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_53

Channel _53

Internet scrapings, offbeat news and other bizarre oddities

Name:
_53
Location:
Channel _53 used to be a friends-only and personal (i.e. whiny) LJ. But then I started posting more and more bizarre nonsense and offbeat news links and oddities, and people liked it, so that's what it turned into. I can't stop; it's now like some sick addiction. I mean aside from my other existing sick addictions.

So enjoy, and if you like it, comment, tell your friends, send me cash and/or nude pics, etc. etc.

- your friendly neighborhood _53.


Some testimonials of those who have experienced Channel _53:


"I love your posts. The other day, after years of deepening disgust, I decided to break up with CNN permanently. It doesn't really report real news. It's like this: "Some Republicans say that Democrats want to eat America's children. James Carville, your response?"

And I thought, "The news should be like 53's posts, highlighting the injustices and absurdities of the human condition!"

So, there you have it: you are an inspiration, my favorite news source, and cause for total and complete abandonment of mainstream media.

One question remains: since all your sources are linked, why is it that so-called mainstream media sources cannot find or will not relay the same stories you do?"

- rpeate, delirious fan


"Reading your so-called news blog gave me nausea, burning diarrhea, a 50 point drop in IQ, blurred vision, schizophrenia and hysterical pregnancy. After reading your news articles my Mac now suddenly runs Vista and my dog has become bisexual. Your site is a blight on the internet and a crime against humanity, and you are an inspiration for the enforcement of mandatory sterilization as a national law. I strongly suggest you seek professional help, if for nothing else so that scientific experts might be able to study and observe you in a carefully controlled environment, and may God have mercy on your soul. "
- Typical anonymous fan


"Please stop surfing the internet for offbeat news for your stupid LiveBlogJournal or whatever you call it while on company time. The other day you downloaded so much shemale-midget-goat-porn that our server crashed and at least one IT technician is now suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after having watched some of it. Also, I'm still waiting for your TPS reports from last month. Please be advised you are scheduled for a performance review on Monday. And don't call in sick just so you can post more offbeat news on your site thing, we're on to you.

Speaking of which, that last post about the armless man being arrested for driving with no arms, it made my day -- it made me crack up during a board meeting with senior management and spit my latte all over my BlackBerry.

I hate you."

- My boss.


"HELLO AND GRACIOUS GREETINGS TO YOU IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JEEBUS CHRIST. I AM THE PERSONAL ACCOUNTANT OF LORD PRINCE HIS HIGHNESS AND HOLINESS DOCTOR BARON HITAWUE VON MONIKUTIMARILAIENA PRINCE IBN KHALID JAMES BROWN THE THIRD, ESQUIRE, SUCCESSOR TO THE THRONE OF THE GRAND DUCHY OF THE HOLY STATE OF THE REPUBLIC OF THE ROYAL KINGDOM OF JAMBOTILUBINAE, NORTH NIGERIA, AND I COME HUMBLY SEEKING YOUR HELP IN THE URGENT MATTER OF ELEVETY SIX THOUSAND HUNDRED BILLION, THIRTEENFIVE GOOGLE QUADRILLION U.S. DOLLARS THAT ARE CURRENTLY IN A SUSPENDED HOLDING ACCOUNT... Oh wait, it's you, that Internet Scrapings guy. Nevermind."
- THE (alleged) PERSONAL ACCOUNTANT OF LORD PRINCE HIS HIGHNESS AND HOLINESS DOCTOR BARON HITAWUE VON MONIKUTIMARILAIENA PRINCE IBN KHALID JAMES BROWN THE THIRD, ESQUIRE

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