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primer gray is the color when you're done dying.

3/6/09 10:12 pm - yeeah.

fuck everyone.






i hope i can get the hell out of here soon.
and i'll never come back.
it'll be perfect.

3/3/09 01:10 pm - weeeeeeeeell

My OkCupid Dating Persona Is...

The Window Shopper

The Priss

Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLD)

View my profile: wildchild1969

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2/26/09 01:39 pm - street hassle

Love is gone away
And theres no one here now
And theres nothing left to say
But, oh, how I miss him, baby
Oh, baby, come on and slip away
Come on, baby, why dont you slip away

Love is gone away
Took the rings off my fingers
And theres nothing left to say
But, oh how, oh how I need him, baby
Come on, baby, I need you baby
Oh, please dont slip away
I need your loving so bad, babe
Please dont slip away





















love this song.
but that part makes me sad.
but makes me feel good at the same time because i feel like lou reed is singing about me.
what an honor.

2/25/09 10:39 pm - death is certain. life is not.

well my good mood didn't last for long now did it.


i think i should run away forever.



fuck everyone.







i'm tired of being lonely.
and wanting to die.
lou reed, cigarettes, and drugs are all i need.




i wish someone wanted me.







































i dyed my hair back to black.

2/25/09 12:41 pm - well.

getting a boy to talk to me is impossible.
it took me 19 years to get one to.
and then he dump my sorry ass when he found something better.
now what?

i have a feeling i won't be talking to anyone for a long while.
and that kinda makes me really sad right now.
because i just want a boy to spend some time with.
and to kiss on.
that's it.


life is better then it was a 2 weeks ago.
but it still really fucking sucks.

since i have nobody to hang out with, i guess i'll just go back to sleep.

2/19/09 06:16 pm - this song was written for me. it's exactly how i feel.

Less Than Nothing


60 watts, brighter than my future,
an empty forty, fuller than my life,
there must be more, sometimes i don't think so,
maybe I'm right. maybe there's no such thing as a brighter side
A sultry night stare at moons from rooftops,
A broken engine, poisoned never dry,
I pour my heart out to a god that doesn't listen,
You said you'd save me. You said you'd love me always but you lied.
And i can't dry my eyes and there is nothing left inside,
one day. the day. the day that i said i,
my heart inside was cold so that you didn't know,
so all and you, you won't love me at all,
the leaves come down,
there is no sound,
and if i fall would you notice at all?
the thought of me repulses me,
but you'd say you took me anyway,
i am so alone on a corroded city rooftop,
i saw you walking, you didn't say anything,
you always told me that you'd never stop loving me,
but you stopped before you started and now all i have is lies.
What am i gonna be?
Who am i gonna be?
afraid,
repressed,
And now that i feel lost,
Well i wish that you had grown
while i bleed all alone,
the falling rain
is what is left for me
Were gonna be
what's left for me
what is there to learn?
there is less than nothing,
i thought you'd be. be there for me
you weren't there. you weren't anywhere.
You lied right to my face
you broke my fucking heart,
One day, one day you tore my heart apart.
And i have nothing,
And i am nothing,
I'm piss,
I'm shit,
i am less than nothing

2/15/09 04:25 pm - kiss me deadly.

what the fuck did i expect?
really.
i can't believe i just did that.


i'm so fucking upset.
it never goes away.
ever.
and i want to cry all the time.
and i feel like shit.

why won't he love me.
what did i do??



















ohkay.
sorry.
this is just really hard.
because no matter how much i try to convince myself, i still love him as much as i did the first time we met.
and it's never going to go away.


i can't believe i looked at his myspace.
i'm so stupid.

i really want some drugs.
like reeeeeeeally.

it's the only thing i love more then him.
&the only thing that will ever take away this feeling that is constant.
i hate everything and everyone.

i just wish i could die.


















someday you will ache like i ache?

yeah.



right.

2/11/09 10:34 am - someday you will ache like i ache.

the truth. the truth is that ive always told the truth. when i broke up with her is had nothing to do with other people. it was my own thing that i needed to do. its hard for me to explain.....to anyone. nobody gets it. im not even sure that i do. i just had this feeling that i needed to do it. i love all you guys up there. and i miss you all very much. that said, i am seeing somebody. it just kinda happened, and it is very recent. like, in the past week. she is not however, my girlfriend. weve just been hanging out. that is not why i changed my myspace aroung and stuff though. i did that for myself because it made it easier for me. what i did was very hard for me. and i think about it all the time. but the more i think about it, the more i realize that i i did the right thing. i am very sorry for hurting anyone. especially that little nugget. but thank you for listening or...... reading.

Keith

2/11/09 10:23 am - so today is the day.

i'm waiting for my mom to get here.
and then we're going to visalia.
i'm picking up my shit.
and then that will be that.

it'll really be over.
forever.

i was a little fucked up last night on my secret stash of meds and i texted him.
so desperate i know.
but one last fuck up.
i said "please be my chicken. i don't want to ever love anyone else but you. your all i can think about."

no response.

i know it's my fault.
i shouldn't have done that.
but some stupid fucked up part of me thought that maybe he'd text me back and tell me how much he loves me and how stupid he was being and he didn't mean it and he misses me and he wants to come back.
wishful thinking.
it never pays.

i had a dream that i was on instant messanger and keith was too and he imed me and we were talking like normal and then all of a sudden he just started saying all these mean things to me and then a webcam window pops up and when it came on it was him and that girl. and they were making out.

i woke up and cried a little bit.
but i didn't want to be sobbing loudly in fear of waking up coco.
so i just sucked it up and went back to bed.

i hurt.
i just can't stop loving him.

lonely and bitter.
it stands for knife, for the rest of my life.

2/9/09 01:14 pm - wow..

as if my life couldn't get any fucking worse.
i now do not have a job.
so i'm jobless. moneyless.
fuck everything and everyone seriously.


everyday it just gets worse.


i really do want to die.
i wouldn't have to deal with anything anymore.
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