it's been awhile, let me refresh. in the past four months:
i have learned to care about school. i'm so used to bullshitting everything and getting straight A's, but when you go to a real college, it's easy to get good grades. just work for them. i loved days like today: i absolutely hate the stress that builds up in the days leading to my chemistry exams, but i love the feeling of walking out of that exam, talking about it with people and actually knowing what i'm talking about. i've never understood chemistry like that before. i guess doing work really does pay off.i have learned to love and accept love in return. i ask myself every day how i got so lucky with brittany, it's crazy how good of a person she is. (my assumptions with no girls in buffalo are good girls anymore, figuring she's from canada). i was going through my yahoo email box about an hour ago looking for an ethical paper i wrote on stem-cell research at ecc and for SOME reason at one point in time i saved all of the emails from lauren (when we first met, when she was in florida with alicia and still emailing me). like holy shit, she was a fucking b-i-t-c-h. she pulled me away from my friends, and then told me all of the problems going on in her life were my fault. and as she was in florida when i was talking to other people, she told me "not to fuck around" with her. please, if i am ever that oblivious and pathetic again, slap me. sarah, sarah, mark and mike, thank you for not doing it then, but i just may have needed it. i have a girl who goes to my house and can hang out with my parents while i'm at work, who wants to do nice things for me because she considers herself lucky to have me, who gets along perfectly with my friends and even does favors for them. this is going to be a long basketball season.
i have learned how to be civil with my worst ex's. delaney and i are still friends, even though we don't talk as much as i would like us to, i'm kind of hoping to see her when she comes home next week. and desaree, we fight, but we get over it. we got into this huge blowout a few weeks ago and she said some messed up things, and two days later i was meeting her to give her a copy of the taylor swift cd. she texted me and said "do you think it's weird that we can be at each others throats and then the next day know how to be civil to each other?" she sometimes comes and hangs out with me when i'm in the library at UB, we hung out on halloween. her presence is nice, i just don't like how she can snap and go crazy if i say or do the wrong thing. when that happens, i just ignore it and she apologizes the next day. which is also something that is new, she never used to apologize for anything. sarah and i were on the third floor balcony of the union yesterday and desaree and i were texting/arguing, i looked down and there desaree was walking across the union, i made fun of her bright obnoxious headband and we were fine again. sure, i hate arguing, but i like that we can just snap back to normal.
i have learned not to care for people who do not care for you. i'm not one of those people who consider my birthday to be "my day" but all i ask for is to have my best friends with me for dinner. sarah and sarah both got off of work, and mike is coming home for dinner (although, it's also his birthday also) and i asked mark two weeks ago. first, he had told me that he wasn't sure because he was going to a show with kristen, i said okay that's fine just let me know. i haven't heard from him about it, the only time he has texted me was about his ex girlfriend. i mean, i considered us best friends, so that was fine. today, i texted him about dinner and all of a sudden he's no longer going to the show, but he wants to go to joe and justins party at their shop on elmwood (let me add that this party is from 7 pm to midnight). so i just told him nevermind that it was cool. he got an attitude with me. let me put it this way, sarah, sarah, and i are also friends with joe and justin, i practically grew up with them as a teenager, we're all pretty cool with them..yet, why is it that sarah and sarah are still coming to dinner and mark cant? still, not a big deal. in response i get "whatever, not in the mood". okay mark, next time you have a show, i am not buying tickets and booking it from my soccer game in the middle of my coaches speech to get to your show on time. i am CONSTANTLY supporting you and all of your decisions, no matter what, and yet you can't make it to a dinner that you haven't been to in two years? we go to dinner for my birthday every year. i can't remember the last time he came. so then, when i mentioned how he could make time to hang out with his ex girlfriend/finace who cheated and lied to him he says "and how many times did lauren cheat on you?" wow. not relevant. lauren was when i was like sixteen, and i was not engaged to her. and when she left, i peaced out. douche bag comment. i hope you're happy with that one.
so, as of right now, i'm really happy with the way things are going. i should have a response back from up on acceptance or not by next week, the following week at the latest. i'm crossing my fingers. and my birthday is saturday. :)