|| can't find a face to wear toda
okay..so on saturday i had a fatty party at my house and like a million people were there that i didn't even know..my parents were smoking and getting high off their asses, my brother was smoking..everyone was smoking and drinking and getting hella loud...and it sucks that i can't have another party this weekend, but i'll live. anyway, so that wasn't the part i want to share..what happened was
OMG GABE IS HERE!!! GABE BRAND IS HERE FUCKING HOTTIE!!! NICOLE OMG HE'S HERE...AND HE'S GOT A GUITAR!
....okay so back to my thoughts to make the long story short...i made out with this guy in my house and really regret it because one...he has a girlfriend apparently, and two i feel like really low...i don't know why..it's just that like..i'm kinda grossed out by the thought of it and stuff and so i just want to forget and thank god these damn hickies are going away...fuck yes...
so yeah...anyway, i miss michael....and so during math i wrote this poem because he has a sailboatish boat and everytime i think of boats i think of him...
white and shining, the rails' reflection blinding, the ropes tied, loosening, curves and sharp points front and back. the sun beaming down heating the surface. the direction redirected, entering a new journey, a new chapter in the story, heavy storms and tides ahead. but somewhere beyond there's nothing but clear skies ahead.
oh yeah and here's the first one i wrote about him:
"'Ll Still Turn Around"
i know we no longer are
although we did not say goodbye
but deep inside to this day you are my shining star.
i let you go and i can't figure out why.
though time has brought us further apart,
and you have forgotten me,
inside my heart you'll always be.
And even though I know you're gone
inside my heart i still remember what we were
and though i've tried to move on
my visions of you still are unblurred.
no matter how long i've been lost from you,
and been told to live my life,
i still turn around hoping to see you
there standing in my life.
Every knock on my door,
every pebble to my window,
i will always turn around,
hoping to see you there.
and then i wrote this one...it has nothing to do with michael or anyone i know..but i wrote it:
i waited by the oak tree like you told me/i wore the pink dress that you bought me/i was a little early, so i decided to wait with the birds/the night started creeping onto the world/i was starting to get angry/why were you not there/i figured you forgot/so in a haste i ran back home/only to find it wasn't alone/red and blue lights shine out in front/a police report saying you ran off a cliff/i felt the tears fighting my eyes, victoriously/i decided it was my fault/it was all that i could feel/but just before i decided to give up/i was handed a piece of paper by this nearby cop/opening it i cried/i saw the letters of your hand/and holding back the tears, i began/"to my dearest love/i hope you undersatnd/in my life you were the meaning/but other things were competing/i'm sorry i couldn't make to our little picnic/but i wanted you to be at the place where our eyes were one in the same/i'm sorry for this pain/that has been placed upon you/but please just know/that inside of you my heart will grow/i hope you understand my heart still lies in your hand"and as i finished up the letter/i found myself again/sitting under the oak tree/waiting for our picnic to begin.
so yeah...i know it's kinda sucky, but i really don't care...i think it's BEAUTIFULISH! so yeah...i guess that's all i have to post!
OH YEAH...MY perfect record of never having to go to summer school has been ruined...too many absences lead to summer school aparently...damn!
p.s. gabe brand is such a hottie..ryan key hotness worthy! does anyone have a picture of gabe brand? i want it!