Well, I'm really really really broke.
If anyone wants to donate to Krystal's rent fund, I would totally give you a blowjob. THanks.
At least the small amount of money that I did have went to a good cause though. Being getting the FUCK out of this town. Rob, Ty and I went to L.A. to pick up Jacob the Savage from the Greyhound station. My car guzzled an unbelievable amount of gas and we ended up spending all of our money and then some on gas alone. I'm going to tell myself the story so I can remember some day if I want to.
We drove up there and Rob with his infamous confidence had claimed to know exactly where it was but actually didn't know where it was, he just knew it was "by the skyscrapers down town." Uh, okay, so we were lost in some desolate part of L.A. called Vernon or something, I have no clue, it was like nobody even lived around there but there were just deserted buildings and shit. Anyhoo, we called jacob and found some sort of directions and finally found it. He was so cute waiting with his guitar on his back and we showed up bumpin cuz we rule like that. The next mission was to find the beach, because we had to do something awesome while we were there. Jacob rolled a joint in the car and we smoked it. Then we asked random people at gas stations, and an asian told us where to go. Santa Monica is where we ended up and it was beautiful at night. We were right next to the pier on the beach and it was like 30 degrees cooler there than here in Gilbert. It was heavenly. We then proceeded to roll a joint of Jacob's really great weed from Oregon and we passed that shit on the beach. Afterwards, we all walked out into the ocean and Ty made a bathing suit out of a deflated polka dot beach ball. It was the hottest thing known to man. The water felt amazing and no sharks ate me so that was a plus. When the beach thing was over we started walking back and we see this bag or something on the pier and we're wondering "what is that??" so at first we stare and say "that's a bag" then it turns into "bag?" and then Ty says "person??" and we realize that there's a top of a head poking out from one side and Ty says "PERSONNNNNNN". great discovery. then we saw a fight in the parking lot and as we were walking away we heard gunshots and we kinda just laughed nervously and kept walking. Rob asked a homeless lady for change and him and Ty thought it was hilarious. Actually, that was pretty funny in a sick sad way. We stood around for awhile trying to figure out how to get money like if we should try to sell jacob's weed so we could make it home but we decided against it and scrounged up some money from my car and card. On the way to the car there was a suitcase just chillin on the corner and we tried to steal it but as we're walking and looking around we hear this fuckin lady just start yelling "HEY KIDS YOU'RE STEALING MY HOME THERE! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THAT'S MY HOUSE YOU GOT THERRRREE!!! HEEEEYYY!" bahahahhhahaha, it was the dumbest thing ever so we dropped it and ran laughing back to the car. Time to find a way back home, I called Andy Pyon and luckily he mapquested our way back but then the hard part was that we smoked another joint or two and Ty started driving fuckin 40 mph on a 65 or 75 mph freeway. A semi passes us and he just grabs the steering wheel all freaked out and almost pisses himself as it passed us. I took note of this so everytime a semi passed I screamed and freaked the shit out of him until he was going 30 mph and we all realized we should probably pull over. Baha, I've never been so high that the car had to be pulled over. We pulled off into a town called Beaumont. This town looked like something from the wild west and all I wanted to do was have a gunfight or a draw. It was the weirdest place and the weirdest situation. We all just stood around really high and smoked cigaretes and laughed at the fact that we were so damn high and sitting in some weird ass town. Of course jacob and I played ninjas and decided that's what Ty has to be next halloween because he has the hair for it. I was highly entertained by a fence as well. Paranoia sort of crept in and there was a point when everyone was like "okay so if the cops show up and ask us why we're here we'll just say that we are tired and this is a well lit area and that's why we parked here and blah blah blah" it was funny. I finally decided that I would drive so we could get the hell out of Beaumont and since everyone else was too obliterated. Well, I was too but oh well I had to learn some control. Baha, I just remembered that once Ty and Rob were out of the running for who would drive, Jacob wanted to "Ink a BInk" for it. I just laughed my ass off and got in the driver's seat. We looked at the freeway signs for which one to get back on and we thought we all agreed on the right way but it turned out being the wrong way. So we drove back towards L.A. until the next exit. While on that freeway there was a big fucking semi with metal shit all on the back and I kept staring at it like, damn, i hope that doesn't start falling off. So I'm looking and suddenly see something in the light from my headlights flying towards my car. A huge sheet or piece of fucking metal just flies and hits my windshield and I was so high I couldn't even believe it. I was just like "WHAT THE FUCK! DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN!?" They told me to flash my brights at him to get him to pull over so we could tell him shit was falling off the truck but god i was high and i tried, but it was a task, and he never pulled over so i just kept way behind him and drove slow until the exit. When I had a chance to exit and turn around, I had to flip a bitch cuz the ramp was on the other side, there's nobody on the roads cuz it's like 3 in the morning and i start flipping a bitch to get on the freeway.. SO OF COURSE a car turns the corner ahead and starts coming towards me and at the same fucking time a car shows up and is heading towards me from the back. God damn I was shitting my pants as i turned, reversed, and just barely fucking made it before being hit from every direction. I think we all got a good scare especially cuz we were all so fucking high. I couldn't even believe that just happened after the truck incident. In the end, we made it home and smoked a blunt yay!