1. Goth rock can not cover phantom of the opera.
2. Speed limits are calculated for safty AND traffic flow. You'll get there just as fast 5 over as you will 15 over.
3. Meryl Streep has a penis.
4. Don't buy a Toyota.
5. Neither videogames nor guns kill people. Unchecked, idiotic male aggression kills people.
6. There's no such thing as an independant.
7. The Mets are doomed.
8. Get less sleep, you don't need so damn much.
9. Banana's, despite their classification as a fruit, aren't good for you.
10. Spend 10 grand on things that make you happy, not fake breasts.
11. I smoke, I work in a fish market. If I can smell your perfume from 15 feet, you should jump off a bridge. Its the only way to get that scent off you.
12. Skydiving is reserved for socially unsure people that think they're boring, so they jump out of a plane. Its a 300 dollar habbit that doesn't even work as a pickup line.
13. Tom Jones is the man.
14. If you can't sing while you're doing it, it probably isn't worth doing.
15. Some people cook fish in their dishwasher. What the fuck.
16. You are entitled to be in an awful mood at any point in time to your liking. I'm entitled to avoid you like the plague whenever I feel like it.
17. Just because you can modulate a song into 7 different keys doesn't mean you should.
18. "Bottle Cleaners" do not clean bottles and are pointless.
19. I just want my orange juice, not a life story.
20. Its never a good idea to get in the Mongoose.
21. Wes Anderson films feel awkward to watch. That's the point.
22. "Far out" is the stupidest phrase ever coined.
23. The Rolling Stones are way too old to be playing the same god damn music.
24. Flight of the Conchords > Tenacious D
25. Kiwis > Brits
26. Neither Black Cod nor Austrailian River Cod are cods, they're perch, making them Black Perch and Austrailian River Perch. Remember this.
27. There's no such fish as Scrod. You've been lied to for years.
28. Lighten up, we're all going to die some horrific death anyway.