||[Apr. 27th, 2012|05:19 am]
|||||You may ask yourself...||]|
I, in fact, made it out of there, and I'm graduating college in two weeks. I broke up with Jacob in July of last year. Or maybe it was August. Either way, it still hasn't been enough time for me to stop feeling like dating is pointless. I've become a sort of...I don't know what. I got drunk and made out with a friend of my friend, we fell asleep together, and the next morning when he asked me if I remembered his name, instead of saying something endearing like, "CUTIE PIE!!!" or "Do you remember mine?"...instead, I just took a stab at it and got it wrong. And of course that was the end of that... I'm not saying it's abnormal to make out with someone you just met, rinse, repeat for months on end, but... Who the hell have I become? I didn't know I could be so cold.
My top priority, of course, has been graduating. I also work. And drink when I can fit it in. I think I've had the best year of my college experience, partly because I started making girlfriends and finally started hanging out with Allie, who has become my best friend ever. I also started smoking cigarettes, which is totally unlike me. (Repeat: Who the hell have I become?) I've always wanted to look back on life and think I didn't waste my time. And at this point, after all the major stress generators of the semester are complete, after I have adequately guaranteed my graduation in two weeks no matter how I do for the rest of the semester, I can honestly say that I have absolutely loved my time at LSU, and I would not change a thing even if I could. So what if I had to quit college halfway through to breathe, work, and save up for a car? So what if I have kissed like a hundred guys but found none of them suitable for my eternal needs? So what if I still am not even sure what I should do after graduation? I've learned so much, academically, socially, emotionally. I feel like, no matter what comes my way, I am a richer person because of the experiences I've had the past several years, and even though I didn't get it right on my first or second or third try, perseverance wins out, and anything worth having deserves a good fight.
It's hard to imagine the person I was when I created this journal. A person with goals that felt a little too out of reach? Someone with no interpersonal skills who didn't know how to take challenges one thing at a time? A lazy but curious dreamer?
In any event, I've come a long way, and I feel immensely happy that I am alive and typing this at this very second, and I hope everyone has felt such joy in life before.