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[07 Mar 2005|10:32pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Dear John,

You told me the other day that I never make entries that just say, "I love you." And as conceited as that may sound, you're right. So here, I dedicate these words to you. So know that, no matter what has happened in the past, I love you endlessly. I really am the luckiest.

Love Always,


The Luckiest, by Ben Folds

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest


[17 Feb 2005|04:18pm]
She passed at around, 6:00 tonight. A painless sleep. Her son who she hasn't seen in years held her hand, along with her daughters. I wish i was there, but I guess is was for the best. After a little my mom and dad came back from the hospital at around 7 and we were all in the living room, and my grandma's really bright car lights came on and shined through the big window in the front. It was her, i know it.

you dedicated your whole life to helping the people around you and this is the final hand that you have been dealt. as unfair as that is, i know that you aren't scared. i just wish that i had that kind of bravery. i wish that i didnt have to grow up without you, graduate high school and college, get married. i wanted you to see your great grandchildren, but i know you will be looking down. i spoke to you today and the nurse said that you knew i was there and could hear what i was saying. i hope that's true, because i love you so much gram. you have been more of a mother than my own. i went to you for everything and i will continue to do so. just know that you have been my heart since i was born. 17 years of love given and received by you cut too short.

please know how much i respect and cherish every choice, word, and idea that you have shared with me. you have shown me so many things and educated me in life and the acceptance of others. you would always say, "people pay me 100 dollars an hour to hear what i have to say, and the second you open your mouth it's, OH GOD GRAM." and then youd laugh. believe me gram, i knew what you were saying.

i just wish i didn't take it for granted. i wish i wasnt one of those typical teenagers who brush off the adults in their family and roll my eyes and ignore what youre saying. I told you today that i would love you forever and ever til the day i die and so on, and that i would never forget what you have done to me, and what you have given me. you have showed me so many things, and experienced your life with me, and i will never forget it.

it's just so hard to think that you could be gone within the day, definatly. i wish i had more time. i wish i could hear your voice and speak to you one last time. even when you were heavily sedated and in semi-coma you still lifted your hand and mumbled to me. i wish i couldve made out what you were trying to say. i really have been a wreck without you these past months, you have been in my life everyday, and it's been so fucking hard without you. i miss you so much, i need you so much. you have been nothing but there for me whenever i needed it.

when my father left you were there, whenever mom and i got into a fight you took my side, you would lie to her for me, you found a condom in my bag and came to me and said, "at least i know you're protected," you told me countless and countless things about yourself to me that inspired me to do the best i can. to accept those around me for who they are and not just their appearance.

i cant talk about this any longer, this wasnt meant really for anyone too look at and pity me. i'm crying hysterically right now, and i really need to go.

gram, just know how much i love you and how much you have given me in this life. i'll never ever let you leave my side. you're going to stay with me forever and be my guardian angel. youre going to the prom with me, youre walking me down the aisle, youre going to be in the delivery room. every second, you are going to be there. you have to promise.

every now and then i need a sign that youre there. i need the reassurance that youre with me always and forever. i need to have that security.

goodbye gram, i love you. i hope i can see you one last time before you go.<3 i love you so much.

john, i also want to thank you. you went with me this morning and said goodbye to her with me. i appreciate that more than you will ever know. i love you so much and i thank you so much for that. you have been by my side with all of this, and never once left it. so thank you<33



Dream a little dream of me. [17 Jan 2005|03:01pm]

10<3!Collapse )


sledding, potato skins, and love making.
oh the beauty<3


New Layout, yay OR nay? [10 Jan 2005|07:02pm]
[ mood | okay ]

New Layout, yay OR nay?

He is the person I wish I could be.

Like Enrique Iglesias once said;

I can be you hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away.

Oh Yeah. The Mole. That's right.

1 year = 17 Days &counting.



Rotten Bastid Shits! [01 Jan 2005|11:12am]
[ mood | creative ]

Other than John, Nikki, Sarina, and Michelle, incase ANYONE ELSE cares, which apparently by your actions you don't. (Not to be a bitch) My grandma is coming home from the hospital today<3! I am so excited. She seems to be doing so well, and the doctors go on and on about how well she is, and all of her friends and clients are so supportive and things are just going so well for her, I'm so happy.


John and I, visited Maryanne Lanz. It was so much fun just to see her. She left around a year ago, and I hadn't seen her since. It was nice to catch up with her. And it was nice of John to go too, he knew it made me happy. He's so good to me. She is still exactly the same plus a few experiences.

Her mom said to Maryanne, "I don't think this is the right time, you have a lot of things to get done, I just got back from work and I haven't seen you in a week.". Then her mom turns to us, "I'm not kicking you out, but we just have things to do."

Awkward silence, haha I love them all.

This is for John,

"Do you know your sister?"
"Do you like her?"


New years;

Richard Gere's a Buddhist?Collapse )


I hope you all had a safe, and happy New Year's Eve.



[29 Dec 2004|08:00pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life"
From the movie, American Beauty.

I hope everyone's vacations are going well, and what they had expected. I know mine is exactly what I wanted it to be. I just don't understand why my mother is being so nice to me, it's actually kind of creepy. Whatever, I'm getting more out of it, so I guess, don't question it?

Anyways, I only took like 10 pictures so far? Yeah, but on New Year's Eve I should be getting some more. I talked to Alex and we made plans for her, Jay, Nay, Max, Steve, John<3, and me to do something. So yeah, if it works out, it should be a lot of fun.

Oh yeah, and FYI I am in LOVE with John Grandis, and the snow. And sledding with him in the snow. He is beautiful, and so is our love. Happy 11 months and 2 days my dear<3

Carolyn Burnham:</u> What are you doing?
Lester Burnham: Nothing.
Carolyn Burnham: You were masturbating!
Lester Burnham: I was not.
Carolyn Burnham: Yes you were!
Lester Burnham: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying;

Hi to my monster!Collapse )



[22 Dec 2004|05:12pm]
[ mood | devious ]

I haven't written in a very long time, so I figured that this was needed? Yes, it was. Life has been doing me well lately. Minus the fact that my friends well basically don't exist, I have no outside contact besides school. I am not going to complain, because I know I made an effort, just because they didn't doesn't mean I am going to make myself miserable. But the people I have become friends with this year, Kudos.

Life, to be honest has been pretty well. Other than my grandma, I really really hope she is going to be okay soon. I know she'll live for a while I just hope she gets well fast. I miss her to death, I can't really take this. But I visit her as often as I can.

3 Days.

John is coming over for Christmas Eve and I am going to his house on Christmas. I cannot wait. There will be plenty of pictures. I am almost done with his shopping. I just need to go to Michaels. He is done with mine<3 I wanna get his parents something but I don't know what. John told me his mom wanted to give me a ring of hers that cost 10,000 but I said no, cause I'm really really clumsy.

Anyways, yesterday John came over. We made cookies<3 Watched some of the Lord of The Rings the second one, I don't know the name. Then we made some amazing loving<33 which was so beautiful. Then we got some pizza and then hung around, I played tetris. All good stuff. AND we took pictures.

Excuse me, too busy, you're writing your tragedy
These mess-ups, you bubble wrap
When you've no idea what youre like
So let go, let go. Jump in.Collapse )

The End.


[08 Dec 2004|08:28pm]
john joseph grandis jr is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator


love<3 [01 Dec 2004|08:46pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Oh my darling, you are wonderful tonight.Collapse )

I'm making this a non-commenter.

................. [28 Nov 2004|10:09am]
[ mood | cranky ]

HOPE?Collapse )

Another thing though as well, I would like to say how grateful I am for John, and his family. My grandmother was in the hospital, my mother was away, and they took my sister and I in. We stayed there from thursday morning til this morning. They were just so amazing to us, drove us on their 18 year anniversary to see my grandmother in the hospital. Just everything, I will always be grateful and appreciative for them.

Now, since I couldn't do it before, I will do it now.

Happy Ten Months + A dayCollapse )

It's 10:54, and I am extremely hungry and bored. Im going to go and listen to some music, movies, and find SOMETHING to possibly eat that is somewhat edible. I guess I will be back whenever, I have my cell for any of you who would like to call.

How was all of your Thanksgivings? Do anything interesting?
John and I got food poisoning from Burger King's chicken nuggets. They were good though, but we couldn't eat much of Thanksgiving dinner. Which sucked, BUT I ate pie; Which was very good.


Have a carrot. [24 Nov 2004|04:22pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Fucking Thanksgiving Crisis and ResolutionCollapse )

Well, here is some humor/immaturity/not even funny to some.

This is what boredom and immaturity will do.Collapse )

Have a safe, and happy Thanksgiving.



................ [17 Nov 2004|05:50pm]
[ mood | I am so in love. ]

Well this is the first entry in God knows how long. Life has been treating me well and I cannot wait for winter.

Here is PART A of this entry

love me tender!Collapse )

they make me so happy, and just oh man!
i am like freakingout here like a mother fucker.

Now for PART B:

Gotta go eat Ziti, be right back!

Anyways, I have nothing else to say EXCEPT FOR;
I cannot waitWAITwait til this weekend.
Friday- I dont know.

SATURDAY!!- John and I are going POWER RANGER KITE FLYING! PLAYING HALO2 WHICH IS LIKE THE MOTHER FUCKING SHIT OF GAMES!! and then were seeing the SPONGEBOB movie, which I dont wanna see that much, but I am because I aboslutely love john -Going out to dinner and then im going to his hockey game and watching my love beat all the mens asses cause hes my booby and I LOVEEEEE HIM!!!!<3

Sunday- I dont know.

One of my poems got published for the school's newpaper!
If you'd like to read it,click this linkCollapse )




............. [03 Nov 2004|09:51pm]
[ mood | excited ]

cause I know you wannaCollapse )

Those pictures were from the mall bus rides, the mall, and at my house before dinner and afterwards when i was home alone and being all emoxcore with my camera. Oh and dinner by the way, i have to say went down quite well. All I have to ask is;

"You wanna get dessert?"

Wow, wow, wow. That was just really really bad timing to ask that, in my opinion at least. Well whatever, whats done is DONE. And we all have to move on with our lives.

Also, I really just LOVE John with all of my heart.

Tonight, I did all of my homework AND some of John's, and I am supah tired and cannot wait to go to bed after I help John out with his essay essgay (original) for english.



............ [01 Nov 2004|05:00pm]
[ mood | cold ]

t'was the night before christmasCollapse )

Halloween was very good, we took my sister our trick or treating from like 3 to 5. Then John and I ran into Dave and hung out with him drove around got Panera. Though it didn't feel like Halloween it was a funny and fucking kickass halloween. At 945 we saw "SAW" which was really good but wouldve been even better if they got rid of the horrible actors. But other than that, wow what a mother fucking ending. IT was soooo fucking good. John, Dave, and I could NOT stop saying "wow that was sick."

Anyways, Nay if you see this can you IM me or call me I have to talk to you. Thanks, i guess talk to you later.

And you as well.



............ [30 Oct 2004|11:10am]



Dear Trick or treaters,

To all of you who are celebrating the Halloween
funness that it holds, be safe, have fun but do not
egg my house. And have a very very happy Halloween.

Sincerely Yours,
- Alecia.


[28 Oct 2004|07:31pm]


LOVE [27 Oct 2004|07:29pm]
[ mood | loved ]


there'll be no other til the razor cuts
it's in my blood to always love you more.

I love you because of everything you are and the way you are with me.
because you can make me laugh like no other.
because you can tell me the truth no matter what it is.
because you can tell me im beautiful when i look my worst.
because you can tell me you love me when im at my most stubborn.
because you make me weak with each kiss and safe at every hug.

I love you because of the hop to your walk.
because you love to do things for me out of love
because you laugh at things even when theyre not funny.
because you quote movie lines and could never get them right.

Because I wouldn't have it any other way.


[21 Oct 2004|08:30pm]
[ mood | EMO ]

Sometimes when I am home all alone, I think of how sad it is to be emo. So I decide to play dress up, "emo-style."

I throw on my thick black framed glasses, tight jeans short enough to show my socks. My child size teeshirt with a random slogan with my small polyester brown button up. To the collar of course. I then throw on my black shoes, with black laces. My scarf, and corduroy jacket and cdplayer. Then I strut my vegan ass all around the house.

The End.


................ [20 Oct 2004|08:40pm]
I have the best boyfriend in the world, today he bought me for no reason at all MY MOST FAVORITE PERFUME EVER! called Cool Water. And he bought me pinstripe pants, and a CD. He said he wouldve gotten me the blue LIVESTRONG bracelet (For ovarian cancer, which my grandma has) but he forgot. When I asked him why he did it he said...

"I did it because I love you. You have been going
through alot with your grandma right now and I wanted to
make you happy. I knew you wanted it so I got it."

That made me cry :( im such a baby. But anyways, he is the most amazingest thing ever. And I am so lucky to have him all to myself. I love you john, thank you so much for everything. You're my best friend.

Nikki wrote me an IM that really really really surprised me.

For Nikki.Collapse )

Whew! That was a long one, but none of you probably read that except for nikki or john. So moving on, last weekend I hung out with my love and we took pictures that of course everyone wants to see but will never ever ever admit it, so i guess here, enjoy coke whores.

Light up, Light up.
As if you had a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dearCollapse )




............ [18 Oct 2004|03:38pm]
[ mood | Wooooooter ]

My throat hurts so I heated up some chicken soup and put on pajamas. Now im on the computer so I figured I would say a few things...

I'm sure most if not all of you know that my grandma has cancer. I am really thankful for all of you who have been sending out your good word, and blessings. Yes this may be the corniest entry but I do wish to say a thank you to all of those who showed me the slightest bit of concern. I very much appreciate it.

Anway, moving on; Halloween is coming up and it is one of my favorite holidays, no joke. And I want to have a fucking kick ass Halloween. But the problem is, I don't have plans, so if any of you would like to make some just comment and let me know.

Alot, and I mean ALOT of people don't read my journal but, Tom had this on his journal...

"Leave a comment with your name if you want to
know what I really think of you, and I'll reply
and tell you. No lies, all honesty.
Then post this in your own journal."

And I thought it was very interesting and something I would do. So here we go, if you want MY opinion then just leave your name.

Things have been going well, I don't see ANYONE EVER IN SCHOOL! Ever, and it sucks cause, I miss so many people. And I wanna just call them up but they're busy with their own lives, and I don't want to intrude, but if any of you ever feel like intruding go for it...

cell phone number is: 631-404-7322
home phone number is: 631-864-2272

so hit me up bitches and hoes.
but right now im going to play roller coaster tycoon and do my art projects.
and im really happy that i am fucking kicking so much ass with my grades. sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

Team America Owned.



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