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you are my sweetest downfall. [entries|friends|calendar]
it's stressful being an other, jack.

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[Thursday
March 12th, 2009 at 8:14pm]
So remember how I love my job, can't wait to get out on the floor? How I just got my apartment yesterday? How its the first time in three years I am living comfortably, not pay check to pay check?

My office is closing. Ill find out tomorrow when my last day is but it doesn't seem like it will be too far off.

My life? My month? Massively fucking shitty. Blah.
READ SPEAK 7

[Wednesday
March 11th, 2009 at 10:58pm]
[ mood | tired ]

there have been a lot of changes in my life lately, some good, some bad. i know i haven't updated in forever so i decided to just do a bulleted post, to make it easier.

1) obviously, brian's mom died. it was absolutely terrible. we had gone to the casino with his parents the night before, and nine hours later brian is calling, crying, telling me she was rushed to the hospital. by the time i got there (they live 45 mins. away), she had died. she had really bad asthma, and they figure that what happened is she had a bad attack, her treatment wasn't working, and she called 911. she tried to go outside to let gary know (he was outside shoveling), and she collapsed. she aspirated. when the EMTs got there, they were able to revive her, but in the ER, before any of the family could get in to see her, she had a heart attack and died. she was 50 years old, went to the gym three times a week, and was in perfect health according to the medical examiner. her lungs stopped working because of the attack, and it made her heart stop.

it was ridiculously heartbreaking, hard, upsetting, everything. i still get teary when i think about her. she was like my second mom, literally. i dream about her all the time. i loved her. it's terrible. the first time i went to bowling (she was my partner), i had to immediately go to the bathroom and calm myself down before i had a panic attack. obviously, brian is terribly upset and still hasn't slept a whole night through. he doesn't talk about it much but i know. which brings me to....

2) brian and i are pretty much back together. we had been hanging more before his mom died, but still seeming to fight a lot. but after his mom died, it just punched me right in the face: i love him, he loves me. we CAN work things out. life's too short to let stupid shit get between us and make us fight, and it's too short to keep us apart if we both love each other and are committed. he feels the same, because we've had a few talks about it. we haven't had any official, sit-down where-is-this-going talks yet, because we're both still dealing with so much grief, but we are both on the same page about it.

3) i love my new job. i only have three more weeks of training before i'm out on the floor and i can't wait. i love it, but it's getting frustrating lately. we've started working pieces like we will on the floor, and two of us get it and can just zoom right through, one has some questions but can pretty much keep up.. but one doesn't really seem to get it at all and we have to stop all the time and explain things to her. it's taking us one hour plus to do a piece i can do in half an hour, max. and i'm the fastest in the class doing them, and i consistently get them right. my trainer told me she told my supervisor that i'm the kind of rep that will get out on the floor and surpass reps that have been there for twenty years. it sounds snobby but it's true. so it's frustrating when i want to try harder pieces, working on my productivity, and we have to keep stopping. blahh.

4) i got an apartment!!!!!! i move in april 4th! it's only $460/month plus heat/electric, which is only gonna be like $50. it has off-street parking that is right next to the house, and is within walking distance of a laundromat, hospital, gas station, subway, pizza hut, 2 bars, video store, and liquor stores, and with a small park nearby. it's a second floor apartment that is listed as a studio, but it looks like this, so it's not really. WALKIN CLOSETTT HOLLA!!! hardwood floors in living room/kitchen/hallway, carpet in bedroom, tile in bathroom. 2 windows in living room and bedroom. it's so nice and light and perfect-sized for gabbi and zobo!

5) i was supposed to move in with katie before sue died, but i found out she went and told brian's friend quanz a bunch of shit i didn't even say and i was not even gonna deal with that. not to mention that brian would never be able to come over cause they don't like each other. anyway, i found out a few days ago from kate that she had like a breakdown after i changed my mind and told her i didn't want to move in together, she was committed to the hospital, put on suicide watch, and has been cutting pretty excessively lately. she can't drive, can't be alone, can't go to her old apartment to see any of her pets cause her abusive ex still lives there. it sucks. i feel kind of responsible or guilty or something, because if we had moved in together she probably would've been fine. but at the same time, i couldn't have dealt with it if we were living together and she had her breakdown, so idk.

so pretty much, my life has been full of high highs and low lows, lately. it sucks, and the lows are terrible and i hate them, but the highs help make up for it a bit.

i miss you all. sorry i haven't been around much, but i'm going to try to post more and things.





ps. lost is fucking crazier than ever and i looooove it! i like juliet now. she's grown on me.
pps. adam lambert can sing me the ABCs and i think i'd just sit there gaping happily at him like a drunken fool. he pwns me.

READ SPEAK 3

[Sunday
February 22nd, 2009 at 3:31am]
Brians mom died today. She was pretty much my second mom. I just.... Life fucking sucks.
READ SPEAK 6

[Sunday
February 8th, 2009 at 1:36am]
those of you who watch american idol: who is that boy with the very wide range that they showed singing in hollywood week? he has longer dark hair. i love him and i must know his nameeeee.
READ SPEAK 3

[Wednesday
January 28th, 2009 at 10:18pm]
[ mood | sick ]

HE NAMED HIM CHARLIE. D: omgosh, that made me so incredibly... sad. oh lost, what do you do to me. and WHIDMORE, you fucker, i wanna punch you in the face! but i'm pretty sure i saw kate's lips kissing jack's stubblyface ones in the preview for next week, so i'm kind of okay with it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY captainamerica! i hope you had an awesome day, kel. i love you :D

in other, much less happy news, i had to call in sick to work today. on my third day. i felt terrible about it and it's a badbadbad thing to do, but i'm reeeeally sick, ya'll. i'm pretty sure this girl i sit next to in my training class gave it to me, but nonetheless, it blows. yesterday wasn't tooo bad, just a constantly runny nose, sore throat, and sneezing. this morning, however, i woke up with barely a voice, my face feeling like someone was punching me, my ears are filled with fluid that won't pop, i can't breathe out of my nose at all or blow it for that matter, cause i sneeze about three times for every one blow, my entire body huuuurts and kljsfgdfg. and you know, it makes it better that i have asthma, so it makes it even harder to breathe with the congestion in my chest and such. :( i'm pretty sure i have a sinus infection but my insurance with my job doesn't start until the 1st, so i can't even go to the doctor. i'm hoping that staying home today and sleeping about 18 hours and taking otc meds will help. lets hope. =(

READ SPEAK 6

[Monday
January 26th, 2009 at 8:14pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

today was my first day at my new job! it felt super great to be back there again, in such a positive environment and with people that i know from before. my training class is fun, too -- the trainer i know from before, and she's very kind and witty. there is a guy in my class who reminds me of a first-season ross: all geeky and weird. the other two are older ladies who are nice and funny, and we get along really well. i was just my usual outgoing, friendly self, and it worked out fine, not at all like what i was scared of.

i am definitely going to have to get used to going to bed so early and getting up before the sun is awake, but it's totally worth it. i feel like a real big girl now!!! :D

READ SPEAK

[Friday
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:50am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

stolen from aboutbefore:

Pick up to 15 OTPs.
Describe them in less than 15 words.
(ok, sometimes more.)
Have your f-list guess the OTP.

from film, literature, television. some are obvious, some are not. some actually are common couples that i tried to make (hopefully) harder to guess with out-of-the-ordinary descriptions.

one. it's the kind of love they write songs about. epic songs. -- logan/veronica guessed by clevermonikerr and kissingdaylight
two. for them, time stood still. and went backwards. and into the future. -- henry/clare guessed by redtracksuit
three. despite torrid backseat beginnings, the love they have for each other is unrivaled. -- chuck/blair guessed by redtracksuit
four. she turned him from a bad-boy into boyfriend material, and no one was more surprised than him.
five. he was what she needed to stop running, and he saved her, in more ways than one.
six. even after she cut off his toe, he still found her sexy (except when she had a cold). -- chandler/monica guessed by aedrais
seven. no barriers, physical or otherwise, can keep them from coming back to each other.
eight. he can't stop staring at her.
nine. to her, he is a reminder of her mistakes; to him, she's everything he's ever wanted but is too scared to have.
ten. she came back to her roots and realized he was right there all along, twang and all. -- melanie/jake guessed by redtracksuit
eleven. even tragedy & forty-eight days couldn't keep them apart. -- rose/bernard guessed by redtracksuit and kissingdaylight
twelve. tension-filled sarcastic banter is their main form of communication. but he always wins.
thirteen. sometimes love will make you do crazy things, even risking your career.
fourteen. she loves him so much she couldn't even wait for him to propose.
fifteen. nothing is more complicated than pining after your partner's wife. -- christian/julia guessed by iheartbagels

READ SPEAK 15

[Thursday
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:10am]
[ mood | bored ]

oh, lost. i love you. i missed you. your batshit craziness comforts me in ways that are oddly reassuring. *squeezes*

READ SPEAK 1

[Friday
January 9th, 2009 at 11:42am]
i got that job at my old work that i interviewed for back in like, november!! i found out yesterday before i went to work, and i'm SO FLIPPIN' EXCITED. it's monday-friday 8-4, a week vacation already, it's $10k more than i make now..!! fdlkjdfg. i start the 26th for 8 weeks of training class and i'm SO HAPPY. i can finally afford all my bills in one month and maybe get an apartment and just have a better life and yay! :D :D
READ SPEAK 10

[Monday
December 29th, 2008 at 12:29am]
[ mood | blah ]

i feel lonely. it's depressing that i'm not as big of a part of lj as i was anymore, because i miss getting a lot of comments and being able to talk to people through them, when now i barely get any. it's also depressing when people you used to be friends with don't seem to care about you anymore, and even more so when you are still making a big effort to be friends with them and getting jack shit in return. i just don't get how people can act so rude and selfish to people they used to be close with, or even people in general. it's bratty and makes me feel a little bit better, because i'm not like that, but still. and it makes me feel sad when i try to be friends with people that i really admire, that i really want to be good friends with, and they respond, but infrequently and not in the manner i hoped for.

sorry for the emo-ness of this post, i just feel down in the dumps lately. maybe it's that seasonal depression taking its toll? :P

in happy news, i got myself the blackberry storm today and i'm frickin THRILLED. i've been playing with it alllll dayyy!! ♥ does anyone else have it and have any comments about if they like it or not? and gimme your PIN number if you want so we can message! :D

READ SPEAK 12

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