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July 31
It is very frustrating knowing that no matter what decision you make, you'll end up hurting someone. I don't know why I like him, or why I have been so miserable without him. I realize that there are many good factors about him, factors what would be good for me, but do or don't I care about him? Do I really want what's best for him....or he for me? Or is this all just some obnoxious high school summer love type of deal? I hope not.

I don't want to allow myself to get this attached and chase after something that's not real, not good. There is a real thing just waiting to blossom, but in knowing that I'm chasing after the non promising one, it doesn't want to stick around and see what will come. Maybe it's not so real, then, if he is letting me go so easily, but I care for him like his life depends on it, and maybe it does. I hope not.

My heart says, "I want the quick fix that wont mean anything one day." My head says, "I want something that makes sense and promises to be there for me." Oh you two, stop conflicting and decide. Nothing will every satisfy everyone and everything. I'll always have to make the sacrifice, something I'm so used to doing. I hope not.

I'll just run away. Run far far away from what I want, what I need, what I wont have, and what I lead. This life was not mean for me to make these decisions. I'm supposed to make people happy, keep the peace, not ruin it with my very existence. I know what I  want, but there is better for me, I could have something that would actually make sense to have, but my mind seems to have made a decision that all these new facts wont alter. My mind is just too stubborn to allow anything else.


July 20

it's true.

July 20
[ mood | blank ]

Livejournal! Dear old fiend, how have you been without my joyous company?

I know, I've missed you too.

Alright, enough creepy stuff. I was just somewhat bored at one in the morning and decided to look back at my life, my sad and uninteresting life. It's not too bad, but it's not exactly the best read of my life. Well then, what's new?
I don't really know what's new. Everything is complicated because I constantly am reminded how things keep falling to pieces around me. You know when you try really hard to make something, say, out of clay, and while you're trying to fix one part that keeps breaking, the other part falls apart, and then you get all frustrated? Well, that's kind of how my life is feeling right now. I keep trying to make it all better, but everything keeps collapsing behind my back. It's complicated and I don't want to pour out all of the juicy details of my life onto the internet in letter form, but I promise that...it's not very promising.
I have so many plans, so many wishes as to who I want to be right now and how I wish things could happen, but we must play the cards we are dealt and make something out of them, hoping to win, or not play at all. I choose to play, but I don't know how to play my cards. I feel so unprepared for everything in life. I want to learn, but who to learn from? We are all still learning, and we can only really learn from ourselves, so I guess all I really need to do is figure out how.

So many things to figure out, and I feel like nothing is allowing me to do it. It's all saying "Michelle, run run! We're all flying away! You'll miss everything if you stop and contemplate. Catch us!"

Catch you I shall, you pesky little things!


August 3
[ mood | calm ]

Why does it all seem so impossible? I can't get myself to do anything. I'm wasting my life and I know it. There is so much I could do. I could actually be someone if I tried. Here I sit, though, refusing to call someone and doing nothing that will actually be memorable when I die. I think it's time I find some kind of motivation, even though nothing seems to do the job. Do I seriously get bored that quickly? One moment I'm totally into whatever I'm doing absolutely amused, obsessed even, and then the next, I'm sitting around with a cup of tea and waiting for something else to occupy my interests.

They say that one has control over his or her own life. I bet I could have control over mine, but I guess I just don't really want to control it. It's not that I'm lazy. It's that I can't find anything that I'm honestly interested in...not just a spur of the moment interest, as most things are for me. I don't think that waiting is going to do the trick.

I hope that when I get a car, I'll actually use it and cruise around until I find something, anything, that will interest me. Да, и пoра Руcский учить.


July 26
My hand wont stop shaking. I don't think that's good.

Hello. [
July 26
Well, it's been a while, a year or so, since I have been on this. That is because I thought that my account got deleted, but look, I'm here, so no, it didn't. = D

I went to the mall today with Madison, then went to a meadow and explored the unknown wonders of nature. It was a blast, don't worry. Then I went home, had tea, and watched a druggy movie with Madison, Yana, Danny, and myself. Wonderful. Today was....spectacular.

I tired, and frustrated. I want to go to Warp tomorrow, but...I don't have any money. Or maybe it's not that I don't have money, maybe it's just an excuse I have made for myself because I just want to stay home and...I don't know what comes after that. I'm pretty sure I want to go to Warp, but hey, maybe I'm just some psychotic bitch who really need to learn how to enjoy herself. I'm done.

September 1

It was all pretty good, but I had family over pretty much every day and I meet some family that I never even knew existed. Turns out I have a LOT of second-cousins. = )

So on the way to the airprot we got stuck in traffic and almost missed our flight, the flight took forever, adjusting to their time was a nightmare (I was always tired during the day and couldn't focus), it was rather messy, we almost couldn't go on the train to Moscow because of some bombing, and our luggage is lost (which contains most of my closet and everything that I will be needing!).

other than that it was rather swell. yeah, I tried looking for a hommecoming dress their but that was pointless. their are REALLY nice stores in Moscow (high fashion stores), but they cost a bunch, so I only got a shirt.

Well no one cares for long entries, so that's all.

P.S. I don't know my schedule...don't bother asking, I'll let everyone know what I get it. sigh

August 16
[ mood | ... ]

YAY, I'm laving for Russia tommorow.
11:00am- I leave
6:00pm- My plane leaves
2:00am- I arrive in Finland
lala I sit around in the air port for 6 hours
8:00am- My other plane leaves
10:00- I arrive in Russia, = D.

That would be my schedule. hah
Alright well I'll be gone untill September 1st, so that mean I'll be skipping registration and my picture and that isn't good...at all.
Then I have a few days to get ready for school and BAM, first day of school before I know it.
Well, that would be all. I will miss everyone and I REALLY would like to hang-out with those who I havn't seen since FOREVER! thanks.
Miss you all. Loves


July 31
I saw The Lady in the Water yesterday with Grace. It was fun. I haven't been doing much really. I went shopping for random stuff (not clothes, sadly) with my mom on Saturday and I saw the Poms girls there. They were supposed to be having a car wash, but I'm not sure if they had many costumers. That day was the best day of my life. I was downloading music to my phone on Friday and It didn't work, so the next day (AKA the BEST day of my life) I fixed my phone and got 100 new songs on it. I was just really happy that day, so it's my lucky day from now on.

As you can tell I havn't been having much of a social life....
I'v been helping my parents with stuff around the house and taking care of my dog and all, thats always fun. We're going to Russia soon so I'm starting to get ready for that.
It's going to be my sisters Birthday on the 6th so I'v saved up some money to get her something, but man does that want pricy things. haha. OK well thats just about it. BORING

July 22
WELL, just becuase you guys leave me soooo many comments and you LOVE reading my entries...I'm going to write more. hah
Alright well Friday I went to the Tigers game with Gracie and it wasn't so bad, it being my FIRST baseball game I have ever went to. Yeah, the family poeple arn't sports fanatics. I didn't really get everything in the game, but I pretty much knew what was going on. YAY. Well, we went to Detriot for the game (duh) and this guy was performing as a robot and he scared the crap out of me. Then this lady, who was homeless, begged us for money and she scared me even more. I don't knoew why but I was afraid of not giving her money, but then I wasn't sure if I could trust her...I don't know, but it scared me. Detriot is different, but I still don't like it.

Then I went to Gracies house and we opened my gift, watched some T.v, fell asleep, then woke up at like 10:00 and got Dunkin Donuts, ate them, and then we pretty much just sat around and talked about....everything. Yeah, it was really fun. = D

Now my family is over and we are having Greek food....uhhhhh k? yeah well I'm boring and I havn't hung out with someone EVERYDAY. I'm to busy to hang-out everyday, but I wish I could beccause it would make summer a whole lot more fun. Oh well maybe next year. = \

July 19
[ mood | WORK! ]

HEY! uhhhhhh, swim conditioning started and I'm soooo sore! We have to do these dry land workouts and they arn't fun, trust me. SO GUESS WHAT? Summer is more than half way over..I think. It makes me sad becuase there is still so much I want to do and so many people I want to hang-out with, don't worry I'm going to be calling a lot of people soon to hang-out. BUT, I have so much work I need to do, like paint my deck with my sister...I don't tink thats happening. Oh yeah, has anyone heard anything about Tennis for Northern because I really wanted to do it, I hope I still can.
YAY, we are all going to high school! I'm not really scared about it, but it is going to be different, so I really doin't know what I'm supposed to think of it. I just hope everything works out, I guess.

Well I'm supped to go to Russia this summer in August, but we might not because of some documents that we might not have. = ( I really want to go! If I don't then...maybe next year? haha. Alright well hope everyone is having a good summer becuase mine has been as good as.....uhhh yeah, It's been pretty good. Talk later.


July 9

January 27
Hey, well I havn't really updated in a really long time.
Well 8th grade has been really crazy and stupid. I don't know who anyone really is anymore becuase at one second they will be all great and friendly and the next...everyone would be like..."what are you talking to me". I can't even explain. My parents have been kinda mean to. They expect to much from me and don't understand that I have my own life and that I try to hard to be a great gaughter, but they don't really notice. uhhhh, I don't feel like complaining about all the stuff I'm dealing with right now.
AHHHH. all these numbers keep calling me and they think that I am someother person and it's making me mad. I AM MICHELLE AND YOU NEED TO DEAL WITH THAT!!! there. well I don't really have much good stuff to say, but volleyball is, like, now and I'm trying out though I, compared to everyone else, am not very well. I have been like to lazy. I just want to get my butt up and do something, but noooo there has to be a ton of projects I have to do and chores basically take a day to do, yet I want to hang-out with my friends and I do... I wish I could just have some ME time. You know just chill, go for a walk, get a manicure and whatnot. My parents are always saying I could relax in between my chores and all, but too bad if I do then I will quit on them and everyone will get mad. I just need all the projects to go away and get a maid and take a break from everyone and everything. Really, just get to relax. I don't even know how I got from vollyball to caomplaining. Like, everything on my mind is bad bad bad. I can't, like, talk to anyone anymore because I am so up in my mind full of shit. I don't know, things are just stupid right now.

Don't pay any attention to this entry. It's pretty pointless.

September 11
[ mood | chipper ]

LookThroughMyEyesCollapse )


September 6
[ mood | content ]

Ok so the first day of school is almost over ... heres how it went:

Math-Well we did some little quize that has like nothing to do with Math and the people who got a lot right get a PRIZE!!!!! = o.haha, yeah its those cheap school stuff like pencils and notebooks and like stickers or whatever. I didn't get one.Best part about Mrs.Bentely's class was that her classroom has WARM!!!

Science-There is like no one in that class! I hate it...its cold,empty,dark and just....ahhhh! My sister said that Mr.Connel should be a good teacher...i can't really see that yet.

Soc. Studies- Well I like Mr.Dean hes pretty cool...but we didn't do much.



September 5
[ mood | my back hurts ]

YAY! im back from vacation. so mainly all we did was just sit around on the beach and walk around the hotel every now and then to like buy stuff. We got my dad this really long mask dude for his office and i got him this one map that we are going to glue this a board and make it into a cool picture for his office. We got some albums to so we can give some pictures to my grandparents because they always complain about they never have pictures of us...yup.So I didm't really get much tanner, which sucks, but thats ok. The weather there is like perfect every day (not counting some wind) I loved it!!! sorry guys I didn't get anything for my friends because if i got one persone something then everyone else would be all like "Why didn't you get me anything?" so I didn't. yeah I have a lot of pictures but im going to post those as friends only later. = )

Ok so today is the last day of summer and I am really sad that summer is ending but, im really excited that school gets to start so i'll get to see everyone I didn't get to hang-out with this summer. Anyway, ill post pictures later. Hope to see everyone at school. = D


August 27
1. At least 2 people in this world LOVE you so much they would DiE for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

4. A SMiLE from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special&unique.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you BELiEVE in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

13. Always remember the compliments you received. FORGET about the rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a GREAT FRiEND, take the time to let them know that they are great.

add this as a comment to ten of ur friends tonight and at midnight your true love will find you. Something good will happen to you at 2:25:09 tomorrow. Get ready for the biggest shock of your life. Whoever breaks this chain letter will be cursed with 10 relationship problems for the next ten years and will have their guts eaten out by sycho buisnessmen. oh, and you will have an eternal bad hair day. send this or DIE

after this i wont be updating much.

August 25
[ mood | thirsty ]

alright so i went to the register thingy and i got my info.= ).mmm but i think my picture look bad.

Hall:  300


SEM. 1
Int Math          Bentley  =  (      500
Science            Connell              305
Soc Studies     Dean                  609
Adv English    Stringer             502
Vocal Music    Hyland              200
Art                    Feld                    307


SEM. 2
Int Math          Bentley  =  (      500
Science            Connell              305
Soc Studies     Dean                  609
Adv English    Stringer             502
Vocal Music    Hyland              200
Phy Ed             Chapel               GYMS

yeah so mainly i get to have a good excersize during the school year because all my classes go back and forth through out the WHOLE school (not fun!). My picture sucked because the stupid guy made me say peaches so now my teeth are showing and i look like an idiot! w/e. Oh and i dont have the best teacher either...Bently(i already had her), Stringer (i heard shes mean), and dean (some say he's nice others say hes boring). mmm i don't know....

if your on my team, in my hall, by my locker, or have any classes with me leave a comment. = )



August 25
[ mood | good ]

take it!
a) Get a pen
b) Get a paper
c) Number it 1-13!
d) Answer these questions!

1. What's your favorite color out of:
A. Green
B. Blue
C. Orange
D. Black
E. Pink

2. What color is your hair?
A. Blonde/Dirty Blonde
B. Brown
C. Red
D. Black
E. Bald or any other color

3. What color are your eyes?
A. Hazel
B. Green
C. Brown
D. Blue
E. gray

4. What is your favorite sport out of:
A. Basketball
B. Cheerleading
C. Football
D. Soccer
E. Baseball

5. What's your favorite way to talk?
A. Phone
B. In Person
C. Instant Message
D. E-mail
E. Letters (Mail)

6. What is your favorite kinda music out of:
A. Rap
B. Country
C. Hard Rock
D. Pop
E. General Rock

7. Who's your favorite singer out of:
A. Ludacris
B. Tim McGraw
C. Ozzy Osbourne
D. Nsync
E. Shakira

8. What's your favorite show out of:
A. Jackass (MTV)
B. The Simpsons
C. SpongeBob SquarePants
D. Surviver
E. The Osbournes

9. What's your favorite movie out of:
A. Not Another Teen Movie
B. Joy Ride
C. I Know What You Did Last Summer
D. Forest Gump
E. Shrek

10. What month were you born?
January February March April May June July August
September October November December

11. Name a person of the opposite sex.

12. Name a person of the same sex.

13. Now make a wish! (you have to write this down or
it won't come true)


1. Green- Fun to be around
Blue- Stylish
Orange- Funky
Black- Lonely
Pink- Sweet

2. Blonde/Dirty Blonde- Hyper
Brown- Causal
Red- Tough
Black- Holds back feelings
Bald or any other color- Free Spirit

3. Hazel- Out Going
Green- Happy
Brown- Loud
Blue- Cute
Gray- Unpredictable

4. Basketball- Direct
Cheer leading- Never Gives Up
Football- Watchful
Soccer- Nice
Baseball- Loveable

5. Phone- Busy a lot of the time
In Person- Social able
Instant Message- A Leader
E-mail- Has a lot of friends
Letters (Mail)- Has many thoughts

6. Rap- Friendly
Country- Cute
Hard Rock- Wild
Pop- unoriginal
General Rock- Pretty cool to hang around

7. Ludacris- Loves to Party
Tim McGraw- Sexy
Ozzy Osbourne- Awesome
N'sync- boring
Shakira- Fun

8. Jackass- Awesome
The Simpsons- Funny
Sponge Bob Square Pants- Cool
Surviver- Adventurous
The Osbournes- Knows how to have a great time

9. Not Another Teen Movie- Knows who they are
Joy Ride- Cool
I Know What You Did Last Summer- Fun
Forest Gump- Has a big heart
Shrek- oRiGinaL

10. January- Funny
February- Loveable
March- Loves to be noticed a lot
April- Easy going
May- Loves to be around a lot of people
June- Stylish
July- Rude
August- A good friend
September- Loves to flirt
October- Strict
November- Nice
December- Sweet

11. That Person Will fall in love with you if you
put this on ur journal

12. This person Will become your enemy if you don't
put this on ur journal

13. This wish Will come true if you put this on ur site


August 22
[ mood | awake ]

wow i didn't know i could get so annoyed by some people! i feel really....annoyed.haha. i don't even want to say why because i don't want to use my livejournal as something that i just complain in all the time..but really its like ... errr i dont want to say it but its kinda annoying how in middle school people change fiends so often...so you don't really know who you friends with...becuase they change so quickly. Also, why are people trying so hard to be who they arn't? everyone is saying to everyone else "don't act like someone you're not" but they them-selfs are doing it? I mean, i can understand that people want certin people to be their friends, but that dosn't mean you have to act different around them! It's pretty awesome that school hasn't even started and everyone is already trying to fit in.
Sorry that im being such complaining baby about this, but...i dont even know...i just wanted to let people know (for once) what i think.



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