Yesterday was odd. I decided to stay up all night Wednesday. Why? Nerves, stress, can't shut my brain off (which almost led me to staying up Monday; I was talking to this person about philosophy, love, relationships, and I was on fire that night), and also trying to study for a test.
Anyway, I was overly nervous because I was going to exchange CDs with my ex. I didn't expect I would see her, but she answered the door and actually spoke to me. There's a number of reasons why that was a bigger deal to me than most things, but I won't get into them, or anything I'm thinking about right now.
Earlier in the day, Andi stopped and talked to me in the hall way. She has a huge calming effect on me, even when I'm not all Woody Allen-esqe. I do have to make a habit of putting my hands in my pockets, because they will reach out for her. It's ashame though that she doesn't want me. Mary said she thinks Andi likes me, but she just wont show it. She DID call me "adorable" yesterday :) I like getting back to the way I used to be; I used to be so cute and all that. I can remember once saying "I'm just a skinny Teddy Bear", and it was agreed on.
I've been listening to alot of Acceptance by James Eric lately. I first listened to it, and then blew it off like I wasn't too into it. Just like Deathless though, it took awhile to get into (not as long, but awhile nontheless). You know, they are two very different CDs, but also very much the same; it's hard to explain, but listeners of "The College Dropout" and "Late Registration" (Kanye West) should know what I mean. Anyway, I take them as metaphors; Deathelss being about lusting for the impossible, and Acceptace, of course, as accepting what you can't have, but letting in who and what you can. Very good record ("Holy Fire" is one of the coolest songs ever; I love when artists break out ofthe standards they've set for themselves). I was planning to go see him in concert Sunday, but it's 40 miles away, and even if I took the train as far as it goes, I'd still be 13 miles away, so I'm just going to make it to the the one in May; it's on a Friday too, so I'm going to try and get a couple friends to come.
It's been an exhausting couple days, but for now, Walmart calls.