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11:05am 17/08/2006
  I'm starting Psychology at Glasgow Uni btw.

But I'm stressed already.

Gah

x
 
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....   
03:14pm 22/07/2006
  I felt like writing in this today. I went back to writing in a paper journal anyway.

Just last night I felt so crap with myself and I realised that there's no way I'm going to achieve all the things I wanted in life.

I grew up with the intention and dream of leaving school, going to uni, qualifying as something really great then leaving the country and starting a new life somewhere really beautiful and just being happy.

Now I just feel like it's not ever going to happen. I'm not a strong person and I don't deal with obstacles as easy as other people do. I know I didn't get into uni this year, not the uni I want to go to anyway. Another year at college and getting a full time job are the only other options and I don't want to do either.

I came home from work last night and after my dad giving me a lecture on how my life has no direction and I'm just failing miserably, I just got so upset I cried and ended up being sick. It's hard talking to someone who doesn't understand though.

I'm sick of being compared to people with good jobs, have a good career and are prettier than me. I may sound really shallow and self- centred here but it just makes you feel worse about yourself.

I'm not going to sit and list all my faults because that's silly. My head hurts and I still feel sick. I'm supposed to be going out tonight but I don't even feel up for it. If I did, i'd either spend my night in the toilets spewing my brains out or sitting in a corner crying because I feel sorry for myself.

I need a break.

I need to go somewhere that will take my mind off all this nonsense and somewhere that will guide me in the right direction.

Not knowing what to do with my life is something I always thought I wouldn't have to worry about.

I was wrong.
 
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08:13pm 18/06/2006
  Hallo boys & girls!

Everyone is watching the football & I am very bored =[

I am completley scunnered with work. And I know I say this all the time but honestly, that place drains me. I really wish I would find a job soon so I can hand my notice in. The look on my managers face when I do that will be an actual kodak moment =]. Don't get me wrong..most of the folk that work there with me are amazing. Without half of them I think I would've quite a lot time ago. I will swiftly move on before this sounds like an Oscar speech :|.

Anyhoo, all I've really been doing is having people up, working, and tidying the house. Feel like a total housewife! I kinda miss my family too =[.

I also sold my T in The Park ticket to the legendary Liam Hamilton. The line up this year is pants, everyone was pretty much going as couples anyway, and I wasnt in the mood for it, tbh. I'd rather use the money for more driving lessons anyway =].

I need a hair cut. My hair keeps getting in my eyes. Bah.

Anyway, I'm awa'

x
 
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Rahhh   
03:05pm 14/06/2006
 
mood: bored
Hallohaa.

On my own and a wee bit bored so I thought I'd come write some nonsense on this again =]

So my parents left for Bulgaria on Monday for 2 weeks :D. Parteeeeeee.

On Monday I had work, which was not surprisingly rubbish. Sick to the back teeth of that place :|. So I went a wee shop after work then got a taxi up the road. The house was so quiet and empty, so weird. So me and Sophir sat with a chilli and watched the telly =] <3

Yesterday I wandered into the town and went to Connellys to apply for a job. Doubt I will get it, but I may as well give it a bash eh? Went to Tesco for rolls and burgers and bumped into Jen, Carly and Emma =]. Then met up with Aldo in the town and we got a bus up to mine.

Sat watching tv for ages [Gladiators!] until Craig arrived, then put the barbie on. It took us about a squllion years to get the thing to stay alight, but we eventually got it working. Calder, Jen, Carly, Emma, Megan & Malky then came up and we ate a lot of yummy burgers and hotdogs, then we watched Lost =]. At about midnightish the crew left, and me Aldo and Craig sat watching The Jungle Book, then put on a video of me as a wean, which was pretty funny.

Went to bed about half 2, but got disturbed my Craig complaining of 'something moving' under the bed, lol. Slept sound in my mum and dads bed, then Sophie woke me at 9am by licking my face, ewww.

So now the guys are away home and I've just finished tidying up. Dad called and told me to put the lottery on so I guess I'll take a wee wander down to Dubbs Road and do that *sigh*

Loves x
 
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Hotttttt   
06:37pm 10/06/2006
 
mood: roastin!
I am burnt RAW! Yes, I decided that it was so hot that I'd sit out in my garden today in a bikini. Bad idea, Jems. I am now a red person with white marks in the shape of my bikini. + my knees hurt cuz they're the reddest out the lot. Gahh.

Was gunna take a wander down to the pub tonight but I think I'll just be staying in. Well I know I'll be staying out. My parents buggered off to Glasgow, leaving me with a moaning 12year old girl. Fun Fun. Think I'll run a cool bath laters, watch The Notebook, have a wee glass of wine and a bar of chocolate, then have an early night.

My parents are leaving on Monday so I'm thinking if the nice weather keeps up I might have a wee BBQ on Tuesday night or something. Dunno yets.

So that's college done, all my exams are over. Sociology was a bit of a disaster but tbh, I actually don't even care.

The night before it, I went to Deftones with Malky and Calder. Was pretty good. And would've been tonnes better if it hadn't been 4234degrees inside. And the fact that wherever I go there always seems to be a couple who like to shove their tongues in each otehrs ears right in front of me. Cheers eh?

I actually feel a bit sick. Bleh. Feel like heading to bed now but I know I won't sleep. It's so hot!

Anyway, I will update properly one day when I get in the mood again :o)

x
 
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Essaysss   
08:36pm 29/05/2006
 
mood: amused
HiHi.

Deciding to update because I'm on a wee study break. So I'm enjoying a large cup of tea and a wee bowl of cherries :o).

Well since I last updated I've called up for an application form for a job at the hospital. It's for a 'Therapy Assistant' post at the IRH. I really really want it, it's totally what I'd love to do when I leave uni, so I guess the experience of it would be amazing. I have a gut feeling I'm not what they're looking for though so I'm not getting any hopes up or anything.

Speaking of hopes, exams are going pretty well. Much better than last year anyway. I think I either got a good C or scraped a B for English. I'm not too bothered about it though, tbh. I have my C from last year and I don't really need anything more than that.

Human Biology, I'm safely guessing a good C, but inside I really hope I got the B I need. I answered all questions in the exam but one 1-marker. Plus in my nabs I've got B,A,A. The two essays at the end were amazing. They fitted right into what I'd been focussing on when studying. The first essay was about enzymes and factors affecting them, that was easy - I'd even done that in Standard Grade Biology a few years back in school. The second was the Effects of Learning on Behaviour. Easssyyy. I'd done that too in Psychology last year. So yeah, fingers crossed, eh? :P

Next up is Sociology. The biggie. If it hadnt been for my lecturer being a midden and messing up about I think I'd be pretty confident but noooo. I have all my essays written out and all that needs to be done is to memorise them, but the way I've wrote them is pretty complex and it'll be difficult. I have a NAB for The Family tomorrow. I'm halfway through memorising the essay and my brain is frazzled. Who even cares about conjugal roles and oppression?? Pfft, college is pointless.

Also, I got a Deftones ticket yesterday. It's the night before the Sociology exam LOL. Amazing. It's an upper standing ticket so I'm gunna have to conjure up a plan to get downstairs. If all else fails I might just break down in tears and give the guy my big sob story about having my exam tomorrow and if he doesnt let me in I'll fuck my exam up and my life will be ruined lol. Ye never know :P?!

I am rabbling on here in a desperate attempt at forgetting my essay. I guess I still have tomorrow morning to look over it, it doesnt start till ten past 1. I'll wait till 9 then go upstairs and watch Prison Break. Season finale tonight wooopa! :o)

In other news, my parents go on holiday 2 weeks today :o) Yusss.

Anyhoo, later days

x
 
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New Job   
11:27am 22/05/2006
  I'm looking for a new job just now, handing my notice in to Morrisons.

If they think the right way to go is speaking to their staff that way, they got another thing coming.

That dickhead thinks that just because I'm a young girl he can act so patronising and overpowering towards me and I'd take it. Don't fucking think so.

I get spoken to like shit out of work nevermind in it, I've had enough.

Gggggggggr I'm actually so angry.

John reckons he's just jealous because I'm taller than him and I have hair :D



So yeah, looking for a new job. Any suggestions? Pleeease?!

x
 
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=]   
02:07pm 14/05/2006
 
mood: busy
Well I felt like updating again, which is weird. Cuz I never feel up to it.

Well on Thursday [?] I was meant to be Battery-Parkin it with Aldo, but I had waaay to much studying to for my exam the next day after having major bust ups with my dad [again]. Seriously, every year I have exams to study for, he always picks that time of the year to threaten to chuck me out blah blah, nice one eh?

So I studied in my garden once again in the hot sun and managed to actually get myself a slight tan [kinda!]. Well I have tan lines, so I am a bit proud of myself =].

John came in from the last day of school and I signed his shirt =] Kinda made me feel a bit sad tho, in way I wish I had been there. So anyway, I ended up staying out talking to the neighbours for most of the night, then panicked when it got to 9pm and I still hadn't memorised all my quotes :| Why do I always put things off till last minute??

So on Friday I got up super early and made my way to college to meet the girls, then went into the examination room. BUT! I ended up sitting at table number 19 =] Which is my lucky number, so I hope it all worked out well.

Friday night I worked which was a bit pants. Apart from break time when we talked about stealing peoples door-mats and throwing them in the Clyde. And slapping cows in the face. =]

On Saturday I didn't actually do much. I went into town to get wee last minute things, then later on at night I went down the Jimmy and bought my Niks and my Sudge a drink =] So many people were out, I'm not even gunna attempt to name everyone.

SO yeah, Aldo and I had just planned to stay in the Jimmy, but at 11:25 we got an urge to go, so we decided to sprint-it over to Lava before the doors closed. We made it, but I ended up having a skirt that was close to falling right off me, and a heart that felt like it was gunna burst right out my chest. I need to keep going to the gym, seriously.

Lava was empty. And rubbish. As usual. Aldo left dead early so I mostly just stood with Calder, Malky and Craig. We left at around half 1 and Calder gave me a lift up the road, only to find my parents blind drunk, dancing and singing to rubbish music and forcing me to 'Ballroom dance' with them. Not good.

I went up to my bed though and Sophie followed me, where she slept in my bed pretty much all night =] It was cute.

Anyway, Im off to memorise an essay about the social perspectives of 'The Family' :|

xx
 
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Examssssssssssssssss   
05:19pm 10/05/2006
 
mood: STUDY =[
Hi alll =]

I thought I'd do a wee update seeing as I'm in the mood. And I never usualy am lol.

Well it's exam time again! And AGAIN its like Spain weather, meaning I have to stay inside to study. I attempted some studying outdoors today but my ghost like shoulders felt like they were burning so I just came in. No matter what though, there's always something there to distract me from studying, its so unfair. If I don't get an AB this year I will actually consider jumping off the Erskine Bridge. No way could I handle another year of college!

SO apart from studying I've been spending waaaay too much money on absolute rubbish - like alcohol, taxi rides and stupid looking hats that I'll never even wear. I have also been the Lava for the past 3 weeks or something which has been a bit pants. I did, however, see some people from school which was actually pretty amazing =] I love drunk Jems =].

Work is rubbish also. In fact I'm on the lookout for a new one, so if anyone knows of anything going, please let me know!

Other events include: hitting of boys who have gfs :| // sunbathing with the cat // smoothies!! // shopping& getting pierced with Craig // new clothes // cleaning the house with my cleaning urges!! // having the cold for 4 whole weeks and missing shitloads of college // banter with Phyl and Gail // Myspace middens // needing haircuts // hedgehog hair! :D // Jimmy Watting it // catch-ups with Niks // shouting abuse at stupid wee lassies // LOST! // PRISON BREAK!! // Boys from work HAH.

And much more.

Tomorrow I plan to study, then me and Aldo are going to the Battery Park for some fun & games. ALl of you are welcome, at around 1ish =]

I lost thw will to go on, back to study =[

xx

xx
 
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02:15pm 14/04/2006
  Boys are a bit rubbish.  
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06:31pm 14/08/2005
  Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!  
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05:24pm 30/05/2005
 

 

Comment to be added plz.

 
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