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Tuesday, December 7, 2004

7:36PM

for those of you how dont know yet. I got a new name.. _sweet_lil_ash . You gotta comment to be added though. its friends only.

Current mood: creative
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Wednesday, December 1, 2004

4:26PM

mann.. i dont even know wtf's going on with me. Im so confused and soo fuckin upset right now. Im going through soo much shit. Ive been upset and crying ever since i woke up. I had a horrible fucking dream last night.

I had a dream that the one girl that i fucking love the one that i miss soo much came up missing. And no one knew what happened to her. And it was all over the news and i was out looking for her everywhere. and then one of our friends finally found her but she was lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I fucking miss her soo much and love her so much. And it took this for me to realize all of this. I cant stop crying...

I mean i dont even know whats going on in my head. Shes like sayin shes in love with these 2 other people and if i try something then im just gunna be caught up in drama and im just gunna get hurt like always. We've been through soo much but i fucking love her soo much.


Idk if thats it or its becuz im fucking so alone. Im missing being in a relationship. I just want someone to be there. I want her to be there..

i dont even know what im fucking fighting for anymore. theres nothing for me. i mean i completely fucked up my life. if i go back to school i gotta wait another year to graduate. Im fucking stupid. I shoulda never dropped out. I mean andi had a chance too. Mr. Kell told me that if i picked my grades up and kept them there that he would knock off the absences. but im fucking stupid. I was pig headed. I didnt wanna be there. But now look where im at.

I have nothing. I have no1. I mean i fuckin rely i drugs and alcohol to make things better. to forget about everything. But it dont fucking work.

Im tryin to move on from everything. Im trying to ignore whats going on in my life but its not workin for me. I have nothing. Theres honestly no point for me to fight anymore.


im gunna go.. im talkin to britt...


</3 ---Ash

Current mood: fuckk man..
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Monday, November 29, 2004

3:37PM

hey luvlys. im thinking about making a new name.. that way u know only a couple ppl know it and i dont have to expose myself to ppl i dont want to know my business. then they talk shit<3 dont you love that!

anyways. not alot has been goin on. Kickass thanksgiving ... i weight about 1000000 lbs now. lol. umm friday went over candys. hung out there till 130 with some hot lesbians. smoked<3 yeah candy or sara is gunna take my girl virginity lol. whichever gets it first. lol. umm candy was supposed to come over today but gramma is comin home early. So i gotta call candy. i might just go over there latah...hm.

Ya met this HOOTT butch girl lol. i usually dont like butch girls. But shes fuckin yumm..lol. So is candy,, ::smiles::

yeah came home at 130 in the am. the parents thought i ran away again. Go figure...lol.



ne ways im out... :::HOT LESBIAN WANTED<33::: lol



xo Ashley

Current mood: indescribable
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Monday, November 22, 2004

3:25PM

heyy,.. shits been goin on lately.. alotta confusion on what i want right now. Like idk im soo confused. I wanna be single and shit but then again i want someone to care you know. I know that sounds selfish but i do. Im sick of bein alone. I wanna settle down and find someone i wanna be with you know. I thought i had but he was an asshole. And the other person is fuckin confusing as hell..she says one thing then says it to 2 or 3 other people. Im just sick of people playing with my head thats all i guess.

I wanted to hang out with matt this weekend. we was supposed to but his moms an asshole. I miss him so much. Its like the one person who's always been there for me and especially when travis died he was there for me. I love him soo much and so does my family! Its like hes blood..idk... i wanna c him tho..soooo much.


well ima go feel sorry for myself somemore.



xo-Ash

Current mood: blah
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Saturday, November 20, 2004

9:24AM - Haha the pistons fans Kicked ass!!! Sum1 threw a chair 2!! hahahaha

heyy,, been a lil bit since i updated.. heres whats been goin on.

Been chillin wit my boy Jorome alot lately. Got a lil "boy toy" as they would say lol. His name is Zack. Hella fine!! Like im not really looking for a relationship right now. I mean I wanna be happy but if i get in a relationship its gunna be with a girl. Cuz guys are 1 complete assholes and 2 tooo confusing and like to play games. Yeah, I said that im a lesbian but i was just reeeally upset and shit over joey and i didnt see myself with any1 but him so i didnt wanna touch any other guys or anything. But honestly bcuz of tuesday im over him 100%!! And it feels Great! Yeah i got a couple crushes... but thats always the same. However Zack... Hes Hott! And we're just flirtin and blah blah but idk.. i think it could be something else.. I wanna lady though. I wanna be able to take care of sum1 the way they should be takin care of and likewise. But right now.. i kinda just wanna go out there and have fun.

ME AND MATT are supposed to hang out today:) i cant wait! i miss my brother!!! We was supposed to hang out yesterday but he couldnt bcuz he didnt go to school:/ his moms a douche! But he said he should be able to today! I hope so!!! We're prolly just gunna chill around the house for a bit.. then go over Joromes and see whats up till they go to the bar.

Yeah i havent really been smoking lately. I think im quiting! Believe it or not. I dont wanna be addicted to anything.. sept booty:) but yooouu know how that is:) I havent realy been smoking much lately like only 3 or 4 a day. And im starting to cut even on that. So ima be ciggerette free in no time! And i havent been smokin weed that much anymore neither.. only like 2 or 3 times a week. instead of like every single day numorous amounts a day. Ima only drink...and smoke weed occassionally. But i LOOOOVVEE to drink. :):)

well its late..or early which ever one you wanna call it.. and i havent slept yet. So ima go take a lil cat nap for a couple hours then wake up around 1 and call matt like i said i would.


luv ya Bunches!


xo <33 AsH xo

Current mood: oh you know!
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Sunday, November 14, 2004

3:47AM

What Would You do if...
I cried:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:

What Do You Think Of My...
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Mannerisms:
Family:
Friends:
Decisions:

Would You...
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Take a bullet for me:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Makeout with me:
Hold me in times of need:
Have sex with me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
Date me:

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12:30AM

hey every1. shit here. drunk offa my asss. talkin 2 this guy named matt tourner. on the computer. nd this other person. and brittney. seen hott zack today. ughhhhhh damnn fuckable. damn str8!! soo hott...yumm... then seen joey today.. he was lookin mighty yummy too. but i held myself back..even tho i wanted to... i did. but i was good! ok? ok! then i talked to eric today!! havent seen him in forever nd a half. hes movin back out here to rouge.. i think? but yeah.. i dont wanna be with no1. i wanna go and have fun.. nd not be tied down u kno. but then i love joey and i cant say no to him. so who knows what'll happen. much love fuckers! not like ya'll give a fuck bout me!...



-ash

Current mood: drunk offa my ass!
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Friday, November 12, 2004

12:16AM

mother fucker!! why am i so stupid?? went over joeys today.. just to hang out nd cuz he told me he had to talk to me. So im sitting there with Joleen nd him watching tv..sitting next to joleen on the couch.. he went in the kitchen nd i was just sitting there with joleen nd then outta no where here he comes totally took me off guard from the side nd started kissin me nd shit.wow.. i was in shock.. i didnt know waht to say,,. mann... i miss him soo much,, then he went back into the kitchen nd i was talkin to joleen nd i was like in shock.. i was like wtf is going on..lol. then he came back out nd kissed me again nd was like it was so good i had to do it again.. then he said thats what he had to talk to me about. nd said he was sorry. then this other girl comes in nd joey totally blew her off.. cuz shes fucking annoying nd wants his nuts hardcore!! nd she was like whatever nd went to give him a hug and kissed him on the cheek.. lol i gave her the dirtiest look.. joey nd joleen was like damn i thought u grew horns. nd joey was like it looked like the way u looked at her u were like why the fuck is she kissin him. or in joeys words "kissin my property" lol! nd a buncha other shit happened.. nd im so confused.. like i see the opportunity i been waiting for nd its finally out there for me.. i could get back with joey... but idk.. im soo confused cuz i dont wanna get hurt anymore.. im sick of games nd shit.. its to the point idk if hes serious or just playin games.. nd britt i told him that me nd u r supposed to hang out tomarrow nd that we're prolly comin over. so... hope u still want to cuz i still wanna c ya nd hang out with ya!


I Love Joey!!:/ ....ughhh sum1 help me plzzz... what would u do.




----ash-----

Current mood: ughh joey!!
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Monday, November 8, 2004

4:25PM

im going threw a really tough time right now.. got ALOT of shit going on inside my head.. none to help any that my dad came home with another womans perfume on him last night. then ate dinner and left for like another 3 hours... i dont even know what to think anymore... i havent told anyone about that yet.. but i put it in here... well im missin joey but i think that im starting to move on a lil bit. nd i still care about someone else... but shh.. well im all upset nd cryin nd ma should be home soon so i gotta stop cuz i dont want her to get all upset..


My moms my best friend<3 i love her so much. ill never be able to forgive my dad if hes doin what we think hes doing :/ Guys are fuckin assholes.. nd fucking disgusting. ohh well..




---ash

Current mood: i fucking hate my dad!
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12:01AM

you know what fuck u guys then Lol. no not lol. thats fucked up. oh well. Been talkin to matt alot lately. thats cool i missed talkin to him. he is a great guy i dont give a fuck what none of ya'll say. We might hang out tomarrow. :).

Nd cait call me when u can. PLz <33










well im out.



<33 ash

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Friday, November 5, 2004

9:28PM - bored

well not much goin on. went over britts sisters for lil bit. we was gunna go over joeys and hang out but buncha shit screwed up so we didnt nd she ended up going home. that kinda sux cuz i walked all the way over there in the cold by myself. nd i wanted to hang out w/her but oh well. we're supposed to hang out next weekend.

Dropped today. No more school for me till january-ish. when i go to asher. ima miss everyone lots tho.. if your gunna miss me COMMENT and tell me how much and why ur gunna miss me.. plzzzzz





well no more to say for now.



COMMENT PLZ



<3ash

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Thursday, October 28, 2004

1:55PM

hello every1.. well not too much exciting shit has been happening lately and i dont really got too much to say. seen joey a couple times this week. makes me feel good<3 idk i think i need to move on and be with someone else. but im not attracted to any guys. at all except joey, and when i seen him he looked like nothing was bothering him. I wanna go out there nd meet new people. meet new girls. but idk maybe its just better that im alone right now. I REALLY need some booty tho. its been like almost 2 mons</3. Thats a long time. for like that past 5 or 6 mons the longest was like a month. cuz i just moved from chris to joey nd like idk. i was always in a relationship. and now im not. but im kinda happy. i like being single in a way. lol i think its so funny. i walk down the fuckin street nd i got all these ghetto punk ass bitches tryin to talk to me. fuck that shit. nasty std'd bitches. it just makes me laugh. I want some fun tho. i wanna go out nd try new things nd meet new people nd not have to be tied down right now. Actually have sex with a girl finally. I wish. I hate bein the girl virgin outta the group. Lol. oh well i just gotta find that special girl i guess. So, yeah. tomarrows the big day. going and fillin everything out and thats it. Then ill be going to asher next semester. I know alot of people think its stupid. But honestly i think this is what i need. I need a fresh start. Meet new people make new friends. Not that i still wont love all of you nd not talk to none of u anymore cuz i will! I heard that there is alot of hot lesbians that go there tho<3 so.. lol. we'll see what happens tho. well ima go watch my soaps and smoke some green<333 luv yas bunches<3 _luv ash_

Current mood: cranky
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Monday, October 25, 2004

9:56AM

yeah well im up at the school today. getting all my shit and turning in all my shit..ect... i dont know where to go to drop.. i gotta know for sure that im doing it tho. cuz once i do it its final untill january. so. idk... that chris kid and my cousin is coming and getting me after school. its johns bday so we;re gunna go smoke a bday blunt...lol.

Yeah this schools went to shit forreal. Now u Have to have a pass through the door and you have to check out a computer. i need to get a book to read or somethin cuz theres really nothing else to do on the computers. im really startin to hate computers. they bore me now. so here in a min ima go get a book or something.


soo yeah. im droppin today prolly if not today then i will some other time this week. maybe come back nd see every1. thats oneof the reasons i dont wanna cuz now i could just come see everybody u kno. i mean my ma nd dad dont care bout me droppin so. nd im goin to asher next semester. hopefully.

put in a couple apps at a few places. hope someone calls me or something. that way i have money nd shit. nd i gotta pay rent so.



yeah single.. nd kinda lovin it. I wanna meet some new girls. Gunna go see joey tomarrow. if i gotta go by myself thats cool, oh well. i gotta get my stuff from him nd stuff. im kinda happy a lil that we broke up cuz now im single nd i can do damn well what i plz. but it still hurts. Hes the only guy i like. other then that ima ladies woman<33 lol im such a dork.. but neways.. im out.. gunna go do somethin., maybe leave. smoke a square<3


<333

_luv_tali_

Current mood: bored
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Sunday, October 24, 2004

9:28PM

well.. tried to move on and date someone else... not workin for me. im still too in love with joey. More then i thought. It just didnt feel right. it felt like i was doing something wrong. I wanna go see him. i wanna see how hes doing. nd what hes been up 2. I feel bad cuz that chris guy really liked me i guess. thats what he told my brother and my cousin. but i didnt wanna hurt him or nothing and i just cant be with anyone right now. except joey. not like that will prolly happen.

havent drank in awhile. since me nd joey broke up basically. when i was drinkin nd shit alot nd bein fucked up everyday. mayybe thats a good thing.

yeah the only guy i find remotely attractive is joey. im not attracted to anyother guys. but i wanna gf. i been talkin to a couple girls. but none i really like. i mean like it feels wrong with guys nd im not attracted to any guys. but im still atracted to chicks and stuff and wanna be with a chick. what does that tell me? hm weird.

but im out. ill update soon<3




_love_tali_

Current mood: idk what to think anymore
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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

9:12AM

hey hey wut up. Shit here just sittin in the library. this is prolly my last day in here at this school then ima be goin to asher next semester. Hopefully anyways, ma and dad said something about if im out then im out theres really no point in saying your gunna go back if your not. that what they keep tellin me. ya sat up all night last night till like 230-3. thinkin about joey and shit. and how i miss him. and the shit that went on and whats goin on right now. Idk what to think about it all. im so confused and upset. dont know if i should wait on him or move on. I dont know what to do anymore. Im in love with joey but maybe i need to let him go b4 he leads me on into getting hurt yet again. I dont even know what to think.

Yeah meeting my cousin johnathons friend chris today, hes 18. he looks really cute from the pix i seen of him. Maybe its best for me to move on. I dont know yet. Im just gunna play the cards as they come to me.

I really really miss joey though.



</3 im out tho.. _tali_

Current mood: confused
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Sunday, October 17, 2004

4:10PM

Ooh, Ooh, Hey
Yo see it's rare that you find people like us
Cause all ya'll other (look) out there doing what i'm doing
Or trying to do what im doing, but you can't
Cause I do what I do my way
What about you huhhhh, huhhh, Come On!!!!

I do any and everything you want to
Make your girl go oooh-oooh
Why's he so fly
She beeps me, whenever she wanna get freaky
You can get mad if you want Say what ever you want
But shes still gonna give it up

She likes it my way, my way,
You can't satasify her needs
She keeps running bak to see me do it
My way, my way
What I say goes, and I'm in control

Bad ass senoritas to sweaters with kicks
New kicksit's all in the mix
Don't turn no tricks, they turn for me
Catchin bricks don't concern me
So forget it Lil midget, my mind on seven digits
Before I pay heaven's skies a visit, now it
I'm pullin all stops , lockin down all spots
Sayin you can't front on me
So from this day forth you know I'm all about heat
And what I do be the major league
That's why your girlfriend's paging me
And she know like he know, you don't see her like I see her
So she's out the do'
Shot gun in my drop havin' fun with the Don, system, Bassun
Conversation about how she be chasin' me
And facin' me sayin' give it to me now, baby

She likes it my way, my way,
You can't satasify her needs
She keeps running bak to see me do it
My way, my way
What I say goes, and I'm in control

Don't check me
It was your girl who let me
Take it this far then, ooh-wee
She had to have it every chance that she could get
But you think I'm a baller
And I ain't gonna call her
Clip that, you can get mad if you want to
Say whatever you want...
But she's still gonna give it up
She likes it....

She likes it my way, my way,
You can't satasify her needs
She keeps running bak to see me do it
My way, my way
What I say goes, and I'm in control

Current mood: crushed
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4:01PM

This is what you do
This is what you do
This is what you do
This is what you do

1 - You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about a ring and all the things that come along with
You make me
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and all the things that come along with
Make me
You make me

Before anything became between us
You were like my best friend
The one I used to run and talk to
When me and my girl was having problems
You used to say it would be okay
Suggest little nice things that I should do
And when I go home at night and lay my head down
All I seem to think about was you
And how you make me wanna

Repeat 1

Now what's bad is you're the one that hooked us up
Knowing it should have been you
And what's sad is that I love her but I'm falling for you
What should I do
Should I tell my baby bye-bye
Should I do exactly what I feel inside
Cause I, I don't wanna go, don't need to stay
But I really need to get it together

Repeat 1

At this point the situation's out of control
I never meant to hurt her
But I gotta let her go
And she may not understand it
Why all of this is going on
I tried, I tried to fight it
But the feeling's just too strong

You make me wanna
You make me wanna




god i fucking miss him!

Current mood: i<3joey
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Saturday, October 16, 2004

11:58PM

yeah got woke up to chris callin me on the phone.. joleen nd eric broke up. that sux. went to chris lands house for his band and the imp villains show.. it was bad ass! Got into the mosh pit. that was sweet as hell. Hurt my elbow tho. some one made me slam into one of the pole things on the wall in chris' basement. got a bruise and shit. it was badass tho! came back out here to rouge. went and seen eric for a bit. joleen and him talked. they r gunna work on bein friends first b4 anything else. was outside freezin my balls off. then went over to joeys,.. seen him for a bit. I miss him hardcore. like always. nothings goin on between us. I hope we get back together but who knows. umm came home. ate dinner. thats about it.. ill update later on other things<3

till next<3



<3_tali_<3

Current mood: I <3 joey
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Friday, October 15, 2004

8:29AM - JOEY

heyy.. got to c joey for a few mins yesterday<3!I missed him soo much! i was tellin joleen all day we gotta go over there we gotta go i miss him hardcore. Just to see how hes doing and you know how life is for him right now. And wuts going on in his head. I guess hes feeling like shit and that he really misses me. It makes me so happy bcuz i miss him so much. We're just taking a "break" thats all. Thats what we're doing. To figure out wut we both want. And if it has its way we're gunna be back together. You guys im seriously in love. I found the person the one person. and Joeys it. And ima do whatever it takes to be with him. No matter how long i have to wait. I love Joey<3 But im out.. i didnt go to school again. Im downloading degrassi episodes.

http://www.synergygaming.net/mikey/season4/ <-- check it out<3


_love_tali_ -- i <3 joey!!:):)

Current mood: i got to see joey<33
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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

10:37AM

fuck man this sux... i was really wanting those pills today,,,,fuckkkk! his dude never called him back.. hes waiting on him to call him back.. i want to do it today tho so idk.. i dnt wanna wait,, i cant be sober right now.. im hurtin wayy too much. daaammnnn man,, this sux! I nneeddd those pills!!

Current mood: angry
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