Dearest livejournal
Koomo
_bestdeceptions
Today is the yearly time that I browse through some old entries and look back on what I used to feel and think and write.
Just like everytime I see a pessimistic, confused, love desperate, mixed feeling person. And if I could write more like the way I used too, every entry would be happy, satisfied, ranting about how much I love Marlon and what we have. Of corse there would be the occasional wanting to punch something, but never anything short of annoyance.
I knew from the first time I saw him that he was different and possibly someone for me, and to make that feeling even stronger he feels the same for me. We've been together for a good amount of time now and on so many levels he is exactly, and more of what I had been waiting for. With him I have looked past the fear of distance, jealously, awkward family functions, and being my hard headed self. I know that he will keep me happy for a long time to come and it's like this...."you are who i am inside that no one else sees, and i love you for that."

(no subject)
ari
_bestdeceptions
I'm going to first off admit that I am overwhelmingly emotional right now.
I'm afraid of many things, as I always am in life.

I'm not exactly sure of what to think or do at this point.
I played the idiot once, I watched the next idiot absorb it, and now...
that I saw and read what I always thought was true....what the fuck am I suppose to do now?
I've been the other girl, the first girl, the next girl. I am not oblivious to what was.
I can take it in and know it was the past, but being lied too...so sincerely...so emotionally...so believable.
I got the biggest liar, heart lost, backstabbing person out of my life, to think theres another clever liar out there, and I'm in love with them. I just want to walk away, numb. And not even give a fuck.

(no subject)
Koomo
_bestdeceptions
Life has gotten beautiful again.

(no subject)
ari
_bestdeceptions
All my little plans and schemes, lost like some forgotten dream.

Trippin.
Koomo
_bestdeceptions
Even if I should be forgetting and giving up I'm not going to.
This is the only thing that's had me feeling like this in a long time.
I'm learning patience.
And IIII LIIIKKEE YOUUU.

(no subject)
Koomo
_bestdeceptions
I need helppppppppppppppppp.

(no subject)
Koomo
_bestdeceptions
How do you not miss it? How do you not miss me?

Not an hour I wouldn't rather be sitting next to you.

(no subject)
Koomo
_bestdeceptions

ari because its hard to even answer a text from you let alone a call let alone seeing you... let alone seeing a silver mustang without getting anxiety..

This honestly just hurt my feelings more than I think it did the person actually saying it.
I've been there, I don't ever want to make someone feel like this.
How did this even happen?


(no subject)
Koomo
_bestdeceptions

I don't even remember the last time I heard this song, but it felt so good hearing and listening to it tonight. Im happy.


Take this heart of darkness
I give it up
and all the emptiness
you fill it up
the times that i feel nothing
you bring enough
so i can live for something
you lift me up!

and all these bad dreams
I wake up to the light
and when i can't see
I wake up to your eyes
wake me up

There's a light up ahead

(no subject)
I'm dumb
_bestdeceptions
and some days they last longer than others
but this day by the lake went too fast
and if you want me, you better speak up i wont wait
so you better move fast

?

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