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[ website | imagine me...as mrs. ryan key ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

ugh [12 Dec 2006|02:17pm]
i haven't written in this thing in ages...seriously. Wow it's amazing how much myspace has taken over my life. it's quite sad really.

Well anyway...i'm very very very very bored...uh.. i think i'm gonna make a new livejournal..just because this one bites hardxcore. and so here i go to make a new one.
tear me off a piece of blanket

rain or shine [12 Dec 2005|04:27pm]

<i>rain or shine, i will be bright.
rain or shine, i will smile.
rain or shine, i will dance.
rain or shine, i will sing.
rain or shine, i will fall in love.
rain or shine, i will care.
rain or shine, i will laugh.
rain or shine, you will be mine.</i>


top of the morning and here's what i have to say. i'm gonna copy anna...

• List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will, use ten different people.

  1. would it kill you to notice me once in a while?  would it?  would it kill you more to say hello?  or would it even prick you to smile?
  2. you think you make the world shine, but you don't.  You think you're such a great friend to *her*, but you're not.  Good friends wouldn't take shit about *her to me knowing i'm friends with her.  you seem to think that you're a lot better, you always have something to say about everyone else, but never yourself.  You're the first to put others down, but the last to face the facts about your own flaws missy.
  3. I'm sorry.  I'm sorry to you especially.  for everything i've done, for everything you don't know i've done.  for everything that i've put you through . I'm sorry for my mistakes that have burdened you.  I'm sorry for the betrayel and i'm sorry for not thinking about our relationship.  but most of all i'm sorry i lost you.
  4. you're like a car who's due for a check up.  you're running on "e" and your brakes are scratchy.  Yet, you refuse to let it bring you down.  You face everyday revving your engine as much as you can.  You know you can't outrun those fast cars, yet you try anyway.  You never bow to failure.  You are constantly embracing life and you are without a doubt the best damn fighter i've ever known.
  5. take your guitar and run away you are good for one thing and one thing only, to stare at and druel over.
  6. you're a fickle one.  I don't know if i hate you or love you.  you are my blood, yet sometimes you treat me like i'm second best to your friends.  and i know you have to do your own thing, but sometimes it feels like you're never gonna come back...then you moved to GUam.
  7. you're a new found friend that i've gotten to know again this year.  we were friends before, then drifted apart, then somehow magically clicked again this year to form our own little bond.  I'm delighted to see you every morning because i know that you are one true friend.  I am always here to listen and to talk.  I know you go through a lot of shit in your life, and everyone expects you to overcome them quickly, but for a broken heart cannot be healed so quickly...which is why i admire you for your courage.  your courage to express your feelings and not hold them back even though you have people getting annoyed by it...i admire it.  you weren't afraid to show people you are human and that you are different...and i think they just need to understand that.
  8. i miss you without a doubt.  but you weren't in love with me...you loved who i was pretending to be in front of you...and i'm deeply sorry...for i just wanted to be in your life...and now you're gone.
  9. i love you forever and always, but you're never coming back to me...
  10. i just plain out hate you.
tear me off a piece of blanket

tick tick tock goes the telephone [12 Dec 2005|04:13pm]
[ mood | X-what? ]

aww today was perfectly fine...i am prepared for finals!!! I'm really nervous about Pik's final though...because i have no note cards except for two and i don't need them because they're on stuff i know, but the other stuff i need notecards for but i can't have any. boogers! my photo final, i'm not even shure what it is...my english final gonna be a piece of cake, and my history final i'm ACE because i'm hella smart in that stuff this year. then i have my math final, mrs. Taggard gave me a look like i needed to study...so i guess i probably should! damn!

so christmas is next week uh? i'm not really in the holiday spirit. i don't really like christmas anymore. i don't see the point of it really besides presents...i don't see why they have to dress up the holiday with a fake fat jolly man and elfs...it's pretty stupid how we are suppose to believe that crock. i never believed in santa...EVER. i guess it's what happens when you never like the holiday anyway. am i the only person who could HATE CHRISTMAS? if so, that's pretty sad. but i can't help it. i see no point to it.

so what is there to update about me that i haven't spoken of....my plans for break.

....gonna dye my hair black again with some surprises this break.
....going to a Gwen Stefani L.A.M.B fashion show this break.
....going to be watching Dirty Dancing and other timeless classics all break when i'm bored.
....going to kill myspace for not letting me on.
....going to go crazy.
....going to play dress up.
....going to disco.
....going to get wasted.

tear me off a piece of blanket

just so we're clear god. [11 Aug 2005|12:36pm]
just so we're clear...i give up...on it all...on everything...you've broken me and i can't be fixed...
1 powder eye| tear me off a piece of blanket

new journal to be using: [09 Jun 2005|08:02pm]

new journal:

check it out...and i'm gonna use this one instead...so get use to it...and add it...do IT! you know you want to majorly just click this thing and click add...you know you want to i mean it.

daydreamer_star
tear me off a piece of blanket

[09 Jun 2005|06:47pm]
Todai wahs an awesome freakin dai. hung out with marie, meehlinders, and dana-ers (who will now be referred to as dizzle) and we went from novato to terrelinda for jamba juice, then to the mall for some chocolates from see's and i bought us all two pieces each then we went to the bus stop and meehlinders and dizzle fellz ashleep. n i took hellzah pics todai. oh and meehlinderrs and mariers went on the kiddi rides in the mall and i took shots of it. hellzah funny stuff went on todai. it was a chill dai. i have to admit...hella paranoia though...on mai part.

well...tomorrow hanging with jennie...but no nate...then stayin at courtney's.

-g2g post pics on fridai.

-charlene
tear me off a piece of blanket

xanghers [08 Jun 2005|08:29pm]
i chagned my xanga: www.xanga.com/queensharleena
tear me off a piece of blanket

seriosuly calll it [08 Jun 2005|08:28pm]
okay...call mai number and listen to the message on mai phone:

415-424-6388

i swear it's hilarious!!!
tear me off a piece of blanket

[06 Jun 2005|05:51pm]
[ mood | thanks for the laughter ]

i swear with these warm words that touch the air,

i will always be there,

no matter what occurs

i'll be honest to my words.

i will never turn my back on you,

i will never let you down intentionally just to hurt you,

i will always care for every problem that arrises,

i will try to find the answers no matter what surprises.

this will always stay true,

because this is what you would do.

if i ever break a promise or a trust

may the lord strike me down to dust.

i will always care,

and yes, i will always be there.


TO: you my friend in need
From: your loving friend

today i hung with melinda again and we walked to albertsons and hung out and used the self checkout line and i bought her those clean and clear oil absorbent thingies. and then i went to longs and stuff...melinda is really cool, we walked and couldn't stop laughing cuz we were making jokes bout sarah and stuff and how she always laugh like a pig and a horse combined...it was funny. haha..anyway, i might hang with her on friday and go play pool before the verge show cuz i might hang with nate, the old guy from story told if he goes to the show. so i'm excited and stuff and that's the day we get our yearbooks!!! yay! oh crap, i have to buy one...haha oh well i'll do it tomorrow. i got moneeez.
-out for now.
tear me off a piece of blanket

[31 May 2005|05:51pm]
[ mood | dhjlkn;aklndf ]

Read more...Collapse )

 

i got the new fallout boy cd...the new starting line cd and the rock against bush vol. 2 cd all for only 17.00 from watts...hot damn! that's what i call a deal!  anyway...well here's what's going down:

 

my birthday dinner:

when: friday, june 3rd..

where: joe's in downtown san rafael on fourth street

time: six thirty

dress: formal or not...i'm dressin up

bring: my presents!!!!

why: my sixteenth birthday celebration!

2 powder eyes| tear me off a piece of blanket

standing in your doorway, with nothing to say [28 May 2005|03:59pm]
[ mood | i don't know ]

don't you hate it when you're witht the one person you know will always hold a canlde in your heart, and they're leaving you? don't you hate it? well...hmmm...i wish i told him more...i wish i told him that i loved him...i wish...but i couldn't and it probably wouldn't have mattered much anyway. he had to leave. he wanted to leave. (i think) well the long distance conversations were good enough for me. after a bad day at school, his voice is what i looked forward to hearing each afternoon. and it still is today, when i call, i get butterflies and when i found out that he's coming back for a week to visit ME my heart melted...and i felt those feelings from seventh grade all over again! and it was sad and at the same time joyful...and it felt right. i never pushed anything with him. i never forced the emotions, they just happened and in fact, before i liked him, I HATED HIM! i really did, i hated him and his friends. it sucked, but then i got to know him and i starting falling for him, then he moved, and yet i still and probably always will...love him


by the by, i'm staying for summer schoool...never thought i'd be so happy to have summer school...yes...!

tear me off a piece of blanket

all it took [05 May 2005|08:35pm]
i'm in love with this:

"all it took was hello and i was hook line and sinker for you babe."
-charlene cruz
tear me off a piece of blanket

when LovE iS in the PiCtuRe it mAkes iT harD To MOVe AWaY [05 May 2005|08:02pm]
i just realized that i'm moving in two to three months...wtf?


can i handle a long distance relationship...AGAIN?
1 powder eye| tear me off a piece of blanket

call it a first date if you want... [05 May 2005|06:29pm]
[ mood | capital X please ]

well today we went off for our "date" or whatever...it was really cute:

it was an exciting morning as I was looking for him...because now i can say hi...but i didn't see him until my way to fifth...and he didn't say anything...in fact he kinda walked around me...but i think that's cuz i was talking to michelle. but anyway...i was just hoping he'd still go off with me. fifth period was like hell...time went so slow. i sat there and then mrs. clark threatened to keep us in for five minutes after the bell...i got so angry i started telling everyone to shut up....it worked she let us go.

then i went to the front to "wait with michelle and aria" but i ended up just waiting with aria for michelle and nick...aria made me scared when he said; "did he go off without you?" i was like; "OMg i would cry...that would be so mean...that's so rude if he did that." but then...as michelle arrived and nick still wasn't there...i started talking with michelle and aria...my back facing the direction nick would be coming from...i was starting to lose hope that he would come...but as i turn i see him a few feet away..smiling...aww...how cute...i waved then told him i had to go my locker...(it took me all night to figure out that i was going to start out with that sentence) so he waited with aria and michelle..and i wonder what they were talking about in my absence...HRRMMM... but yeah...then i came back and we went off .... it was like leaving home...michelle and aria playing the role of my parents they were like "bye, have fun." it was so cute..then we started walking and i open with: "so were you a little weirded out when aria told you?" he said yeah...aww... but then...---------------->
-------------------->keep reading:
we started talking and about how we hate san marin and so i told him i'm moving...(so sad) and then he said he's gonna go to sac state most likely afterschool and live with his brother...aww how cute. then he and i started talking about sports and all that goodness and stuff and i found out:
a) he likes to skateboard and do extreme sports
b) he used to play soccer and is kind of good at basketball.
c) he likes nascar racing.
d) he likes playing computer games
e) he likes hip hop and rap
f) he works at ideal from 6-9:30 usually.
g) he has a big brother and an older sister
h) he doesn't talk much
i) he has his permit
j) he really really really hates san marin
k) and he usually goes off to eat pizza at mary's

and so yeah we decided that we would go to apple to get food...i got lollipops because i love them...and he got a drink...

we pay..
...
...i think he's cute.
....i still think he's cute...
still thinking he's cute....

....yupp...still thinking he's cute.

then we head back to school...it's funny how when you're walking with a boy..all your friends call your name and point...haha...

then on the way back we chatted some more..then we got to school and decided to sit with aria and michelle in the front of school and chitter chatter...aria's first question like he's our dad: "so did you like your lunch?" "was it dandy?" haha...then i sit in between aria and nick...awww....then nick and i go to my locker and then we go to his class cuz the bell rang and we make plans for tomorrow's embarkment to the off campus adventures...we shall take over mary's pizza tomorrow...we shall...



LOL.




well things have been going pretty well lately:
i seriously think michelle is my best friend at school...because even though we haven't really hung out a lot outside of schoool we're still really good friends and this past week(s) we've been becoming the best of friends...and it's cool that her and her boyfriend are the ones that are helping me and nick along...you know cuz it's cool if we ever want to double date...isn't it? LoL...well anyway...i think...well i hope nick and i go out soon...soon...cuz on our walk...it seemed like he wanted to hold hands or something...

it's so cute...
...tomorrow i'm spending the day with the sweet melinda chao after school. we're gonna go and hang out over at alberstons so she can meet nick..and all that goodness..then we're just gonna chill without taking a pill...i think it's weird how melinda and i hang out way more than courtney and i do...but it's cool...i think melinda and i are really good friends...like i went to the dshop and told her everything and it felt like i was really telling it to my sister...i love melinda she's so sweet...she's always there for me to talk to...well when i can see her.

well..yeah...today was senior ditch day..wow..too bad i'm not a senior...damn....oh well.

umm..what else happened today...oh yeah...after school i hung out with melinda and we went for a walk to the library to get her a book to read...i recommended "this lullaby" by sarah dessen cuz it's a really good book...then we went to ideal to see if nick was working...haha he wasn't...then we went to albertson's to get a drink and we chitt chattered away...and then her mom came...wow...interesting...hmmm...i can't wait for tomorrow melinda...i can't wait...

well that's about it...i can't think of anything else to say except...i can't wait for tomorrow...it seems eventful.

4 powder eyes| tear me off a piece of blanket

[04 May 2005|05:11pm]
[ mood | capital x on size 12651 font ]

so finally finally finally things are working in my favor....i have a lunch date tomorrow with nick wright...omg...let me tell you what happened today...


okay, so it started at lunch i think....yeah lunch, aria, me, michelle, kelly, and greg magadini went off campus in aria's car. aria told me that i had to talk to nick or else i'd have to walk back to school...(of course he was kidding) but yeah...we get to apple and i thought nick had gone into mary's but he had gone into apple instead...and was right in front of kelly in the check out line...and i told kelly with my finger that he was in front of her...she looks in front of her and stares at the ground...*INSERT MY LAUGHTER HERE* and then afterwards aria tells me outside that he walked out and walked past aria and kinda looked at him like "WHERE IS THIS GIRL CHARLENE THAT LIKES ME" kinda way...and so i thought all hope of talking to him today was lost...but no...well not yet anyway...we were all standing in front of apple talking and then out of nowhere in the middle of michelle's story she jumps on aria and starts saying real loud: "OH BOYFRIEND I LOVE YOU...OH BOYFRIEND..." because we thought that nick thought that michelle was the one that liked him...apparently we were wrong...but yeah...and so we figure out that she did that because nick was a few yards from us kinda looking over...in a nonchalante kinda way and then...walked away..and again...my chance was lost...


then we get back to school and see him walking back....aria and everyone starts saying my name real loud as he passes by....embarrassment should be a crime...well yeah...then...i told aria to tell nick during their sixth period class that i want to talk to him after his class and that i'll meet him in front of his class....it worked...i got out of sixth walked over and saw him waiting for me...fixing his sweater and all....how cute...then i started talking to him...it was really cute...and then we made plans to go off together...it was cute...that's that...i'm pretty x-static with a capital x on size 8465181635 font. that's how happy i am right now...haha.

tear me off a piece of blanket

holy tolito [03 May 2005|08:16pm]
i went into his work again...wasn't there...god damnit...i'll try again tomorrow...god damn he's a dorky cutie...omg...oh me garsh..o me garsh..

my birthday party is gonna be an 80's theme...so bring your dancing shoes and your leg warmers....and your big bracelets and your Brat Pack gear.
tear me off a piece of blanket

[03 May 2005|04:23pm]
[ mood | i have to talk to him tomorrow ]

May 2, 2005

today at p.e. i decided i hated my bangs...i couldn't see so in result i missed the ball when i attempted to kick it. damn ball...

then i went off campus with michelle...hoping i'd talk to nick with her support..

oh yeah...i guess i should fill you in.

okay i don't know if i mentioned it, but that kid that walks around school with his headphones on and his hood on...well he has a name: nick wright.
and...i...think he is the most adoring thing ever!! besides ryan key of course.
well anyway...aria (michelle's awesome boyfriend)has sixth period with him...and so aria talked to him for me:
Aria:"hey, yeah do you know charlene? she's my friend."
....i'll cut to the chase:
"She thinks your adorable" i can't remember if he said adorable or hot...either way.




nick said "i will get to know her" then he left for work...at ideal.

haha...wtf?!?!?! i'm waiting for the whole getting to know part of that response...god damn....



















i don't know if it's my fault of his fault for not initiating conversation...
like they said in big daddy: "INitiating conversation is only half the battle" i'm not even .2 into this battle...damn...

fuck..fuck..fuck...okay..i'll talk to him tomorrow...i hope..omg...omg..but what the hell do i say damnit? what do you say to boy who you've never seen talk to anyone...and who always has his goddamn cd player on?...what do you say?...damn...any suggestions..anything at all.

anyway...lookie:
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get it?

1 powder eye| tear me off a piece of blanket

even if i wanted to...i don't that i'd get to you... [27 Apr 2005|05:36pm]
[ mood | i'm dreaming of ryan ]

today was pretty awesome...i went to school and thought i was gonna be late cuz i left the house later than i thought i ever would, but yeah anyway...i got to school and went to class and spanish was kind of boring .... jenny is my project partner...and no offense but i'm not looking forward to it...cuz she doesn't have much energy when she presents and like i'm seriously going to go crazy...it's hard to work on a group project when it's two completely different people...









but yeah.... anyways...i went to p.e. and played massive hardcore soccer and sarah and i were and probably are the only girls stupid enough to wear flip flops during soccer on fresh cut grass...sarah was goalie...but i had to actually run and chase the ball...then kick the ball...and risk the damage of getting stepped upon...i think i deserve a medal...











then at lunch, kate and i hung out and walked around...she was gonna have sex with some guy..."her italian body guard" right in front of me...it was a joke of course.











then...i went to english and everyone laughed when monte signed up for the poetry smash...cuz he's gonna rap...haha i find that funny...i don't know...i just find monte really repulsive now....cuz he's so like annoying in class and he's just kind of repulsive to me...wow...





anywho...then michelle let me have the rose the vince drew for her...i'm calling him "vincent" because it sounds more mature...and i think he's such a hottie...but he'd be hotter if he didn't try and act ghetto and or try to be mexican...

but he's hot...so it doesn't really matter i guess...



i love that song by yellowcard-inside out....i really am in love with ryan's voice..

Inside Out

Yellowcard


Here. A little sympathy for you to waste on me
I know you're faking it but that's okay
And I don't want to drag it out
Don't want to bring you down
I never wanted it to end this way

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

Here. A little jealousy
I hope you think of me
Hope you wonder where I sleep at night
Cause I feel like I'm inside out
You got me upside down
Maybe I was holding on too tight

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

So don't just say goodbye to me
Just turn your back away and leave
And if you're lucky I will be your last regret, your only friend

The two of us we dream like one
The two of us, the two of us
The two of use take breath like one
The two of us, the two of us

I guess that this is over now
I guess it's called the falling out
But everyday I'm learning how to make it through this life I'm in

Even if I wanted to
I don't think that I'd get to you
There's nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again

So don't just say goodbye to me
Just turn your back away and leave
And if you're lucky I will be your last regret, your only friend


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i'd love me a piece of that!
tear me off a piece of blanket

[26 Apr 2005|08:08pm]
[ mood | hmm..i hate him ]

so yeah:

my myspace:

imagine...me as mrs. ryan key.

tear me off a piece of blanket

new post...with some interesting news... [26 Apr 2005|04:05pm]
[ mood | can't find a face to wear toda ]

okay..so on saturday i had a fatty party at my house and like a million people were there that i didn't even know..my parents were smoking and getting high off their asses, my brother was smoking..everyone was smoking and drinking and getting hella loud...and it sucks that i can't have another party this weekend, but i'll live. anyway, so that wasn't the part i want to share..what happened was

OMG GABE IS HERE!!! GABE BRAND IS HERE FUCKING HOTTIE!!! NICOLE OMG HE'S HERE...AND HE'S GOT A GUITAR!

 

....okay so back to my thoughts to make the long story short...i made out with this guy in my house and really regret it because one...he has a girlfriend apparently, and two i feel like really low...i don't know why..it's just that like..i'm kinda grossed out by the thought of it and stuff and so i just want to forget and thank god these damn hickies are going away...fuck yes...

 

 

 

 

so yeah...anyway, i miss michael....and so during math i wrote this poem because he has a sailboatish boat and everytime i think of boats i think of him...

well read:

"the sailboat"

white and shining, the rails' reflection blinding, the ropes tied, loosening, curves and sharp points front and back.  the sun beaming down heating the surface. the direction redirected, entering a new journey, a new chapter in the story, heavy storms and tides ahead.  but somewhere beyond there's nothing but clear skies ahead.

oh yeah and here's the first one i wrote about him:

"'Ll Still Turn Around"

i know we no longer are
although we did not say goodbye
but deep inside to this day you are my shining star.
i let you go and i can't figure out why.
though time has brought us further apart,
and you have forgotten me,
inside my heart you'll always be.
And even though I know you're gone
inside my heart i still remember what we were
and though i've tried to move on
my visions of you still are unblurred.
no matter how long i've been lost from you,
and been told to live my life,
i still turn around hoping to see you
there standing in my life.
Every knock on my door,
every pebble to my window,
i will always turn around,
hoping to see you there.

 

and then i wrote this one...it has nothing to do with michael or anyone i know..but i wrote it:

"Picnic"

i waited by the oak tree like you told me/i wore the pink dress that you bought me/i was a little early, so i decided to wait with the birds/the night started creeping onto the world/i was starting to get angry/why were you not there/i figured you forgot/so in a haste i ran back home/only to find it wasn't alone/red and blue lights shine out in front/a police report saying you ran off a cliff/i felt the tears fighting my eyes, victoriously/i decided it was my fault/it was all that i could feel/but just before i decided to give up/i was handed a piece of paper by this nearby cop/opening it i cried/i saw the letters of your hand/and holding back the tears, i began/"to my dearest love/i hope you undersatnd/in my life you were the meaning/but other things were competing/i'm sorry i couldn't make to our little picnic/but i wanted you to be at the place where our eyes were one in the same/i'm sorry for this pain/that has been placed upon you/but please just know/that inside of you my heart will grow/i hope you understand my heart still lies in your hand"and as i finished up the letter/i found myself again/sitting under the oak tree/waiting for our picnic to begin.

 

so yeah...i know it's kinda sucky, but i really don't care...i think it's BEAUTIFULISH! so yeah...i guess that's all i have to post!

 

OH YEAH...MY perfect record of never having to go to summer school has been ruined...too many absences lead to summer school aparently...damn!

 

p.s. gabe brand is such a hottie..ryan key hotness worthy! does anyone have a picture of gabe brand? i want it!

2 powder eyes| tear me off a piece of blanket

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