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Str8 Outta Amherst, A More Prolific Poet Than You

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ME [29 Sep 2007|01:46pm]
[ mood | sexy ]

me me me meCollapse )

6 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

Buy this book and waste every pence you spend on it [08 Feb 2007|07:42pm]
[ mood | full of resentment ]

I resent doing this. I have to or I will be grounded for 2 months, although considering I don't often leave the house, that isn't an important threat. I do, however, resent opheliablue's suggestion that it will make me feel good about myself because I've done something for her.

On top of that, I noticed a postcard with my sister, Lavinia Greenlaw, on it. I am sure is very considerate of opheliablue's friend WhoWentoSmith but sometimes my faith in the human race is so low that I can barely get out of bed. I would however like to know why there was no picture of me. The woman was ugly as sin whereas I am exquisitely beautiful, whatever you have heard about me. I couldn't bear her in real life and the fact that we are both dead has not changed that. opheliablue put it up on her bedside shelves with all her other poetry stuff. I resent that. I also resent the fact that opheliablue now has spare shelf space and has not yet made it a priority to move all my books instead of having them half on the floor and half in the bedside shelvesl

Here goes nothing:


Support independent publishing: buy this book on Lulu.    Support independent publishing: buy this book on Lulu.     Support independent publishing: buy this book on Lulu.    


http://www.lulu.com/browse/book_view.php?fCID=462560

Might I suggest you buy this instead.

Have a safe day and be careful if any strange men in carriages try to pick you up. There is a lot of Death around.
1 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

A Message For opheliablue [01 May 2006|08:04pm]
[ mood | Deeply Offended ]

Stan - by Eminem - Original LyricsCollapse )

Ophelia - By EmD-MCCollapse )

1 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

Yanked from sadako7days [18 Apr 2006|11:11pm]
[ mood | Quite offended ]

Fun!

emily dickinson is staying at home - yeah yeah enough already
emily dickinson is dead - you think?
emily dickinson is recognized as one of the most influential english language writers - damn straight!
emily dickinson is my emblematical concord river - ummmm
emily dickinson is extremely complex since nearly all the poems were - stupid person
emily dickinson is in many ways very much like the puritan writers we have studied earlier - whatEVER!
emily dickinson is one of our most original writers - *one* of our most??
emily dickinson is one thing; hearing emily dickinson is another - huh?
emily dickinson is one of the biggest jokers in poetry - OMG somebody found me out
emily dickinson is available online exclusively through dor - I most certainly am not available online
emily dickinson is a very great poet - yeah yeah
emily dickinson is a well known poet - I KNOW
emily dickinson is different - yep
emily dickinson is going to be well - what?
emily dickinson is an exhilarating experience - *dies laughing*
emily dickinson is the perfect poet - *yawn*
emily dickinson is thought to be a recluse - *YAWN*
emily dickinson is a figure in american poetry who continues to fascinate and perplex nearly 150 years after her death - why thank you
emily dickinson is so highly stylized - you bet your sweet ass
emily dickinson is a woman of deep sensitivity - *sobs*
emily dickinson is known for her work of over 1800 poems - you hear that opheliablue?

5 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

No Comment [01 Feb 2006|07:02pm]
[ mood | Deeply Offended ]

The University of Blogging

Presents to
_emilydickinson

An Honorary
Bachelor of
Bad Poetry

Majoring in
Comment Spam
Signed
Dr. GoQuiz.com
®

Username:


Blogging Degree
From Go-Quiz.com
10 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

I'm back [20 Jan 2006|08:10am]
[ mood | deeply offended ]

The first one is correct.
I am DEEPLY offended by the fifth one.
The ninth one is rather amusing, even though it's crap. Women are always proposing to me.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about _emilydickinson!

  1. US gold coins used to say 'In _emilydickinson we trust'.
  2. You should always store _emilydickinson in an airtight container in the fridge.
  3. Apples are covered with a thin layer of _emilydickinson.
  4. The most dangerous form of _emilydickinson is the bicycle.
  5. _emilydickinson was declared extinct in 1902!
  6. _emilydickinson, from the movie of the same name, had green blood.
  7. _emilydickinson can be found on a Cluedo board between the Library and the Conservatory.
  8. The international dialling code for _emilydickinson is 672!
  9. Tradition allows women to propose to _emilydickinson only during leap years.
  10. It takes a lobster approximately 7 years to grow to be _emilydickinson!
I am interested in - do tell me about
10 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

Suck my dick, poetry [15 Jan 2006|06:29am]
[ mood | enraged ]

I don't expect this post will be there for much longer, but anyway, while it is. Of course I haven't saved it into a text tile, what kind of loser do you think I am?

I am slightly offended - ok, I am deeply offended - that I make an attempt to post a serious poem in a poetry community and end up with having all kinds of insults thrown at me just because of who I am and just because so many weird dead poets insist on following me around.

It is not my fault if people would rather not see good poetry and overlook slight silliness. They want to cut it all out.

Fine.

Do I care? whatEVER!

I am Emily Dickinson. That is the real Emily Dickinson, not one pretending to be EmD or role-playing.

Muthafuckas.

14 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

What a difference a day mayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyykessss.....hummmmmmmmm [04 Jan 2006|01:04pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

Dear Emily, [That's EmD-MC to you, muthafucka]

Thank you for taking the sillybilly Poetry IQ Test sillybilly. [No problem. I was just lounging around wondering what I should do with my life when a bluebird landed on my windowsill. Ah! I thought. I should perhaps try and turn my hand to verse. The next thing I know a great big mutherfuckin truck crashes into the building and in the process my computer is pushed around and ends up at your poetry site *and* my window comes crashing down, killing the bluebird. I believe in signs, when it suits me to, so I decided to take your IQ Test and give the old poetry writing a go.]

Your general poetic knowledge is determined by your answers to the objective multiple-choice questions and is presented below. This test of general poetic knowledge does not measure your creativity or have anything to do with your present ability or future potential to write good poetry[fuck off, I am the best poet in the world already and that will only go on increasing. Stop fawning over me, it's disgusting.] It assesses your technical knowledge of poetic structure, form, and technique.

To demonstrate your unique poetic creativity, submit your own original work to a free Poetry Contest. You could be eligible to win one of 1175 prizes totalling $58,000 that will be awarded to amateur poets in the coming months.

I HAVE HEARD OF YOU BEFORE. I BELIEVE YOU ARE BETTER KNOWN AS POETRY.*CON*? Not that I will ever have to worry about it, given that I am most certainly not an amateur.

*dies laughing*

Your General Poetic Knowledge Score is 11 out of a possible 11.

[What a shock.]
<tr>
<td colspan="4">

0-3       You do not yet possess enough knowledge of general poetic terms, structure, forms, and techniques to be considered knowledgeable in this form of literature. An Educational course on general poetic techniques would benefit you greatly.


4-7       You have a good knowledge of general poetic terms, structure, forms, and techniques. People at this level have generally taken basic or advanced level poetry courses, or have spent considerable time in studying this form of literary endeavor. Improvement from this level can be achieved relatively easy as you already have a good basic foundation of knowledge.


8-11       You have an excellent grasp of poetic form, structure, and technique. People at this level have generally taken advanced-level study in literature or have completed advanced poetry courses. They have often spent considerable time writing, developing their own poetic "voice," and their own techniques. People at this level, particularly if they can apply their knowledge of poetic form and structure to their own work, are considered among the most talented of poetic artists.

Oh. So I am a good poet, then?

Color me surprised.

Stop for Death

Ample make this bed [29 Dec 2005|11:03am]
[ mood | touched ]

I love opheliablue and I love chad_horvath. No, no, Ophelia, not in *that* way. I realize I had a stage of feeling like that and I must confess my behaviour towards you was unforgiveable. I should have been happy for you - instead all I could think about was what I was losing. I have come to realize now that I am not losing anything - I am keeping my beloved opheliablue and gaining a fake-brother-in-law.

*cries*

I went to check on Ophelia last night to make sure she was asleep. She hasn't been very well lately what with withdrawing from Prozac, etc. I pretend to be hard, but I have been going to Tesco regularly and stocking up on the things that she needs - milk, bread, cheese, water, soup, potato, chocolate, apple pie&cream, grapes and mostly an inordinate amount of lucozade. I do not like to tell her I do these things, but I am always in the background, writing shopping lists and making sure she goes to bed at a reasonable hour and that she carries on functioning even when she feels like she can't.

If this means I have to rip all her clothes off and throw her into the bath, I will do. I'm sorry, Ophelia (and sorry Mr Horvath as I am sure you would probably rather rip her clothes off yourself *wink*) but everyone needs a helping hand sometimes and dead poets are able to provide this help, especially when we appreciate that we have been brought back to life via you and LiveJournal.

You may sometimes hear the washing machine going when you are sure you haven't started it, you may find that the flat has been cleaned, you may find that your books have been sorted into piles of 'sell' and 'keep.' You may find your initial lists in your 'renting/selling flat/moving to America' filing system are increasing and becoming more detailed. You may find several information sheets printed off the 'net. Please do not thank me for any of this - I want to do what I can to help you.

And besides, I want to hurry up and get to AMERICA myself!!!!!! More men!!!!!!!!!!

I am feeling rather emotional this morning. When I crept into opheliablue's bedroom last night to tuck her in, I found her on the phone. I assumed she was still talking and was therefore going to leave discreetly (translation = hope to hear some sex talk to get my womanly bits going) then I realized that she had fallen asleep. On closer inspection, it seemed that her young man had also fallen asleep on the other end of the phone. Of course, one could make jokes about them boring each other to sleep - but no....they were both nearly asleep anyway and I believe he made an attempt to get off the phone before they fell asleep, but she couldn't (at least she was paying for it - ha! - quite right too). She remembers waking up vaguely a couple of times and meaning to say good night and hang up, but then fell asleep again. I think he hung up or dropped the phone or woke up enough to realise he had to hang up - whatever....it was sooooo sweet :)

*sobs*

She said she felt closer to him than she has since he was here and falling asleep hearing him breathing was beautiful. She slept better last night than she has since when he was here in August. She is desperate to get there and be with him.

*weeps*

3 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

My womanly bits are falling out [24 Dec 2005|10:53am]
[ mood | overcome ]

anne_bradstreet, I must meet with you immediately.

Just give me two minutes to print out a poem I have just seen posted on LJ and then I will be there.

I need your advice.

Please do not make fun of me, I am in quite a state.

I am quite overcome... or... I want to be quite overcome... I'm not sure.

2 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

I have blingbling knickers [05 Dec 2005|11:57am]
[ mood | deeply offended ]

*horrified*

_emilydickinson's LJ stalker is leo_johnson!
leo_johnson is stalking you because they think you are rich and they want your blingbling. They are also stalking you in real life. Look out!


LiveJournal Username:


LJ Stalker Finder
From Go-Quiz.com





2 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

This is revolting [04 Nov 2005|03:11pm]
[ mood | deeply offended ]

Interesting

For Death's sake...

...these are disgusting!

What? I'm only looking because apparently I have to get a present for the Bitch just because she got engaged or something.

Goodness, you can register and have a wishlist on this site.

*appalled*

10 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

I hat opheliablue [31 Oct 2005|01:48pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I am thinking of phoning The Samaritans. I am at the end of my wits and if anyone makes any jokes about me not having any wits in the first place, I will kill them.

I hate opheliablue with a passion. I wish to tie her to a bed, a door, a lamp-post, whatEVER! and leave her there naked so that people can laugh at her.

I took an invisible pill and accompanied her to the doctor this morning, thinking she may need my help. I am ever so helpful. I was also hoping to have several opportunities to speak to people about my election campaign and persuade them to vote for me. I have invented a button that I press that makes me visible for a time, then makes me invisible again when I press it a second time.

I only realised once we were on our way that the batteries in my contraption have run out - this is purely down to the fact the opheliablue has been using them in her vibrator and for some reason she has been using it more than usual lately. I believe she has a secret stash of batteries somewhere in her bedroom but I have not been able to find them so far. Judging by the amount of moaning and filthy language coming from her bedroom of late, I can only conclude that she has been spending rather a lot of her time masturbating - yes, you - I have heard your name 'mentioned' rather a lot and I do not like to even begin to imagine the kind of scenarios she is going through in her head. Well, ok, I have thought about it a bit, but I am finding it rather depressing and I am experiencing feelings of loneliness.

Anyway, this meant that I was invisible all the time. I thought I may as well have some fun going in to her dr's appointment with her. It was not fun. Apparently her doctor is starting a website up, mainly centred around health issues - but he would very much like to look at any issues that can possibly impact on health. He appears to take Ophelia's views seriously, fuck knows why. He began talking to her about it and she began going on about women, mental health and writing, as one example - like Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, etc. - and the idea at one time that women who were creative were probably 'mad' in some way and it was not seen as something that surprising if their life ended in suicide. Then she talked Anne Sexton more and that in fact in her case, it was her therapist who encouraged her to write poetry - thinking (rightly so) that it would help her and it would help her to know she was writing things that helped others. Ophelia rambled a bit about this. The doctor - I was waiting for him to yawn - to my horror, seemed very interested. He said he would like Ophelia to write an article about this and put her 'Pretty Prozac Pearls' poem at the bottom. He will be partly in charge of the website and so he has given her his email address and she is going to write this and send it to him. He says he will definitely be putting it in there. She will be listed as a fucking contributor to this website. He also said he would like to put up a picture and bio of her, rather like on the Forward Press website - and put a link to the Forward Press website, as this will be good publicity all round.

They both got very enthusiastic talking about this, so much so that she nearly left without her prescription for her valium - hahaha.

I kept trying to speak and tell him that he is making a mistake! He should be speaking to me!! But I couldn't become visible :( I also notice that she has hidden the email address from me.

On top of this, she is now getting engaged and married, I hear. I hear, I say - what I mean is, I do not hear much else at the moment.

*bounce* SQUUEE *fuck* WTF?!! *bounce* SQUUEE *fuck* WTF?!! *bounce* SQUUEE *fuck* WTF?!! *bounce* SQUUEE *fuck* WTF?!!

I do not like to admit this, but I have long had a secret love for LJ USER = CHAD_HORVATH. How dare LJ USER = OPHELIABLUE steal him from me like this??

*weeps*

I hate her. She is getting engaged today, her writing 'career' is coming along in leaps and bounds, she is excited about moving to another country. I suppose I should be happy for her, but I AM NOT. I can't help it, I am too jealous.

When we got home, I noticed that she had bought an apple danish pastry - I knew she was just about to cut it in half so we could have one each and I was about to throw my arms round her, forgive her and kiss her passionately on the lips, when suddenly she said "Oh...EmD, you're still here. I thought you'd be gone by now otherwise I would've got one of these for you. Oh well."

She then proceeded to STUFF the whole thing in her mouth without even taking a moment to chew it. She is disgusting. I hoped she would choke on it, but no such luck.

I just tried to phone the Samaritans but she told me to get off the phone. I'm going out to get wasted and have cheap meaningless sex with the first 10 men and woman I see.

11 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

Truth Be Told...I'm Going To Be President!!! [30 Oct 2005|01:15am]
[ mood | victorious ]

As I am sure you are aware, anne_bradstreet will be running as a presidential candidate.

I know I speak for all us when I say that this would be a catastrophe for our country.

I for one will not stand by and let it happen.

I except all of you good people to get behind me (you usually do anyway!!!!!!)

Therefore I am also putting myself forward as a candidate.

Might I remind you of the following things, to start off with:

- I am in favor of the open and frequent use of drugs.
- I am in favor of lots of sex at any time of the day or not.
- Men who do not give the women they are having sex with orgasms will have to seek terribly embarrassing therapy for it and confess all on 'Oprah Winfrey.'
- There will be enough bottles of Lucozade to keep Opheliablue supplied all year round.
- I will reinstate smoking in all public places. In fact, I will go further and ban NON smokers from entering these places. If they wish to shop there, they will have to smoke.
- Free underwear for women.
- Free sanitary products.
- Free men for women.

This is just a taster of what is still to come.

I do not like to engage in slanging matches with the other candidates, but I must point out that if you read anne_bradstreet's journal, you would witness her steal a sex 'toy' for her own use, without even a thank you. She has had numerous affairs and she cannot count.

27 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

Meet me at the cemeNtery gates [24 Oct 2005|10:46am]
[ mood | amused ]

If you must write prose/poems, the words you use should be your own. Don't plagiarise or take "on loan," 'cause there's always someone, somewhere with a big nose, who knows and who trips you up and laughs when you fall.

Hi killer_llamas.

*dies laughing*

5 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

WARNING OpheliaBitch [16 Oct 2005|12:56pm]
[ mood | enraged ]



This is especially for you, you bitch, opheliablue. Just in case you ever get your lazy ass out of the bedroom and you happen to be looking at the computer, I would like you to always remember that you have stopped reading my biography.

Oh yes, I know you say that you have stopped reading it temporarily, that you are finding it *ever* so interesting and that it is simply because you cannot concentrate properly at the moment that you have had to stop reading it and are instead reading trashy novels by other people. I do not care for your protestations that they are not trashy novels. I do not give a flying fuck.

Do not think that I will *ever* forget that you managed to read the bios about anne_bradstreet and e_b_browning and somehow find yourself 'unable' to read mine yet. Of course I realize that you are too stupid to be able to understand it properly because, naturally, my life was and is of a rather more complex nature than either of those stupid cows' and therefore you are having trouble. I do not care, truth be told, I do not intend to forgive you for this or ever let you forget it.

You know that you made a mistake by putting the biography into that stupid book holder you have by your bedside, because, you say, you can 'feel' me glaring at you. Too bloody right I am. What you do not know (yet) is that I have superglued the book into the book holder so that you will be unable to hide it. As for chad_horvath's suggestion that you cover the book up with something, I will be dealing with him in due course too.

The only way you will ever get that book out of that book holder will be when I *know* that you intend to read it.

Until then, it will be staying there. I intend to post this picture at least once a day until then and you may notice I have also changed the desktop on your computer so that it consists of one large picture of the cover of this book. I think you will find that you are unable to change your desktop wallpaper to anything else and no, I do not intend to tell you how I did that.

You may think that the nightmares you have been having since cutting down on the Prozac have been bad - well, all I can say is wait until your next one which will consist mainly of episodes of sleep paralysis that involve me standing by your bed staring at you. The only difference is that these will not really be nightmares. I will be there.

You will read the book if you know what is good for you.
8 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

[08 Oct 2005|08:44am]
[ mood | elusive ]

I am pleased to report that opheliablue has just started to read my biography.

CLICK HERE TO BUY IT FROM AMAZON!!

I hope it will not take her too long to read it - it is about 800 pages. She is quite stupid at the moment - ok, she is quite stupid all the time, but she is particularly slow at the moment.

Before I quote from it, I must share something from the last pages of e_b_browning's biography.

I found it most amusing, although I will admit that it was also a little sad as it was just before she died.

She got very ill and had extreme breathing difficulties - apparently robert_browning later said: "It really seemed as if she would be strangled on the spot..."

hahahaha

My biographer says "She is inexhaustible" - I do not really understand this because I did not, as far as I remember, have sex with him. I suppose it is possible that I have forgotten - there have been a lot of men (and women) in my life.

I am very intriguing:

"Almost nothing to do with Emily Dickinson is simple and clear-cut. The reasons why this should be so are many and basic, and it is the delicate business of the biographer to explore and assess them all. Delicate, because for one thing, she herself was almost no help. [hahahaha] Seemingly with willful cunning and surely with an artist's skill [worship me], she avoided direct answers to the major questions that anyone interested in her as a poet or person might have been moved to ask."

My plan worked. I knew it would. People are always going to be interested in me because I am so 'elusive.' My biographer in fact refers to me being "not yet ours." I understand what he is saying, but I will not ever be yours, any of you.

I do not find it very amusing that opheliablue laughed at this quote because she thinks I *am* hers just because she created my journal.

I am going to try and find the email address of this biographer and write to him to thank him for writing this book about me. I might wait, though, until I have seen it all - if there are inaccuracies in it, I imagine he would be keen for me to point them out to him.

1 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

I am hot [06 Oct 2005|08:39am]
[ mood | sexy ]

This is one of the most stupid communities I have seen so far on LiveJournal. I must apply immediately, although there may be a problem in that you have to post 3 pictures of yourself with your application and there are only two of me in existence as far as anyone knows.

Apart from the naked ones, but it says in the rules that you cannot use naked pictures in your application.

15 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

My life is over [09 Sep 2005|08:45pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I do not fucking believe this.

After I removed anne_bradstreet and opheliablue as mods of sextonpoetry last night and posted about it, I went straight out. Not because I was frightened or anything, but because I was already late.

I have only just come back.

To what?

To find that opheliablue has hacked into my LiveJournal account, reinstated herself and anne_bradstreet as mods and removed me. Not only that, but she has taken my name out of the interests on the userinformation page.

As if that was not bad enough, she also beat me within an inch of my life and is now threatening to lock me in the cupboard again.

*weeps*

16 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

Power to the Dickinson! [09 Sep 2005|04:54am]
[ mood | power-crazed ]

I have just removed anne_bradstreet and opheliablue as moderators of sextonpoetry.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

9 Stopped for Death Stop for Death

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