he comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know he

Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

Without the mask where will you hide
Can't find yourself lost in your lie

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore

It never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
Somehow now you're everybody's fool

Love that song now.

Wonder why..? - Coughs, then laughs. - Anyway.

Yeh seems Mandy enjoys being in my business. Not trying to be mean or rude, but it really seems she does. She IMed me the other day asking about my day, and of course I told her. When Draco got involved, she started preaching as if she were a psychiatrist. Telling me this.. psycho-babble bullshit. The things she came up with were off the wall. I'd say one thing, for example, about how I still like to bother him because part of me enjoyed getting on his nerves..And she came up with this... assidine story of how that coul come from me still being hurt, and I was using that as a distraction.


Not my fault good ol' Draco likes to use humor and cruelty to deflect things when he's uncomfortable.

Anyway. I was sick today, so I decided to stay in bed, and do any work I'd missed lately...

12th September 2003

4:26pm: So I got through a week of school okay...I guess.

Not much to say about it, though.

The things worth talking about, would be too long to type, and I have to say I'm in one bitchy mood.
Send me an instant message if you want to know more about why.. I feel this way today.


8th September 2003

3:35pm: #1
First week back to school wouldn't be so bad...
If the history of magic teacher wasn't so damn bleak and boring..
Suppose it doesn' help he's dead, now does it?

- Blinks. -


Summer went by way too fast. For once my summer was eventful. Course I ran up a high bill at my mothers for using her... 'telephone'? So my father's not too happy about having to pay for it. I have to work it off... e_e.

One thing that's probably going to make this year more difficult (concentrating, anyway. I'm still just as good as I ever was.. ;) ) Will be... having to be around Draco.

Our past doesn't exactly make being around each other fun. He'll give me a casual nod in the hallway - if none of his friends are around. If they are well... Let's just say he acts like the typical asshole he is.

Hopefully he's changed a bit... Haven't seen him too often this week. Really the only way I know he's there, is eeing the top of his head over the crowd of students. Can't miss his white-blonde hair...
Current Mood: mellow

2nd September 2003

9:54pm: OOC
Damnnnn I wanna RP soon... I don't wanna wait til the eeeeeigth.. :(

1st September 2003

1:03am: (Still OOC)
(I think I did... Yay!)
12:59am: Testing (OOC)
(Er.. I hope this thing goes into the community type thing she made.. O_O;;)
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