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February 16th, 2018

01:58 pm
I'm so sorry. If I have disappointed you, I am destroyed.


January 26th, 2018

02:19 pm - Blood is thicker than water
The first couple of weeks of 2018 were absolutely delightful, I got to see all of my favorite people: New Year's eve on the roof downtown with Hans & crew, dinner with Susan & a show with my favorite musician in Austin, drinking with my friends at the San Antonio Cocktail Conference, and a belated family Christmas my house! Our family reunion was cut short by an ice storm, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.... it's rare that all of us are together at the same time (usually we are missing one of my sister's husbands).

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But the last week has been pretty terrible. I finally decided I'm going to have to look for another job. It's clear I'm going to be eventually replaced. Sucks because I've been at my current position for ten years. It's not terribly urgent; I'll give myself six months to shop around. I can hold on until I find another job I really like (not just take the first thing I find), but it's definitely happening.

The problem is that my second-in-command GB is my boss' wife's nephew. L brought GB on after he graduated three years ago. L told me that his eventual plan was that GB & I would take over the business together and he would fully retire due to his medical issues. GB is an entitled millenial (don't get me started on how this is GB's first job and they are paying him as much as I am making) and he knows the business will eventually be his. If he was NICE, I wouldn't mind him as a true partner, but GB is an arrogant jackass. He's called me lazy and stupid in front of the technicians (you can list many negative adjectives to describe me, but those are not two of them). His abuse has gotten worse in the last few months and I just can't take it anymore.

Sadly, I know if I went to my boss/owner L, he'd come to my defense.... we've gotten close in the past ten years, and we built this business together from the ground up. Unfortunately this is his wife's FAVORITE nephew, and I don't want to cause problems between the two of them. :(

Needless to say, I'm very stressed out. I don't think I've written a resume.... ever?? I've always gotten jobs before from personal connections. And leaving this job means I lose my cushy five-minute commute and I will probably take a 30% pay cut. I've already cancelled my summer vacation (Vietnam) because I want to keep my savings in case I impulsively quit one day before I find another position.

In the meantime I'll just bite my tongue and try to stay positive at work. I'm not telling anyone at the office, even the employees I love. (And really, I love all of them). I know the employees are all going to be sad, we really are a family and I work hard to maintain a fun workplace. This really, really sucks.

Sorry to be such a downer. I wish I had some happy news to report. At least tonight is my last night on call? I'm supposed to be on a half-dryuary, but I may just fuck that this weekend and see if the ladies want to get together for a drunken group hug, I need it. Wish you were here xoxo

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Nite - I Long 4 U

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January 7th, 2018

03:47 pm
I don't want to just play a game anymore. I want it to be real. I want to sit next to you and talk to you and hold your hand. xoxo


December 31st, 2017

12:52 am - Auld Lang Syne
The rest of the December meme:

December 25 → a photo of you and your family
Mom brought me our old family photo albums, so that I can start scanning in photos to share with my brother & sisters. Since it is the Christmas Day question, here's our very last family photo Christmas card (1978, I think)

And a bonus pic: we didn't have a lot of money growing up, so my mom sewed our clothes.... every Easter me & my sisters would all get a dress from the same pattern (mine would be pink, Nancy's yellow, and Sarah's blue). One summer (1979?) she made us all swimsuits out of the same piece of fabric:

December 26 → talk about politics or current events this year
can I pass on this one?

December 27 → 3 goals for next year
I'm going to repeat two I failed on from last year: my book-a-week pledge (I've already picked out the first one, Word by Word) and I need to find a contractor for some major repairs on the house (kitchen & master bathroom). Third: I promised myself I would buy a new car this year, because my truck turns 21 in February.... I honestly have no idea what I want!! I need to start shopping, otherwise my truck won't start one day and I'll walk around the corner to the Toyota dealership at the entrance to my neighborhood and impulsively buy whatever is on the lot.

December 28 → your plans for New Years Eve
I'm supposed to go downtown with friends to the roof of my pal Hans' condo building; the 35th floor has a great view of the fireworks show. But the weather is supposed to be awful; the fireworks may be cancelled due to freezing rain? There is a city festival downtown (starring Pat Benatar and REO Speedwagon LOL) so we may just wander around. Sadly I have no one to kiss at midnight :/

December 29 → talk about things you are excited for next year
YIKES I've got nothing!! you know, 2017 slipped through my fingers... I've never had a year go by so fast. It seemed like I was always putting out fires or reeling from the last punch. Half the time when I made plans I had to cancel them last-minute... I never even used up all of my vacation time? I don't think it was a bad year overall, just crazy; I was definitely along for the ride instead of driving the train. I'd like to change that next year, for sure. I don't have any plans yet for 2018 but I need to make some, immediately.

December 30 → a list of what you got for your winter holiday
Well I had the Christmas weekend off (the first time in five years), and mom came to visit, which was a treat. Mom gave me some cozy pajamas and socks (I guess you are truly an adult if you are excited about new socks!!), and a pretty amber ring. One of my coworkers gave me a bright patchwork jacket, which isn't my style AT ALL, but I love it.... I think I look like a hobbit when I wear it. :D


December 31 → best moment of the month
The snow! It only snows in San Antonio about every ten years (the last time was 2011). It snowed for a full three hours on December 7. It was after dark, so we couldn't fully enjoy it, but it stuck around and was still in my yard the next morning. So pretty. I don't want to live anywhere that it snows, but it is so much fun to visit. :)
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It's not the end, it's the beginning!! Happy New Year, I hope to see you in 2018 xoxo

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Royksopp - True to Life

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December 24th, 2017

11:51 pm - Not a creature was stirring....
mom is asleep & puppies are asleep, so quickly let me catch up:

December 14 → something that made you proud this year:
personally, nothing? But I am very proud of my friends/employees Hazard and Felicia... who are both single moms raising children successfully alone. They essentially do my job for a fraction of the pay, then go home and take care of their families, and they never complain. I feel like a big spoiled baby when I compare my charmed life to theirs.

December 15 → something that made you laugh this year:
I laugh a lot! I am very rarely serious. The funniest thing I saw this week? (very NSFW language)... AND PUPPIES!

EDIT: I also thought our nude flasher in July was hilarious. We got a visit today from a detective; the "Stone Oak Streaker" now has 30 reported appearances in our area this fall. They came in to get our video/pictures, because the police think they have finally identified him and they are bringing him in for questioning. :D

December 16 → something that made you sad this year:
I lost several friends this year... John, Christine, and most importantly Megan (sacredwater). I still think about her all the time. I wonder how much of it was my fault, how much we have in common, how it might have ended differently, how it might end the same. Also very sad was the sudden passing of my two-year-old kitty Bartacus.

December 17 → something that made you happy this year:
Reconciling with my old bff Kaydacat & her husband Mau after 6 long years of estrangement. I saw Kcat over the summer, then had dinner with both of them when they passed through town about two weeks ago. It was a very happy reunion, like no time had passed at all. :)

December 18 → your favorite photo this year:
my baby Bartacus, about a month before he died... perched on the fence of the vegetable garden. He was a climber :)

December 19 → what you learned this year:
I am replaceable.

December 20 → a picture of you taken over 20 years ago:
Mid-1970's (I think I am three in this pic) and 1993 with my siblings (I think this is my brother's college/AFROTC graduation).

December 21 → your favorite websites this year:
Well, if you base it on the amount of time wasted: Facebook. I deleted my Twitter and Instagram last year. (I still have a LinkedIn, I think?). I believe there are a lot of positive things about social media, but I agree with the studies that show it can be terrible for your self-esteem as well. My friend MiMi deactivates her FB for a week about 3-4 times a year, I think that's a great idea. However, I'd permanently delete my Facebook tomorrow if you told me I had to choose between FB or Amazon Prime!! I'm so lazy, I have my kitty litter delivered next day rather than carrying it out to the car from the store :D

December 22 → new items you’ve added to collections this year:
I'm not going to count books or CD's.... I buy one new Christmas ornament every year, and this year it was an orange starfish. (Ooops I lied in question 2) I also remembered I bought *one* travel souvenir this year, a miniature Thor figurine from Iceland. He sits on my desk.

December 23 → travel you did this year: Iceland in February, Dallas in May, Charleston in November, and Houston a few times. Nothing firm planned yet for the upcoming year; roomie would like to go back to Germany, and HG is interested in Burning Man. Hmmm so where should I go next? I can always use a new travel partner :D

the rest of the meme...Collapse )

Merry Christmas xoxo
Current Mood: festive
Current Music: Hurts - Sunday

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December 21st, 2017

11:53 pm - Moppin' around the Christmas tree
Mom is coming for Christmas weekend! A surprise (I figured we were going to visit one of my sisters instead) so now I'm in panic mode because my house has to be clean in 48 hours, and I'm on call until Saturday 8am. I tried to work on the December meme a bit this afternoon, but the middle batch of questions is more difficult, so I did laundry instead. :)

December 13 → talk about hobbies this year:
Hmmm. I wish I had something productive or humanitarian to report. I like to ride my bike, play with my kitties, travel to new places, drink with my friends, and kill plants in my garden. *yawn* I know. Occasionally when deleting excess files off my phone I make a video. :)

will catch up soon xoxo
Current Mood: working
Current Music: Hurts - Silver Lining

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December 12th, 2017

11:42 pm - I want to be one
Yikes the rest of this week I have holiday/social engagements, then I go on-call starting Saturday night, so I'd better squeeze out a few more days of the December meme while I have time!!

December 07 → talk about music this year:
Since I love to travel, I usually try to make it to a music festival every year, but this year I didn't have to go far... just to Dallas for Convergence XXIII to see my favorite band :D Hmmm I'd say the new album I played most this year was Lionhearts, I'm looking forward to the remixed version coming out in a few weeks... I need some new music. :p

December 08 → talk about games this year:
Ummmm nothing. I haven't played a game on my xbox since I finished the Borderlands pre-sequel two years ago. I loved that whole series though, if they ever come out with another one I would definitely play it.

December 09 → talk about art this year:
I don't produce any art of my own. I'm about as unimaginative and left-brained as you can get. I have all kinds of artistic and creative friends, I'm in awe of their talents, really... and frankly a tiny bit jealous too.

December 10 → a photo of you taken over ten years ago:
Two terrible low-quality pics from summer 2004ish**. I think the first photo is at Sin 13/Atomix, and the second one is at the Flying Saucer? I chose these two photos because they both have sacredwater in them, and because I still keep in touch with all of these people, after all these years. :)

Marina, me, Susan, Phox, Megan
**LOL I dated these pictures by my hair color. My hair has been every color of the rainbow but was only black for a short time in 2004.

December 11 → talk about volunteering/charity this year:
I fostered rescue pets for the Animal Defense League. I signed up after Hurricane Harvey because I wanted to do something for my hometown of Houston... I got one litter of hurricane rescue kitties in September, and another litter during peak kitten season in October. I'll definitely do it again once my schedule is back to normal (I timed my foster sessions during my off-call three weeks, so I'd have more time to spend with them). My cat Kaiser *loved* having playmates to chase around the house. I might even consider a puppy? (maybe, I've never had one before)


December 12 → talk about this year in medical news:
As far as I know, I'm healthy as a horse. No complaints except my worsening vision. My grandparents all drank and smoked and ate lard happily into their 90's, I hope I'm so lucky to live that long. Tranny cat was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy Thanksgiving of 2016, but one year later he's very stable on 3 meds.

The rest of the meme...Collapse )
Good night, sleep tight xoxo
Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: Paramore - Still into you

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December 6th, 2017

01:08 am - I'm a kook in the kitchen
Up late prepping dinner for ladies' nite Wednesday.... so I'll chip away at zhelana's meme while everything is in the oven! :D

December 01 → a picture of you taken this year:
ummm the last selfies of me on my phone are from the bathroom at Hanzo a month ago. (it is a really awesome bathroom)


December 02 → your holiday wish list:
Tangible/material items? None. I've gotten rid of much more this year than I purchased. I'm in a downsizing mood. I don't really collect anything (except maybe CDs); I don't even buy souvenirs when I travel anymore. My siblings and I agreed many years ago that we wouldn't exchange obligatory holiday presents; the real gift is just to spend time with them. :) I still buy gifts for the nieces/nephew and mom; I'm thinking about buying mom one of those DNA/Ancestry kits for Xmas, I think she'd really like it.

December 03 → talk about movies this year:
Ummm I really enjoyed Blade Runner? And I'd like to see Guillermo Del Toro's the Shape of Water sometime this month. My pal HG and I crashed Fantastic Fest back in September. And for Paul's Xmas present I bought the two of us tickets to see Master Pancake this coming Saturday, I'm very excited about it.

December 04 → talk about television this year:
I watch very little TV, I should just cut off my cable (I know I already promised I would do this). Ladies' night is technically "tv night" at my house because we run some program in the background while we eat and drink wine (this year we watched Fargo, American Gods, and Project Runway) but the rest of the week my TV is rarely turned on. I do love Game of Thrones (even though they killed my favorite character, Littlefinger). I've finally started watching Stranger Things during slow times of my on-call nights.

December 05 → talk about books this year:
GRRR. I started 2017 SO STRONG, reading a book a week! But I fizzled out and disappointed myself. I'm always buying books and half reading them... I put them down for a few days, then forget where I was, and have to start all over again. I'll probably renew this resolution come the first of the year, mom usually gives me a few books at Christmas.

December 06 → talk about food this year:
I'm an amateur vegetarian. My biggest obstacle is my roomie, who is a committed carnivore, and who constantly criticizes my choice. I always consider it a huge success when I cook a vegetarian meal the roomie approves of!! I've struggled with dairy (giving up cheese is harder than giving up meat) but I did successfully replace my yogurt addiction with KOMBUCHA, which I looove, and I bottled my first home-made kombucha batch a week ago!! :D

the rest of the meme...Collapse )

AH!! Perfect timing!! The veggies for tonight's dinner are finished roasting and it's time to assemble my casserole. Gotta run XOXO

Current Mood: busy busy busy
Current Music: Monarchy - Almost Human

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December 3rd, 2017

11:52 pm
zhelana's December meme, for those of you who need suggestions (like me, I'm rusty)
List under the cut....Collapse )

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November 30th, 2017

02:48 pm - Hold your breath and count to three
Well, I missed the traditional Happy-Thanksgiving post, so I hope you had wonderful family time. I usually work on Christmas instead of Thanksgiving, but this year my holidays were swapped, so I had Thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house and then immediately started my on-call week. I am very sad about not having Thanksgiving leftovers all weekend!! I am far behind my usual annual intake of pumpkin pie. And yes, while everyone loves to rank pies, there is no question in my mind that PUMPKIN PIE REIGNS SUPREME ABOVE ALL OTHER KINDS OF PIE (this is not negotiable), so I must work on satisfying my quota next week.

My pre-Thanksgiving spontaneous vacation to Charleston with my mother was delightful. Mom and I hadn't taken a vacation together since 2014 (Prague-Budapest-Vienna), and unless things change this may be the last big trip we take together. She's 76 now and in great health, but she had a back injury last year that laid her up for six months, and she's never fully recovered her strength. She walks flat surfaces pretty well but gets tired very easily. Most days on our vacation we would get up for a big breakfast, go do something touristy, then come back in the afternoon for her to nap/rest before a fancy early dinner. I'd be off after dark to explore on my own (no biggie, Charleston has a incredible cocktail/rooftop evening scene downtown). She's promised she will ask her doc about a short course of physical therapy at her next appointment, I think she would definitely benefit from it.


Oh but back to Charleston, what a surprise. I didn't really know much about the city before we left (I read the tour guide on the plane). But the historical district on the peninsula is about a mile across, and about 1.5miles north-south, so everything is very walkable (we didn't rent a car). The weather was clear and in the 60's. We were kind of in-between the prettiest tourist seasons (not all the summer flowers were still blooming, but the Christmas decorations weren't up yet). If I ever go back again, I would go a month earlier or later, plus I'd add in a day trip to Savannah (only 90 miles away) and the beach at Hilton Head (30 minutes). You could easily spend a week in the region.

(so many pictures to upload but I must get ready for work! More later)
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What is AMAZING about Charleston is how well preserved it is.... the city of Charleston was founded on a charter of religious freedom (they had no puritans) so there are pretty old churches every few blocks (even the only French Huguenot church in North America). In the early 1900's they passed a law saying that no building downtown could be taller than a church spire, so the tallest buildings are only seven floors high (the best rooftop bars are there). Also any building 75 years or older cannot not be torn down.... if damaged by termites or hurricane it must be restored. (if you buy an old house to use as an office building or store you can remodel the inside, but the outside but still look like the traditional Charleston style). So when you are walking downtown you can imagine it looked the same 100 years ago (minus the cars, of course)!! New Orleans has a similar style/flavor (Charleston has a French Quarter), but Charleston is honestly superior because of how they have prevented the invastion of modern architecture. Even most of the hotels are boutique inns or B&Bs instead of large chain hotels. (We stayed at the Elliott House, which had a courtyard garden breakfast and afternoon wine/cheese happy hour).

I won't bore you with the touristy details, but we did all the standard stuff including a visit to a nearby plantation, the wine bar with adoptable cats, a boat trip through the harbor (they have dolphins!) past Fort Sumner, and a narrated carriage ride. The *best* thing we did was a private tour of some historic homes/gardens by two very southern ladies (video above) that finished with lunch in our host's formal dining room, on her family china, overlooking the park. I can't recommend this tour enough, these ladies are hilarious and well-informed. They even snuck us into the 20-million-dollar SwordGate house (they are friends with the caretaker, the owner only lives there one month a year).

Totally unrelated: watching for the Charleston tour video sent me down a YouTube rabbit hole looking for new music. I don't know how I've missed this Monarchy video since 2013 (very NSFW) but I'm obsessed with this song now and it's been my stay-awake-in-the-middle-of-night-jam this week... Probably because it reminds me of someone I want to see again. XOXO

Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: Monarchy ft Dita Von Teese - Disintegration

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November 6th, 2017

11:45 pm - working title
Yes, yes, I've been absent.... I've fallen off since the summer, but that doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you, quite the opposite! I don't know really what to talk about tonight, but I'm wide awake after watching a scary bear movie, so I figured I would start typing and see what came out :)


Going on vacation with my mom next week... her family is about as quintessentially south Texas as you can get. My grandfather was the chairman of a trucking business and a part-time cattle rancher. He had a herd out in San Diego (Tx), and I grew up eating cows that me & my cousins had played with and given pet names to. Of course all the men in my family were hunters; my grandfather owned several hundred acres out by Kerrville where they would go every autumn for deer season. To this day, my cousins are still avid hunters, they think it is hilarious that now I am an amateur vegetarian and feed the friendly deer that wander through my backyard.

My grandparents had taxidermied deer heads mounted all around their living room.... they would put red foil on their noses at Christmastime for the kiddos. :D One time my grandmother was cleaning and bumped against a wall, knocking a deer head off and the antlers IMPALED HER IN THE BACK!! REVENGE FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!! LOL She recovered, of course.... she was a tough old broad. She also ran over her foot once with the lawnmower and chopped off several toes. :D

granny and grandpa mid-1990s. He died 2003 and she died 2015. They were fucking AWESOME and I miss them terribly.

But I digress. My point is that not all Texans love guns (for my international readers: only about 30% of Americans own guns, despite what the media may represent). I've never held a gun and I can't imagine any reason why I would ever own one. Having a gun around doesn't make me feel safe; it makes me feel less safe, I am scared of them. I'm sure you have all seen on the news the incident that happened yesterday near San Antonio where a young man barged into a church and killed 26 parishoners. I don't understand; I've never been angry enough to want to kill another person. This event has been particularly upsetting to me for many reasons, not just the proximity to my home; I'm always most disturbed by violence in schools or churches because you presume those are sacred and insulated spaces. I certainly don't know the answer to gun violence in the US but I can't think of any good reason why semi-automatic or automatic weapons should be legal for private ownership; you aren't hunting doves or defending your home with an assault rifle.

Human beings are emotional and IMPULSIVE, if they have easy access to weapons they can make an irrational decision with irreversable consequences that they will regret later. A relevant example? One of my employees was killed in a domestic dispute last week. He stopped in the middle of his southside delivery route to say hello to his son practicing football (news) and got in an argument with his ex-wife and her new boyfriend. He stabbed the new boyfriend, and boyfriend's pal unloaded NINE bullets into the scuffle, killing my employee. AWFUL. (Why both of these men were armed at a children's sports park baffles me.) I'm so SO grateful that no bystanders or children were killed. What should have just been a nasty exchange of insults turned into one person dead and one in the ICU because they were armed. :(

GRRR I'm all worked up now. Sorry if I pissed you off. I'm a pussycat so I always feel like I have to apologize for having an opinion about anything controversial. At any rate, I'm glad that I am going on vacation soon... originally mom was just going to come here and hang out for a few days, but on Saturday I asked her if she wanted to go anywhere, and she said "San Diego or Charleston!!" I luckily found some cheap last-minute plane tickets and we are on our way out of town this weekend. YUM I see biscuits, collard greens, and grits in my future :D mmmm but I still would rather nibble on you, my sweet prince XOXO
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Wolfsheim - Closer Still

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October 28th, 2017

04:06 am
I think about you all the time.
When will you be mine


October 24th, 2017

01:02 am
silly rabbit I don't want to wait another 6 months to see you again


October 22nd, 2017

11:59 pm - In the midnight hour
This wasn't planned, really.... but while deleting cat pictures off of my phone tonight (to free up space for new cat pictures) I figured I had enough snippets to make a September. It's rather dull but at least I posted something, I've been off for a while :p

Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Iris - Guide on Raging Stars

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October 5th, 2017

11:09 pm - Harvest Moon
My boss would be pissed if he knew I was wandering around the parking lot in the middle of the night....


We are under the same full moon XOXO

Current Mood: working hard/hardly working
Current Music: VNV Nation - Nova

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September 9th, 2017

11:30 pm - retrospective
I was born in the dark.

It was a new moon.... and there was a massive electrical outage in town, in the days before everyone had emergency generators. The hospital hadn't had power for two hours... I was born under flashlights and laid in a crib with hot water bottles.


Me & two of my siblings were born at that hospital... they take your photo immediately after delivery. My siblings are crying and puffy and misshapen in their birth portraits, while I am sweet and glowing.... because my photo wasn't taken for several hours. My mother has all three pictures, and if you didn't know the story, you would assume I was some sort of angelic special baby.

But I am not special. I am timid and indecisive. You are special. As much as I want you, I don't think I deserve your attention. XOXO

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Death Cab for Cutie - I will follow you into the dark

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September 4th, 2017

03:30 am - step right through the door
WHAT!! Two posts in two days? Well now, keep your panties on. Don't go expecting this kind of thing.... I'm just a little wired. I had cocktails with my friend Hans in the evening, then pizza with the Moodys at midnight, then rode shotgun with my roomie while we drove around looking for gas (we finally found some but waited 30 minutes at 2am), and now I'm still wide awake!!

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I love the Moodys bunches though I'm sure it seems strange we are even friends. They got married at 18, right after graduating from a Christian high school, and had a bucketful of kids. I think they are hilarious and adorable. We don't get to hang out much because of their responsibilities but I always have a lot of fun when we do.

Plus Mrs M and I had a lot to talk about... we are both recent converts to extended fasting. A friend of mine had recently suggested it to me... I was complaining about gaining a few pounds over the summer (until this week it's been too dang hot to exercise outside) and my worsening eczema problem. I read up on the metabolic and immune benefits of fasting (this book is a good resource) and figured I had nothing to lose.... so I tried a seven-day fast last month and I felt GREAT. It was easy; the carb withdrawal in the first 24 hours can be difficult, but once you are in ketosis you feel fine and have lots of energy. I lost several pounds and my skin cleared up. Mrs M has a teenager with a severe seizure disorder that is now completely controlled by periodic fasting and a ketogenic diet... previously she was on a complicated cocktail of drugs. Now I figure I'll just fast once monthly (during my on-call week, when I am isolated from food anyways) for a while and see how this goes. I'm beginning to seriously believe that this is the way humans are genetically programmed to eat (feast or famine). I know, I know, it sounds like an eating disorder, but it really isn't. Plus I like food too much to have an eating disorder :D

I'd post about it on FB but I know that would just entice the trolls. You really can't have any kind of controversial (or mainstream, really) opinion anymore without inviting drama. I've abandoned politics on FB but still managed to get into a heated exchange with some libertarian friends today about how EXCITED they were about pharmacies in Colorado dispensing birth control without a prescription. Ugh. As a medical professional, I think this is a terrible idea!! Yes, I understand their arguments... that women don't need a pap smear every year (true) and pills are generally safe (true) and that it can be difficult for some women to get annual exams, because they are rural/unemployed/busy/indigent/whatever. But just because you don't need a pap smear every single year doesn't mean you NEVER need one. I'm just afraid this option is going to be abused by irresponsible teenagers, who are going to wind up with cervical cancer and undiagnosed STDs. I have a better option... want to improve access to birth control? Require the medical exam, but make the prescription valid for three years instead of one year. See how easy that is?? I know, I know... I'm biased but all of my female patients under the age of 30 are dying of cervical cancer. :( grrrr

oh wow I thought pecking away at the keyboard for a bit would make me sleepy... but now I'm even MORE worked up. Huh. Too bad there isn't someone here that I could take out all this excess energy on. :p Sweet dreams ~ XOXO

Current Mood: too bouncy for 3am
Current Music: Depeche Mode - welcome to my world

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September 3rd, 2017

02:40 am - Katrina and the Waves
Howdy LJ! So nice to be off for the Labor Day weekend... so time to catch up, I have missed you :)

A few of you who know I live in south Texas have messaged me... yes, San Antonio escaped mostly unscathed from Hurricane Harvey. Even though the eye of the hurricane was parked closest to SA, the counter-clockwise spin meant everyone else around us (everything coastal, Houston to the east, and Austin to the north) got much more rain than we did. My mom in west Houston and my sister in Bryan/College station both got three feet of rain but live in higher parts of town, so neither flooded or lost power. We had asked my stubborn 75-year-old mother to evacuate in advance to my sister in Dallas, but she refused... she's lived in Katy for almost 40 years and never had more than a few broken tree branches, so she decided to sit it out. Miraculously only about 50 people died in the flooding, but hurricane Harvey is on track now to be the most expensive natural disaster in US history. Here in SA we have a massive gas shortage caused by panic/hysteria (90% of gas stations in SA were closed today... I only have a full tank because I fueled up at 3am last night).

* * * * * * * * *

Back in 2005 I was in-between jobs when Hurricane Katrina hit NOLA, so I volunteered full-time for the Red Cross for a month. San Antonio took in 25-30K refugees, and about 10K were processed through the two shelters at Kelly Air Force Base. I worked as the night shift supervisor at Kelly shelter 1536, a converted warehouse filled with lines of cots; my biggest responsibility was taking care of ~100 elderly evacuees waiting for nursing home placement. They were all very sweet and appreciative (I got the impression most of them lived alone and had no close relatives, it was heartbreaking). In the first few weeks, about 200-300 people/families would leave every day as social workers found them found permanent housing and new jobs. Emotions ran high (people were obviously sad about not being able to return to NOLA, and anxious about their new homes here in SA) but everyone was thankful for the help and my job was very rewarding.

But it wasn't an entirely positive experience. After about a month, as the population trickled down, the environment in the shelter dramatically changed. All the residents had been given >$3000 cash, bus passes, food stamps, and unemployment checks, but there was a fraction of them that were belligerent/ungrateful/demanding. Basically their needs (food/shelter) were being taken care of, so they wanted to just blow their cash and stay at the shelter instead of moving on to other (free) housing. We started to have daily arrests for prostitution, selling drugs, child abandonment, assault, sexual assault, and public intoxication; they installed metal detectors at the doors and increased the police/security staff (even though there were much fewer residents). I didn't even feel safe walking in from the parking lot at night... that's when I quit. They closed my shelter shortly afterwards and combined the leftover residents from the four SA shelters into one location.

not my picture, but this is my Kelly AFB shelter in 200

For hurricane Harvey, I wanted to do something for my hometown of Houston, so I applied to take in rescue animals from the Humane Society and the Animal Defense League. Sadly/Happily they've been overwhelmed with volunteers and so nobody has called me yet *sniff* even though I am an excellent candidate!! I have a spare bedroom for the rescues and I am very good at giving pettings and kisses.... of course you would know that if you ever saw me in person XOXO

Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: VNV Nation - Tempest

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September 2nd, 2017

12:38 am

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August 10th, 2017

04:10 pm - Correlation does not imply causation
Howdy LJ. I'm on-call until 8am Saturday morning, so I started writing this catch-up entry overnight... then slept through some awful news this morning. So excuse the rather irregular/disjointed tone of this post. :/

1. So another friend of mine has committed suicide... we called her Flout (her old DJ name). She was the ex-wife of my friend Jon (who died in January) and a good friend of M (who died in April). She joined the Army in 2011... and came back from Iraq & Afghanistan with terrible PTSD. She got a medical discharge from the army earlier this year, and just moved back to San Antonio two months ago, to be with her parents. Yes, she was sick, but she seemed to be doing better? She was in school, and we were planning a repeat Sagittarius birthday party at my house in December. Sadly because I've been working so much this summer, I hadn't seen her in the past two months since she returned... we were always missing each other (I was on call during her homecoming party and Hans' pool party, she was out of town at Martin's birthday, etc). I was excited to have a new girlfriend back in town. It hasn't really sunk in yet... I'm completely in shock.

I'm very worried now about one of my friends, in the same social circle, who has flirted with suicide repeatedly in the past. He's been depressed and made jokes about it in the past year... it wasn't funny at the time but it is disturbing now in retrospect. I don't read people well so I never know when he's just kidding. I called him this morning, expressed my concerns, and told him he's welcome to move into my guest bedroom at a moment's notice. Then I told him I would re-murder his dead body if he committed suicide so that he knew I was serious. I don't want to lose him. :/

christine.jpg christine2.jpg

2. The boss came back in to town for two weeks in July and gave me a much-needed break... I'm still too busy to take vacation but he gave me a few afternoons off for my mental health, and I went TUBING!! Back in the day, I used to go tubing almost every other weekend in the summer with my gal pals... but Brookie is now married with kids, Phox moved to Austin, and Kcat moved to Killeen... so I hadn't been in years. It's very therapeutic.

FYI if you are ever interested in Texas tubing, you should totally float down the Comal. I know the Guadalupe is more exciting (more rapids) and the Frio is more scenic, but because they are true rivers, the water is warm (80's) and too low during the hot summer. The Comal is spring fed, so the water is clear and cool (70-72 refreshing!!) and it never closes due to flow issues. Plus the Comal has a stone bottom instead of grass, so if you hang your legs through the tube they don't drag through the muck. The Comal is highly superior! You know, if you are stressed out about world politics, it's very relaxing. And if you wanted to go, I already have the inflatable floating cooler... ;)

3. Of course, the boss is now gone again for another month... the two weeks he was here? Delightful. But the minute he leaves, the shit hits the fan. He left on Sunday last week... on Monday two employees quit (one pregnant, one moving to Houston), Tuesday we had a naked man give my front desk a helicopter show (surveillance pics), Wednesday another employee had a car accident, and Thursday we lost a major client. Funny because the boss doesn't really work much, but he is clearly my good luck charm, I need him to come back STAT!! I don't like all this work drama. :D

office2.jpg office11.jpg

4. Kitten is freaking adorable and helping me type this entry right now. No name yet, but I think it's down to Leo or Simon. Paul insists that no matter what name I choose, he's gonna call the kitten "Crom", the god of Conan. I think it is a clever play on "chrome" because he is gray, but I still hate it LOL.


oh wow I have so much more half-written (I know, I've been lax about posting) but I must get ready for work. I have Saturday-Monday off so I'll finish up in my free time... I'm going to Austin on Saturday night for a housewarming party, but I wish I had an invitation to stay the whole weekend. When will you be mine XOXO

Current Mood: busy busy busy
Current Music: Lefty Frizzell - I Love You a Thousand Ways

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