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[10 Mar 2005|10:05pm]
i don't even have any words as to what i'm feeling right now.

why not. [09 Mar 2005|06:21pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

so i finally got my child development test back. and i didn't think i did well or poorly on it.. turns out. i got a 57. i don't even know how long it's been since i did that horribly on an exam. probably like.. back to ap us in 11th grade. needless to say.. i wasn't too pleased with that not so valiant effort on my part.

i decided well.. today.. that if my parents force me to come back after break that i'm dropping my math class because, quite frankly, i hate the man and his class is a waste. both julie and dr. schaff advised that it be the first class i take off my schedule. so with that in mind, i'm blowing that class off for the entire week (as well as a few others.. but it's just because i don't care at this point).

and julie, in my appointment yesterday, put this awful scenario out there and ever since then it's been floating around in my mind. when we were discussing how my parents are so against me coming home mid-semester and how i would do anything to convince them that that's what i need at this point.. she told me that if worst comes to worst, i stop going to all my classes. and if then they still aren't taking action, it's time to get a bus ticket.. grab what i can.. and mail all of my shit home. it's horrible to even think that, let alone say it. and she did. she said that this was my choice and in the end, if they don't agree with me.. i do what i need to do.

ugh. it's so obvious that i never want to come back here.
and yet it's impossible for my parents to accept that.


[08 Mar 2005|03:02pm]
i hope that this morning was my last appointment with julie.
afterwards i picked up medical withdrawal forms which julie suggested i do. this way, with the forms in hand, i'll be able to show my parents i'm serious about all of this.

now i'm just keeping my fingers crossed that my parents will actually listen to what i have to say once i'm home.

wish me luck.

please. [07 Mar 2005|06:08pm]
[ mood | listless ]

skatesup817: we can run away together

i think i could get used to that. seriously.


you can't make me. [06 Mar 2005|10:55pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

five more days until i'm back in smithtown.
five more days until the fighting and arguements between my mother and i become face to face instead of from one end of the phone to the other.
five more days until i begin the process of trying to convince my parents that i really need to come home.
five more days until my parents defy every word and thought i have and say, crushing every hope i have of leaving this place.
five more days until i'm teased with a mere week to spend at home until reality sets in and i have to return.

it's not even worth going home.
i'm totally serious.


whatev. [05 Mar 2005|05:48pm]
i changed the colors of my layout.
don't know why really. i might go back to the teal, purple & pink.
who knows.

home in one week.. although.. i'm trying not to be really excited about it. and it's working so far. because.. coming back here is enough to remind myself that i'm only home for a week. then back to all of this.

and most of spring break is going to consist of trying to convince my parents as much as i can that i need to come home. hopefully.. they'll get it. for once.

nothing left for me to do. [27 Feb 2005|11:34pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

tonight things got worse.

my conversation with my mom was pretty awful. i don't really want to get into it.. but i started out ''yelling'' at her online, then she called me and i ended up in tears for 40 minutes straight.

i can't win.
and i won't.



stuck. [26 Feb 2005|01:14pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

i'm still trying. but i'm not making any promises.
and maybe things won't turn out how you want them to.
but you might just have to learn to accept that.

wow. [24 Feb 2005|10:29pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

thank you andrew <3.

senses of irony: CHEER UP
senses of irony: i know what will work
senses of irony: say nothing
senses of irony: just wait

and this is what followedCollapse )

those pictures bring back such great memories. :)

sigh. i miss home.


nothing. [24 Feb 2005|06:01pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

today was no better. i missed philosophy of competitive athletics this morning. i didn't even hear my alarm go off at 8 since i was up until all hours of the night keeping an eye on terra.. who spent the majority of the time vomiting into a garbage can. lovely, right?

my lesson was at one o'clock. i walked into kelly's office, unprepared and not warmed up. i didn't even care. so i took my horn out and music out, sat down and within 2 minutes.. was crying. and i don't even know why. so she told me to pack my stuff up and put my horn away because there we weren't going to get anything accomplished anyway. i felt like such an ass.

and i had to promise her that i would go straight over to the counseling center to set up an appointment asap. so now not only were my parents on my case about ''talking to someone'' but kelly was too. great. and i did what she said, walked in, and the women behind the desk said to me, "oh you must be kristin." your dad called this morning and your studio teacher just called to tell me you were on your way over. again, her saying that to me made me feel like an ass. so i have an appointment tomorrow.. with some woman. whatever. probably a waste of time, but i'm going to try and go into it with somewhat of a positive attitude.

this is so fucking frustrating.
all i want is to be home.

that is all i want.

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