I realize I haven't been on this journal in forever.
For some reason, I was hit with inspiration to blog again.
I thought about making a new journal, and I even did, but ...eh. I miss this one. Mainly because I like the username xD haha.
I deleted a lot of past entries and made some private.
Mainly because so much has changed.
And I hate looking back on the "darker days" =P
I think that is all for the moment.
Merry Christmas (Eve).
- Music:Eighteen Visions- "You Broke Like Glass"
There are just so many questions but no answers.
Too many problems, not enough solutions.
Too much corruption, not enough sincerity.
It sucks, ya know? I want something amazing to happen. I want something different to occur. Anything that will take away the dullness of this existence. It seems like the only changes nowadays occur in the weather. I feel the need to go off and explore. Have an adventure. One more year of high school, then what? I'm a Senior now. I should have some kind of plan for the future, right? Well, I don't. I always wanted to be a lawyer, but I don't think I do anymore. I want to travel the world and just see everything. But how can I do that? I'll have to go out there and be like everyone else, working a nine to five job, 5 days a week, for crappy pay. I'm sure there are tons of people out there who believed they were meant for something else, that they were here for a purpose.... that they would be different. I'm foolish to think I'm too special for the normalcy of a job and paying bills and shit. I'm an idiot for believing I can do more than that. Sooner or later, I'll have to get a job, get my own place, pay the bills, and live my own life. but how?! I don't know how!! I feel so dependent on my father. I thought my mother dying and leaving me with one parent would make me more self sufficient and independent but i was wrong! If anything, it made me twice as dependent. I don't know what I would do if god forbid something should happen to my dad. I'm really scared. I don't know how to be like everyone else. I don't know what to do and it scares me. I'm really scared to death. I don't want to have to be alone. All my friends will be leaving after senior year, and I'll be all alone. I won't have anyone. I'll be completely and utterly alone and I don't want that to happen! So many things about this life are unfair. Everytime I hear about someone being shot to death or raped or found dead, I feel weird inside. I think "What if that had been me?" Those people never expected something like that to happen! They didn't leave their house that day thinking "I wonder if I'll get shot today". NO! Instead they thought of the stuff they would do that day and maybe even thought of something they could do tomorrow and planned on calling their friend later on! They never thought it would be their last day alive!! Everything is so fucking unpredictable. You never know what will happen next. I used to love the mystery of it but now it just sickens me.
- Location:My house
- Music:"Unfaithful" by Rihanna
Eu odeio sentir como uma terceira roda. Eu fui aos filmes com meu amigo e seu boyfriend, e eu senti completamente como o crap. Fêz me a sensação horrible. Desejam provavelmente que eu não tinha vindo. Eu tinha-o querido apenas ser mim e K. Mas que convidou seu boyfriend. Sugou o burro. That's enough of Portuguese. Sometimes there are just some things you want to say but don't want everyone to know it. Anyway, I went to see V For Vendetta yesterday. That movie was awesome. I loved it. I totally reccommend it to anyone that likes those kind of movies.
- Music:"Life Songs" by Rufio
Okay so I haven't updated this in forever. I intended to never write in this thing again but I got bored enough to where I am...
[x] So my birthday was last week.
[x] I had a party.
[x] I got a new guitar.
[x] I haven't played in so long that I now suck.
[x] I have graduation tests all week even though I'm in my Junior year.
[x] I think I failed the Math one today.
[x] I think I'll fail the science one tomorrow.
[x] My spring break isn't until the first week of April.
[x] I somehow ended up on a date with a 14 year old, because I thought he was like 16 or 17. I was totally wrong.
[x] I'm going through the stage in life where I'm questioning who I am and what my purpose here is.
[x] Lately I've been really moody and depressed.
[x] I have no one to talk to.
[x] My best friend has found someone else to be hanging out with and it made me really jealous.
[x] I've been an unusually jealous person lately. I have a hard time being happy for people nowadays.
[x] I feel like everything and everyone I know is going away from me.
[x] My outlook on life has went down drastically.
[x] I have dreams in which I almost die, and when I wake up, I'm disappointed.
[x] I feel like a failure.
[x] I've committed a sin in which now I feel haunted by it.
[x] I'm holding a deep dark secret inside that is eating me alive.
[x] Today would have been my brother's 23rd birthday. He died on November 7, 2000 after being in the hospital for three days in critical condition because of a car accident.
[x] I can't seem to accept the fact that he is gone forever.
[x] I'm so confused about everything.
[x] I'm starting to question everything I had just accepted as true.
- Music:"What If" by Plain White T's
And now it's really feeling like we are no longer friends.
- Music:"What Happened To Us?" by Hoobastank
Man, I've been in and out all day, meaning I've been falling asleep and then waking up, over and over again. I missed most
of Passions. I didn't even see a single Fox/Kay
moment, so I don't know if I missed them all or if there were none. Gawd I'm so confused
x.x; This sucks. Oh well.
Nai, I hope you see it T^T
o.o I have a new favorite
song at the moment. It's "Cage" by Dir en grey
. I really love the lyrics.( Cage Lyrics translated in English...Collapse )
My favorite parts are the parts bolded =]
I want to make a new layout for this thing... gawd I make too many...
Well, I'm going to leave off for now. I feel tired again..[Edit @ 5:22pm]
I just watched the first Samurai Champloo
episode in Japanese
, with English subtitles of course =D I missed this one when it came on TV, so I decided to download it o.o Jin's
japanese voice is sexy! I love
it. His seiyuu is Ginpei Sato
. Man, that guy has an awesome voice =]I liked Mugen's seiyuu and Fuu's seiyuu too, but Jin's was the best n.n eek! Imma go and download the other japanese versions of the ones I've seen so far on TV :D
*bounces off* >.>
- Music:Samurai Champloo
Ugh. I've been sick since early Sunday morning.. thanks to Maria and her damn cold.. oh well, I just hope I'm better by the time we decide to go to see The Wedding Crashers
Even though I'm sick, I'm still
happy though. and Why? because of last night.. well technically this early morning. I couldn't sleep at all, because my throat was hurting and my nose was stuffed up. I was flipping thru the channels when I stopped on AZN TV
(it's a channel o.o) and playing on it was Desert Moon (Tsuki no Sabaku)
and it had English subtitles
so I was able to watch it. It was so awesome! I loved
it bunches! One of the characters, Keechie
who was played by Kashiwabara Shuji
, was excellent!!! I fell in love with him. I want to see all the movies he has been in, which is 11. There is one called Shibuya Kaidan
that I really want to see. I need to buy all his movies o.o *nod nod* I'm obsessed... I know..Two Images from Desert Moon (Tsuki no Sabaku)
) is the one on the right
in both pictures.
I really wish he had gotten together with Akira
- she's the woman in the left
. But she is with Mr. Nagai .-. (the man on the left
in the bottom pic)
Well that's all for now. Imma go look up more stuff on Shuji and Maho.
- Music:Futatsu no Negai
Princess Ai Volume 2: Lumination
came out in stores today!
And guess what? I spent my last $10 bucks buying it n.n It was worth it though. This is my most favoritest manga ever! You can say whatever you want about Courtney Love
, the co-creator of the manga, but it has to be said, the woman can make a damn good manga. I personally like
her o.o Hey, what's cooler than a 41 year old woman that lived and performed in Japan and fell in love with manga and co-created her own gothic shojo
. Ai is just so cool! I'd love
to be her. Her fashion style is awesome
in the manga. Also, Kent
is pretty damn good-looking too, lol.
I want the fashion dolls
that were made of Princess Ai! They are supposed to be released sometime next month. I just have
to buy them! The set is $74.99
, so I need to start saving money now
Well I'm going to go read!
- Mood:Super super happy
- Music:Pon de replay by Rihanna
I'm in a bad mood today so I'm going to put up my own "Things I hate" list.
 People who claim "Christianity" to be the best religion in the entire world
 People who think they are the hottest thing in existance
 People who think that the amount of money you and your family have determines your worth as people.
 Guys who act hekka creepy and stalkerish
 People who judge all "emo people" as being little fuckheads who want attention
 People who hate on something they have never done or tried
 Christians that go around trying to "save" everyone that is not a Christian
 The President and all the consverative assholes in the Government.
 People who say what the teachings of the Buddha were but really have NO CLUE as to what they are talking about.
 Christians who don't do as they preach
 People telling me I'm going to go to Hell for not believing that God and Satan exist.
 The fact that Georgia (the state I reside in)was founded as a democratic state and has now become republican.
 Friends who ignore you and say they are your best friends.
 Others seeing my tears.
 People who tell me "what I am". yeah, go ahead, fucking enlighten me, because I guess I just don't know *sarcasm*
 People who claim Republicans are "more for the people" than the Democrats are. Hmm let's see about that:
Definition of a Republican: Of, relating to, or characteristic of a republic.
Favoring a republic as the best form of government.
Republican Of, relating to, characteristic of, or belonging to the Republican Party of the United States.
Definition of a Republic:
A political order whose head of state is not a monarch and in modern times is usually a president.
A nation that has such a political order.
Now, Definition of Democrat:
An advocate of democracy.
Democrat A member of the Democratic Party.
Defintion of Democracy:
Government by the people, exercised either directly or through elected representatives.
A political or social unit that has such a government.
The common people, considered as the primary source of political power.
The principles of social equality and respect for the individual within a community.
Yep. Republicans are more for the people *major sarcasm*
Gawd I'm so pissed off right now, and for SO many reasons. I'm such a bitch.
[Edit @ 11:17]
Yeah I'm editing, because I'm hekka pissed and I seriously need to vent more.
If people think they know me so fucking well and they think they know exactly how I feel or who I am or what I'm about, then enlighten me. Tell me what I am. Tell me what the fuck I'm all about. Tell me shit I don't know about myself. Tell me why the fuck I'd ever want to be caught dead talking to a fuckin' bitch like yourself. Yeah, you think you can tell me who I am, things I don't know? If you think you can, you probably don't even know who the fuck you yourself are. You tell me I only care about myself, You tell me I'm a bitch, a slut, a lost cause, an idiot, a waste of space, you tell me all this. Well bitch, ya know what? You should be saying that to a fucking mirror. You don't know the first goddamn thing about me. You can't judge me. Your beef isn't even with me, yet you come out striking at everyone including me? So much for being friends, huh? You say I wasn't a real friend. You don't even know what a friend is. A friend is someone who will always be there for you, someone who cares enough about you to tell you the truth and not just what you want to hear; Someone who will listen to your problems and let you cry on their shoulder, even if that's all they can do; Someone who will love you for what you are and not what you can do for them; Someone you can trust not to tell the world your deepest secrets and fears. That's what I call a friend. If your definition is the complete opposite, then you're right, by your definition, I wasn't a friend to you. I don't need fake friends. I don't need an enemy either, but hey, I've got them, one more ain't gonna hurt me at all. So you can take your trifling ass out that door to my life and don't ever come back knockin', cause I don't need yo ass. You know who you are, I don't feel the need to say it.
- Mood:Fuck it
- Music:"The Noose" by A Perfect Circle
I seem to be having too many obsessions lately...
--Kacie's Obsessions (at the moment o.o)--
 Samurai Deeper Kyo
 Samurai Champloo
 Princess Ai
 Tyler Hilton
 Making Graphics o.o
 Kikyou x Sesshoumaru Fanfiction
 Korean music
 Something Corporate [band o.o]
 Livejournal >.>
 Makeup o.o
 Rinoa Heartilly
 Foo Fighters
 Veronica Mars [tv show]
 Veronica x Logan fanfiction
 Video Games
 Hot Topic
o.o Maybe I should add making lists to that, lol.
This is what boredom does to me.
- Mood:Uber Bouncy
- Music:"Pink and Black" by Tyler Hilton