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September 9th, 2017

11:30 pm - retrospective
I was born in the dark.

It was a new moon.... and there was a massive electrical outage in town, in the days before everyone had emergency generators. The hospital hadn't had power for two hours... I was born under flashlights and laid in a crib with hot water bottles.


Me & two of my siblings were born at that hospital... they take your photo immediately after delivery. My siblings are crying and puffy and misshapen in their birth portraits, while I am sweet and glowing.... because my photo wasn't taken for several hours. My mother has all three pictures, and if you didn't know the story, you would assume I was some sort of angelic special baby.

But I am not special. I am timid and indecisive. You are special. As much as I want you, I don't think I deserve your attention. XOXO

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Death Cab for Cutie - I will follow you into the dark

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September 4th, 2017

03:30 am - step right through the door
WHAT!! Two posts in two days? Well now, keep your panties on. Don't go expecting this kind of thing.... I'm just a little wired. I had cocktails with my friend Hans in the evening, then pizza with the Moodys at midnight, then rode shotgun with my roomie while we drove around looking for gas (we finally found some but waited 30 minutes at 2am), and now I'm still wide awake!!

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I love the Moodys bunches though I'm sure it seems strange we are even friends. They got married at 18, right after graduating from a Christian high school, and had a bucketful of kids. I think they are hilarious and adorable. We don't get to hang out much because of their responsibilities but I always have a lot of fun when we do.

Plus Mrs M and I had a lot to talk about... we are both recent converts to extended fasting. A friend of mine had recently suggested it to me... I was complaining about gaining a few pounds over the summer (until this week it's been too dang hot to exercise outside) and my worsening eczema problem. I read up on the metabolic and immune benefits of fasting (this book is a good resource) and figured I had nothing to lose.... so I tried a seven-day fast last month and I felt GREAT. It was easy; the carb withdrawal in the first 24 hours can be difficult, but once you are in ketosis you feel fine and have lots of energy. I lost several pounds and my skin cleared up. Mrs M has a teenager with a severe seizure disorder that is now completely controlled by periodic fasting and a ketogenic diet... previously she was on a complicated cocktail of drugs. Now I figure I'll just fast once monthly (during my on-call week, when I am isolated from food anyways) for a while and see how this goes. I'm beginning to seriously believe that this is the way humans are genetically programmed to eat (feast or famine). I know, I know, it sounds like an eating disorder, but it really isn't. Plus I like food too much to have an eating disorder :D

I'd post about it on FB but I know that would just entice the trolls. You really can't have any kind of controversial (or mainstream, really) opinion anymore without inviting drama. I've abandoned politics on FB but still managed to get into a heated exchange with some libertarian friends today about how EXCITED they were about pharmacies in Colorado dispensing birth control without a prescription. Ugh. As a medical professional, I think this is a terrible idea!! Yes, I understand their arguments... that women don't need a pap smear every year (true) and pills are generally safe (true) and that it can be difficult for some women to get annual exams, because they are rural/unemployed/busy/indigent/whatever. But just because you don't need a pap smear every single year doesn't mean you NEVER need one. I'm just afraid this option is going to be abused by irresponsible teenagers, who are going to wind up with cervical cancer and undiagnosed STDs. I have a better option... want to improve access to birth control? Require the medical exam, but make the prescription valid for three years instead of one year. See how easy that is?? I know, I know... I'm biased but all of my female patients under the age of 30 are dying of cervical cancer. :( grrrr

oh wow I thought pecking away at the keyboard for a bit would make me sleepy... but now I'm even MORE worked up. Huh. Too bad there isn't someone here that I could take out all this excess energy on. :p Sweet dreams ~ XOXO

Current Mood: too bouncy for 3am
Current Music: Depeche Mode - welcome to my world

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September 3rd, 2017

02:40 am - Katrina and the Waves
Howdy LJ! So nice to be off for the Labor Day weekend... so time to catch up, I have missed you :)

A few of you who know I live in south Texas have messaged me... yes, San Antonio escaped mostly unscathed from Hurricane Harvey. Even though the eye of the hurricane was parked closest to SA, the counter-clockwise spin meant everyone else around us (everything coastal, Houston to the east, and Austin to the north) got much more rain than we did. My mom in west Houston and my sister in Bryan/College station both got three feet of rain but live in higher parts of town, so neither flooded or lost power. We had asked my stubborn 75-year-old mother to evacuate in advance to my sister in Dallas, but she refused... she's lived in Katy for almost 40 years and never had more than a few broken tree branches, so she decided to sit it out. Miraculously only about 50 people died in the flooding, but hurricane Harvey is on track now to be the most expensive natural disaster in US history. Here in SA we have a massive gas shortage caused by panic/hysteria (90% of gas stations in SA were closed today... I only have a full tank because I fueled up at 3am last night).

* * * * * * * * *

Back in 2005 I was in-between jobs when Hurricane Katrina hit NOLA, so I volunteered full-time for the Red Cross for a month. San Antonio took in 25-30K refugees, and about 10K were processed through the two shelters at Kelly Air Force Base. I worked as the night shift supervisor at Kelly shelter 1536, a converted warehouse filled with lines of cots; my biggest responsibility was taking care of ~100 elderly evacuees waiting for nursing home placement. They were all very sweet and appreciative (I got the impression most of them lived alone and had no close relatives, it was heartbreaking). In the first few weeks, about 200-300 people/families would leave every day as social workers found them found permanent housing and new jobs. Emotions ran high (people were obviously sad about not being able to return to NOLA, and anxious about their new homes here in SA) but everyone was thankful for the help and my job was very rewarding.

But it wasn't an entirely positive experience. After about a month, as the population trickled down, the environment in the shelter dramatically changed. All the residents had been given >$3000 cash, bus passes, food stamps, and unemployment checks, but there was a fraction of them that were belligerent/ungrateful/demanding. Basically their needs (food/shelter) were being taken care of, so they wanted to just blow their cash and stay at the shelter instead of moving on to other (free) housing. We started to have daily arrests for prostitution, selling drugs, child abandonment, assault, sexual assault, and public intoxication; they installed metal detectors at the doors and increased the police/security staff (even though there were much fewer residents). I didn't even feel safe walking in from the parking lot at night... that's when I quit. They closed my shelter shortly afterwards and combined the leftover residents from the four SA shelters into one location.

not my picture, but this is my Kelly AFB shelter in 200

For hurricane Harvey, I wanted to do something for my hometown of Houston, so I applied to take in rescue animals from the Humane Society and the Animal Defense League. Sadly/Happily they've been overwhelmed with volunteers and so nobody has called me yet *sniff* even though I am an excellent candidate!! I have a spare bedroom for the rescues and I am very good at giving pettings and kisses.... of course you would know that if you ever saw me in person XOXO

Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: VNV Nation - Tempest

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September 2nd, 2017

12:38 am

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August 10th, 2017

04:10 pm - Correlation does not imply causation
Howdy LJ. I'm on-call until 8am Saturday morning, so I started writing this catch-up entry overnight... then slept through some awful news this morning. So excuse the rather irregular/disjointed tone of this post. :/

1. So another friend of mine has committed suicide... we called her Flout (her old DJ name). She was the ex-wife of my friend Jon (who died in January) and a good friend of M (who died in April). She joined the Army in 2011... and came back from Iraq & Afghanistan with terrible PTSD. She got a medical discharge from the army earlier this year, and just moved back to San Antonio two months ago, to be with her parents. Yes, she was sick, but she seemed to be doing better? She was in school, and we were planning a repeat Sagittarius birthday party at my house in December. Sadly because I've been working so much this summer, I hadn't seen her in the past two months since she returned... we were always missing each other (I was on call during her homecoming party and Hans' pool party, she was out of town at Martin's birthday, etc). I was excited to have a new girlfriend back in town. It hasn't really sunk in yet... I'm completely in shock.

I'm very worried now about one of my friends, in the same social circle, who has flirted with suicide repeatedly in the past. He's been depressed and made jokes about it in the past year... it wasn't funny at the time but it is disturbing now in retrospect. I don't read people well so I never know when he's just kidding. I called him this morning, expressed my concerns, and told him he's welcome to move into my guest bedroom at a moment's notice. Then I told him I would re-murder his dead body if he committed suicide so that he knew I was serious. I don't want to lose him. :/

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2. The boss came back in to town for two weeks in July and gave me a much-needed break... I'm still too busy to take vacation but he gave me a few afternoons off for my mental health, and I went TUBING!! Back in the day, I used to go tubing almost every other weekend in the summer with my gal pals... but Brookie is now married with kids, Phox moved to Austin, and Kcat moved to Killeen... so I hadn't been in years. It's very therapeutic.

FYI if you are ever interested in Texas tubing, you should totally float down the Comal. I know the Guadalupe is more exciting (more rapids) and the Frio is more scenic, but because they are true rivers, the water is warm (80's) and too low during the hot summer. The Comal is spring fed, so the water is clear and cool (70-72 refreshing!!) and it never closes due to flow issues. Plus the Comal has a stone bottom instead of grass, so if you hang your legs through the tube they don't drag through the muck. The Comal is highly superior! You know, if you are stressed out about world politics, it's very relaxing. And if you wanted to go, I already have the inflatable floating cooler... ;)

3. Of course, the boss is now gone again for another month... the two weeks he was here? Delightful. But the minute he leaves, the shit hits the fan. He left on Sunday last week... on Monday two employees quit (one pregnant, one moving to Houston), Tuesday we had a naked man give my front desk a helicopter show (surveillance pics), Wednesday another employee had a car accident, and Thursday we lost a major client. Funny because the boss doesn't really work much, but he is clearly my good luck charm, I need him to come back STAT!! I don't like all this work drama. :D

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4. Kitten is freaking adorable and helping me type this entry right now. No name yet, but I think it's down to Leo or Simon. Paul insists that no matter what name I choose, he's gonna call the kitten "Crom", the god of Conan. I think it is a clever play on "chrome" because he is gray, but I still hate it LOL.


oh wow I have so much more half-written (I know, I've been lax about posting) but I must get ready for work. I have Saturday-Monday off so I'll finish up in my free time... I'm going to Austin on Saturday night for a housewarming party, but I wish I had an invitation to stay the whole weekend. When will you be mine XOXO

Current Mood: busy busy busy
Current Music: Lefty Frizzell - I Love You a Thousand Ways

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July 27th, 2017

01:40 am - So I have a new man in my life...
...but you shouldn't be worried. ;) This is my new baby boy Earl, who I get to pick up from the Humane Society next Monday. I'm very excited, I think he will be a fine addition to my family! :)

Of course the reason for the new addition is not a happy one. Two weeks ago, my teenager Bartacus suffered some sort of a head injury... I'm not exactly sure how, but he liked to climb trees and run around on the roof, so he probably just fell. He was sluggish and growling and had unequal pupils (see the last pic). The vet said it was most likely a concussion, he would be fine in a day or two.... but 48 hours later he was much worse and having seizures. We sedated him and started steroids but it was too late, he died 3 days after his injury. I was upset afterwards that I didn't press for more aggressive treatment in the beginning, thinking that maybe if we had intervened sooner he could have been saved... but honestly even if we had ordered CT scans and ICU care, the result probably would have been the same. I hope he didn't suffer... it's so incredibly hard to tell when cats are in pain. He was a sweet boy. :(

me&b.png boys.png bartandphil.png

It probably seems premature to get another kitten so soon, but Tranny Cat does not like being an only child. After I lost Miss Riley and Miss Trixie in spring of 2015, Tranny Cat didn't eat for weeks... he finally had to go on kitty xanax for a short while. He's been anxious and clingy with Bartacus gone, but not as bad as before because roomie is off for the summer and keeps him company. Roomie has to go back to work in early August for teacher inservice, so I figured I'd better have Tranny's new sidekick ready to go by next week :)

BREAKING NEWS!! I also have ANOTHER new EXCITING addition to my menagerie... my friend Jenn texted me late tonight and said I can come pick up this little nugget on Thursday evening!! :D He's been getting a little too friendly with her chickens. Do you think he will ride in my cat carrier? :D

EDIT: picked him up, he's so tiny! ready to go into my backyard! Welcome to the neighborhood, little fella!
jenns possum.jpg jennspossum.jpg

So yay new kitty and possum friends.... though I would really like a silly rabbit to give kisses to as well XOXO

Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Ladyhawke - My Delirium

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July 8th, 2017

02:25 am - Nucleus Accumbens
a brief respite in my on-call weekend for a quick post...

We got the results of my friend M's autopsy yesterday. We all presumed she died of a drug overdose (whether accidental or intentional) but nobody expected this cause of death: inhalants. We all knew she was abusing xanax, alcohol, and weed.... but what a surprise. All we can assume is that she was huffing because difluoroethane doesn't show up on routine drug tests, and she was having regular screenings because of her second DWI.

I don't pretend to understand addiction at all, even though I deal with drug addicts on a daily basis. :( Seems like everybody is addicted to something.... drugs, alcohol, sex, food, whatever.... just some people get their dopamine fix from things that are more socially acceptable/productive than others, I guess. Everyone is trying to escape, everyone wants to fill a hole but some people are more successful.

Play a song for me, something beautiful, I need it XOXO

Current Mood: restless
Current Music: Cause & Effect - you think you know her

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July 5th, 2017

01:32 am - Single White Female
Well howdy, LJ. Nothing significant to report here.... I'm almost done with my first 48-hour shift this week (I have another coming this weekend). I'm totally bummed I missed my pal Hans' annual July 4th rooftop pool party, but it reportedly ended in a drunken brawl with security guards, so maybe it was a good thing I didn't go after all. :)

I hate to jinx myself by saying there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but things are finally looking up, work-wise. My new employee swung by tonight to pick up some paperwork (and as I've already mentioned), I LOVE HER ALREADY. Her Toyota SUV has a purple glitter custom paint job vinyl wrap and a vanity license plate dedicated to her Great Dane. We discussed our mutual love of all things purple, her pet squirrel, and the ducks that live in her swimming pool. SHE IS SO AWESOME she kinda makes me wonder if my employees are gonna like her more than they like me. LOL :D

uh, no, I don't think it is creepy or SWF-ish that I went out to the parking lot to take pictures of her car :D
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So it's still terrible around here, but the worst is over. The new employee starts later today, and my second-in-command Dave comes back this weekend. *sigh* In all the craziness of the past month, I actually turned down a sweet 9-5 M-F job offer, and now I regret it. It came with a significant pay cut, but I'm totally ready to trade my salary for a better quality of life... though I think my boss Larry would have a coronary if I resigned, he totally depends on me.

Funny because my boss Larry fired me twice in the first six months I worked for him... on one occasion, two young girls came into the office, told me they used to work for Larry. We chatted for a few minutes, then one of them said, "oh!! That stereo on top of the fridge? It's mine, I left it here when I quit a few months go." So OF COURSE I suggested she go to the back of the office and retrieve her stereo from the top of the fridge. OF COURSE! After a few minutes, my technician (who was watching them suspiciously, I was not), asked me why they were digging through the freezer.... when I confronted them, they bolted out of the office with both the stereo and a mysterious package from the freezer.

In the purloined package? FROZEN FISH. My boss, who showed up a few minutes later, told me the two girls were employees of his estranged ex-business partner, and the frozen fish that they stole was used to make specialty veterinary treats. And yes, the stereo they stole as a diversion belonged to Larry. He decided not to call the police, because I had essentially *invited* the girls to rob me... AND WHO STEALS FROZEN FISH?? but he did fire me for a second time. LOL.


Anyways, I'm gonna take some extra days off in July to lay around and do absolutely nothing! It's a terrible time for me to be on vacation, but my boss can't complain after I worked almost every day in June. I haven't been taking care of myself.... I've hardly exercised, I've been eating crap, and I'm sleeping terribly. I think I will text around later today to see if anyone is off to meet me for a tubing trip on Monday; I haven't floated down the Comal in probably three years, and right now it sounds immensely relaxing. :D

Let's get away. Silly rabbit are you ever gonna be mine XOXO

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: Iris - Cries of Insanity

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June 27th, 2017

11:55 pm - Eat me :D
uh... remember shittiest day ever? Now turning into shittiest WEEK ever!

Strangely, I'm not really stressed about it anymore... everything is so out of control and ridiculous that I've just come to accept it. Resistance is futile, after all. I keep telling myself that three months from now, I will look back on this week and think it is HILARIOUS. Oh, and I'm blogging about it instead of sleeping in case I *accidentally* murder someone in the next three days (I don't think you have internet access in jail). c'est la vie. :)

to review my craptastic week:
1. DOJ anal probe, including forced destruction of 10k of inventory
2. boss man blissfully fishing on a lake in montana without cell phone access
3. second-in-command resigned
4. third-in-command joined boss on aforementioned lake three days ago
5. TODAY: part-time employee covering the three absent staff members CALLS IN SICK FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK.... yes, going into a holiday weekend.

IN SUMMARY: I'm fucked. I physically do not have enough licensed management to legally open for business for the next three days (there is a mandatory ratio of management-staff). Unless I can clone myself in the next 10 hours, I have no idea what I am gonna do. I'm probably gonna have to hire a temp ($100 per hour, ugh!) but they almost create as much work as they do, because they are essentially a warm body that requires a full-time babysitter... and I have a shortage of babysitters because one of my techs is in the phillippines picking up his mail-order bride (a story for another time!). Thankfully my staff has been remarkably dedicated and helpful this week (even when I occasionally slip into Kraken mode); I don't know what I would do without their support, they are all wonderful.

Oh.... uh... what was the point of this post? Oh yeah... soooo (hypothetically speaking):



There is NO food in my house, and my dinner tonight was a six-pack of those tiny, waxy, chocolate donuts I bought at the gas station (due to my work overload, a disproportionate number of meals I have eaten in the past two weeks have come from the Shell station). Anyways, those donuts (or, "donettes") are terrible little chemical pellets. I'm sure every single one I eat shortens my life span by ten minutes. And yet I have a strange emotional response to them... they make me very nostalgic. I ate too many of them in college, or something. Anyways, I'd need them at my last meal, for sure. With some macaroni & cheese. And collard greens. And a biscuit (ideally made by my grandmother)... granny's cooking fixes everything :)

Because of the terrible past two weeks, I've already texted my boss and told him he's sending me on a vacation in August sometime, and he's paying for it. I gave up my Burning Man weekend this year (to the second-in-command, who resigned GRRR) so I have vacation time to burn and I don't have anything planned. I think I will tell him he needs to send me back to Canadia for a long weekend, I've never been to Toronto :D

Hmm insanely jealous of people in beautiful, peaceful places right now. They should text me pictures. XOXO
Current Mood: inappropriately calm
Current Music: Ashbury Heights - Scars of a Lighthouse

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June 22nd, 2017

07:34 pm - If you are gonna do a body cavity search, please be considerate and use lube. ;)
SHITTIEST DAY EVER. Really, like top-10 in my lifetime.

There is a division of the DOJ (you can guess) that I report to.... that is notorious for treating everyone like a criminal. Presumed guilty until proven innocent. Well they came in for a suprise inspection today.... and despite the fact that I passed my very comprehensive state inspection with flying colors three months ago, by the end of their visit I was worried that I'm either going to be hit with a substantial fine (multiples of 100k) or a visit from a prosecutor.

I'm pissed because all of the violations were not commited by me, but by my boss.... who is out fishing on a remote lake in Montana somewhere, without cell phone service until Monday. He has no idea what is going on. His wife called the corporate office of the marina they rented a boat from; we are hoping that someone can paddle over to their cabin and ask him to drive into town for a conference call.

I'm not gonna say I'm completely blameless, but I trusted my boss that he had done everything right; I should have double-checked his work, it's that important. Now I'm scrambling to repair the damage, hoping that if I jump through all their administrative hoops within 24-48 hours that they will show mercy on me.

*sigh* I don't want to go to federal prison. I'm a terrible lesbian, I'm not into bondage, and I really look awful in orange. :D

syrkadian is on the way over with an emergency bottle of wine, but our bitching hour will be short because I have to be back at 6am, two hours before we open tomorrow. :( I wish you were here, I really need a hug. XOXO

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: De/Vision - Prisoner

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June 18th, 2017

10:22 pm - return to me
С днем ​​отца to our Russian Live Journal overlords.... they must have done some kind of code update this week, because the format for my journal and some entries got jacked up? I dunno if this is the beginning of the end, but I backed up my LJ today just in case.

That's the only productive thing I have done around the house, though. I totally jinxed myself with my last happy post!! I had an ambitious laundry list of things I was going to accomplish this past week, with the roomie out of town: Cleaning out closets/garage, gardening, exercise, etc etc etc... and I got NONE of it done. The house looks like a tornado has torn through it. I've done nothing but work, sleep, and eat junk food.... because on Tuesday my second-in-command turned in his resignation. Ugh.

I'm pretty stressed out and I have some busy days ahead. My boss is out of town for the summer, so I've spent the past week working long hours and flipping through resumes trying to find the perfect candidate. I hire technicians all the time (they come and go) but replacing management is a much more serious job that frankly, I am not qualified to do. I'm terrible at interviewing people because I like everybody.... I spend the whole interview trying to sell them on the job rather than actually figuring out if they are a good fit :D

But happily on Saturday I think I found a suitable match.... She showed up for her interview with pink streaks in her hair and a box of cannolis (bribe the interviewer, YES). She's ridiculously fit (she has Madonna arms... maybe she could be my personal trainer LOL) . I stalked her on FB and her family does wildlife rescue in their free time; all of her FB timeline pics were of her and her pet BABY SQUIRREL. Anyways, if we don't hire her, I'm gonna invite her to go have drinks with me and my bff Mimi, because I totally have a mad girl crush on her.... you should be a tiny bit jealous ;)

squirrel.png 039.JPG

Since we are talking about friends, happy 40th birthday to my old pal, Martin. Martin was my very first San Antonio friend (not counting work or school associates).... I met him the very first time I went to Sin13 in January 2003, he was working the door at the Das Ich show. Funny that almost everyone I know now can be traced back to him, six-degrees-of-separation style. We had a very rocky friendship for many years because he is the most argumentative person I have ever met!! He likes to play devil's advocate and can debate anyone on almost any topic. It took me a long time to figure out he just does this for fun, it's not personal or malicious.... he essentially waits for you to express an opinion, then will oppose it just for the sake of the discussion (even if he agrees with you). It's hard to ruffle my feathers but one time he made me so frustrated during an argument that I pulled off the freeway and threw him out of my car in an IHOP parking lot at 11:30pm at night. :D

Oh yikes. It's getting late, I should go to bed soon... if I sign off now maybe I can wash the week's worth of dishes in the kitchen sink before bedtime. Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there, and yes, fathers of fur-babies count in my book. :) Sweet dreams, I'll be dreaming about you XOXO

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Assemblage 23 - Lullaby

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June 4th, 2017

07:52 pm - April showers bring May Flowers
It's JUNE? Where has the year gone? After a pretty crappy April (at least the last couple of weeks), I have to say May was downright delightful. :) I wouldn't mind a repeat at all, but it looks like June is gonna be pretty dull. I can't ride my bike down on the river anymore, it is too hot (no trees + 90% humidity + helmet = heat stroke). :/ I'm on call overnights starting tomorrow, and roomie is going to Germany for a couple of weeks, so it will be very quiet around here for a while....

May's one-second-every-day features lots of children, birds, music, my favorite people, and various forms of transportation:

This chicken at the end was my pal Jenn's pet Gertie. I'd love to have chickens in my back yard, but they are outlawed by my snooty HOA. The city of San Antonio allows chickens, per their regulations: Up to three domestic fowl (chickens, roosters, etc.) and up to two animals from the following classes of livestock (Equines, Bovines, Sheep, Goats, Llamas). LOL so if I lived half a mile down the street I could have a pet chicken and a goat if I wanted to.

Jenn rescued two Rock Cross chickens (Lily and Gertie) from an FFA kid about eight months ago.... they were runts and he couldn't show them as competitive broiler chickens. Now they are fat happy pets, easily 20 pounds (they look like white fluffy turkeys). They aren't supposed to lay eggs, but Gertie lays three eggs per day.... most of them are HUGE and double yolked (the top right) and some of them are soft shell/uncalcified (the bottom two). Jenn loves her chickens so much that over the past few months she's accumulated a full flock, including three Americanas that lay standard-sized blue eggs (top left). I'm jealous but she lets me come visit whenever I want. :D

You know, a true friend lets you come over and fondle their eggs. Still waiting for my invitation. ;)

My first-ever trip to New Orleans on Memorial Day weekend with my pal HG was fantastic, I love this city!! I'm sure you have been there before, so I won't bore you with the standard overview... and sorry no drunken hijinks to report, if that's what you were hoping for. :D We spent a lot of time just wandering around the French Quarter, admiring the architecture, shopping at the street vendors, and talking to other tourists. I love how small and walkable the city is. I am easily entertained; I love to just be anonymous in a crowd and watch people... other people would probably find it boring. Similarly James & I went to Dragon*Con five years in a row and rarely went to any panels/performances, we just hung out at the bar talking to stormtroopers and gawking at the hot cosplay chicks as they paraded by.

The highlight of our trip was definitely the swamp tour (the Honey Island/Pearl River area east of NOLA). We saw at least a hundred alligators, and the boat captain fed them hotdogs to get them to come close to the boat. Most of the ones we saw were 5-6 feet long; you can only see their head in the water, but their length from nose --> eyes in inches is approximately equal to their body length in feet. Unfortunately we didn't see any snakes (too hot). I will definitely do the tour again the next time I go.

Back in the city, we did eat some ridiculously good food and drank a lot of bourbon. Of course we had coffee & beignets at Cafe du Monde. HG treated me to a fancy birthday lunch at the Commander's Palace and I took her to a girly English high tea party (I'd love to take mom sometime). We booked a couple of historical tours: a night-time haunted city tour (so interesting!) and another of the most famous cemetery (St Louis No.1). I had my tarot cards read by a fortune teller at Jackson Square; I have a terrible poker face and I'm pretty easy to read but I think she earned her paycheck anyways. :D

IMG_20170526_152008.jpg IMG_20170527_130013.jpg IMG_20170528_142533.jpg no title IMG_20170528_102400.jpgst-louis-cemetery.jpg St-Louis-from-above.jpg for your loss, no fond heart mourns today, or no eye for your memory is weeping IMG_20170528_103715.jpg IMG_20170528_103901.jpg IMG_20170528_160217.jpg IMG_20170526_195836.jpg IMG_20170526_213639.jpg

Yikes I have a hundred more pictures to upload but I will have to finish later, it's dinnertime. I hope you enjoyed this long-ish post. I can't imagine I will have anything substantial to write for the next week, because I have nothing to bitch or complain about! I am a warm fuzzy ball of sunshine right now! :D I have happiness to spare if you need some, it's contagious you know.

Au revoir, mon cheri! I hope you and your loved ones are doing well ~ XOXO

Current Mood: blessed
Current Music: Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps

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May 27th, 2017

07:15 pm - my sweet angel
In the French Quarter. Standing on the street, drinking a Sazerac, waiting for my 8pm vampire tour.... daydreaming about a silly rabbit...
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Toadies - Possum Kingdom

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May 23rd, 2017

12:29 pm - Collide with me tonight
I had so much stuff to do today (unpack/repack) but I was totally worthless.... I'm still buzzing. :D The only marginally productive thing I did all day was flip through my NOLA travel guide... I hope HG wants to go on a swamp tour this weekend!

I had so much fun at the gothic/music festival Convergence 23 in Dallas Friday and Saturday night... I wish we had stayed for Sunday too. I went with my bffs Mimi and Paul (our first threesome roadtrip), saw my favorite band Iris play (so perfect, I cried in the bathroom afterwards), talked to the silly rabbit (so adorable), and overall had a wonderful time. The secret guest was Frank Spinath of Seabound, which was a HUGE surprise, it was awesome to see him in "professor mode" giving a lecture about his new album. Frank also sang two songs with Iris on Saturday night; I never in a million years thought I would hear "Beyond the Gate" performed live! The photographer standing next to me got video of the song and promised he would send it to me. :)

Even though there weren't many people from San Antonio there (just a couple of DJs) I was surprised at how many people I knew, mostly people I've met in Austin or at other festivals. It was nice to see my friend Christine (aka Tall Drink of Slaughter), she finally looked a tiny bit happier. She's been understandably depressed the past few months since my friend Jon (her boyfriend) died in January, so it was nice to see her smiling. LOL she even let Paul try to flirt with her a bit (she's an amazon, just his type). I could tell Paul liked her because he actually said to her "I don't hate you" when we were leaving. :D She took it in stride... I had warned her in advance what a drunk asshole he can be.

I know people wonder why me and Paul are friends; he is the ultimate angry grouchy pessimist and I'm the sunny optimist. LOL the best example: when I cook him dinner, he never actually tells me if he likes something... the highest compliment he can give me is "you can make that again" or "that wasn't terrible". It's never something positive, it's always a double negative. I've always liked hanging out with him because he is freakishly smart, but I've never understood why he puts up with me when we disagree on everything. :D

Maybe after 8 years of being friends I'm rubbing off on Paul though. When walking to the lounge on Saturday night, a homeless guy stopped to ask us about our strange black clothes and the rest of the goth crowd... I gave him twenty bucks, then PAUL DID TOO! I couldn't believe it. I wanted to tease him about it the rest of the night but then I figured he would never do it again if I made a big deal about it. *sigh* I'll turn him into a big softie yet! I even got him to admit begrudgingly today that he likes bambi season in Hollywood Park; the first babies were born this weekend while we were in Dallas.


I want to sit next to you and touch you and whisper in your ear. I want us to remember this ridiculous story fondly and tell it to our friends ten years from now. I will give you anything you want if you just ask. XOXO

Current Mood: euphoric
Current Music: Seabound - Black Feathers

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May 20th, 2017

08:39 pm
I'm listening....
Current Mood: so happy

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May 19th, 2017

10:22 pm
Come upstairs

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May 15th, 2017

11:58 pm - you put a spell on me
*sigh* well I'm possibly/officially a criminal (there goes my future as mayor of Hollywood Park).... last night I orchestrated a kidnapping! Or, a Merlin-napping? Megan left the Merlin doll I gave her in the care of my friends C&K a few months ago until she could get him boxed up and shipped to Portland. After Megan died, C&K promised I could have him back to re-gift him, but for the past three weeks, they have been giving me the runaround and were always too busy for me to stop by and get him.... so last night my old roomie DIB snuck him out of their house for me :D


And as soon as I saw him I understood why C&K were avoiding me... Merlin is a HOT MESS. He looks like he's been on a three-month bender and living under an overpass. C&K were storing Merlin with the two cats they have locked into an upstairs bedroom (don't get me started on that). The cats knocked him on the ground and peed on him. By the time DIB rescued him, he was infested with fleas, covered in matted cat hair, and missing an arm! :( He's not damaged beyond repair, but he definitely needs some TLC. Luckily Mimi has an artist friend who is a sculptor (who can make a new arm) and maybe after a sponge bath and a makeover he'll be his old self again.

Don't worry, old man... I'll take care of you ;)

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Other than that, I had a nice, lazy weekend. On Sunday I chatted with my mom a bit (she went to visit my sister in Bryan/College Station for the week), started watching the Handmaid's Tale (seemed appropriate for Mother's Day), then went out to buy groceries.... and because of all the pretty holiday flowers at HEB thought I would make the quick trip out to find Megan's grave with a bouquet (it's only about 20 minutes from my house, and a nice afternoon drive). I thought I would stay for just a few minutes, but actually stayed more than an hour... I met a nice widower there to visit his wife; their son is a pitcher for the Toledo Mud Hens, and we sat on the grass and listened to the baseball game on the radio.

I took her some yellow roses. Me and Mimi jokingly called Megan by the name "Rose" forever because of our future-Golden-Girls-in-Florida scenario... her sister told me this week that Rose was her birth name. It really suits her better than the name Megan.

As I've mentioned before, I've never liked my legal first name, my friends call me by my middle name instead... I used to complain about it a lot when I was younger, and I even considered legally changing it. Once when I was about sixteen, my mother, frustrated with my complaints, said "FINE what name would you like instead?" and I impulsively said "Elizabeth!!" (I dunno, I've always liked that name). My mother got the strangest pained look on her face... she said that up until the day I was born, my name was going to be Elizabeth! And then, in the maternity ward, my father changed his mind. LOL.

Funny what things you know instinctively, the things you don't have to be told. XOXO

Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Assemblage 23 - Talk Me Down

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May 10th, 2017

01:28 am - I'm just longing for someone to take me on
Well howdy, LJ. It's been awhile. I had a supremely chipper post ready to go Friday night (slow night at work... Spurs game LOL) and I should have just posted it then... instead of deleting it and producing this dreary mess I have re-written now:


the aftermathCollapse )
Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: Kite - Ways to Dance

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April 28th, 2017

01:57 am - Let sleeping dogs lie
Howdy. I'm fine, really. I'm only awake in the middle of the night because I went on my first jog in six weeks (I haven't exercised at all because of my accident/influenza) and now I'm painfully sore and restless. WOW I can't believe I got so out of shape in such a short amount of time. :/

HG has been here for a visit and it is Fiesta week, which has been a nice diversion. Even though it is San Antonio's biggest annual party, and I am a beer snob and cocktail enthusiast, I decided on Sunday that I wasn't going to drink for a month (so my Fiesta-going friends have had me as a DD). My father was an alcoholic, so I'm always worried that if I use alcohol as a crutch to cope with emotional trauma that it will lead to dependence... so every so often I choose to abstain for a while, just to make sure I didn't inherit that gene. I've made it through three Fiesta events this week completely sober, much to the annoyance of my friends. :D

Yes, I'm still angry, but I think I'll be ok now until Megan's memorial service, which tentatively is planned for next Saturday. I wish you were here to hold my hand. You know, my friend Jon's memorial service in January was a rowdy and bawdy event.... there were as many laughs as there were tears. But Megan's service I'm sure will be profoundly sad. Everyone feels too guilty to share happy memories.

It's been more than a week since Megan died, but I'm still being contacted by people who are just finding out the news... yesterday her ex-gf Anne and today her old neighbor Gabe. Friends have been very discreet on FB, which is considerate to her family, but as a result some people still don't know she has passed... In contrast, when Jon died, everyone competed for the grandest tribute; everyone wanted to be the loudest saddest person on FB. Crocodile tears. (It was infuriating and disrespectful.)

At any rate, losing three friends in a little over a year (Chad, Jon, and Megan) is still hard to swallow. I chatted a bit with my ex-bff Kcat this week... the reunion we planned last month has now suddenly become imperative, so we are meeting Saturday afternoon in Austin for a long late lunch. Even though she moved away a few years ago, she was also friends with the three people I have lost (she was very close to Chad, they went to high school together). I think she has been lonely at her new home (near Killeen)... it's hard to make new friends as a grownup.

Kcat was my first crazy cat lady friend... we went to pharmacy school together, and she already had three kitties when I got my first pet Miss Riley. LOL she even married a Mr. Mau (the Egyptian word for cat!!). Her last kitty was Bob, my Tranny Cat's brother (we rescued the two of them together, from a parking lot). But in the past three years?? She's gotten two bulldogs. NOW SHE'S A CRAZY DOG LADY. *sigh* it's like I don't even know her anymore... :D

(edit: ooops the dogs are Boston Terriers... I thought they were Frenchies!)

I'm very excited about our reunion this weekend. I regret that it has been so long. Like most people, I'm pretty dense. I don't just need a sign, I need a push.


Current Mood: 238
Current Music: Kite - Count the Days

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April 23rd, 2017

03:43 am
Spontaneous drunken memorial tonight for Megan, I'm sure just the first of many. I needed to get out of the house a bit and be around other people. It's Fiesta week, so HG is coming later this afternoon to visit for a few days, which is perfect timing, I could use the distraction.

I've lost count of how many people have called or messaged me in the past 48 hours. All of them wanted to talk about what Megan meant to them, how she touched their life. Megan was very special, I didn't know anyone else quite like her. She was sensitive and fragile and innocent. She believed in fairies and found magic in everyday objects. She was sweet and genuine and generous. No one was invisible to her, and no one was a stranger... she befriended everyone she met, instantly. There was no pretense or judgement or barrier.

She liked to explore places on her own... the countryside, abandoned buildings, ghost towns, the city in the middle of the night. The more lonely and desolate the place appeared to be, the better. She would come back with surreal photographs and a pocket full of souvenirs, usually rocks and leaves. She loved it when her friends would bring her similar little worthless trinkets... last year I brought her a hunk of petrified lava and some seashells from my travels. Mimi is in Florida visiting her mother and took a picture of the coral and glass she had picked up on the beach this week for Megan. :( I have a pile of silly colored rocks I bought in January that I never gave her... I was out of town during Megan's last visit to SA at the end of February.

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Of course all of the people who called me hadn't spoken to Megan in a couple of years, in the time that her illness had become so severe. She didn't have the opportunity to alienate them or push them away. And yet none of them were surprised by the news. It was heartbreaking to be reminded how universally well liked she was. So many people really loved her, which makes this whole event even more tragic and pointless.

I suppose I am struggling with this more than others because I have never considered suicide. There have been terrible days in my life that I never want to revisit, and periods when I was definitely clinically depressed... but I've never felt hopeless enough to end it all. I don't think I could do that to my family. And I don't know what is waiting for me. I have been offered the red pill and the blue pill but still haven't decided.

I know Megan was in a lot of pain. I'm sure she felt totally alone in the end, but SO MANY people would have reached out to her if she had asked for help. Dammit Megan. Everyone loved you. It didn't have to end this way.

Current Mood: angry and drunk and tired
Current Music: Kite - up for life

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