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This is why we don't have nice things

[community profile] scans_daily is currently posting bits from the old "Doom's Master" FF story, which included both one of the worst moments of Doom characterization I can conceive, much less know of — lets just begin with Victor Von Doom calling somebody, anybody, anything, "Master" — and one of Doom's crowing moments of awesome, when he was thoroughly trashed (I'm being hilariously understated here) and thrown back into the Pliocene to be eaten by giant sharks. That's not the awesome part, of course (except in that it implies you're the kind of person who rates the sort of enemies who can do that) – the awesome part is what he did then. So I've always been ambiguous about that.

Except that now they are also posting bits of Dark Avengers #176, showing how the Thunderbolts, in the far past for irrelevant reasons, happen to rescue Doom. The Thunderbolts. Rescue. Doom. And he of course betrays them for their time machine, and that's how Doom survived that thing.

No. Nope. Nooooooope. No-no. No chance. Nah. I refuse to acknowledge that Marvel just retconned one of Doom's Peak Doom moments into little more than outrageously good luck. It's worse than the time DC retconned Hal Jordan's completely understandable grief (together with maybe completely understandable plans) and subsequent one-man blitzkrieg against the Crops and grim semi-godhood into "possession by weird cosmic entity," rendering meaningless what had been a psychologically and narratively *interesting* event. Mostly because I'm a gazillon times more interested in Doom than in Hal and, to borrow a 2016 vernacular we'll never use again, the eons-long Big Bang-sized dumpster fire that is everything the Guardian have tried to do, ever.

He really should know better by now

Doom's notion that Valeria, after being told to NOT DO THE THING by both her father and God, will not immediately go and DO THE THING is almost cute.

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Hannibal S03E05: It's been a long while since I last gesticulated and yelled at a TV quite so enthusiastically.

Secret Wars #this week: I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed for Doom as I feel reading this series. It's like that time (Pre-Crisis, I think) when Lex was in this other planet and he saved that world and made everything better by sciencing the shit out of everything at hand, and everybody loved him and made statues of thing, and they renamed the planet Lexia (I think? that sounds weird even by Pre-Crisis standards, but could be right, and I'm too amused by the idea to google and risk disappointment). Anyway, Lex was basically *it*, and yet he felt unfulfilled (gee, I wonder why), and when he found a cache of old, even-more-advanced technology, he used it to build a supersuit (the one made by Darkseid in post-crisis Superman/Batman, when he went crazy in a different way) that he field-tested by destroying things he had built/saved himself (again, I might be wrong, but that's how I remember it), just to be able to kill Superman.

And when they fought, he ended up destroying the planet, because of course.

ETA: See astolat's comment below for more (and more accurate) details on that wonderful bit of Silver Age crack.

I need to update my media firewalls

I was avoiding the latest Secret Wars, but upon learning that it was set up on an universe created by 616's Doom (somewhat more resiliently than the last time he did that), I picked it up.

Big mistake.

In this re-created universe, where Doom is god, etc, etc (although in a relatively, for Doom, relaxed way), you know who's Doom's queen? Susan. And you know how Val, the head of Doom's Foundation, calls him? Father.

Ugh.

Hickman's Doom is one of the smartest, most driven and interesting versions of the character, but his brand of psychological issues is very, very unnerving. He's not just, or mainly, trying to get revenge on Reed. He's so focused on unseating him it's positively juvenile. He admires Susan, but he doesn't love her (one of the things that, well, dooms Doom is that there's nobody in the world he loves or he's personally loved by, hence his cult of personality in Latveria, which would otherwise be beneath him: why would Doom care for the opinion of the lesser?), and even if he did love her he's no Namor. He just wants Susan because she is Reed's (not how either Reed or Susan would put it, of course, but that's a different and parallel crazy of Doom's).

Reminds me of Luthor on his worst days, so focused on proving he's better than Superman at Superman's thing that he becomes a lesser version of himself as Luthor.

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Remember the half-brilliant/half-idiotic Fantastic Four storyline "The Masters of Doom"? What they did to Doom, and how he struck back? I just realized that it would have been a great Doctor Who plot (not to mention an innovative way to introduce a new regeneration).

Yes, Comics Are Crazy

Recced: Fantastic Four #569. Why? 1% of the reason is the way it shows that you should never mess with the Fantastic Four, who are not only powerful but also crazier than you. Specially Reed Richards. I know I'm repeating myself, but that's one seriously stone-cold insane guy.

The other 99% of the reason is Doom. I still think that the idea of Doom having a "Master" is rank idiocy, but Doom's countermove was epic in its straightforward simplicity and Doom-nesque sense of priorities.

Zeroth Rule of the Marvel Multiverse: DOOM IS MORE BADASS THAN YOU.

Elsewhere, Wade is still entertainingly crazy and fun interacting with Spidey, Daredevil, and Frank Castle (Deadpool Suicide Kings #4), both Batwoman and the Question kick ass (Detective Comics #855), Jeremy Irons isn't as badass as an engineer with a huge nanotechnological factory should be (Superman #690), and apparently everyone in the Ignition City-verse swears like Warren Ellis (Ignition City #4).

Last post of the day, I promise

Deadpool #9 was almost Deadpool-ish. He's that insane. And that tactically dangerous (too many writers present him as a heavily armed nearly immortal cheerful sociopath, something that he is, but they also forget that he is also very smart). And, yes, that insane.

And from Doctor Doom and The Masters of Evil 03, an intro page that made me snicker. Doom has killed people for far less than what that writer did.

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