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c. asparagus

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hmmph [26 Feb 2010|10:02pm]
[ mood | content ]

oh livejournal, thou art a graveyard of former selves.

whether or not it turns out to be true, i am calling this post the final one, the bookend entry at the end of a 1,2,3,4,5...6 YEAR affair. i should probably have waited until may to do this--it would have been so much more symbolic. but alas...

my name is chelsea burdette whitton. i am 21 years old. i am five feet and seven inches tall. i weigh 129 lbs. in the last six years i have lost one piercing, three bad haircuts, countless articles of clothing, two unhealthy relationships, several old friendships and one brother. in the last six years i have gained one cat, three new scars, countless new books/records/articles of clothing, several new friendships and one boyfriend of over a year. i have attended two universities and have had exactly five paying jobs at different points in the the last six years. i have had nine poems published in local journals since i've been in college. if all goes according to plan, my graduating gpa will be at least a 3.5. i have lost one ill-advised obsession with henry miller / anais nin and have gained serious appreciations for the following writers: f. scott fitzgerald, joan didion, vladimir nabokov, thomas wolfe and ernest hemingway. i no longer drink beer and have acquired a taste for whiskey, in general, and bourbon, in particular. i have maintained an addiction to cigarettes but have gained a degree of self-loathing about said addiction. i no longer, nor will ever again have any sort of appreciation for ska, pop-punk, metal or hardcore music. i am, more or less, financially independent at the present moment but have no delusions about remaining so for very long. i have short term plans to move to brooklyn with my boyfriend at the end of the summer, and long term plans to achieve state residency and attend graduate school somewhere in new york state. i have made countless mistakes, large and small, over the course of the last six years, but am still optimistic enough to believe that i have learned/ am still learning from most of them. i am still clumsy, neurotic, defensive and narcissistic. i have, however, cultivated a distinctly "me" kind of resilience in the face of adversity. i am definitely older, probably a little wiser, but certainly certainly less cynical about what life holds for me. this is my snapshot-- probably the last one i'll ever take in this medium-- a self-portrait at age 21.

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because i'm not quite ready to delete this journal yet... [12 Mar 2009|06:33pm]
[ mood | beyond tired!!! ]

I'll post a few of my life's most recent progressions/regressions (in bullet format because I'm too tired for prosey paragraphs):

--New apartment in a hundred year old brick building called 'The Frances' that looks like Dr. Xavier's school for mutants!
--Solid grades in spite of the fact I turned two different assignments in late to the same class in one week, but with that blunder behind me thinks are looking really good for the rest of the semester.
--Increased cigarette consumption: up to 1 pack/day... probably in some way related to the aforementioned near-crisis and its aversion.
--A really easy, decent job with good pay...when my boss gives me enough hours to make it worth my while.
--Increased alcohol consumption: no per-day estimate available (sorry!) but certainly in direct corresondance with the sudden influx of cash resulting from the job.

Overall, I've noticed an improved sense of well-being and a more positive outlook on life-- which I hope is not entirely dependent on the good luck I seem to be having recently, but rather a sign that I am now mature enough to suck it up and deal with the unpleasant stuff so that I can really appreciate the really awesome stuff.

I don't check up on livejournal as much as I used to (and neither, I suspect, do any of you) but I hope everyone is experience similar bursts of positivity.

affectionately,
c

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2008 [06 Jan 2009|09:58pm]
2008Collapse )
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[03 Jan 2009|10:05pm]
where are you?
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[19 Dec 2008|03:28am]
holy shit.

i got a C- in physics-- not an F, a C-.
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[18 Nov 2008|03:54pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

it snowed today in asheville, and yeah, i like snow, but walking against the freezing wind to class as said snow flies into your eyes... is less than charming.
thanksgiving is so close i can taste the cranberry sauce, and my impending physics nightmare has been temporarily staved off by extra credit.
i tripped up some stairs in my lecture today, in full view of about 200 people. how is it that moments like that can so instantly send us back into that familiar high school panic? it wasn't a very big trip, but i immediately blushed and looked around to see if anyone noticed. yuck.
i am almost finished with House of Leaves and i gotta say, for such a brilliant set-up, the finale isn't holding up it's end. nevertheless, the book has sufficiently scared the living shit out of me a couple of times. so i guess that's something.


so i don't know who, if anyone, still reads this thing, but how about some kind of thx-giving rendezvous for old times' sake? eh? eh?

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holy magnet, give your attraction! [17 Nov 2008|10:09pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Will you meet me in the country in the summertime in England?







Will you meet me?

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[31 Oct 2008|11:17pm]
it is halloween and i am doing something really atypical on this special night... only kidding. i am tucked under covers, reading in my room, per usual. a year ago this would have bummed me out, but i've been thinking maybe this is what my life needs to look like for a while. if i keep chasing experiences for their own sake with no real thought to whether i want them, i am going to become hard and jaded much sooner than i'd like. sometimes its hard not to feel like the cheese that stands alone, as more and more friends become obsolete in my life, but i have been fighting this process for a long time. and i have managed to hang on to these friends probably longer than was natural. so maybe at some point you just have to stop fighting it and let the world keep turning...even if it means that you have to be alone for a little while. i am trying really hard to be mature about this as i am convinced that maturity is something i'm going to have to teach myself. in spite of all of this, i can't say i'm unhappy. i live an efficient little life and, all things considered, i am a pretty lucky girl. october is just ending and already we've had snow in asheville. i've been working as a nanny for a couple of weeks now and i'm really enjoying it. school is clicking along as always. important, beautiful, sublime things are happening everywhere, right now. the world is changing from minute to minute and we get to watch it. how lucky are we?
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[30 Oct 2008|08:32pm]
[ mood | tired. just...tired. ]

i find it unsettling to the point of offense that seasons make such handy metaphors in my life.

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en gallop [25 Oct 2008|12:17am]
[ mood | pensive ]


"Never get so attached to a poem
that you forget truth that lacks lyricism,
and never draw so close to the heat
that you forget that you must eat.
Oh, woe."

[22 Oct 2008|09:38am]
[ mood | ouch ]

hey school/work/life-

ease up a little bit, okay?







how many weeks until thanksgiving?

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[13 Oct 2008|03:12pm]
[ mood | eh? ]

fall break:

64 calorie beer + law and order marathon


mm-hmm.

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The fox gazed at the little prince for a long time. "Please-- tame me!" he said. [05 Oct 2008|08:06pm]
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields."




am i the fox or the little prince?
my heart is full.

[22 Sep 2008|06:34pm]
isn't it weird to look at old photographs and imagine all of the other directions your life could have taken?
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notes on september [18 Sep 2008|11:48am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

- i am a grease-ball. showering is a chore and no different (except perhaps less important) than my other chores, which i'm not doing either.
- i have some kind of sore throat monster that must be in love with me because it keeps coming back no matter how many times i try to kill it.
- i haven't really had a good night's sleep in days and days, but i write better when i'm half insane so maybe its a glass-half-full situation.
- i'm finally reading east of eden, one of many books that i am embarrassed not to have already read.
- and it finally feels like fall. hallelujah. amen.

(there are other things going on in my head and in my life, but this is not one of those entries.)

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hey! [07 Sep 2008|06:05pm]
[ mood | fluid ]



you guys should read nick flynn.



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[26 Aug 2008|12:19am]
[ mood | tired but wired ]

dearest real world,

help me.

love, c.

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[16 Jul 2008|11:57pm]
is it just me or does this summer feel really different from previous summers? it seems charged with this strange sense of urgency. it is as if we have all suddenly become aware of how rapidly everything is changing, and of how much everything has already changed. are we standing at the cusp of an epoch, ladies and gentlemen, or is this simply the end of an era?
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to the salad days! [21 Jun 2008|03:29pm]
[ mood | drained ]

i have not seen anyone outside of school and elsewhere in weeks. i am ready for all of my friends to come home from their respective adventures and remind me of what i like about this town.

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greetings, echoing cavern that is livejournal! [01 Jun 2008|11:25pm]
[ mood | calm ]

this is just a checkpoint post so don't get too excited.

a few info updates (for posterity):

-- i turned twenty a couple of weeks ago.
-- i am officially a junior and may or may not be having a mid-undergrad crisis.
-- i am spending most of my summer in my car, driving back and forth between high point and greensboro because...
-- i'm going to summer school at uncg, and...
-- i am interning at elsewhere, and...
-- i am officially working for *gasp* american eagle outfitters starting tomorrow.
-- i have decided to revisit tolstoy this summer.

i am not traveling to any foreign lands or making any dramatic decisions about my life, but i feel myself slowly growing older and, rather than doing what i usually do-- forcing change into my life, i am resigned to spend a few months living in this hyper-structured world and hope for the best. that's all i got, lj!
adieu.

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