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_dawson_leery_ [userpic]

The Party

October 1st, 2005 (06:18 pm)
nervous

current mood: nervous

Pacey and I hopped into Doug's slightly dented squad car about five minutes after he arrived to stay the night. I was surprised he hadn't brought it back before now, but I also knew he hadn't been home. I wasn't sure what he did in the past twelve hours, but I didn't feel the need to ask. It was about six o'clock, almost time for the surprise party I had planned. We arrived at the arena and I casually asked him to get some ice to bring to the party. He gave me a funny look, but got into the car and headed to the store. That should give me fifteen minutes to get the party set up. As far as I knew I had invited everyone so I hoped people would show up.

Lights were strung across the dock, shining brilliantly in the ever-darkening sky. The crickets were starting to hum in the background. I walked over to the table I had set up earlier covered with a blue tablecloth, his favorite color. I started to arrange the food I had brought over earler onto the table. Doug walked up, handed me some cupcakes and told me he was sorry, but he couldn't attend. I was a little disappointed, I had planned on having a bigger party for Pacey, but I didn't feel comfortable inviting people he didn't know. I had considered posting flyers, but decided against it. I looked at my watch, it was a few minutes past six. I turned on the mix cd that Joey had suggested for the party since my taste in music was outdated. I enjoyed 80's music, but apparantly that wasn't a popular opinion.

I started to fidget. I hope Jen and Joey get here soon, I thought. I wasn't sure how Joey would react to Jen being at the party, they had never gotten along, but maybe things between them would be different now. I highly doubted that would actually happen, but I held out hope. Hopefully Pacey wouldn't show up before everyone else did, that would take the surprise out of the event.

_dawson_leery_ [userpic]

So many thoughts....

September 28th, 2005 (07:24 pm)
scared

current mood: scared

After I got up from my nap earlier this afternoon I decided to go see Jen. I'm still not sure what the reprecussions of that visit will be...I won't share all the details for the sake of her privcay, but I am convinced that she hates me and never wants to have anything to do with me again. *I sigh and run my hand through my hair as I think about the conversation we had.* I'm not sure how we fit into each others lives anymore, but I know that I want to be her friend. How will this all play out? Will we remain distant from one another or will she decide to be friends again? Whatever the outcome will be, it's up to her. I made a mess of things, I acted like a blathering idiot which didn't help the situation at all. *sighs* For all my big words, sometimes I say the wrong thing. Actually I say the wrong thing a lot.

Pacey is going to crash here tonight since Mitch and Gail left town for the week in order to attend counseling sessions. I hope they figure things out while they are gone. They actually didn't tell me they were leaving, they left while I was sleeping. Sometimes I am a bit insulted that my parents trust me to the point where they would leave town for a week, trusting me not to throw a wild party. They actually didn't tell me they were leaving, they left while I was sleeping. I really enjoy hanging out with Pacey, he can always make me laugh. That's about as wild as I'm going to get while they're gone. Not sure what we'll do...we may run the streets. *laughs* I think there may be a party going on at the marina which could be fun. *invisible to Pacey* I'm throwing him a surprise party, so if you guys can make it, I'd be grateful. *smiles*

*visible to Pacey*

Things with Joey are going well, we've decided to take things slow. I understand her nervousness, hesitation, and fear because they are all emotions I am experiencing myself. We had a long talk earlier; shes been very supportive concerning my parents which helps more than she can even imagine. Just talking to her about it has helped more than just sitting in the silence of my own mind for the past few weeks.

Well Pacey is going to be here soon so I better go.

_dawson_leery_ [userpic]

...And We're Back....

September 22nd, 2005 (10:11 am)
nervous

current mood: nervous

Pacey and I just got from our weekend road-trip to Maine. Mitch couldn't be any prouder that his son actually acted like a typical teenager for once, sometimes I feel like I'm the adult and my parents are the children. I had a lot of fun with Pacey, nothing new in that....though I did a lot of thinking while I was gone. I didn't just go on this road-trip because Pacey and I have been planning this trip since puberty. I had to get away from this house, the never-ending tension and silence in the house is nerve-wracking. Mitch and Gail carefully avoid each other and when they do speak it is very impersonal or they get into an explosive argument. It is hard for me to call them "mom" and "dad" right now, they aren't acting like the parents I've known and loved all my life. In some ways I'm angry at my father for not being able to forgive my mother, but in other ways I'm angry at her for tearing our family apart. Everyday it is a battle just not to explode at my parents for not acting like adults and working this out. They need to either find a way back together or get a divorce. Who knew that I could every be so cynical where anything was concerned? *sighs deeply* Pacey and I talked about the situation and he's willing to run off to Maine any time I need to. *laughs*

Then there's Joey. I thought about her every second I was gone. I wondered if she was happy, if work was going well, what was new in her life. My thoughts these days are consumed with her. I have been a little hesitant where she's concerned...I don't want to screw this up, like I did with Jen. I don't want to hurt her or make her unhappy....she has had enough pain in her life. So I've been trying my best to give her the space and time she needs. I just hope...she hasn't changed her mind. Everyone keeps reassuring me that this girl has been in love with me for years, I was just too blind to notice. When people tell me that it makes me feel oblivious and self-involved. How could I not have noticed? Inside...I've been so scared and nervous...I've been feeling that way for a long time, I just ignored it.

I hope I made Pacey's birthday memorable, I know his family tends to disappoint him. He's never told me what exactly happens at home, but he doesn't need to, I know it's bad. I hope he knows that if he ever needs me, I'll drop everything to support him. Next to Joey, he's my best friend. Even though most people think he is a loser and shallow, I know that isn't the case. He is the bravest guy I know, I wish I were more like him. *grins*

I met this girl Andie the other day, she's been giving Pacey a hard time. Apparantly Pacey has had a heart stripe I didn't know about for years. *laughs* I have to give her a gold star for creativity...she seems like a nice girl and I hope that Pacey decides to keep her around.

Well, I haven't slept all weekend, so I better get some sleep. *yawn*

_dawson_leery_ [userpic]

(no subject)

September 17th, 2005 (06:21 pm)
happy

current mood: happy

Hey everyone, just wanted to let everyone know that Pacey and I will be going on a road trip to Maine for the weekend so you won't be able to get ahold of me.

Dawson and Pacey, living on the wild side! At least for a weekend...*chuckles*

_dawson_leery_ [userpic]

(no subject)

September 16th, 2005 (03:10 pm)
rushed

current mood: rushed

I had to baby-sit Alexander last night because I promised Bessie I would, she needed a night out. Unforunately Joey wasn't there, she had to cover someone's shift over at the Ice House. I haven't seen her since we kissed by my window the other night...I hope she isn't regretting the whole thing. Bessie assured me that Joey wasn't avoiding me, she was just dealing with the kiss in her own way. I've known Joey my whole life and even though I know how she processes things I still can't help but be nervous. Joey and I are in new territory here...I...

*looks at watch* Oh man, I have to get out of here, I need to catch Pacey before school starts!

_dawson_leery_ [userpic]

(no subject)

September 15th, 2005 (04:19 pm)
ecstatic

current mood: ecstatic

I open my eyes with reluctance when the sun streams in from the window. The world changed last night, I think as I stare at that window. That window that Joey Potter has climbed through practically since she was able to walk. Yesterday when her father asked me to tell him about her I realized that this girl who grew up across the creek was the girl who meant everything in the world to me. When did I start feeling this way? I could analyze this until the cows come home, but I will never get the answer I seek. When she told me she was going to Paris I felt like a part of me was slowly dying, so I did the only thing I could think of, I kissed her. And the amazing thing was, she kissed me back. I can't remember when I first realized how she felt about me, maybe it was when we had detention or maybe it was at the beauty contest. Or maybe it was one of those ordinary moments that no one really thinks about when they look back on their lives, the moments that writers and filmmakers ignored. A part of me had always known, but I was afraid; afraid to lose her. I kissed her and now I'm nervous, Joey never made me nervous before, but after that kiss the world changed. Nothing will ever be the same again. I smile to myself and stretch as I climb out of bed. Time to get ready to start another semester at good old Capeside High School. I wonder what Pacey is up to...last I heard he was going to try to get Christy Livingston to go out with him. As I put on my clothes I remember that Pacey and I are supposed to get our haircut today, a little unusual for the typical high school male, but as I said, my life has changed monumentally. To think all it took was a kiss.

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