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wide awake and d r e am i n g

[ never look twice, you'll miss who she really is ]

Name:
a living [ d y i n g ] catalyst; laine thursday
Sometimes I'm just too self-absorbed for my own good, but at least I don't lie about who I am.



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Laine, as interviewed by friends, acquaintances, and total strangers.

myfaiiingstar asked: "if you could meet anyone (besides David Bowie) who would it be, and why?"
answered: "I would like to meet my father one last time before anything happens to either of us. As much hatred and spite as I have for him, I would want him to see his grandson at least once. I don't even know where he is, though. Nor does anyone in the family. He fell off the face of the earth. So yeah, I'd want to meet him."

asked: "what makes you more angry than anything in the world?"
answered: "Knowing that I am in control of my own life and that, until now, I've done nothing to make it better. For years I've just wallowed in a disgusting, sickly sort of self-pity. I would preach, but I wouldn't practice. I suppose it angers me, too, to know that I could be such a hypocrite. Hypocrisy is just part of human nature, I know, but it pisses me off nonetheless."

asked: "why don't you write about your son more in your journal?"
answered: "I don't like sharing Kellen more than I already do. I'm also not one of those kinds of mothers that do nothing but gush about their children. It's just not who I am. *Shrug* It doesn't mean I love him any less."

asked: "Why do you refer to yourself as Laine?"
answered: "When I first started piddling around on AOL in the waybackwhen days, when I was about 12, everyone knew me as Mandy. However, it only took a few months for me to realize that it wasn't such a good idea to let a whole shitload of virtually anonymous strangers know my name, the city I lived in, blahblahblah. So I needed a moniker, something I could go by that wouldn't lead anyone to me. As it so happens, when I was much younger and lived in Eugene, there were five other Mandys in the apartment complex my mother and I lived in. So, to keep things a little less confusing, my family started calling me Lynn, my middle name. Well, my younger cousin Kritter, three at the time, couldn't pronounce Lynn no matter how hard he tried. He had a speech impediment, see. So we couldn't exactly just correct him, because he just couldn't wrap his tongue around it. So whenever he tried, it sounded like he was saying "Laine". From that point on, friends and family members alike (save for my mother, who hated it and only called me Lynn) began calling me Laine. That came in handy when I needed that new internet nickname, so Laine was born, as it were. I've been Laine for nearly six years online, now. A lot of my closest friends were found on the internet, I've met every single one of them, and they all agree with me on one thing: the name Laine suits my personality, me, a fuck of a lot better than Mandy. I've never much liked Mandy anyhow. Bad association with it, and all. In fact, I will be having my name legally changed soon enough. When that happens, I'll maul anyone who calls me Mandy afterward. :P"


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i am damn_cool.
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