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Random fannish thoughts

Saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. I wasn't unentertained, but it was mostly thanks to the fun and/or violent beats within an overall plot (in terms both of concrete dangers and emotional arcs) I didn't really care about. Why does everything has to be about emotional growth, family, and so on? You've got a talking raccoon with explosives! Just do a caper movie or something like that.

In related non-news, it's weird how weird it feels to see ESPN ads about the upcoming Champions League final in Cardiff (I did tell you about my how I'm avoiding news channels as much as I can out of psychological self-defense), without making a single reference to Torchwood.

If I were in charge of the BBC, I'd have John Barrowman as Captain Harness be seen briefly during the official transmission; unannounced and unmentioned, doing something vaguely mysterious on the background for a short moment. The parts of the internet you want to know, will see it and pass the word around. Like, in seconds.

Likewise, I'd have every Doctor I can talk into it appear randomly in the background of events, sonicking things, appearing to fix others, just going somewhere else. Turning a corner slightly ahead of a moving camera, and yet not being there when the camera follows. Never giving a heads up, never acknowledging anything. Just have the Doctor, Torchwood, etc, be a random part of the world. You never know where you'll come across the Doctor, and if you're lucky and he's successful, you won't find out what he was trying to prevent.

Hell, if you want to introduce a new Doctor, you just put him in the background of some real events, and then you have bits of his (or her, wouldn't it be nice to dream) episode take place sideways to that event, Rosencrantz and Guilderstein are Dead-style. So, say, a BBC live music event would show, briefly, a guy deliver a music sheet to a pianist, and then months later part of a Doctor Who episode would involve the Doctor replacing a music sheet for a music event with an specific date and place with a deadly tonal harmonic overlay with the proper one, our viewpoint from a side of the stage as he walks to the pianist and gives him the sheet. And the internet would take about thirty seconds to say "hey, that was a real BBC event," and then somebody will watch that video and see a man they now know is the Doctor do the thing right there in reality. Cue, I hope, the yay.

Not that Doctor Who needs any help with the internet, of course. But the BBC, the Doctor, and the United Kingdom might be the only studios, character, and place where you could pull this off in a seamless manner, so why not go for it?

If no British museum ever put Doctor easter eggs in a historical exposition or two and quietly asked somebody's niece to post a photo or two to Tumblr, then I don't know what they think "native social media marketing" is.

Secrets, quoth Hubertus Bigend, are the root of cool.

The Fate of the Furious

To complain that this movie lacks logic, believable character arcs, recognizable physics, dialogue even remotely related to what a human being not under the effect of psychoactive compounds would say, or an engaging plot would, I've been telling myself all day, a category error.

It doesn't even try to be recognizably different from the last few movies. Every FF movie is actually closer to the one before than that one was to the one before to it, a sequence that will eventually converge to a platonic, ideal Fast and Furious movie that will be shown for a few months every year, nobody recognizing or caring that it's the same one down to the last absolutely unnecessary car stunt.

It is what it is, like a Bond movie is what it is. I'm sure movie producers are currently trying to figure out both when Vin Diesel will get tired of the sound of the money trucks backing down his driveway, and how long it'll be tasteful to wait before they reboot the series.

Anyway. I went, I watched, I had the vague pseudofun I expected to have.

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Let it not be said that they skirted away from how god-damn awfully skeevy Slade is in this one, because they so very much didn't. Heck, they added one or two extra-skeevy moments not in the original comics, just for good measure, and not even ones that advance the plot in any way.

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Point the first: I liked the nearly complete lack of plot points. There were some, yes, but it was mostly headshot headshot headshot reload headshot headshot judo bodyshot headshot headshot to guy in judo hold reload...

Point the second: As noted above, they didn't change the style of Wick's violence. Despite the somewhat ludicrous accumulation of bodies and injuries, I still heartily approve of his minimalist style of gun kata: Headshot. If can't do a headshot, shoot other places until you can do a headshot. If too close to shoot, grapple (try again to shoot, just in case), kill whoever is an immediate threat in the perimeter, then, yes, headshot. It requires plenty of ammo that you're forced to scavenge along the way, but it's very efficient: you just can't kill that many people in a normal-sized movie if you're going to have long shootouts with each of them. I briefly wondered while watching the movie how the world must feel to somebody like him: everybody's so *slow*, and they shoot bizarrely at almost random places. Does John Wick fight with guns like Jedis would fight with guns? (to steal a comment I made about the Speed Racer movie) You know, maybe he does. He does have the nearly supernatural speed and precision you need to stop a blaster with a lightsaber.

Point the third: They spent a bit more time exploring the insane world of the movie, and it's *adorable*. There's a bit about a worldwide council of crime that felt boring (and, god, why do we always have to have a weird stylish "European" party or two in almost every movie?), but the important fact is that the world of the movie is absolutely full of weirdly overlapping criminal fraternities with insanely complex resources and networks. It's hilarious. And of course there's The Continental. Wherever you travel to, I do recommend staying there (and oh my god their back-office... my soul was filled with so much squee at their back-office).

Point the fourth: The bad guy's main bodyguard was quietly interesting, but I felt she was underused. Would've liked to know more about her backstory.

My summary is the one I've seen in every review: if you liked the first movie, you're very likely to like this one, and if you didn't, then you probably won't.

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Caveat: I see Tims everywhere

My memories of the movie are admittedly vague (and I didn't read the book), but wouldn't The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo be a good Tim Drake AU?

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The more I think about Batman vs Superman, the less sense it makes. Even disregarding the hailstorm of idiot balls hitting everybody, what sorts Batman fights do we see? Two relatively Batman-y ones, true, the one at the beginning and the one at the end when he rescues Martha Kent, but the main ones are the chase scene, where he spends more bullets per minute than Punisher crashing a mob meeting, and the one where he fights Superman in full weapons plus power suit plus kryptonite mode.

What we don't see, what we are taunted with, is him breaking into LexCorp to steal the kryptonite. We're shown enough to know it must've been epic, but between Bruce's "resolved face" (and, really, World's Best Detective (not that he *ever* has been that in any of the damn movies, which might be the worst of the oversights, given how the Holmes movies have shown us that it can do well commercially), in what world would a Superman gone bad kill everybody with a damn explosion? That's not even one of his powers! He'd burn everybody, collapse the building, tear them down to cells, whatever, but nothing non-explodable would explode!) and Lex riding into his front gate to see ambulances drive away, and inside a wrecked building and a damn batarang nailed to where the kryptonite was... Batman must've teared through everything, and, assuming he didn't use weapons, it must've been glorious.

That's the Batman movie I want to see: half a Holmes movie, half The Raid (or a quarter Holmes, a quarter The Raid, a quarter Matches Malone noir, and a quarter of humorous Brucie and Alfred shenanigans).

We're more likely to see the Budapest Black Widow-plus-Hawkeye spy movie than that one, but one can dream about a better world.

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Fate wasn't kind to me today

Trapped downtown by a traffic collapse, and after whiling away time in three different coffee shops, I went into a theater and watched Underworld: Blood Wars. What a ridiculous movie.

What a ridiculous series. The opening consists of the protagonist narrating I was *premise of the first move*. And then *events of the first movie*. And then *absurd development in the second movie*. And then *absurd development in the third movie* (or maybe that was the fourth; one of those was an even more absurd prequel). I'm not lying about the repeated And then.... It sounded like a kid making up a story on the spot, but how else can you connect such a barrage of plot developments?

This last movie pretty much throws the plot arc kitchen sink against the wall and shoots the pieces (in both the cinematographic and ballistic senses of the word). I think I can spot the exact moment where they just gave up on the whole thing: Spoilers, obviously.Collapse )

What a ridiculous movie. Could've been funny-ridiculous, but you can tell they are still sort of pretending anybody cares about coven politics and whatnot.

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Spoilery, but brief.Collapse )

As usual, that's about 15% of everything that happened there. So much drama.

Now that I've finished watching those movies, maybe I can come back to what was supposed to be an extremely busy and focused month professionally speaking.

Ah, whatever. What was the point of buying a large TV I didn't need if I'm not going to sit on the floor right in front of it with diet Coke and chocolate to watch martial arts movies when I should be in bed?

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Continuing my martial arts movie spam...

Watched Sword of Destiny (the Netflix sequel to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) last night. I don't know if that was by design, but it was as trope-y a movie as you could imagine. Except for one or two details, you see everything coming from leagues away. It's not always a bad thing, but in this case I think it detracts from the movie (or maybe it was just the juxtaposition of the WTF-a-minute of The Four).

The visuals, though, were exceedingly pretty. There's something about a Chinese courtyard under the moon that almost demands silent thieves, sudden fights, and talks with ghosts.

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