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Nov. 20th, 2006


(no subject)



Iran, and North Korea

are we really that stupid?

oh NK gets a nuke that works, oh fucking shit, hollicaust

i'm so fucking proud to be a retarded american!!

Sep. 3rd, 2006


(no subject)

Maybe we could meet again further down the river
And share what we both discovered...
Then revel in the view

Aug. 19th, 2006


(no subject)

i know your all going to hate me..but i have an outfit all from A&F

but do i honistly care?!


because its extreamly comfy :)

you people should open up alittle..geez everything you wear was probably made in china
look for sales..trust me

expesaly AE 19 bucks for jeans that are 20 times durrable then JCpenny's..hell yes, or shirts
but AE isent that bad price wise, and there clothing is extreamly comfy, i can pay 20 bucks for a nice comfy tee, or 25-30 for a volcom slim fit, which has the same fabric

im cheep, and i wear this shit..and i still mantain my punk cred too!

Aug. 2nd, 2006


about frickin time

Originally uploaded by feni0x.

i've been trying to capture lightning for ages, i have anouther shot on my flickr, but i happen to think this one is more artistic then the other, i should edit this alittle, im sure i can make it look better with some photoshoping

Feb. 16th, 2006


(no subject)

please excuse me and my retardedness

im sorry for being a fucking retard

last journal entery

Jan. 15th, 2006


(no subject)

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its amazing how life can change faster then you can blink

when you think the world is going to hell, then no less then a secound later someone who is wonderfull just breaths and it just seems better,they just look at you and it just seems to stop and nothing matters besides they're gaze

its really sad how many people hate/are against love, because they say it ends in heartach
it really is, why be scared of teh risk to take it, why be scared of it, when it could posibly the best thing in your life

nothing ventured, nothing gained

how come few people take risk anymore? how come so few people try to change the world? why must guns do talking anymore, have we become that filled with hatreated, sterotypical, is it really worth haveing 20 people die for "freedom" even though 20 people die, and we lose freedoms day buy day, are we really getting that freedom that we started for?
or is the corprate world getting what it wants?

is it also what the corpate world want to stop love, make people depressed? with mussic that gose around calling every girl a heartbreaking whore? and yet girls bow down to this like its the best thing ever, even though it makes them look like a slut, or a bitch, dose that how girls like being potrated? every single song on 89x for the most part seems to seem like that, like MCR, its all anti-love, and the girl is a bitch, and girls just bow down because of the make up, not really looking at mussical meaning, and the lyrical meaning. i'll be honist, MCR dosent sound to shitty, they're older stuff is better in my opinion, but when most of there lyrics are death,stop loveing..people bow down, and when songs are about love/happyness/unity they are never played, never get the airways, its always depressing, and poeple just love it, do people as a hole love to be depressed/alone, dose the mussic guide us to be like that? to be so afraid of takeing the risk of love, even thouhg if it hurts us it builds us/makes us stronger. no this isent an atact on bands lik MCR, and moderan AFI, i do listion to everything mussic is a soundtrack to my life, but when people love a song that makes fun of them, expesaly if the said girl is like the girl in a song, that just dosent seem right. i dont understand how people can love somthing that makes fun of them so much, that says dont love, you will just get heart, dont go live, just stay inside and sheltered, when in reality, life has so much more to offer. hench why i hate emo so much, why i hate scremo/hardcore, and most moderan alturnitve mussic its shit, its all whinning about the guy because he dident get laid, the girlfriend cheeted/lied, the girl lost feelings,dumped him out of fear, love is bad/evil/worthless, its just heartaehc isent there more to write about besides that? or is it just because Mr. rich is going to pay you? and people just listion to that, and are single minded about that, and are that detemred to live that life style, yeah heartach hurts, but when you see the person you love smile it can just sweep you off your feet, but now people are scared to, are bands to scared to be happy, because of no money, because records wont sell? generaly bands that do the same thing die/fade out anyway, and lose everything. go out and live, stop being so single minded to mussic to be sad to, to hold you back, listoin to the lyrucal messages, thats what the mussic is/sould be about, not the money/what sells your only holding yourself back, not just with mussical sounds...because your going to sit inside and cry/be depressed because you cant get that love or w/e, go out and look, nothing never comes down, god dosent say "here you go" you have to take the frist steps, nothing ever really finds you unless you look for it/feel for it. ask questions about things dont be afraid to do so, dont be afraid to talk dont be scared, because dam it, tommrow you could just die, why live sad all the time, why live lonely/angery? when there is a world with over 5 billion people on it you might not find love, but there is plenty of people to share good times with, to discover what your looking for, dont be afraid of heartach, because its the only real way you can find the right person out there, unlike bands like MCR which basicly say to avoide it at all cost, or it will just kill you, it might at frist "kill you" but you know...you can look back and go, i learned somthing, i better myself, and atlest i tried to do somthing

i guess thats what this rant is mostly about, peopel seemed to stop really trying to do things with they're lives, it just seems like everybuddy dose the same things, people dont seem to try new things, dont seem to go with there hearts anymore, no one wants to ask questions/have they're voice be heared..its not like its illgle..yet
it seems we all just live in to much fear, and we say we want to be kids all the time and enjoy life...
how can you enjoy it if your scared, i ask myself that question everyday, i know im not that best example, because i still have my wounds to heal, so im not perfect, no one is, learn that now, your not perfect/the world isent perfect,not even god is perfect, he said he loved us, and would never kill us, what did he do? killed us all off whiped the world clean, if he was all loving, i dont think he would have done that do you? i dident think he would either. anyway i got off topic, why are we scared to fall in love? why are we scared to work for our goals? why are we so afaird of everything? should all the deaths that have happend mean not to love, to hate, and stuff like that? well with all the voilince that gose on,its not even close to the leading causes of death...2 secounds someone dies, 5 secounds someone dies from a drunk driver if i remeber my satistics corectly..and 3 secounds is from cigs. i belive
and yet we dont do shit to the companys that do that? insteed we pay more money to bomb some palce for killing people? whoa whoa wait a secound...dose that just seem worng? and i'm to lazzy to go look up satistics
and we wonder why we get like this..un education...because we're to scared, are we scared of truths?
i should shut up, this is long, no one cares, i'm probably talking out of my butt anyway
but atlest i said somthing, atlest i dident keep a though in my head, and i asked questions
atlest im not afraid to, atlest im thinking with my heart about things
atlest im trying to do somthing with myself
and that..makes me happy
atlest i know i wont be alone because im trying
because i'm not stuck thinking/being afraid of heartach
because im not really doing what Mr.rich wants
because its no longer the man, unless you consider the man Mr. coperation

everything that gose on is coperate now, except the things i do, and my emotions..you cant hide from it anymore
and right now, in my opinion, by being relitivly happy, getting an education/doing somthing with my life, not really following the flow, still being my full outself, im stickin it to the "man"
because im makeing a stand, a stand to make myself happy, to not keep myself in doubt/fear
to go out and see the world, not to be afraid, because at any secound, it could be over for me, and i know this probably more then most
haveing friends die from drunk drivers*RIP*, having friends commit sucide*RIP*, my mom from cancer*RIP*, samanthas cousion from bloodsheed murder*RIP* i know people have it worse and the such, but thoughs are pretty good wake up calls to be like "HEY!! DO SHIT WITH YOUR LIFE YOU WILL LET IT PASS YOU BY" which is why im sure half the singers/songwriters in bands are like..because they let alot of they're youth pass them by, the dident do things with themselfs to better themselfs, thats accualy a good reason why most people end up regreating they're youth, they look back and go...dam i should have done more

i for one, i'm not going to be doing that, i've let enough of it partly pass me by, and im not letting the rest go away
and also, because people are so depressed, it leads them to really hurt themself physicaly/emotionaly with drugs/ahcool/cigs woo it makes you happy, but dam it, is it worth it when you can feel just ask good as when you have a buzz, or better with all the other things that are out there?

woops..i should ban myself from teh compy after 1 lol

and yes, im to lazzy to use a cut :P SO TO BAD, STOP BEING LAZZY AND USE YOUR SCROOL WHEEL!!! :P

and its amazing how i've changed so much in the past 5 or so years

from the nobuddy, to teh angsty punk rocker/metal head, to whatthefuckaminow
not that i really could be lable..i mean one day i would do the all black, the next, kakie raver pants and a red shirt..
atlest i try to be myself and not let fasion run my life/looking like somthing

but because i wrote this so late..no ones going to look at it *shrugs* oh well..it made me fell better
yesss, almost 3 AM..im awsome
god dam you caffine..im buying more of you tommrow lolz
i think i think better/clearly after i have a major caffine load...thats when i seem to do these entries
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and yes, i do miss my hair that long

is it sad i feel wierd going to bed with out samantha next to me?

Dec. 3rd, 2005


(no subject)

I love it how when the snow falls

everything just gets quite

its probably my absolute favorite thing in the world

next to sunrises/sets at the beach

or being with samantha

i cant wait to hopefully get to spend a week with her *not like just seeing her, but spending a hole week..as like staying with her/sleeping next to her*

god i hope i can
or atlest for the 2-3days around the coldplay concert

i hope i remeber to call samantha in 1/2 an hour..she has to drive home
i hope she gets home ok

Nov. 6th, 2005


(no subject)

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Oct. 30th, 2005


(no subject)

who ever dose somthing competly random/un expected to me will win a cookie

as much as i really dont like korn, i love this song

Oct. 3rd, 2005


(no subject)

I sit here trying to think of a way to discribe today

and all i can really think of is perfect

even thouhg i did kinda leanred to freek dance...i know..how untypical marty, or marty driving barefoot..or marty not careing that he is shirtless

but reasons why today was amazing

-I was with the love of my life..nuff said right there
-the beach was beautiful, the water was clear..cool, but refreshing..no i dident go swiming, i was just walking in it..samantha failed to push me in
-Wrestling with samantha on the beach..i took her out hardcore :P twice in fact :P *you were close baby, you got my off one foot..dont you hate the fact i have good balance when it comes to when im falling..thank you skateboarding*
-long car drive, lots of good discision
-swinging on swings, and talking about our wedding/resepction, and talking about our future kids, and how beautiful they will be
-cuddling in the morrning before we left :) i like to cuddle
-cuddling on the beach
-throwing sand down eachothers shirts/pants
-skiping stones* i kept one of the most perfect skiping stones ever(
-the bathroom being locked so we had to go on seperate adventures in the woods
-getting alittle lost comeing home, lmao im so silly
-not being intrupted with drama at ALL
-freek danceing outside my car in the parking lot of the park *no one was they're..im sure they would have laughed at me anyway*
-playing DDR over samanthas house..yes im slowly coupting her to the darkside BAWHAHAHAH!!!
-Cuddling after playing DDR
-Danceing in samanthas room *both slow and freek dancing*
-walking in the water with samantha as she tried to push me in..then saw the minnos and freeked out, of course i held her close, even thouhg i giggled alittle...a few were swimign around my feet..it felt kinda good lmao
-writing messages to samantha in the sand
-me wearing one of samanthas shirts in my car *yes i can wear youth larges...thats soo sad...im to skinny..god make me fat..stupid genitics*
-watching a beautiful sun set *not as beautiful as my fiancee is* while driving back
-and of course kissing samantha on the empty beach with a perfect clear sky, the waves slowly/camly rolling ashore, with the some birds chirping, and other natural noises *yes im trying to keep these short..and im faling*

i would do anything to have anouhter perfect day like today

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November 2006



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