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Thanks to the weather forecast and a very zealous OPM, I got to work from home today. But 30 minutes prior to me getting up to email my supervisor to make sure it was ok to work from home, I realized that I was dreaming. And I realized I could do just about anything, and anything I imagined would come true as long as I stayed asleep. The first thing I did was fly, shooting up into the sky and then plunging downwards, feeling the rush of adrenaline and absolute freedom. I was filled with such exhilaration that I laughed out loud in the dream; I don't know the last time I laughed out loud from happiness in real life. The people in my dream just passed me by, but their faces were blurred. If I concentrated on them long enough, their facial features would appear, although they would shift as my imagination adjusted what they looked like. The whole experience was very reminiscent of Inception, probably because I was thinking of Inception during the dreaming. Before I could do anything else, I had to wake up to send the email. Ugh.

Lucid dreams are cool, but I don't think I'd want to be lucid everytime I dream. Dreams offer escape; I feel like I could probably work out more subconscious issues while being truly asleep rather than being lucid.
1. Be positive
2. Gain 10 pounds
3. Finish novel
4. Live happier, healthier
5. Contact old friends more often
6. Enjoy life

Trip down memory lane

Going through my old files on the computer is like going through stacks of old photos of what my life was like 2 years ago. I hadn't realized how many jobs I had applied to, but the number is staggering according to the number of tailored cover letters. I have these txt files of interview notes for myself, writing samples for different jobs, job descriptions, etc. Looking at the EPA one I wrote over 2 years ago and knowing what I do at work, I now can figure out why I was hired. While it's pretty cool to realize that you've thrown different versions of your resume and cover letter at innumerable jobs, and finally ONE of them actually fit, it still scares me how close I was to not getting the job.

How you're more likely to be hit by a car than hired by the governmentCollapse )
When people asked me whether getting in the gov was hard, I always told them it wasn't too bad. Now looking through all the crap I had to go through, compared to all the crap everyone else has to go through, I've changed my mind. And this just makes me even more thankful about my job than ever. 

ARGH. Back to square 1.

 Today I scrap the novel I had been working on for a year and start on a new one. WHY IS WRITING SO HARD?! How do people just pump out books? Most aren't even GOOD books, but at least they FINISHED them.

:) / :(

Good News: TOM GOT A JOB!! IN DC!! He's now working for the US Institute of Peace, helping them archive past materials and strike-out classified info before they're digitized. It's a temp job, but he gets benefits from the staffing firm that got him the job XD

Bad News: We had our band performance today at Willie's company hang-out thing at the local bar. Thanks to the lousy sound guy and the apathetic crowd, it was pretttttttyyy bad. Thank god I don't do this for a living, I'd make more money panhandling.

More info when I'm not exhausted and ready to give up on music lol.


I feel like a drone; a hollow shell with an implanted memory. Trying to remember how it felt when I was a living, breathing, thinking human being. I remember when I wasn't numb, when pain really hurt and joy really made me smile, when life was fresh and I was eager to learn, eager to experience. What came naturally is now stagnant, what propelled me forward is now forgotten, and I realize why I like sleep so much. Because when I sleep, I'm allowed to dream.

My life right now in 3 sentences:

1. I'm going back to Taiwan for a month on Friday, and I'll be back 5/7 :)

2. I'm spending all my spare time editing Tom's Master's thesis and this dating show my friends filmed this Sunday; the thesis has 77 pages, and the film has 3 cameras worth of whole-day filming, and I need to get both done before I leave in 4 days.

3. Been feeling kind of not-in-control of my life, and have been feeling kinda pissy about it; rather than try to control it more, I'm really just letting it go with the flow right now.

I used to be excited and hyper and happy about stuff. Now I'm just grumpy. What happened?


So, I've wanted a kitty for a long time; the problem is my roommate doesn't like cats [her exact words were "I like kittens but I HATE grown cats"], and I can't afford to move out and get my own cat-loving place. I don't really want to kick my roommate out for the sake of a cat, but I'm pretty bleh right now because the roommate is what is keeping me from my kitty-induced happiness. The lease is up August, and I could see whether she'd still want to continue the lease if I got a cat. The prob is, how many people would be willing to room with someone who has a cat? I don't see it being an issue for my current roommate, since she could just keep her door closed the whole time and it would never bother her. I'm sure she doesn't see it that way though.


Tom and I were at the SPCA Saturday, and I almost took home this adorable little grey kitty with white paws. It gently mewed at me and licked its paws as I held it. I almost died and had to put the kitty back in the cage, otherwise I would have had a kitty right now [Which is unwise, since I still hadn't checked with my roommate AND I'm going back to Taiwan for a month in April].

Long story short, had 2 bands for this event, one with Bud, the other with 3 other girls+ Sid. The Girl band was awesome. The Bud band was... well.... let's say the song choices were pretty tacky. I insisted on doing Love Story [in which I screwed up and sang the wrong lyrics]

You can see the other videos on my facebook XD.

Read angsty, murderous journal post here.

Quick update of 2009

- Performed with the asian band for the New Year's event, got massively pist at sound guy who doesn't know what he's doing.
- Left Burning Rome, and haven't been able to find a good band since
- Got a new roommate, who I actually can stand.
- Spent time practicing for Asian band, mother's day performance in May, ended up singing Taiwanese songs to a bunch of old KMT expatriates. And by old I mean 60+ years old. Having serious doubts on staying in the band.
- Went to Vegas with the boy for our anniversary [as a surprise] and had the best 5 days of my life. It was AMAZING. Didn't want to leave XD.
- Go to Ocean City MD like 3 -4times in a row, twice because I wanted crab so bad, and then Tom was there, and then Tracy H had her bday party there.
- Went camping at Assateague island with Andy, Mokyi, Katie, and Melody, almost blew a vein trying not to choke Melody for being an inane control-freak. Overall good fun though, would do it again.
- Got promoted to GS-11, but after taxes, the raise wasn't significant enough to be OMG about.
- Got the Office Director's award; got a heavy plaque with my name and EPA's logo on it. No $$, but pretty cool.
- Had fall out with Bud, trying to leave the band.
- Made my own silver pendents out of silver clay. VERY difficult, but very cool and satisfying.
- Have list of things I want to accomplish before I'm 30. So far haven't gotten very far =.=