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Jay Hogart

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Layout features the song "Dissolve and Decay" by Hawthorne Heights. Coding created by myself using HTML FLY 2.0 © Graphics edited using PSP.7.2.
She wore crushed velvet, jet black and to the floor. She rode on angels' wings that used to shine oh so bright. Now the dark has caught the spark in her eyes and I, I can't find the air. I'll wait for you, I cross my heart. Dissolve and decay, there's nothing left for me. (Right now) Walk slowly towards the light. She's calling and I'm falling down. She's crying and I am lying about last night. She can't find a way to tell me and I can't find the air. I'll wait for you, I cross my heart. Dissolve and decay, there's nothing left for me. (Right now) This fire's dying down, there's nothing left to see. (Right now) Right now! Dissolve and decay there's nothing left for me Sit back and let her die slowly don't cry, she didn't love you anyway. Dissolve and decay there's nothing left for me. Just try to make it out alive, yeah, alive means your blood is flowing. (Right now) Dissolve and decay, there's nothing left for me. (Right now) This fire's dying down, there's nothing left to see.
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[
Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005 @ 1:25pm
]
Im single.
fun, isn't it girls?
yeah, who am I kidding. I havn't done anything with anyone since paige. she deserves better.

so if anyone wants to hang, gimme a call.
120 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Thursday, August 18th, 2005 @ 1:16am
]
I hate who i've become, or maybe i've always been this way? I'm a horrible person. This is why moms killed herself. and I can't let things go to shit with paige. she's way to good for me. I'm trying to think of a way, I can end it..without hurting her too much. I don't want her to hate me, I don't think I could handle that. I just want her to not like me. She makes me happy, and if I fuck up i'll be more misreble then I was before. that's it, for her own good I've got to leave her. but how? I can't just..jesus.

...Yeah.
110 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Saturday, August 13th, 2005 @ 10:23pm
]
so I've been busy, I found a new apartment and have been working my ass off. never figured I'd say that in my life time. what the hell? have I been abudcted? eh. whatever.

I had dinner with darcy the other night. she makes good grilled cheese. and I kissed her. I seriously don't get why I keep fucking up. It's like, I can't help it. it stops. noow. I know I said that before, but it actually does. maybe I should shove the female population away save for paige and ellie? I trust myself around ellie for some odd reason.

anyways, I'm tired as hell. that party the other night with paige was pretty rad. except I saw lexx..but it got fine. paige got really drunk and I took her back to my new apartment. we didn't have sex..we just slept holding each other. she really keeps me anchored.

so, I might pass out.
unless someone wants to hang? call the cell. as long as your not a cute girl. ugh.
180 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Friday, August 12th, 2005 @ 12:51am
]
Well, I woke up and paige had made me breakfast. thanks babe. even though I havn't really felt like eating these last few days. Then we went out and got jobs. yeah, I work at a record store. ha, you're all losers because you don't.


Then I had moms cremated. I couldn't picture her lying undergroud, rotting away. it gave me nightmares. and took her ashes out to the beach with lexx. it seemed right. lexx knew moms, moms loved lexx...she got so ticked when I fucked that up the first time. We scattered them and just kinda, talked. broke down and cried like babies was more like it. I finally let it out that I think it's my fault moms killed herself. Yeah, because her sons a fuck up leading a gang, stealing and getting expelled. lexx told me that it wasn't true, that I couldn't be the reason. but I just don't see what else it coulda been. we cried, and held each other on the beach. yeah, big bad ass jay hogart cried. fuck you, it's moms.

Then I took her home. and gave her moms' locket necklace. she would've wanted lexx to have it.

Then I had paige come over, and I gave her moms ring. the engagment ring that's been in the family for years. I'm surprised she still had it. No, I didn't ask paige to marry me. don't even go there. I just thought she deserved it. she's been with me through out all of this, and taken my bullshit. and she's had faith in me. moms would've liked her, I think. then she had to go, so I kinda just hung in the empty house a bit. it's so deserted and jesus..

then nash called, and well. we made up. awh, aint it cute. she took me to the cliff and we jumped in. and talked about moms. about how she'd make the best grilled cheese, and how she tought me orions belt. Ellie showed me the rest of orion. it was pretty cool. and told her about how we liked to dance in the rain when I was a kid..god, it's like I spilled all my guts. I even told her why I hate my name. Then she decided she was hungry and didn't like being wet anymore so we went to her place and she made grilled cheese. I gave her moms star charm braclet. I couldn't think of where else it ought to go. some things, I just couldn't sell or trash. she makes some good grilled cheese. Then, I came home. and lexx calls me. had me drop her off somewhere. a fucken homeless shelter. her stupid fuck of a step dad beat on her again and she wouldn't stay at my place. I fucken swear to god the girls as stubborn as a jackass. or stupid. either way. it pissed me off.

and, what happened to dinner darcy?
anyways. Im beat. emotionally, like fucken hell. so I'll chat at you kids later.
120 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Thursday, August 11th, 2005 @ 2:13pm
]
Right so, Moms died. I can't belive she'd do that. I just don't get it. I mean, suicide. why? I can't help but think..me. yeah, I pushed her to it. because im not that "okay" guy darcy tried to say I am.

She's cremated and I'm scattering her ashes over the beach tonight, after dinner. I was gunna do it over the cliff, but since nash had a fit that I brought paige there I wont bother. I don't need that shit.

The other night I took paige to the cliff, and nash showed up. she was pissed. sorry. and said all this bullshit, trying to break paige and I up. Yeah, girl hates me. my life is grand. I can't lose paige. I just..I can't.


but even though she did her best efforts, to no avail. I'm still with paige and staying with paige. I love being able to just sleep next to someone.. we got jobs at the record store today. so now I can go apartment searching. sounds good.

see ya.
160 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Tuesday, August 9th, 2005 @ 2:29pm
]
oh god, why am I fucking this up? from this point on, no more fucking up for jay hogart. nope.

So, the other day I went to a party up in montreal and took manny. It was alright, but we came home early. nothing happened this time between us, thank god. So I came back, had a spat with nash. what else is new? then went to the park, and oh no there she was. when she's not ripping my guts out she doesn't seem so bad.. then she started heading to a place where it said "no trespassing". who knew she was so rebellious? ha.ha. so of course I fallowed, and she led me to a cliff. at first when she said jump, I thought suicide. god, im an idiot. turns out theres a lake. So I shoved her off it, into the lake and well yeah stupid harpee took me in with her. Ruined my favorite hat. that she has.. but whatever. we kind of..stared at each other. it was weird, but kinda cool and surreal. I realised she actually is really hott. So she let me come to her house to dry my clothes off. I don't know..it was odd. I went to get my clothes and she kinda turned around, and there I was looking into her eyes. I just I don't know. she puts on this tough guy act like Lexx and I do, but I know better then that. damn my protective side. then I left. before I fucked up anymore then I already have. and later went to the cliff again, just to get wasted. look at the stars. and she was there. we talked and looked at the sky. I learned a constellation from her, orions belt. nifty stuff I guess. then I kind of held her. no, ok I did. because it reminded me of the times my mom was okay and we'd come out and look at the stars. it just, it calmed me. and it comforted me too. so I guess that's what led me to kissing her. but this kiss was different. it was..nice. I don't know how else to explain it.


Then I came home and had paige come over. where I sung "uptown girl" and danced. god, I was drunk. but the words make sense. and she stayed the night. we had sex. god, the best sex of my life. I couldn't..ah. jesus, thinking about it right now makes me want to find her and do it again. this is why, I can't fuck up anymore. I just can't.

Yeah, it was nice.
byebye kiddies.
180 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Monday, August 8th, 2005 @ 2:37pm
]
so, the other day I went to a rave. with manny. and yeah, things got a bit hott. hotter then when I confessed to paige, but not about manny. it was alright.
then today, im going to a party in montreal.
fun times kids.
and taking santos, cause she wanted to go.
out.
140 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Sunday, August 7th, 2005 @ 2:13am
]
Fucken christ, you know what sucks? life in general. but thats okay. anyway, paige came over the other night and we got drunk and danced like fucken loons. and didn't kill each other, again. ..we kissed, and I liked it okay? I did. and she was fun. Then today Lexx made me come to Nash's gay party, so Paige needed a ride so I brought her. well, I offered but whatever. it wasn't a big deal. then I get there and nash is saying all this crap about me and what does lexx do? Nothing, so I got ticked and decided to leave. Ellie gave me some crap for coming with paige and then leaving without talking to lexx. well, I did talk to her. more like yell at each other. what else is new.uugh. So, Yeah. I left and then she texts me about paige and Im like, "wtf." okay, so maybe she had a right to be jealous. maybe I wasn't acting so joe smooth. did I look at paige so it showed I liked her or something? or does lexx just have jay-cheating-radar?! I couldn't take that. It ticked me off. then paige and I had a talk in my car about whether or not im a lap dog, and if I should bend over backwards for alex. well, we voted no. then we left and I took paige to the park to get my mind off things. and we ended up kissing, and making out..and christ, it was amazing. then, me having the net on my phone like a badass, IM'd alex and well. we broke up.

It's over, we're through. el fin bitches. So I took paige to my place, and well. I asked her out. I just love the way I feel around her. I don't have to worry about what I do or say, because I havn't fucked up with her. I don't have to try and bend over backwards and hang with people who despise me.

we fell asleep together, no. we didn't do anything you perverts. this is different.. but Now I can't sleep so I thought I'd update. she looks so adorable when she's sleeping. not that she's not gorgeous awake...

well, im gunna crawl back into bed. and her arms..where I feel good..ugh, what is wrong with me? but I don't care. I like it.
140 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Friday, August 5th, 2005 @ 3:01pm
]
So yesterday I picked lexx up from work and took her home. she still makes me promise not to touch her fucken step dad. just five minutes, that's all I want. then came home and well, we all know how intresting my life is. argued with nash. I don't get what the hell her problem is with me these days, what is it? who shit in her cheerios? someone needs to tell her it wasn't me. so, I took paige to the beach.
gasp kids, that's right.

we went to the beach and were nice. well, we tried to drown each other but other then that it was alright. I had a lot of fun. and michalchuck is pretty cute in a bikini. bad mental image.

and now, today..
nothing.

see ya
120 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Thursday, August 4th, 2005 @ 9:59am
]
Alright so, Michalchuck sort of blamed for what the hell ever Spin said to her. what the fuck, things go all to hell and it's all my fault? I straightened that out though, and we actually had a civil conversation.

she isn't that bad when she's not reminding me im the scum of the earth and she's perfect. Lexx and I are back together, and that's really great and all but now I worry about her fucken step dad all the time. yeah, hogart worries too. and she made me promise not to do anything. I don't think I can do that..if she has one mark on her face, one ...

Then I went to the dot to hang with lexx and michalchuck, and well. They were being bad to Spin. Lemme rephrase. lexx was being down right mean.
awh, thats my baby! it was kind of fucked up and didn't amuse me as much as it usually would. then he fucken spilled her milkshake all over and jesus, That was messy. serves them right. not much else. ellie and I odn't exactly get along. what the hell? I didn't start kissing her..did I?? but uh, that's it kids.

IM me if you wanna hang later.
150 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005 @ 3:15pm
]
So, what's up in the wonderful world of jay hogart? I'll tell you.

I went to Nash's the other day because I was bored off my ass and we ended up hanging out. and getting drunk. let me rephrase, she got drunk enough we made out..not bad, might I add. Then it got kinda late so I went home. Good times nash, good times.

Lexx IM'd me being all pissy so I took a walk, and was gunna get plastered at the park. I walked to clear my head. It was fucked up. where, guess who was? Lexx. so, we started yelling at each other. Normal bullshit, and then something weird a miracle happened.

we're back together.

chew on that losers.

and god, I couldnt't be happier.

Lock your doors, and keep your kids inside. The duo is back
1220 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

[
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005 @ 5:33pm
]
Alright, so I decided to get one of these. Why? Because all the cool kids are doing it! I may be expelled but my sarcasm is still intact. Fucken Mason, ugh. Moving on to happier things. I'm guessing my lexx's entry she's still hung up over that little incident over amy. what the hell ever, girls are just simply girls. more where she came from. although I feel like shit, and miss her like there's no tomorrow. I'm such an ass. but what can I do about it now? I've got nothing to do at all except stay home and watch mom, and hope my prick of a supposed dad doesn't call again. doesn't he get it? we don't need him. Jesus, he's dense. I guess I'm exactly like him. I shove people away that I love and fuck things up. way to go hogart. Somehow, demolishing things just isn't cutting it these days. I hear gavin might get to go back to school. I think I'll go that route, I mean if they let that ass in they have to let me in right? this is my logic. yes, jay hogart has SOME FORM of logic. I miss people. well no, I miss one. no I don't. stop. But everythings so fun. No school, hoozah. No teachers, no one yelling at me over the stupidest shit. just harrassing me about wanting to be my father and blahfuckityblah cry me a river you old sonovabith. well. there isn't much to say.

bye bye kids.
1230 . Dissolve And Decay add to: memories or edit

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