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Friday, May 6th, 2005

Subject:I'm always wondering where you are...
Time:10:15 pm.
Mood: exhausted.
:o)
5 [wOrShIp Me]

Saturday, April 9th, 2005

Subject:not cluttering up my other one
Time:9:22 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
!Name? Fallon
!Birthdate? February 17, 1986
!Gender? female
!Go to school? yes
!Pets? 1 dog
!Siblings? three
!Favorite Color? blue
!Favorite Movie? Pirates of the Caribbean, Remember the Titans, Trapped in a Purple Haze
!Favorite music artists? Evanescence, Lacuna Coil, Linkin Park, Within Temptation, Seether

Currents
!Hair? down
!Clothing? pj's cause I'm lazy

!Music? Lacuna Coil
!Television? nothing
!Taste? this gross apple cider
!Smell? nothing
!Sight? computer screen
!Emotion? ok...
!Desire? to strangle this kid
!Thoughts? umm...
!Time? 8:55 PM
!Location? Chicopee, MA
!Worries? school
!Annoyance? this mosquito bite
!Bathroom Break? uh lol
!Temperature? ok.


Randomness
!Ever watch old episodes of Batman? no
!Who's your favorite actor? orlando bloom
!Most recent theme park you've been to? disney world
!Money on/in your dresser? on my dresser
!When's the last time you've been to the beach? umm.. summer?
!Reading any books? yes
!Watch the news? yes
!Do you like cartoons? yes, it's the little kid in me
!Ever been to Germany? no
!Do you like guys or girls? both...
!Do you play The Sims? no
!Do you smoke or do drugs? no
!Into art much? it's all right.
!Do you snore? no... unless I'm sick
!How long do you spend brushing your teeth? i dunno
!Pillows on your bed? 2
!What's your locker number? i don't have a locker
!Ever skip any classes? yes
!Ever streak across a football field? no
!Suicidal thoughts or tendencies? yeah...

This Or That
!Peanut butter or jelly? jelly
!junior high or high school? high school
!Dog or cat? dog
!Pop or rock? rock
!MTV or Fuse? fuse
!Day or night? depends
!Florida or California? Florida
!Satellite or cable? cable
!Cheez-Its or M&Ms? neither
!Apples or oranges? oranges
!Dr.Suess or Barney? um.
!Magazines or books? depends
!Show or movie? depends
!Inside or out? depends
!Tape or CD? CD
!Eggs or Bacon? both
!Ship or plane? both
!Plane or car? plane
!Car or ship? ship
!Cell or IMs? IMs
!Bath or shower? shower
!Rain or shine? depends
!Righty or Lefty? righty
!Wanda or Chapelle? Chapelle
!Britney or Christina? Christina
!Nick Carter or Justin Timberlake? neither
!Blonde or Brunette? blonde
!Monday or Friday? Friday
!Summer or Winter? summer
!Chicken or fish? chicken
!Pudding or meat? pudding
!School or weekends? weekends

Lasts

!Funeral you've been to? my dad
!Party/Dance? i dont know...
!Sleep Over? ...a few weeks ago
!Hugs? lori
!Laughter? 10 minutes ago
!Time you were angry? yesterday
!Food you consumed? dinner
!Drink? apple cider.. tastes weird...
!Movie you saw? don't know if it counts as a movie, but LP's dvd.
!Last show you saw? avatar
!Time you were really happy? while ago.. no.. two days ago.
!Book you've read? something for school
!Bathroom Break? stop asking.
!Song you've listened to? tourniquet
!Did you like this survey? i guess so

?????????????
Basic Questions
?????????????
1) Name: Fallon
2) Sex: Female

3) Birthday: *points up*
4) Height: 4'8"
5) Weight: uh. I don't know. I lost weight because of depression. God only knows now.
6) Hair color: black
7) Eye color: brown
8) Ethnic background: chinese
9) Birthplace: springfield, MA
10) Hometown: Chicopee, MA (drama stupidland)
11) Father's name: ..
12) Mother's name: ...
13) Sibling(s): three.

????????
Favorites
????????
14) Song: It's the Fear - Within Temptation
15) Band: Evanescence
16) Actor: Orlando
17) Actress: lindsay lohan
18) Movie: don't feel like repeating myself
19) Book: several
20) Author: several...
21) Clothing brand name: whatever
22) Animal: wolf
23) Day of the week: Friday
24) Color: blue
25) Food: italian
26) Class in school: it used to be Contemporary Problems
27) Store: hot topic
28) City: New York City
29) Country: USA
30) Vacation spot: florida
31) Sport: football
32) Game: monopoloy
33) Car: whatever
34) Internet site: evboard
35) Ice cream flavor: strawberry
36) Season: Summer
37) Month: june
38) Holiday: Christmas
39) Flower: carnation
40) Cartoon: some anime, avatar
41) TV show: dawnson's creek
42) Fictional character: um.. dunno
43) Perfume/cologne: whatever.
44) Hobby: music, soccer, writing
45) Snack: candyyy
46) Pets: dog
47) Quote: too many
48) Word: Don't know.


????????
Either/Or
????????
49) Hot or cold: hot
50) Sweet or sour: sweet
51) Spicy or not spicy: not spicy
52) Fast or slow: fast
53) Black or white: black
54) Half-full or half-empty: half-empty
55) Long or short: short
56) More or less: more
57) Soft or hard: soft
58) Rough or smooth: smooth
59) Air, land or sea: sea
60) Light or dark: light
61) Straight or curly: straight
62) Straight or curvy: straight
63) Large or small: small
64) Fat or thin: thin
65) E-mail or letter: email
66) Phone or instant message: instant message
67) Day or night: depends
68) Breakfast, lunch or dinner: dinner
69) Past, present or future: present
70) Radio or CD: cd
71) MTV or VH1: mtv
72) Brush or comb: brush
73) Slide, see-saw or swings: swings
74) Doing or watching: watching
75) Mind or body: mind
76) Consciousness, subconsciousness or
unconsciousness: consciousness
77) Feet or hands: hands
78) Water or juice: juice
79) Ocean or pool: pool
80) Treadmill or road: road
81) Speaker-phone or hand-held: hand-held
82) AIM or ICQ: AIM
83) Rain or shine: shine
84) Cat or dog: dog
85) Innie or outie: innie
86) Inside or outside: outside
87) High or low: high
88) Closet or dresser-drawers: dresser
89) Bed frame or only mattress: frame
90) Silver or gold: silver

????????
Love/Sex
????????

92) Are you in love?: no
93) Are you in a relationship?: no
96) Do you have a crush?: yes
97) Do you enjoy being in love/having a crush?: yes
103) Is there a difference between a crush and being in love?: yes
104) Do you believe in love at first sight?: no.
105) Do you believe in true love?: eh. what's that?
106) Can long-distance relationships work?: no.
107) Have you ever had a long-distance relationship?: eh.
108) What of online relationships?: I've had them. nothing is achieved through them.
109) Have you ever been married?: no
110) Have you ever been divorced?: no
111) Have you ever been in love?: eh. thought I was.
112) If so, how many times?: ...
114) Have you fallen in love in the past and regretted it?: yes
120) Have you ever been jealous of a friend for their boy/girlfriend?: used to. alot
121) Have you ever been jealous of your boy/girlfriend's "close" friend(s)?: eh?
122) Have you ever been jealous of your boy/girlfriend's ex-?: no
123) Have you ever gotten back together with an ex-?: no.
124) Have you ever gotten together with a friend's ex-?: no.
125) Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?: mm.
126) Have you ever been in love with someone so much that you've cried over them?: yeah
127) What's the most affection you deem appropriate for public?: holding hands
130) Do you keep a picture of your beloved somewhere?: yeah
131) Would you (honestly) sacrifice your life for your beloved?: yes
136) Have you ever dumped someone?: mm yeah you can say that
137) Have you ever been dumped?: no
138) Have you ever had your heart broken?: yes
139) Are you (honestly) afraid of commitment?: ...
140) Are you attracted to people with accents?: no.
142) Do you have a memento from a previous relationship?: eh.

????????????
Miscellaneous
????????????
144) Do you enjoy living in your town?: hell no.
145) Do you smoke?: no
146) Do you drink?: used to
147) How often do you shower?: daily
148) Do people you live with complain about the water bill because of the lengths of your showers?: no..
149) Do you trust others easily?: not anymore
150) Have you ever lied to a friend?: yeah
151) Are you trustworthy?: Yes
152) Are you anyone's secret-keeper?: yeah
153) Are you a daredevil?: depends
154) Have/would you skydive?: no
155) Have/would you bungee jump?: no
156) Have/would you play "Chicken"?: lol
157) If granted one wish, what would it be?: be in a famous rock band
158) Do you like to dance? no
159) Which do you prefer -- slow or fast dancing?: slow
160) Do you like to swim?: eh.
161) Do you make friends easily?: no.
162) If so, where do you most often make friends?: n/a
163) Do you color your hair?: no
164) Do you wear makeup?: depends
165) Are you a person who lies a lot?: not anymore
166) What religion do you practice, if any?: Christian, but I make a bad one
167) Do you like high heels?: no
169) Do you like to travel?: yes
170) Granted you are American, have you ever been out of the states?: canada
171) Do you own any pets?: yes
172) Do you have a cell phone/pager?: yes
173) Do like amusement parks?: yes
174) If so, what is your favorite park? disney world
175) Do you collect anything?: ev things.. lol... um.. stuff.
176) Do you enjoy having your picture taken?: no.
177) Do you keep your room/apartment/dorm clean?: no
178) Do you get annoyed easily?: yeah
179) Would you consider yourself a depressed person?: yeah, been diagnosed.
18) Have you ever been to a concert?: yes
181) If so, who/what did you see?: gc
182) Have you ever performed in public?: yes
183) Do you have any piercings?: no
184) Do you have any tattoos?: no
185) Do you dream often?: yes, but i cant remember any of them
186) Do you frequently daydream?: yeah
187) Do you have a job?: sort of
188) What was your first job?: ... stuff yeah
189) Do you have any health problems?: yes
190) Are you a vegetarian?: no
191) Have you ever been in a crash?: not really
192) Have you ever had a near-death experience?: yes
193) Have you ever won anything?: yes
194) Do you play a musical instrument?: no, but soon I will
195) Have you ever had someone close to you die?: no..
196) Have you ever broken a bone?: no
197) Have you ever had stitches?: no.
198) Do you have any scars?: yes, emotionally and physically
199) Have you ever had major surgery?: no
200) What is your earliest memory?: i don't know, i dont care about that
201) Have you ever gotten in a physical fight?: yes
202) What is your dream job?: rock star.
203) Do you plan on having kids?: no
204) What do you like to do in your spare time? stuff.
205) Have you met/do you know anyone famous?: yes
206) Do you wear a watch? no
207) Have you ever baby-sat?: yeah
208) In what position do you sleep?: whatever is most comfortable
209) Have you ever fallen asleep on someone else's bed?: yeah
210) Have you ever fallen asleep on someone else?: no.
211) Are you an emotional person? yeah (this person who took this earlier is fricking lame as hell, who says no?)
212) Do you cry?: yeah
213) Do you have a pen-pal?: no.
214) If so, how long have you been communicating?: n/a
215) Do you have friends in other parts of the world?: yea
216) Have you ever gotten in trouble with the police?: yeah
217) Have you ever committed a felony?: no
218) Do you believe in fate?: eh
219) Have you ever been skinny-dipping?: nope
220) Do you believe in yourself?: no.
221) What kind of posters do you have on your walls?: evanescence, maroon 5, gc, eminem, um.. other things
222) What is the background on your computer screen of?: a snowy mountain thing
223) What languages do you know?: English
224) Have you ever visited another country?: yeah
225) Have you ever needed to call 911?: no.
226) Do you have a sweet-tooth?: yeah
227) What restaurant do you enjoy going to the most?: bertucci's
228) Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?: no
229) Do you own a motorcycle, and if so, what kind?: no
230) Have you ever committed a misdemeanor?: no.
231) Do you consider yourself organized?: no.
232) Have you ever fainted?: no
233) Do you wear a watch?: no
234) Do you wear any jewelry?: depends
235) Did you enjoy climbing trees when you were younger?: no
236) Have you ever driven through a cornfield?: no
237) Do you have pictures around the frame of your mirror?: no.
238) Has an airline ever lost your luggage?: yeah
239) Do you read the comics?: yeah
240) Do you read the opinion page?: no
241) Do you read the sports section?: yes
242) Do you spend money more than you save it?: yes
244) Do you believe in aliens?: uh
245) Do you believe in God, the Devil, heaven or hell?: don't know..
246) Do you believe in reincarnation?: eh.
247) If so, what/who do you think you were in your past life?: whomever. the king of egypt
248) What period in history are you most intrigued by?: my generation
249) Are there any people you can trust with your life? yes
250) If you died now, could you leave happily?: nope.
251) The survey is over! Are you still breathing?: yes, are you?
[wOrShIp Me]

Monday, March 7th, 2005

Subject:I know.
Time:5:46 pm.
Mood: discontent.
1x. name: Fallon
2x. age: 19
3x. gender: female
4x. location: Massachusetts

APPEARANCES

5x. natural hair color: black
6x. current hair color: Black
8x. hair length: A little past my shoulders
9x. usual clothing: at home it's my pajamas and at school it's jeans, a shirt, my hoodie and shoes. Yeah.
10x. piercings: none
11x. tattoos: none
12x. nail color: nothing, I'm lame

MUSIC

12x. favorite band(s): Evanescence, Lacuna Coil, Nightwish, Something Corporate, Trustcompany, a lot more...
14x. do you play an instrument: No, but I'm going to learn how to play the guitar soon
15x. can you head bang: No.. well I could if I wanted to.
16x. what concerts have you been to: Good Charlotte, Kracker, does Battle of the Bands count?
17x. what kind(s) of music do you hate: Rap, R&B, and Hip-Hop
18x. what kind(s) of music do you love: Emo, Alternative, Punk Rock... anything that's rock.
19x. favorite song(s): Heaven's A Lie - LC, Nemo - Nightwish, BMTL - Ev, Cold Heritage - LC, etc.
20x. favorite lyrics: I have to post them all? Uh... yeah I'll get back to you on that.
[wOrShIp Me]

Friday, February 18th, 2005

Subject:Time for a real.. update..
Time:11:04 pm.
Mood: discontent.
Let me see what I can say...

Still working. I think that's a good sign. Especially when you consider how much I got paid last week... work has been good though.. except with the fact that I see people I don't want to see. My coworkers are the best though.

My birthday was yesterday. It wasn't exciting. I had class, then work, then class, then I went to Amanda's house. I'm sorry to everyone I ignored without meaning to lol my bad.

My dad died on Feb 4, 2005. The funeral was Feb 14, 2005. It still has yet to sink in, but I'm definately more thoughtful now than I ever have been.

My life has changed drastically within the past year. I'm not going to lie and say I'm perfect because I'm not and I never will be. But I'm a lot more thoughtful and quieter than before. I am happier as well, which is a relatively new feeling for me. A lot of people have helped me out and I appreciate everything they've offered me. I haven't thought about my life negatively in a couple months and so I guess I've recovered a bit. I know I won't ever fully recover, but I'm all right for now.

School is really stressful. I don't know what I was thinking. 8:00 classes suck. But I have to raise my GPA so... here I am.

I've been sick for 6 weeks with three different cold viruses. The one I have now is the worst out of the three and it's kicking my ass right now. But I'm getting better... yeah I'm jinxing myself, but well... I've gotten suggestions on how to get better and stay healthy so... it's a big help.

Apparently, on Evboard I'm more popular than I thought I was. There's 2 pages worth of Happy birthday's to me on the Happy Birthday thread. I've gotten like 15 positive reps for my birthday.. it's pretty amazing. I'm not complaining.

I'm still trying to find why I was put on this earth in the first place. The more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe I'm here to help people like I've been doing lately. I don't really know anymore...

I don't know what else to say, really. I'm still confused about my emotions I have right now, but they're sorting themselves out slowly.

The end of my update, it's scattered and vague, but only because of certain circumstances that a couple of you who know me and are friends with me in real life know of..
[wOrShIp Me]

Friday, January 21st, 2005

Subject:saving me..
Time:10:43 pm.
Mood: frustrated.
I just thought I'd let someone know, thanks for the advice. I'll keep that in mind. Thank you for taking the time to listen to me and "LIEK OH MAH GAWD, TOTALLY!?" Hahaha... that was funny.. you always make my day. You really should have seen the looks people gave us when we did that twice in one day! It still makes me smile when I think of it.

I have no motivation for anything anymore. Nothing. School starts Monday and I don't want to go. I don't want to deal with that anymore. I give up. I'm qutting school and starting a band. Oh wait, I already have a band.. sort of.

I have 30 and 3/4th hours next week. Oh. My. God. I think I'm officially going to die next week from exhaustion and stress. Fuck! Damn it to 8 hour workdays and ahhhhh.. my shortest shift is like 4 and a half hours and my longest is 8 hours.. well at least my paycheck will be a lot more than recently.. a hell of a lot more.

Just think. 27 days until my birthday... meh.. 2 more years until I turn 21.

I want to go to Hot Topic again, I have this craving to go there, see if my poster is there, buy some shit there, and I'll be semi-happy.

I will admit, I am happier than I have been in months. So much happier, though it doesn't seem that way.

My computer has issues again, I think it's due to me downloading songs. I haven't downloaded in a couple days though, and I tried to see if I could download one song today, but I couldn't find it. Oh well. It's on the official website anyway.

I still have to tell Terry about some stuff, but he has the flu so obviously I can't tell him because he hasn't been in work. Grr... I don't even know how he's going to take it. One thing is taken care of however, I left him a note yesterday.

I'll end my post by saying this: Work stresses me out, school stresses me out, and being sick stresses me out.
[wOrShIp Me]

Sunday, January 16th, 2005

Subject:some quizzes cause I didn't feel like putting them in my other LJ...
Time:8:12 pm.
Mood: content.
HASH(0x83fe3fc)
You Love Love LOVE Evanescence..Just Like Me :D:D!!
You rule!!! Good on ya !


Do you know Evanescence as well as you think you do..? I think not!
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x88ba48c)
You Are Breath No More

I actually finally down loaded this song while I
was creating this quiz. I was blown away. The
song is amazing, though frustratingly rare to
find. You are lost to yourself and to others.
You don't know who you are anymore and your
reality is so screwed up and distorted. I can
seriously empathize with the way you are
feeling because this is my song too.

Your Lyrics:

I've been looking in the mirror for so long
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other
side
Oh the little pieces falling shatter
Shards of me too sharp to put back together

Too small to matter
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces
If I try to touch her

And I bleed
I bleed
And I breathe
I breathe no more

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's
well
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child

Lie to me
Convince me that I've been sick forever
And all of this will make sense when I get better

But I know the difference between myself and my
reflection
I just can't help but to wonder
Which of us do you love

So I bleed
I bleed
And I breathe
I breathe no-
Bleed
I bleed
And I breathe [3x]
I breathe no more



What Extremely Underrated Evanescence song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Eternal
~Eternal~

With you there is no need for words. You are
upbeat, but that can be disrupted by a sudden
storm and leave you feeling down. You love
storms, nature, and prefer to be alone. In your
eyes there is nothing wrong with you... if the
rest of the world can't understand you, then
that is their own problem. They all have a hard
time reading you and you have no time or
patience to let them decipher you. You have an
'eternally' strong spirit and try not to let
others bring you down, though it's hard at
times because you're not as tough as your
exterior leads people to believe. Despite this
and your frustration in other's ignorance, you
are beautifully talented person with a great
personality. Those who know you well, know
this. You tend to hang with the 'creative' type
of people who feel the same as you do.

*Please Rate: It brings good Karma*


Which Evanescence 'Origin' Song Are You? (With Pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Origin Amy
You are Origin Amy Lee. Very down to earth, you
aren't really headed for the public eye.
You're out there trying to get your band heard
and rely more on the music than your image to
get you off the ground. You Go Girl!


What incarnation of Amy Lee (of Evanescence) are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

fool
You are: Everybody's Fool
Someone betrayed you, and you are very mad at them.
I know, it sucks when people you once loved try
to be so perfect in front of others. Oh well,
screw them!


Which Evanescence Song are You (album: Fallen)?
brought to you by Quizilla

Amy Lee,Alice In Wonderland Dress
Your Amy Lee's "Alice In Wonderland"
dress!
http://www.freewebs.com/causticmalice


---What Article Of Clothing Worn By Amy Lee (From Evanescence) Are You?---
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x8a3d590)
Dark Amy - You are more secretive, and you don't
trust many people. You've been hurt and you
don't tend to realize you're not alone. Like in
the song Exodus you feel safe and comfortable
in the shadows.


Which Amy Lee Are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Most of those are true, sadly...
[wOrShIp Me]

Thursday, December 30th, 2004

Subject:When you scream, I'd fight away all of your fears...
Time:11:58 pm.
Mood: anxious.
Now now kiddies.

No reason to start a skirmish.

Anyhow, I work next week. Finally I can actually do something I enjoy.

Thanks. For everything. You are simply amazing.

I love you.

Bye.
[wOrShIp Me]

Wednesday, December 29th, 2004

Subject:Awww how sweet.
Time:11:02 pm.
Mood: amused.
Thank you.

Whatever!

Um, anyways.

So still denying my um.. "disorders"?

I actually have friends. We just don't do much. And in case you haven't noticed, one of them is across the country.

Well, that was amusing to say the least. Good bye.

You can't post in here anymore.

Most of these entries will be friends only and some of them are friends only anyway.

Catch you on the flipside. Suckers

Oh brother... you'd think we'd get over anonymous comments. You don't see me looking at your journals and commenting nasty stuff in them.
[wOrShIp Me]

Monday, December 27th, 2004

Subject:an update.. i guess
Time:8:55 pm.
Mood: anxious.
So recently, I got diagnosed with depression and social anxiety disorder. I guess that explains a lot of things...

Christmas was awful this year. Thanks.

It's unlikely that everything will ever be the same again...

Now I'm off to have another awful birthday. Shit..

I just got out of my first semester. I kinda slacked off late, which brought me down a lot. I don't care about anything anymore. I don't want to make anything out of my life.

The only good thing is work. Kathleen and Jenna are hilarious. This kid who works with us is really quite stupid and he makes everyone mad.

So, in a nutshell, life sucks. I'm so happy this semester is over.

I hate you, you know that? If I'm the only register open next time, fucking just go to my register and let me ring you up instead of being a snot and avoiding any contact with me.

Fucking bitch. I hate girls, they're so queer. I'm a girl, yes, but that doesn't mean I can't hate people of the same sex for just being themselves, right?

The new Trust Company cd comes out March 1st, 2005. Hell yeah!
3 [wOrShIp Me]

Friday, November 26th, 2004

Subject:hmm
Time:8:01 pm.
Mood: amused.
So school has been stressful. But nothing I can't handle, I think. I'm getting recommended to therapy and I will probably have to take Prozac or Zoloft soon. That's okay though because I need it.

I'm failing my Psych class, I may withdraw soon. I'll be placed as a part time student then, but that's okay.

Ricky and I are bio partners for lab next semester lol.

I have to start Christmas shopping. I don't have a lot of people to go for anymore, but I don't give a flying fuck cause they're all bitches who couldn't care for anyone else but themselves. And talk all the shit you want about me, but it's true and you know it. Don't deny the truth.

I don't think I have anything else to say. See you later.
[wOrShIp Me]

Friday, October 29th, 2004

Subject:Tired of this lie you're telling...
Time:9:07 pm.
Mood: distressed.
School hasn't been that great. It's actually really boring. I still wonder why I decided to even go.

Court came home for 2 weeks, but I only saw her once during the whole time. I miss her so much. She is my inspiration, the only person that makes me get up and go through my day without breaking down.

Everything I see and do reminds me of her. She's my best friend, my everything.

My dad is dying now. He's really close to dying. He gave me a hundred dollars yesterday when my brother and I went to see him. He gave my sister and Dave each $50 when they came down, but Dave didn't want it so he gave it to my sister and then my sister gave all the money to me. But.. as much as I hate my dad, it's hitting hard.

I don't know why everything affects me more than anyone else. I don't understand that.

Two of my friends are in the Navy now. Court is stationed in Washington and Lis is in Great Lakes, Illinois for her boot camp. I miss them both so very much.

My grades are slacking. I just don't care about school. It's not worth my time. I want to join the Navy, but in some ways I don't. My mom wouldn't be happy with my decision. I don't think I could handle being there. Granted, it's away from home and I get to see places I haven't been to yet, but I don't know. If school doesn't work out for me, I may just join the Navy. It's like a second option. I haven't told anyone about it, however. I have also started to think about smoking weed just to get things off my mind. I know I did promise Court I wouldn't and she trusts me enough to know that I won't. But it's just a thought. I most likely will not go through it for Court's sake, but it's been on my mind. Court will be really disappoined with me as well and I don't want my best friend to be upset with me.

I guess things are okay with me. Everything is on my mind and it just won't go away.
[wOrShIp Me]

Friday, October 8th, 2004

Subject:We believe in this love...
Time:11:05 pm.
Mood: exanimate.
School has been uninteresting. Too many papers in Lit. But.. well that's alright.

I don't have a job anymore. Not until... December. Think of it as a temporary hold off. I still do get my discount and stuff. It's awesome. Just... not on food. :o(

Been sick lately with a cold that has destroyed me this week. Didn't go to Psychology because of it. It's alright. She's scary anyways.

4 more days until the most awesome girl comes home for a bit. I can't wait.

School has just been a total waste of time for me though. I don't see the point in going to a school with kids I hate and doing worthless shit that won't help you in life. It's just like high school. Not as much drama, but too many Comp kids and too many feelings of spite felt.

But well, I have the house to myself most nights now. It's great. I want to have a party sometime here. Perfect time. But whoever comes has to bring your own shit cuz I ain't buying nothing. Hmm, but who knows?

I miss you..
[wOrShIp Me]

Saturday, September 18th, 2004

Subject:hmm
Time:2:00 pm.
Mood: happy.
School has been good, I suppose. Many people I have met mainly came from work. Tasondra likes to scream "Hi Fallon!" at me when she sees me. I still hang out with Comp kids though.. and a couple South Hadley kids too.

Other than that, school is alright. Been swamped with homework and papers, which sucks! But oh well what can you do?

Nothing much has happened lately. Been sick for most of the start of school. I have a couple crushes. I still like people from Comp that I had crushes on. I still keep in contact with one.

Work has been great. I love work. It's always the highlight of my day no matter what. I work mainly inbetween classes, but sometimes, after them. I met a lot of new people from work. My co-workers are the best. I hang out with them during breaks and stuff.

I've got to go now. Good bye.
[wOrShIp Me]

Sunday, September 5th, 2004

Subject:a survey
Time:1:19 pm.
Mood: bored.
Have you ever...
[x] been drunk.
[] smoked pot....
[x] kissed someone.
[] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[x] been in a fist fight.
[ ] broken a bone
[ ] got hit by a car
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[ ] gone in a mosh pit.
[ ] stole something from your job
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] gone on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[ ] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe
[x] skipped school.
[] thrown up from drinking.
[x] lost a family member
[x] played 'clue'
[x] had a sleepover party.
[ ] went ice skating.
[ ]cheated on a bf/gf.
[ ] been cheated on.
[ ] had a sweet sixteen.
[ ] had ur tonsils out.
[x] had a car.
[x] drove.

Do you...
[] have a bf.
[ ] have a gf.
[x] have a crush.
[] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[] feel happy
[x] hate yourself
[ ] think youre attractive.
[x] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[ ] listen to Hawaiian Music
[ ] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[ ] listen to country.
[ ] listen to reggae.
[ ] listen to techno.
[ ] paint your nails.
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[ ] get good grades (not in school)
[] play an instrument
[x] have slippers.
[ ] wear boxers
[] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[] like the color pink.
[ ] cyber.
[ ] claim.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair.
[] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[ ] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager

Are you...
[ ] ugly.
[ ] pretty.
[x] ok.
[ ] handsome.
[x] bored.
[x] happy
[ ] bilingual.
[ ] Hawaiian.
[ ] Samoan.
[ ] Filipino.
[ ] Korean
[ ] British.
[ ] white
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[x] asian.
[x] short.
[ ] tall.
[ ] grounded.
[x] sick.
[ ] mad
[x] lazy.
[x] single.
[ ] taken.
[x] looking.
[ ] not looking.
[x] brokenhearted
[ ] talking to someone.
[ ] IMing someone.
[ ] scared to die.
[x] tired.
[ ] sleepy.
[x] annoyed.
[x ] hungry.
[x] thirsty.
[ ] on the phone.
[ ] in your room.
[ ] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[x] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish.
[x] listening to music.
[ ] watching the Olympics
[ ] watching tv

Read more...Collapse )
[wOrShIp Me]

Sunday, August 22nd, 2004

Subject:got this from Debbie. *waves*
Time:10:46 pm.
Mood: confused.
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't bold is false.
4. When you're done, add your own...

01. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions.
02. I don't watch much TV these days.
03. I love broccoli.
04. I love sleeping.
05. I have loads of books.
06. I once slept in a toilet.
07. I love playing video games.
08. I adore marijuana.
09. I watch porn movies.
10. I watch 'One Tree Hill'.
11. I like sharks.
12. I love spiders, I think they're adorable, especially the ones with bright colors on their backs.
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair.
14. I like George W. Bush.
15. People are cool.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a Toyota and a pool.
18. I have a lot to learn.
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself.
20. I'm really, really smart.
22. I have a secret.
23. I hate rain.
24. I drink health juice.
25. Punk rock rules.
26. I hate Bill Gates.
27. I love Vietnamese food.
28. I would hate to be famous.
29. I am not a morning person.
30. I have semi-long hair.
31. I have short hair. ( for me it's short)
32. I have potential.
33. I'm pure Afghan.
34. My legs are two different sizes. I refuse to believe my legs are identical...
35. I have a twin.
36. I wear those long ass socks.
37. I can roll my tongue.
38. I like the way that I look.
39. I'm obsessed w/Italian food.
40. I know how to french braid.
41. I can be pessimistic or optimistic whenever I want.
42. I have a lot of mood swings.
43. I skateboard/snowboard.
44. I think that skateboarders are HOT.
45. I'm in a band.
46. I have talent.
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I think that I'm popular.
49. I am currently single.
50. I can't swim.
51. My favorite color is blue, red, or white.
52. I practically live in sweatshirts.
53. I love to shop.
54. I would classify myself as either punk or goth.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm a prep, shop at abercombie, and ADMIT IT.
57. I'm obsessed with my livejournal.
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I know how to square dance just a little bit.
60. I have a unibrow.
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mom. ( sad but true )
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I believe in God.
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
65. I know how to play the tuba.
66. I need coffee to live.
67. I have had a boyfriend before.
68. I've rejected someone before.
69. I currently like someone and they have no idea that I like them.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have kids when I get older.
72. I have changed a diaper before. unfortunately.
73. I've called the cops on a friend before.
74. I bite my nails.
75. I am a member of the Hilary Duff fan club.
76. I'm not allergic to anything.
77. I love broadway plays and have been to at least 3.
78. I have no idea who the 38th president was.
79. I plan on seeing Mary Kate and Ashley's new movie.
80. I am completely shy around the opposite sex.
81. I'm online 24/7; not always there though.
82. I have at least 25 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs.
84. I loved Rush Hour.
85. I've read all of the Harry Potter books.
86. If I were a dwarf, I would be Dopey.
87. When I was a kid I played with my G.I. Joe.
88. I don't mind country music.
89. I would die for my friends.
90. I think that Juicy Fruit is the best type of gum.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
92. I'm obsessive and paranoid and extremely jumpy
93. I would love to be Demi Moore because Ashton Kutcher's a major hottie.
94. I love the Beatles.
95. I know all the words to 'Barbie Girl'
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy...
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
98. I have to fart.
99. I want this damned thing to be over!
100. I'm happy.
101. I am VERY easily amused.
102. I'm angsty
103. I like rock
104. I like Fight Club
105. I absolutely adore mexican food
106. I have a boyfriend/girlfriend
107. I'm obsessed with music
108. I like somebody and they know it
108. I hate feeling lonely
109. I've listened to the same song for more than 8 hours straight.
110. The bathroom is a danger zone for three hours after I take a shit.
111. I can sneeze fifteen times in a row.
112. I don't believe in coincidences.
[wOrShIp Me]

Friday, August 20th, 2004

Subject:what a sic song
Time:8:05 pm.
Mood: infuriated.
:x:about you:x:

name:x:: Fallon
age:x:: 18
sign:x:: aquarius

:x:lasts:x:

movie watched:x:: don't know.
book read:x:: the notebook
time you cried:x:: umm.. two days ago
time you brushed your hair:x:: today
time you felt love:x:: umm. dont know
word said out loud:x:: whatever
time you were sick:x:: april
email you wrote:x:: julie
magazine you read:x:: whatever came in the mail
song you heard:x:: "Vitamin R" -Chevelle
cd you listened to:x:: Three Days Grace
assignment you did:x:: uhh.. my senior project?
time you were excited:x:: two days ago
time you laughed:x:: earlier
person you talked to:x:: my sister.. :-/
play/concert you saw:x:: good charlotte. Was supposed to go to Maroon 5's last week.. but eh... didn't work out.
person you kissed:x:: ryan
person who kissed you:x:: ryan
thing you did that you really shouldn't have:x:: two days ago

:x:have you ever:x:

drank:x:: last week?
done drugs:x:: umm.. a few weeks ago?
had sex:x:: no
had a sexual experience (doesn't have to be actual sex):x:: ya
cried because of someone of the same sex:x:: yea
cried because of someone of the opposite sex:x:: yes
kissed someone of the opposite sex:x:: yea
kissed someone of the same sex:x:: no
had a huge crush on someone:x:: ya!
had a boyfriend:x:: twice
how about a lover:x:: uhh..

:x:do you:x:

like long surveys:x:: ya it gives me something to do
like surveys at all:x:: of course.
like love:x:: eh
eat too much:x:: no

:x:are you:x:

a happy person:x:: not really
a nice person:x:: i can be
happy with how you look:x:: no

:x:random:x:

do you especially like darkness:x:: yes
do you go to school dances:x:: i went to a couple
do you like them:x:: eh
what do you want to be when you grow up:x:: whatever
how about monkeys:x:: they suck.
do you have pets:x:: i have a dog
brothers:x:: 1 brother
sisters:x:: 1 sister
are you parents together:x:: no
do you like someone:x:: yes
do they know:x:: one does, the other doesnt
do they like you:x:: dont know
will you love them until your dying day:x:: of course
does love lift you up where you belong:x:: not really
would you ever kill someone for love:x:: sure
if you could kill one person who would it be:x:: i don't want to say
do you like reality tv:x:: NO reality tv should die
would you buy a cd for just one song:x:: i have done that.
could you be lovers? is that a fact:x:: dont know
do you have a screen name:x:: yea
is it dumb:x:: kinda.
do you have friends:x:: yeah
have you ever been in love:x:: twice

:x:fill in the blanks:x:

i love_______:x:: *him*
eat________:x:: food?
put your hand_____:x:: over my heart
don't_______:x:: do this.
please____:x:: go hang yourself
cheese______:x:: sucks
bloody______:x:: wrists are all I have.
roses____:x:: are red
do______:x:: go away forever
he is______:x:: so hot
death is______:x:: what I need.
kicked off the_______:x:: face of the earth
you see i've forgotten______:x:: my dignity
i really_____:x:: want to go away
i want_______:x:: things to get better
you can tell everybody_______:x:: i hate YOU
it may be quite simple but________:x:: it really isnt
i hope you don't mind_____:x:: me
how wonderful life is_______:x:: if you're dead
to be______:x:: or not to be
juliet is the______:x:: romeo and juliet sucks
its a little funny_______:x:: when you go drown yourself

:x:favorites:x:

book:x:: animal fantasy, harry potter
movie:x:: drama
pet:x:: dog
person:x:: you.
color:x:: blue
animal:x:: wolf
word:x:: blood
food:x:: strawberries
drink:x:: soda
band:x:: three days grace, chevelle, trust company, yellowcard, evanescense
song:x:: vindicated by dashboard confessional, wake up by three days grace, grab thy hand by chevelle, don't fake this by chevelle, only one by yellowcard
lyric:x:: many
quote:x:: There comes a time when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will and in the end you learn who is fake, who is true, and who would risk it all for you.
place to be kissed:x:: wherever
place to be:x:: away from chicopee, the city of betrayal
part of your room:x:: my bed
thing in the world:x:: music

:x:either or:x:

france or england:x:: england. Frace sucks monkey balls
life or death:x:: death.
t.v. or movie:x:: tv
pepsi or coke:x:: coke
pool or hot tub:x:: pool
girl or boy:x:: both
india or switzerland:x:: switzerland
america or canada:x:: canada because the legal drinking age is 18, here because, well it's here!
real life or t.v.:x:: t.v

:x:friends:x:

best friend:x:: amanda
nicest:x:: um.. kaylee
funniest:x:: courtney
prettiest:x:: uhh..
cutest:x:: ...
most handsome:x:: *him*
weirdest:x:: yeah we all are.
most immature:x:: ...
ugliest:x:: who cares
fattest:x:: who cares
skinniest:x:: who cares
the one you could fall in love with:x:: umm 2
the one you would marry:x:: 0
overall greatest:x:: who does this?
the one you have hated in the past:x:: hmm.. dunno
farthest away:x:: courtney
most loved:x:: don't know
most missed:x:: courtney

:x:what do you think of when you hear this name:x:

eric:x:: fag
mary:x:: don't know
dennis:x:: blackie! lol
jessica:x:: blah
emily:x:: dunno
satine:x:: uhh nothing.
christian:x:: ha.. umm nothing
ellen:x:: t.v.
tara:x:: some girl in my yearbook class sophomore year
tony:x:: ha.. hmm.. don't know
lizzie:x:: mcguire sucks
margaret:x:: a junior
jonathan:x:: this gay kid i know
john:x:: hmm.. don't know
george:x:: my uncle
alejandra:x:: dont know
adriana:x:: dont know
christine:x:: a good friend
mae:x:: dont know
alicia:x:: snotty girls
alex:x:: a bitch
amanda:x:: my best friend
ashley:x:: hmm
tom:x:: tj
harold:x:: hey arnold
stacey:x:: loud girls
matt:x:: yes.. umm.. liked a few matts in my day
jake:x:: vieu
jacob:x:: stalkers

:x:music:x:

do you like britney spears:x:: NO
christina aguilera:x:: shes ok..
what bands do you like:x:: um.. chevelle, linkin park, three days grace, yellowcard, lots more...
what do you think of punk:x:: good
emo:x:: emo is good.
hardcore:x:: eh
avril lavigne:x:: good singer
taking back sunday:x:: cool band
coheed and cambria:x:: hmm.. interesting
ramones:x:: don't know

:x:actors/actresses/movies:x:

do you like jennifer anniston:x:: eh
brad pitt:x:: good actor
jonny depp:x:: very good actor
orlando bloom:x:: he's hott
courtney cox:x:: eh
lindsey lohan:x:: she's a good actress
hillary duff:x:: blah
moulin rouge:x:: eh never seen it
a walk to remember:x:: haven't seen it. i do want to.
10 things i hate about you:x:: i want to see this too.

:x:what do you think of:x:

gay marriage:x:: good
abortion:x:: against unless in certain circumstances
gays in the military:x:: don't know
gays in boyscouts:x:: dont know
lesbians:x:: ok
bisexuality:x:: good... yea
george bush:x:: he sucks
the war in iraq:x:: it sucks. we should go home
the "chemical weapons" in iraq:x:: they're hidden under my couch
death:x:: good
memories:x:: eh..
feelings:x:: suck
tears:x:: good.

well did you like it:x:: of course.
[wOrShIp Me]

Thursday, August 12th, 2004

Subject:ok im gonna tell you something about me that only 2 other people know...
Time:11:17 pm.
Mood: stressed.

And maybe you'll reconsider telling me to be happy ok?

Okay, so probably only one or two people know about this and it's about time I tell you all about this.

So here goes:

  • try having a father who disowned you when you were born, probably because you weren't a boy
  • try facing the reality that your father could die any day. I may not be 'friendly' with my dad, but it still hits home. He's still my dad, whether I like it or not.
  • try learning only a couple months ago that your father remarried this 20(?) year old girl and had a daughter with her, who is your half sister, and you're not even supposed to know about this at all? I was told about it last year sometime and was told not to tell anyone about it because I'm not supposed to know. The person who had told me this had no idea that I didn't know.
  • try having your OWN father not even care about what your accomplishments were and ignore his youngest child yet keep in contact with his two others from his first marriage and all three of us are from his first marriage.
  • try seeing your father for the first time in a long time and have him tell people you're his youngest daughter from the first marriage and not even say what your name is or acknowledge you in person or anything.
  • try having your father not know anything about you. About who your friends are, about your life, about school, about your likes, your dislikes, etc.
  • try having your father want to destroy your life even if he wasn't in it.
  • try having to live up to your family's expectations and be the first in the family to actually graduate college.
  • try being responsible for your parents divorce and knowing that it was your own fault because you were born.

OK so I have not told anyone except probably Amanda (not all the stuff though) because I trusted her and I still do with all my heart. Have YOU ever gone through all that? With all that on your shoulders, it's kinda hard to be 'happy.' And I'd appreciate it if you had gotten to know me better before you went and told me to be something I'm not and probably never ever will be.

I have demons in my past that you will never understand, no matter how hard you try. You have never experienced any of this so how would you understand? No, you will never understand what I've gone through. No one will and that's what sets me apart from every other teenager around. I may not be perfect and I don't expect anyone to be perfect. I'm not the perfect friend, but I am loyal. I still am. It just.. depends.. on how well I know the person. The one person I will always be loyal to is Amanda because we're best friends and we have been for 14 years. Nothing could take that away. And besides, you don't know her and even if you did, she wouldn't listen to a word you say about me because she knows me too well to listen to what other 'people' say.

I'm not making this up and if you knew me better, you'd know that. Before you go and tell someone to be something they're not, think about their past. Think about how well you know them. Think about what your words could do to the person. I'm sorry but I really didn't care about popularity in school. I don't care about making other people happy. So get the facts before you assume something about someone. Don't make up shit about someone you don't even know well.

So I'm sorry but you can go destroy someone else's life because you won't ruin mine anymore. I won't let you. Or anyone else. It's about time I spoke up and said something. I've been sitting here, taking all this shit from everyone that I don't deserve and now it's about time I said something. So there's my two cents.

Thanks and have a marvelous night because I know I've had an awesome day today and nothing could have ruined it. And now that I've gotten this off my chest, I feel a lot better.

Good bye. Don't bother running to me again with your apologies because I won't accept them. Be off with you, evildoers.

[wOrShIp Me]

Wednesday, August 11th, 2004

Subject:survey...
Time:7:22 pm.
Mood: anxious.
LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Current Location: Chicopee, MA
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: black
Righty or Lefty: righty
Zodiac Sign: aquarius

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: chinese..
Shoes you wore today: adidas sandals
Your weakness: people, my feelings
Your fears: certain people, spiders
Your perfect pizza: broccoli and ham!
Goal you'd like to achieve: get out of Chicopee

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your most overused phrase on AIM: prolly lol
Your thoughts first waking up: wtf
Your best physical feature: nothing
Your bedtime: 1ish
Your most missed memory: frolics lol

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK
Pepsi or Coke: coke
McDonald's or Burger King: bk
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: adidas
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: yucky

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Smoke: no
Cuss: ya
Single: oh wouldn't you like to know?
Take a shower everyday: ya
Have a crush(es): ya of course
Think you've been in love: ya
Like(d) high school: not really.. the end of senior year rocked though!
Want to get married: never
Believe in yourself: no
Get motion sickness: sometimes
Think you're attractive: no
Think you're a health freak: nooo
Get along with your parents: sometimes...
Like thunderstorms: ya
Play an instrument: haha. no

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Drank alcohol: ya
Done a drug: ya
Gone on a date: ya
Gone to the mall: ya more than once
Been on stage: no
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
Eaten sushi: no
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: no
Gone skinny dipping: no
Dyed your hair: no
Stolen anything: ya

LAYER SEVEN: EVER
Played a game that required removal of clothing: no
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: ya of course
Been caught "doing something": lol no
Been called a tease: no
Gotten beaten up: no
Changed who you were to fit in: a little

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLDER
Age you hope to be married: never
Numbers of Children: 0
Describe your dream wedding: i dont want one
How do you want to die: whatever
What do you want to be when you grow up: um.. dunno whatever.
What country would you most like to visit: australia, brazil, japan

LAYER TEN: IN THE NUMBERS
Number of people I could trust with my life: 4 or 5 cuz they've known me the longest
Number of CD's I own: a lot
Number of piercings: 0
Number of tattoos: 0
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: a lot, i suppose
Number of scars on my body: 3 or 4 thanks to soccer, fights, and other random stuff
Number of things in my past that I regret: a lot.. but let's not get into that, eh?
[wOrShIp Me]

Tuesday, August 10th, 2004

Subject:meh
Time:7:56 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
Shit happens and you learn to get over it.

Whatever.

I hope you don't say anything to me during orientation. I won't say anything to you if you don't say anything to me.

I have another journal on another site and only 2 people know I have it. That's where my most private stuff's going.

Nothing else to say.
[wOrShIp Me]

Tuesday, July 13th, 2004

Subject:wow
Time:6:05 pm.
Mood: content.
I had the best time of my life Sunday into early Monday morning. I'm going to think about that night for a long time.

Drinking, watching drunk kids, getting kicked out, walking around downtown Springfield at midnight, Denny's, your weed in the car, etc...

Great.. I had so much fun.. more fun than I ever had with my old friends... you gave me a reason to live. You gave me a life, which was something I never had in high school.

I love you.. thanks for all the memories that night.
[wOrShIp Me]

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