So I applied for the job at the café, I suppose it's the best I can do to keep myself busy until this.. 'war' or what have you is over and I'll be able to have a chance at going to the ruins again. It's a muggle job, but I don't really mind, I can always convert the pounds into wizarding currency, it's not quite that hard.
I'm actually looking forward to getting this job, I think it would be nice to take a small break from the wizarding world. A nice means of escape. Escapism doesn't work forever, I relise this, but after making the choices to not be involved in the war, I have no place in the wizarding world at the moment. I’m, oh, what’s the proper term for it? displaced? I suppose that could be used to describe my situation, though it’s a bit of an extreme description. In any case, a brief break from reality might be nice. A job is just what I need. Besides, I want to save up to move out of the house soon and begin really living on my own. I think being able to depend on nobody but myself might be a nice sort of feeling. Sort of an accomplished feeling. A bit like pride almost.
When this war is over, I want to look back on it and be proud that despite the amount of deaths I came out of it with clean hands. I still don’t understand how people can feel killing is the only way. Each person that is murdered, no mater what side or what have you they are on, that person still has a family and people that care for them. How can you kill someone who might be a mother or a father without the slightest feeling of guilt or remorse? And if the murderer does feel guilt and remorse, it is likely that the victim’s face will haunt them until the day that they themselves pass away. At least, that’s how I see it. Killing isn’t logical, there must always be another answer to the situation than killing.
Why do I always seem t get pulled into rants when I write in my journal these days? I should be spending more time on... what? Now that I’m out of Hogwarts forever, I haven’t anything left to work for. Before I had my studies to absorb me and now I have nothing. Ugh! This is so frustrating! I sincerely hope I get that job just for the sake of having something to do with myself all day. One can only watch the grass grow so much.