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MEL

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[
Thursday
June 19th 2008
time: 2:51
]
I guess the thing stopping that would be that we're not together any longer.

To quote Brian, fffffffffffffffffffffffffuck.
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[
Wednesday
May 14th 2008
time: 12:54
]
I'm not in this to be a fair weather friend. I'm having the best time of my life, and most of my friends don't truly care.


Then again, that's how it is when you grow up. You lose most of your friends and you're left with the ones that actually care or are too scared to let go.


I told Tim I didn't want to be friends anymore. I wish I could tell most people that.



Kevin is keeping me strong right now. I've been with him for a short time, but we know that it's entirely serious. He loves me and I love him. It's all entirely new and I honestly don't care what anybody thinks of it anymore. Once he moves out of Missouri and into San Fran, nothing will stop me from accomplishing every single last thing I've ever wanted.
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. [
Sunday
March 9th 2008
time: 12:32
]
My friends give me headaches. I REALLY hate having to lie. A LOT. I can't tell the truth; well, not when it's embarrassing. Either way I'm hurting myself.
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He wrote me a song [
Friday
February 15th 2008
time: 3:01
]
He took his time writing a song for me. He sat down for four hours and wrote.


He sang it to me and played it on the guitar.




I think I'm happy.
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[
Tuesday
February 5th 2008
time: 2:27
]
I'm dead.
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Supersoak dat what?! [
Thursday
January 10th 2008
time: 12:31
]
Hooray!


Biological Anthro
English
Bio
Photo



Oh hellllllll yeah! What are you taking?
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[
Saturday
December 15th 2007
time: 4:55
]
I'm such a goober.


My "boyfriend" lives in fucking St. Louis.
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I wish [
Friday
November 30th 2007
time: 8:59
]
I could fit everything that I'm feeling into one sentence. Too bad.

I'm going to make a new journal name I think. =/ No one reads this really and I only use this name for communities, so I'll most likely end up switching.
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My mentor [
Tuesday
November 20th 2007
time: 12:35
]
I guess Mr. Thaler was talking about me today. It's kind of nice to know I'm missed.


I really really miss him. He was my mentor in a way. That's what I miss. A mentor. But not just ANY mentor. MY mentor. Mr. Paul F Thaler.



Fucking shit I would like to talk to him. fuck fuckfuckfuck fuck.



Happy Thanksgiving. Be nice to those in retail plz.
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Frustrating [
Friday
September 28th 2007
time: 11:12
]
I've noticed competition tap isn't really made of tap. Just... tricks and turns and a couple flaps here and there. The combination I'm doing right now is just tap. A fuckload of tap that is reallllly fast. I love it. We're doing Don't Be Cruel by Elvis. The teacher, Dennon, is very unapproachable and scary sometimes, but he for sure knows what he's doing, as opposed to Giles. Mrs. Giles is still good, yes, but she was all centered around tricks.


It's really neat though. I love tap.
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Epiphany [
Thursday
September 20th 2007
time: 1:27
]
I just realized two things.


I like my boys to be men.

And I like my men to be unavailable. Which leaves me in a pickle.
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[
Monday
September 3rd 2007
time: 11:57
]
I really wish I could update this with everything that has been going on, but I'd sooner write a novel.







I really don't want to change this much.
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[
Wednesday
August 15th 2007
time: 4:27
]
Seriously. Guys are dumb. I'm sick of the promises. Just tell me you want to have sex and be done. That way no one gets hurt.
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[
Tuesday
July 24th 2007
time: 9:37
]
That's it. I'm moving out on the first. I found a place in TO. Peace out.



Work tomorrow. And the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day. Quite possibly the next, too, but I don't get my schedule that far in advance.




I'm a chem major. Sweet.
I'm also a lover and a pushover.
And a bad bad person.



My grandpa died. And I was excited to go to the Harry Potter release that night.



So sue me. Or cut me from your life for 2 weeks. Thanks mom.




Peace the fuck out.
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The Future Freaks Me Out [
Tuesday
June 26th 2007
time: 12:58
]
I realize that I'm a lonely miserable sad little bitch without her anti depressants, but fuck. I can't even take them because my body rejects them. I've rejected everything lately.


It's ironic that it's going to be about the last time I see most people, but I'm seeing them more than I have before. I turned, not popular exactly, but into something that I've never been. I'm almost outgoing, which I don't see. I get phone calls and IMs and texts. That's the upside.


The down side?

I'm leaving the nest. Dad said I need to be out in 60 days. Today he cut it down to 30. Where do I go? I barely make enough money to support my food/transportation! So, I'm crawling back to Macy*s tomorrow and asking for a job again. I need to make good pay.


I'm pulling my hair out again. Enough said.


My grandpa is dying. My work said I have to schedule around my hours at work to see him. He lives in Santa Monica. I have 2 days off a week. I fucking don't understand people.


My dad's health is deteriorating. He had an ekg today because he thought that he had a heart attack. His chest muscles are becoming weak. The doctor said it's due to stress. The stress I put on him.


Boys saying that they like me. And then they use me for my body and basically ruin the self esteem that I don't even have.





And now my friend from sophomore year wans to get me drunk in TJ. That sounds like a blast.












Someone come over and hug me please? I really need it...
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[
Sunday
June 24th 2007
time: 10:36
]
Wow.


Hello shitty life.
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Mary Melody [
Wednesday
June 6th 2007
time: 10:36
]
Stupid stupid song. I have a "date/undate" this weekend. I want to go, but I don't want to go.


Dance show is this week. I'm stoked. I love the bitchiness in the air. It makes me so happy. I know I'm not a good dancer, but this summer will make me better.

My dad wants me to work a minimum of 35 hours a week. I'm not looking forward to it. Between unlimited dance classes, driving and work, I won't be home. UGHHHH



I don't want things to change.
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[
Wednesday
May 30th 2007
time: 9:38
]
I'm scared.



I don't know what is going on with me right now.
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[
Tuesday
May 29th 2007
time: 9:31
]
Everyone is "super stoked" for graduation. I'm not. I am scared beyond belief. I just want to have another couple of years. I'm not ready.
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[
Saturday
May 26th 2007
time: 11:08
]
I really really miss last year.
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[
Saturday
May 19th 2007
time: 1:33
]
You know how there's so much to say but it's hard to find someone who'll listen? That's how this all is right now. Bigger post later.
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[
Friday
May 11th 2007
time: 11:39
]
Fuck you Paul.
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[
Thursday
May 10th 2007
time: 9:41
]
It's hard when you realize that you've turned to material things to make you feel better. Honestly, how much better can I feel if I know that I have on the most expensive clothes and makeup in the room? It's a nice thing to think about, but that kind of stuff sucks. Checking to see if they wear real Uggs and the right makeup is not what I usually do. Now that I have a job and money, I think that people should take care of themselves, but so what? I know that stuff isn't about the physical.

Let's face it. I still am attracted to his personality. That's all I go for. Then why do looks matter so much in society? To me?
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[
Tuesday
May 1st 2007
time: 10:25
]
God damn it. I love Pokemon.




Dad told me I have to move out as soon as I graduate. Where am I supposed to go?
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Unfortunate [
Saturday
April 14th 2007
time: 5:44
]
I'm going into cosmetology I decided. That's pretty unfortunate.
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