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T.B. Octavan

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Tourniquet [08 Apr 2006|06:19am]
Jail is not jail
A trap is not a trap
Not if we know how to break free
We all wear the chains of opression
Willingly, but the deception
Is we all have it, but don't use the key
It seems like a sick game
Indecisiveness brings so much pain
But while you're trying to decide what's best
You need to consider what you're doing
Who's plans will you end up ruining?
Who's life will you leave a mess?
When you don't feel
Let them know it isn't real
Do it ASAP
Don't wait a long amount of time
You'll end up paying for your crime
And you'll never be free
When there's another involved
Don't just put up a wall
Or pretend, keep quiet, and hope things will work out
Rip the band-aid off
Just knuckle down, and admit a loss
DON'T reconsider due to doubt
How could you live with yourself
Leading on somebody else
Playing with their emotions that way
It may be hard on them and you
But do what you need to do
Or it will come back at you someday

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Pride [06 Apr 2006|03:56am]
You know I've been hinting for awhile
And I'm always hoping my praise makes you smile
Even now, I still try to support you
Because I'm so proud, it would kill me not to
It doesn't bother me that much
But I've put thought in it, as such
It's not hard to say "Good work, man
You have so little, yet stick to your plan"
I don't thrive on many a compliment
But it hurts when the ones closest don't say it
With all I did/do for myself and you too
Would it have killed you to say "I'm proud of you"?

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Too Late??? [06 Apr 2006|03:43am]
It's never too late
To say what you need to say
And it's never too late
To make life go your way
You never run out of time
To tell them how you feel
And there's all opportunity
To let them know the deal
The way you feel in your heart
The way you feel in your soul
You need to listen for that
Before you decide to let go

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Let Me In [04 Apr 2006|10:51am]
Why won't you accept my affection?
Why won't you let me in?
You told me I was absolute perfection
What's the problem then?
Is it something with you?
Something deep you don't want to say?
I don't think there's any wrong you can do
I just want to spend time with you, ok?
I don't care what it is
Whatever you think you need to hide
It's true sometimes ignorance is bliss
But I want to see the girl inside
The fragile girl who was always teasesd
And told she was what she was not
The one I grown fond of madly
The one that sees past everything I'm not
I want that girl
The one I think is perfect
So you can tell me all the ways you could hurt me
But I know it'd be worth it

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[03 Apr 2006|06:59pm]
This is now the poetry journal of t_b_octavan. Feel free to add either journal.

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[02 Apr 2006|04:32am]
New journal: t_b_octavan. Don't make me do this -----> :(

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[02 Apr 2006|12:14am]
I've always hated home shopping networks. I mean, if you're able bodied, go out and buy the tacky shit they sell yourself, and if you can't go out, you really need all that tasteless merchindise? I digress though.

So it's no suprise that I got a chuckle out of this that was on QVC one night. It's obviously a prank call, but I thought you all might find a little humor in it.

I wonder, did your mom happen to see this, Liz?

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[01 Apr 2006|05:56am]
Oh my God
You made me the happiest man
In the world
I can't believe what just went on
I'm going be your husband, I really am
Even though I thought I'd never find "the girl"
It still doesn't seem to fit
And I'm glad you like your name
Attached to my last
It does have a ring to it
All this time, so much pain
But now it's all in the past
What? No, don't say that, please
I proposed and you said yes
So why wont you stay?
Oh I see
Yea it's funny I guess
I forgot it's april fools day

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Something silly [01 Apr 2006|02:59am]
This was posted a long time ago, but I just found it and got a laugh out of it, so I thought I'd repost it.

Falling
(Parody of "Crawling" by Linkin Park)

Falling on my ass
Each day I lose my balance
Nothing trips me up
I just can't friggin' walk

There’s something deep inside that sways me into brick walls
My face has been flatened
This lack of motor skills I fear is never ending
So painful, need stitches
To mend myself again
The walls are closing in
(Without a sense of some balance
I’m convinced that I should just sit down in a chair)
It all makes me dirty
So shower tiiiiiiiiiime

Falling in the tub
Slipping on the soap
Now I broke my ass
Shoulda had it on a rope

The other day I decided to go bowling
So stupid, bad idea
I took a swing and fell right onto the lane
I slid down the gutter
Oh here we go again
The pins are closing in
(Without a sense of some balance
I’m convinced that I should just sit down in a chair)
Here comes the pin racker
Goddamn iiiiiiiit!

Sliding down the lane
The balls, they hit my head
Because they always bowl
Even though I'm on lane

Falling on my ass
Each Day I lose my balance
Nothing trips me up
I just can't friggin' walk

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"If there's one thing we've learned, we can get through anything, even if it hurts." [31 Mar 2006|02:42pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Yesterday was odd. I decided to stay up all night Wednesday. Why? Nerves, stress, can't shut my brain off (which almost led me to staying up Monday; I was talking to this person about philosophy, love, relationships, and I was on fire that night), and also trying to study for a test.

Anyway, I was overly nervous because I was going to exchange CDs with my ex. I didn't expect I would see her, but she answered the door and actually spoke to me. There's a number of reasons why that was a bigger deal to me than most things, but I won't get into them, or anything I'm thinking about right now.

Earlier in the day, Andi stopped and talked to me in the hall way. She has a huge calming effect on me, even when I'm not all Woody Allen-esqe. I do have to make a habit of putting my hands in my pockets, because they will reach out for her. It's ashame though that she doesn't want me. Mary said she thinks Andi likes me, but she just wont show it. She DID call me "adorable" yesterday :) I like getting back to the way I used to be; I used to be so cute and all that. I can remember once saying "I'm just a skinny Teddy Bear", and it was agreed on.

I've been listening to alot of Acceptance by James Eric lately. I first listened to it, and then blew it off like I wasn't too into it. Just like Deathless though, it took awhile to get into (not as long, but awhile nontheless). You know, they are two very different CDs, but also very much the same; it's hard to explain, but listeners of "The College Dropout" and "Late Registration" (Kanye West) should know what I mean. Anyway, I take them as metaphors; Deathelss being about lusting for the impossible, and Acceptace, of course, as accepting what you can't have, but letting in who and what you can. Very good record ("Holy Fire" is one of the coolest songs ever; I love when artists break out ofthe standards they've set for themselves). I was planning to go see him in concert Sunday, but it's 40 miles away, and even if I took the train as far as it goes, I'd still be 13 miles away, so I'm just going to make it to the the one in May; it's on a Friday too, so I'm going to try and get a couple friends to come.

It's been an exhausting couple days, but for now, Walmart calls.

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[29 Mar 2006|11:40pm]
I've been in a reflectory period for awhile; I'm thinking about choices I should have made a long time ago, doing things I should have already done, writing on subjects that happened a long time ago (no one sees this writing, because I've actually picked up the lost art of writing things down by hand. SACRE BLEU!!), and closing some doors while opening others. I guess this is a time to clear out my demons; I have like 100 of them at least. As my friend Chris would say, "That's a lot of demons".

In other news, today (now that it's after midnight) is my brother Matthews 10th birthday.

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[28 Mar 2006|08:22pm]
Even when things look at their worst, they could always be worse

That's a pretty gritty yet optimistic statement right there. This is something I just said to someone, and I should start believing it myself. Granted this is common knowledge, and I do not take credit for inventing that things could always be worse. Also, granted I have not had anything really go wrong in my life for awile, but thinking back, I really wish I were the person I am today weeks ago. Months ago. YEARS ago. I have a newfound zest for life, learning, love. I also have, not alot, but gradually building, desire to get out there and find a part-time job for after school and such, and this WILL be the year I learn to drive. I just want to live life. Some people may say that having all these responabilities like I want isn't living life, but it is life to a greater portion of the country. The drawback is that I have to give up some of my free time, but if I earn my free time, and not just have it 'cause I laze about, and also earn more to be able to do more in my free time, that will satisfy me a whole lot.

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TrustFlow results for __maelstrom__ [28 Mar 2006|06:59pm]
YAY!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THIS IS, WHY I DID IT, OR WHY YOU ALL WOULD CARE!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

I tried out TrustFlow II for LiveJournal. The following people not on the friends list for __maelstrom__ are close by: More results below the cut...Collapse )

Created by ciphergoth; hosted by LShift.

TrustFlow II: Who is closest to your friends list?

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Words (Inspired by a recent post by jameseric) [28 Mar 2006|04:14pm]
Words are all powerful
The birth of all things
Words can be the kindler
And the alieviator of the same pain
Word can lead man
Down the path of right
Words can also lead
Down the path of reich
Words can make or break statements
With one misworded phrase
You can totally reverse your stance
On something that could haunt you all your days
I was once told
Without words, there'd be nothing at all
I believe this
You have to express yourself somehow
Song is just words
And they're put to music
Mixed with mixed emotions
That can cure epedemics
Or be the voice
Of revolution
And lift peoples spirits
When times are glum
Words are all powerful
The birth of all things
Words give us comfort and hope
Even through lives full of rain

Just for reference, when I hear "reich", I picture the whole Hitler thing, so that's how I used the word; something bad.

(3 comments | comment)

Universal Truths [28 Mar 2006|01:29am]
Ya know, I've been talking to friends, thinking and such, etc. the last few days, and I've come to conclude these ARE, in fact, the universal truths, at least I believe.

1. No good deed goes unpunished.
2. You always hurt the ones you love.

Think about it.

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My annual rant about God [27 Mar 2006|01:42am]
I seriously want to know how and why we're supposed to believe in/love/worship a god that is just... a bully, to put it blatantly. I mean, I have not studied any other religion, but I'm sure Budha, Visnuu, whoever (by the way, if you are of these religions, and I spelled the names wrong, please politely correct me; I don't mean to offend) does not punish their "children" just for living. Yes, this is one of my frequent entries on trying to understand God's "plan". When I used to ask this kind of stuff, the answer I'd always receive is "everything happens for a reason". So what exactly IS the reason good hearted people like a wrestling friend of Jason's passes? What's the reason behind people of 20 years old dying way before their time? Why are good natured people dealt such a shitty hand in life? There are people out there who I do not know personally, but can tell they're good people. What do they get for being such good people? Heart attacks at an early age, depression, colidis, cancer, all kinds of other diseases. The world has a way of balancing itself out, and no good deed goes unpunished. Seems like that is the secret of the universe.

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[17 Mar 2006|05:47pm]
Sometimes, like this week, I just need to remember the things that make me happy.

Things that make me happyCollapse )

Long survey taken from WrenCollapse )

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[14 Mar 2006|11:39am]
I have just been re-invigorated in my song writing:

It's a good start but I've always felt that breakup songs or songs about heartbreak very rarely should be quiet or reserved. That pain goes deep and needs a stronger, more confident release. You have to convince the listener that you truly feel the pain that you're trying to convey. Sometimes a scream is warranted - or at least more conviction. I was a huge fan of the lyrics but felt you were holding back vocally. Which is FINE - because that's what everybody told me when I was first writing songs and singing. That's the best I can do at this point.

[James Eric]


This just made my day. Like I told him, I wasn't going to ask, but everyone has to start somewhere.

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[12 Mar 2006|05:17am]
This journal does not reflect who I am in real life anymore than my real life reflecting who I am in this journal. In other words, I am way too quiet in the real world, but digitally, I'm way too brash. Too open on here, not really open enough. So I'm going to attempt, yet again, to get it right and combine the good points about both sides; try to have ONE personality for a change.

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[10 Mar 2006|03:11am]
[ mood | lonely ]

Not much happening lately. Took a test in math yestrday morning that I knew frontwards and backwards (thanks to Wren and Michy); I totally blanked out on most of it. I'll be lucky if I even got the piecewise stuff right, and that was the easiest problem on there. I had a C- (HEY, it's a hard class, shut up), but that's gone. We're only doing 2 more chapters, so I don't have alot of time to get the grade up.

Spring break starts for me today and goes til the 21st.

I have reason to believe xglamgothx is stalking me :D

Meme taken from thirdstringpalCollapse )

Asian Trix Rabbit: "YOU SHARE!"
Me: Ok, ok, just get away from me."

Here is a song that has gotten a MASSIVE amount of plays with me lately (in fact, this song now skips on my CD). The intensity on this track is just insane.

Purple Heart - James Eric

I NEED to hear this song live.

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