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[09 Jul 2005|12:25pm]
It's been a while since I've used this journal. I had a short stage where I wasn't eating much (like, a sub a day) and I got pretty thin... but then I had major boyfriend problems and I went COE/Bulimia/whatever haywire. I guess I'm bulimic but I feel like I odn't get enough up to really be considered bulimic. Anyway, I gained tons of weight. All my clothes are too small. Ugh.

So, I'm going on a strict diet. I call it a fast even though it's really not. It was going to be a liquid fast but then I added fresh veggies and fruit. Here it goes:

o Water (aim for 8 tall glasses)
o fresh veggies
o tea (unsweetened, un-caffeinated)

500 Calories Maximum
o fresh fruit
o juice
o soup
o fresh fruit popsicles (such as edy’s whole fruit bars)

Breaking the Caffeine addiction
Week 1 (July 8th – July 14th): 1 diet coke can per day, unlimited un-caffeinated soda
Week 2 (July 15th – July July 21st): 1 diet coke can every 2 days, 1 can un-caffeinated soda per day
July 22nd to eternity: no diet coke, 1 un-caffeinated soda maximum per week

o increase 1 push up per day
o minimum of ½ hour cardio per day
o the more, the better

Also, I'm not going to smoke at all. It would be so easy to go back to smoking right now but I'm not going no matter what.

This whole diet thing is for my Italy trip. I want to fit into my clothes on that trip and not look like a marshmallow in spandex.
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[06 Dec 2004|07:01pm]
MONDAYCollapse )
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[05 Dec 2004|08:46pm]
Both of these probably contain "too much information." Personally, I don't care, but I know some people are bothered about stuff like that. All of you nonexistant people who read this diary might not want to read them if your sensitive about sex or puking.

SaturdayCollapse )

SundayCollapse )
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[04 Dec 2004|05:22pm]
hahaha... today I've been eating only popcorn, chocolate, and diet coke. (well, and coffee with a packet of diet swiss miss)

How healthy </sarcasm>

Well... I have PMS. That means chocolate cravings. And you can eat TONS of popcorn for very little calories, and I'm ravenous around the time I start getting my period.

I wish I didn't obsess about my weight. I can't stop counting calories even if I'm binging. I can't go to a restaurant where I don't know the calories (without freaking out). I'm to afraid to step on my scale right now. It's pathetic.
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[03 Dec 2004|11:06pm]
THURSDAY - 1156 calories

FRIDAYCollapse )

meh... not the best, but I didn't binge so let's remain positive.

I have PMS. I NEED chocolate (if you couldn't tell from my food intake). Maybe I should go on a chocolate diet... of 800 calories or so. Just untill my PMS is over anyway. *contemplates*
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[02 Dec 2004|04:49am]
Tues - 1009 cals
Wed - MASSIVE BINGE. I won't even begin to attempt to calculate the calories. I really couldn't even if i wanted to... It was one of those binges where you feel so out of control... like your'e possesed. I purged some of it, but not very much :-(. I can only get it up if I contract my stomach muscles and bare down, hands do nothing for me. So it takes FOREVER to get anything up and you can hardly get enough up! I wish I could just get it all up and be done with it!

Either way, I've been binging so bad lately, I'm afraid to weigh myself. I suck at life.

I got put on another med - wellbutrin.

I really don't want to bother going to school today. I have no clean clothes *er*. blah.
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[30 Nov 2004|07:41am]
Blah. So yesterday I binged AGAIN. On all types of lovely shit. Like chocolate and Ben&Jerry's and loads of SHIT. It was absolutely DISGUSTING. Seriously, I ate so much I felt really really sick all night. So then I tried again to vomit it up, again I was unsuccesful. Seriously, do I just have NO gag reflex, or am I doing something wrong? I tried for hours, I tried until it hurt, I tried every chance I got. Nothing came up, except a shit load of saliva.

Read more...Collapse )
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[27 Nov 2004|11:11pm]
ugh. i had the fucking worst day ever. I just binged SO badly it's not even funny. I was so depressed all day... I did nothing except take my rabbit to the vet and lie around reading/watching TV. I was doing so-so with eating. But then around 7 or so I just freaked out and binged REALLY REALLY badly. I'm so nasty. Chocolate chips, peanut butter, tamale, smart ones pizza, candy (stolen from lil bro). Is that not DISGUSTING? And I feel so bloated and ill...

I was really upset, because I've been doing so good and losing weight, and I fucked it up. I want to die. So, I tried to puke it up, but I couldn't! I tried the finger method countless times... rubbing the lumpy shit in the back and sticking my finger in the hole with the flap (the one that you breath out of). It hurt and I coughed and gagged, but no vomit (though lots of saliva). Eventually I gave up. I mean, I guess it's a good thing that I can't purge... but at least getting rid of eat would calm me down and give me a little peace of mind. I guess that's a little fucked up. oh well...

oh fuck. i'm so fat. i want to die. I'm so desperate... I just want to be 115 again. I'd die for that.
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[26 Nov 2004|11:55pm]
FRICollapse )

Er... I binged so badly yesterday. I freaked out when I got home. I always do that when I don't know how many calories I've eaten. It's so fucking counter-productive.

FUCK. I feel so fat. I'm just going to go to sleep and try to stop thinking.
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A day to celebrate the American Obesity Epedemic. woot. [25 Nov 2004|10:50am]
"The average diner consumes about 2,325 calories and 103 grams of fat in a traditional Thanksgiving feast and an evening "snack" of leftovers, the American Dietetic Association says. And that's not counting seconds."

Calories in a traditional thanksgiving dinner Sadly... that looks accurate to what most people eat. That's a pound right there! In ONE night!

"Many people start by snacking throughout the day and that combined with the meal can lead to a total caloric intake of 4,500."

"The average number of calories for stuffing for a serving of one cup is about 400 calories."

Today's CaloriesCollapse )

Okay, I need a plan of attack for the meal today. I'm going to my Aunt's house.

1. Avoid the appetizers. Cheese and crackers aren't worth the calories. Chew on gum while the appetizers are out and we're waiting for the meal to start.
2. Load the plate up with veggies. Avoid stuffing. Maybe eat mashed potatoes, but not too many. Mostly eat veggies, and MAYBE a slice of bread or something.
3. Make sure to leave food on the plate. Don't clean it, make it like a contest to see how much I can leave on the plate.
4. NO SECONDS. Unless you are super starving, then you can have more veggies.
5. If I avoid the appetizers I can have a slice of some dessert (if there are any I like).
6. NO BEVERAGES WITH CALORIES. Bring some diet coke in case they don't have any.
7. Don't starve yourself all day... then I'll end up binging on bread like I did last year. Eat something really low calorie, like soup.
8. Try to guess portion sized and keep track of how much you eat.

I'm not going to freak out over it. I always freak out on New Years and end up binging. Not this year. I'm vegetarian - so any meat is out of the way.
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[24 Nov 2004|09:04am]

every day is a struggle to aviod a binge. I'm so depressed. It would be so easy to binge right now. I can't stop thinking about chocolate. I'm never going to be thin :-(

completely nude, I am 128.6 lbs! And that's an ACCURATE scale, not that crappy one I had before. That one was about 5 lbs heavy... So when I thought I was 135 this summer I was really 140! ughkljckljf.
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[23 Nov 2004|05:00pm]
TUESCollapse )
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[22 Nov 2004|02:33pm]
MondayCollapse )
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[21 Nov 2004|02:34pm]
SUNDAYCollapse )

well, not the best but not the worst. I'd rather just not think about it.
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binge [20 Nov 2004|09:01am]
Why do I do this? WHY?

binged againCollapse )

so, that was 6 days without binging. I'm going to take another average starting with the day after I binged (the one where I had gone 10 days without binging). So actually it will consist of 9 days (I binged twice within that period).

1400 per day.

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Binge Free: Day 6 [20 Nov 2004|12:32am]
FRIDAYCollapse )
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I had to post this, it's coooool. [18 Nov 2004|09:28pm]
interest rankCollapse )
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Day 5 [18 Nov 2004|12:37pm]
I have officialy gone 5 days without binging! Pretty spiffy, aye? The zoloft has made a HUGE difference.

ThursdayCollapse )
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[17 Nov 2004|04:47pm]
FOODCollapse )
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I'm tired of writing this damn essay... procrastination break!!! [16 Nov 2004|09:15pm]
quizziesCollapse )
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