?

Log in

my own wonderland [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Sep. 3rd, 2006|09:00 pm]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |nothing]

well michelle's cousin found a bump on her neck like last thursday, and within like 3 days it had grown so big that she couldnt swallow or breath, so she was rushed to the er. they opporated this morning to try and remove it, and it is all wrapped around her neck so they couldnt do anything. they think it is cancer. her little boy whose almost 7 has been here for the past 2 days and michelle has been at the hospital with her. the poor kid doesnt know what is happening yet. but the doctors are giving her 3-6 months to live. it is so sad and so terrible. and then michelle tells me that her cousin said that she has been praying to die...and now she is upset bc this isnt how she wanted it. the poor little child....i mean, if u cant live for yourself cant u live for your son? :( this is making me sad and im not even really a part of their family. i hope michelle comes home tomo tho bc i miss her and i am scared about school starting and i need to talk to her. the other day i had to go to the dance store and buy a body suit and pink ballet tights and ballet shoes. it was kinda exciting bc tho i have taken ballet before, i have never taken like a strict proper class and i am excited to start one. tho scared...but i really think i can do it, and i just need a couple weeks to catch up on the terms to know what everything means. ahhhhhhhhhh yes the first week of dance will be hard just bc i need to know where i am at compared to everyone else and then i can relax. and, ah this is killing me....as much as i want to dance bc it is good for me physically and mentally and it really helps me cope, i want to get a job. they pay like 9$/h minimum here, like to work at a gas station! adn well when i go home, i dont want to go home. i want to go to hampton to finish grade 12, but i dont think i will be able to live at home anymore. it's like once you leave, you cant go back. and i feel now like i have left. i cant go back to my mother trying to control me, especially now, as she will be extra paranoid. i mean, i will officially be 18. i will be able to leave and go where i want with who i want and do what i want to do. and if she kiks me out i will be able to go stay at a friends....or lyshas....she already told me i could. but it would just be better if i could afford to have my own tiny little apartment. i need to be independent, and i cant stand to hear her say "you're not really an adult as long as u are still financially dependent on me" ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! so i wont be. well if i can help it. i am not sure what to do yet....if i do go back to live at home i will tell my mom b4 i get there that i am 18 and she has to let me go and do what i will do. i dont care if that sounds immature, it is how i feel. and it is how it has to be. i am past the point where she can threaten me to get me to do what she wants me to. and the thing is, i love my mom, despite everything she has done the past month. and i want to still have a relationship with her. i hope she can get over everything....especially if i say i cant live with her anymore. i am going to ask someone in hampton to research for me how much a tiny apartment would cost to see if it is possible for me to work towards it. and my friend amber who lives in saint john says that if i need to, i can live with her and use the money i save to get a bus to cab to school everyday. not that any buses go to hampton. but still......i will see. well i need to go to bed, i miss you a lot kay, ur turn to update! goodnight
xAlice
linkpost comment

emo? [Aug. 29th, 2006|10:41 am]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//
kay do u still read this? i will start writing again if you do...you have to write again too. i was reading old posts today and i dont even know how i came up with some of the stuff i said, but it felt good to say and to have someone listen and reply. hope to ttyl <3
xAlice
linkpost comment

oh we're still so young, desperate for attention [Mar. 9th, 2006|04:55 am]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//
[mood |blahblah]
[music |lying is the most fun...- panic! at the disco]


Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

xAlice
link2 comments|post comment

i liked you better before you were naked on the internet [Mar. 4th, 2006|01:17 am]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |special k-placebo]

i looked at universities today with my dad. we looked at university of toronto, york university, and ryerson. university of toronto didnt have the program i want, except in missauga and thats too far away from where my dad lives. my dad went to ryerson, so i think he kinda wants me to go there. its a very cool school, its very artsy. and its like RIGHT downtown toronto, like the heart of the city, the middle of everything. he took like film and something like that when we went there. york i really liked, and i like more the more i read about it. it has psychology as an arts degree and a science degree, but i want to take it as an art. id rather take it with like english courses and like a social science...more to my strengths. and also no calculus requirements :) that just makes me happy. it also has like 3 dance and aerobics studios. and the campus is more of a drive, bc its kinda out of the way...like not really in the city. but i think i like that. especially if i were to be living in the city. mmmmmblah anyways. i am going to look at unbsj and get that info when i get home. and maybe look at a couple in hali. and then i am going to have to make some decisions i guess...well not right away...but soon. i can send away applications like in september. and then i can get like a 'conditional acceptance' which is basicly bases on my gr 11 marks (which i better pull together) and then it will say i will be accepted as long as i get w/e %. i think i am going to try for that. i will send away for like everything...everything i would even consider...and then i can take my pick among those who accept me. *sigh* its so much to think about. anyways, im going to bed bc we're going to a mall tomo and leaving in the morning and penny and i want to watch at least one more episode of 24 b4 we go in the morning...eating breakfats or something. we've already watched 11 hours of season 2, and we need to finish b4 i leave!. its like cocain my dad says...its addictive. hes started calling us crackheads. heh. goodnight
xAlice
link3 comments|post comment

Toronto [Mar. 2nd, 2006|01:36 am]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//
im in toronto with my dad. today was a good day, i slept in and then watched movies all day. it was nice to have an actual vacation and house to myself. instead of kids running around everywhere. ahh and i watched the 1st 4 episodes of 24 season 2...and its like cocain. its sooo addictive. penny and i are going to watch the 2nd 4 tomo. hmmm i went to a belly dancing class with penny tonight, haha it was like a beginner class and it was really fun. it was different, we like used our arms and hands a lot and lots of crazy hips. the teacher could shake like theres no frickin tomo let me tell u! haha. well im off to bed...goodnight
xAlice
link1 comment|post comment

i fought the war but the war won [Feb. 24th, 2006|03:16 pm]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//
[mood |frustratedfrustrated]
[music |monster hospital-metric]

do u ever hear a song and think DAMN i wish i wrote that first? as if it could have come from your own soul, but now is out there and taken so you cant copy it? i HATE that.
xAlice
link2 comments|post comment

exams suck [Jan. 31st, 2006|01:36 am]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//
[mood |awakeawake]
[music |wake up-h.duff...kill me...]

i'm sick and i'm twisted...i'm broke and you can't fix this

sure

at emo's with erin taking pictures dressed in my slutty clothes...yay. its a good time. talking about how everything is screwy. kay how come rhythmix was at dance with u? i miss dance with you guys. actually i dont but i miss you. anyways, oooooooooooooo viewer discrestion is advised for this show we're watching, it's prolly porn and we didnt even realize it. i dont like this com bc its not mine and i cant type very well on coms that are not mine. ok so yeah i havent wrote lately bc of exams (yeah i said wrote, wut you gonna do mothafuckas?) math was, w/e, i dont even care. as long as i pass and i should have. if i didnt i didnt deserve to pass. english was fine. bio was weird but ok. physics caused 2 major breakdowns but i did 'very well' mr breen told me when i saw him at the bar in holly's, and french was just annoying bc willow was being a asshole baby and cried when she didnt know the answer to a stupid little multiple choice question and said we never learned it so that bouchard would give us the answer. im pretty sure i yelled at the class to shut up. and by yelled, i mean said loudly, so that the teacher and a few ppl around me heard. he appologized to me after for the class being stupid and gay. i think i passed. if not i will find some way to blame willow for talking so much. so its all good. YESSSSS no more PHYSICS!!!!!!!! well my house sucks right now, and i dont wanna be there so i am glad i am not. i am going to go lay down and have a nice chat with erin. peace
xAlice
erin has been playing h. duff alllllllll night
link1 comment|post comment

i'm not afraid to feel... [Jan. 6th, 2006|01:00 am]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//
[mood |creativecreative]
[music |razorblade kiss-HIM]

I taste death in every kiss we share
Every sundown seems to be the last we have
Your breath on my skin has the scent of our end
I'm drunk on your tears, Baby, can't you see it's hurting

Every time we touch we get closer to heaven
And at every sunrise our sins are forgiven
You on my skin this must be the end
The only way you can love me ist to hurt me again
And again
And again
And again

So...

Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips
Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips

Oh the taste from your lips, my Darling
Taste from your lips, oh my Love

Only inside I'm free
I'm tired of waiting
You've got to let me dream
Inside Baby
I'm not afraid to feel
I want you to love me
Cause you are the one
Cause you are the one
Cause you are the one

Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips
Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips

Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips
Your love is a razorblade kiss
Sweetest is the taste from your lips


wow...i wish i wrote that song. best. love. song. ever.
xAlice
link1 comment|post comment

it starts eyes closed, to fingers crossed...to i swear i say [Jan. 5th, 2006|12:50 am]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//
[mood |sleepysleepy]
[music |join me-HIM]

would you die tonight for love?
baby join me in death
would you die?
baby join me in death
would you die tonight for love?
baby join me in death...

that song is beautiful. HIM writes the most beautiful and true love songs i have ever heard in my life. razorblade kiss makes me melt inside. i really have nothing to say. i love not being in school. i love sleeping in. and i love the feeling after doing crunches. i feel ok today. goodnight
xAlice
linkpost comment

*Merry Christmas* [Dec. 23rd, 2005|11:45 pm]
Alice//watch.me.fall.to.pieces//
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |wonderwall-oasis]

yay chirstmas, i love it. i love giving presents to ppl, however much i do not like shopping for them. my beautiful girlfriend lysha gave me an awsome mcr shirt that i am in love with and the maybe memories cd/dvd from the used and guitar earings *smiley face* shes such a sweetie, i feel spoiled. i really hope she likes wut i got her, its so hard to find anything. i am making her wait til christmas day bc i want her to b excited. kalla gave me something today and she is making me promise to wait til christmas so i guess i have to. as is she for mine. awww and erin gave me a picture of her and me from the last dance all framed and pretty and it was so sweet i love it, and a pink cool watch/wristband type thing. i love it. i love my friends. i cant wait til christmas i am a child and i know it. and yessssssssss we are done school for 2005! i have some english and some french to worry about, but not right now. and i am not even going to start thinking about exams yet. so yay for relaxing and sleeping. tomo is the first saturday in forever that i do not have to get up and go teach at 9am. i am going to take full advantage of that. sleep til noon, then get up to go to my nanny's house with a bunch of family stuff and red and green jello *yesssssssss*. then home to exchange christmas ornaments with zac and mac like every year and then yay it will b christmas. wow i just typed that whole thing without really thinking or even looking at it. wutevs. otay well thats all for now, i guess i dont have anything too important to say. merry christmas XD!!
love xAlice
link2 comments|post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]