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Mar. 13th, 2006 | 03:49 pm
mood: chipperchipper
music: natascha

i haven't been online in HEEEEEELLLLA days.

i'm mostly with jay r.
we have been together for over 2 months now. :)
ilovehim. A LOT.
its weird.... but not. i dunno.

we've been hanging out with david and kevin
cuz they have nothing better to do either.
we always end up at either liseths house or something
but yea.

yesterday we went to alameda.
it was cool.
i found my 2nd favorite place ever.
"city view skatepark"
its so pretty.
san francisco is so pretty at nite. k

jayr is hellof tight..
seriously hes awesome..

ok bye

... jay r likes to talk goood about himself
but for reals... hes hellla gay.

jk. he's ok.
sort of

jk. i love him.

k i'm done.

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Jan. 23rd, 2006 | 09:53 pm
mood: boredbored
music: jay r's breath.


-i have no car.

-i have no house (i got kicked out but they wanted me back, who wouldn't.
buuuut i dont want to go home, my dad bugs the shit out of me.)

-i'm hungary.

-i need a job.

-and i need new clothes.

however, on the plus side. :)

+jay r is my favorite person ever. i heart him. ♥

+i got my monroe pierced. its alright i suppose. jk. its tight.

+i hang out with jay r all the time. its annoying. haha jk.
i love every minute of it.

+we have a new crew.....THC. whaaaaaat. you have to have certain
conditions to be a part of it... literally.

+we went to berkley and san fran and somehow daly city. but whatever.
it was tiiight. and my first time in berkley. :)

+basically... this is not that bad. things are good. i'm happy.

end of story.:D. 

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with friends like you, who needs enemies?

Jan. 12th, 2006 | 10:45 pm
mood: pissed offpissed off
music: Capeside rock- from autumn to ashes.

basically me and jay r are going out.
he's awesome.
i'm happy. for the first time in forever, i'm happy.

people need to stop taking this to the extreme tho.
grow the fuck up.
i cant help the way i feel about him.
if you still had feelings for him
i'm sorry, sweetie. i didn't fucking know.

jay r is my fucking boyfriend now. niice. :) ♥.♥.♥.

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just take a chance some how...

Jan. 6th, 2006 | 01:20 pm
mood: contentcontent
music: coffee- copeland.

so quick update.

i dyed my hair.
its cool i guess.
dark. but cool.
i'll post pics whenever i get them.
maybe i'll remember to get my camara back someday.
i always forget it.

this week has been weird.
but fun.
new years was cool.
got really drunk.
worked the next day.
hung out with people over the
course of the week.

i need a new job.

i talked to my brother on the phone...
he wants me to write him letters.
he makes me laugh.
i love my brother.
i know he'll always be there for me.
he's made so many mistakes in his life.
he encourages me to be different then him.
i try to take as much of his advice as i can.
even though he's messed up so much,
he's been through it all and
knows what hes talking about.

i'm going to go to school this semester.
everyday, unless i have a reasonable excuse.
i'm not going to let all the stupid factors in life
keep me from getting my education and becoming
what i want to become.
i want to be able to look back when i'm older
knowing that i was able to succeed on my own.

i need to get my shit straight.
i'm tired of being nothing.
i'm tired of lying about school.
i want to change myself.
not for anybody else, but for myself.

my birthday is on monday.
tight? i guess....
nothing will happen.
i'll just be another year older.

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Merry Christmas!!!

Dec. 25th, 2005 | 08:16 pm
mood: happyjolly, duh.
music: The postal service- We will become silhouettes

Merry christmas everyone.

i hope everyone had a really good day.
mines was alright.
i got an ipod nano and thats about it.. lol
my sister gave me a bell.. i dont know why. haha
shes a weird kid....
now shes reading this and thinks shes cool.
shes so freakin annoying...

i haven't been on in a long time.
oh well.
i was sick all week.
i felt like i was dying.
gah. it was horrible.
any who.

we got a new puppy.
its actually my sisters.
but whatever i have reggie<3..
hes a fag and got stuck in a tree the other nite.
haha. it was funny.

i haven't seen anyone in like.. a week..
except natalie i saw her on thursday! :)
we hung out and then i came home about 8.
i was still feeling kinda sick..
&& i saw liseth and chris for like 5 minutes.
i think i need to see people again. i'm having withdrawls.

my family is here. i like them they make me laugh.
my grandpa always yells
 not cuz he's mad. but cuz he can't hear.. lol

i have to work tomarrow... i dont' remember what time though.

i want to get a new digital camara. mine is lame...

my birthday is in exactly 15 days.

everyone remember that. :).


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This town has good hearts, Bad blood, emotional scars

Dec. 6th, 2005 | 03:25 pm
mood: frustratedfrustrated
music: Reggie and the full effect- playing dead.

so i haven't updated in awhile.
thanksgiving was alright.
went to so. cal..fun? i guess.
didn't get to see blake.. oh well.
next time i guess...

i like how all last week i hung out with
someone, hell of cool. i guess i grew to like him.
oh well... i expected that it would end sooner than
i would have liked.
everytime i like someone and they show just
a little bit of compassion back to me..
its just fake. or so i think..
what is this. number 4?5?
its getting old.
i'm tired of being led on.
i'll never find anyone but whatever.
i guess i'm just stupid or something.
they type of person no ones ever attracted to.
FUCK boys. they're faggots. lol.

this weekend. hell of lame.
thats all anyone needs to know.

things have been weird.
it needs to end.
december sucks so far.
gah. i'm so fucking stupid sometimes.
but whatever.
other people are just as stupid, right?
everyone does stupid things. k.
k. i'm done.

gah. i'm hungry. theres nothing to eat.
this weekend better be good.
i'm getting those drinks. tilt?
ha.a dollar plus tax for one..
thats cool i guess.
i need to just forget about this boy.
the drama, the misunderstandings.

christmas sucks.
i hate seeing little kids all happy!
haha. what the fuck.. thats so weird.
its just i wish i could still be one
of those little kids..
all happy and such, no worries. no cares.
the polar express made me sad...
i remember reading that book and watchign the
cartoon every year around this time. :)
i miss those days...

we all have to grow up someday though...
i guess....

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I've got a perfectly normal heart,Bruised and broken from within...

Nov. 20th, 2005 | 09:18 pm
mood: contemplativei'm always thinking...
music: blood brothers- teen heat.

this week was...weird...i guess..

i started work again, at vans. : )
i love working there just because
the people are so... nice? i dunno..
i got shoes. i like shoes, but i hate feet..

i rebleached my hair too. so i'm blonder.

i need it cut now...

i like going out with my friends at nite.
seeing everyone. it makes me happy..
knowing that i'm not alone and that
i have people who somewhat care about me..

i like when boys like me...
it makes me feel good about myself.
but, then they always make me feel
like shit in the end...
its karma i guess.
i get my hopes up and then it just ends
up proving that i'm not good enough.
whatever, i'm beginning to get used to it.
its happend with every guy i've met so far...
i'm fine though. whateva!

last nite i went to santa cruz with
christini, nat, trevor, and justin..
it was fun. the ride there was gay.
when we got there me and christine
bonded on the beach. haha
peeing in the sand/bushes...
drinking our bottle of smirnoff...
filling it with sand.. lol..it was lovely.&hearts;.
i learned i can be pretty bitchy when i'm drunk.
its kinda lame but whatever.
i "beat up" justin.
well. i just made him give in by pulling his hair
til he let go of me.. i'm not nice. but i dont care.
the cops came.
so i buried my 2 full bottles in the sand next to me.
one was opened the other closed...
when the cop left i went to grab the closed one.
but i grabbed the open one of course and ended
up spilling it all over me like a faggot.

ha. rob and ted.  hahaha. random people on bikes. good times.

i like when people get mad at me.
i like how people never talk to me.
i like how i'm left out.
i like not being included.
no i don't.
i hate it...

i'm going to so cal this week..
leaving wendsday coming back on sunday.
it should be fun.

i fucking LOVE thanksgiving!!!! :D
i may see the only boy who actually cares
about my feelings...
and i may even hang out with myra and michelle.
haha. fun, right? hopefully.
being in so. cal gives me time to think
about things... lets hope my thoughts
don't run wild, resulting in me hurting myself...

i'm lame.
end of story.<|3.

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So take a look at me now,There's just an empty space

Nov. 10th, 2005 | 03:02 pm
mood: depresseddepressed
music: Clark Gable- The postal service.

i like how everything went from
great to terrible in just a few days.

i loved having someone. someone i really
truely cared about.
but i there are somethings i just don't want
to lose... like a true friendship.
somethings need to remain as they are..
i hate this feeling.

i like how i say that guys dont like me.
when the truth is that the greatest ones
really do.... i just don't see it...
and when i do, i let them get away.
maybe the psychic was right.
but it won't be any ones fault but mine.

i like having people who care.
but lately it seems like they don't.
sorry i didn't answer your calls.
i didn't hear the phone ring.
i understand why you dont answer.
the least you can do is understand why i don't.

i like how everything has been going down hill.
i'm losing everything.
every battle i'm fighting.
everything im' fighting to achieve.
i lose.

is it weird to actually want to write an essay??
to want to sit down and read a book??
i think i'm going crazy....

no one fully understands me.
i dont talk much.
i only talk to a select few.
and i talk to you because i trust you,
and you are the best of the best.

whats wrong with me??
i think to much....
i contemplate everything before i do it.
i contemplate the future.
i contemplate the past.
thinking never gets me anywhere
but down.

i've had my heart broken.
i know what its like to love and be loved.
i know what its like to have friends
totally miss use your trust and do things behind your back
i know what its like to feel left out.
i know what its like to be happy...
i know i'm not the best person to always talk to.
i dont say much... i just listen...
but don't leave me out. talk to me too..

things have been horrible.
things have been great.
i love our good times together.
lets not let these stupid arguements
ruin something so great.

i've actually made up with people
i never thought i would.
its strange how someone could hate
you one day and now we exchange hugs
when we see each other.

its weird. not even the postal service is making me happy...


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It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown

Nov. 4th, 2005 | 11:16 am
mood: hungryhungry
music: waynes world

basically, i'm really hungry right now...
me and becca are watching waynes world.
we're hungry... lol.

this week was weird..
the other nite i got soo sick..
i dont even know why....
i puked and stuff.. it was nasty...
i couldn't move.
i couldn't breathe..
i thought i was seriously dying... haha
oh well....

yesterday saw dana.
i've missed her.
me and becca enjoy
hanging out of windows and spitting spit wads at cars.
lol.... basically. it was funny haha
"look at the nigger cats!"
sat at starbucks for like.. ever..
saw people.. it was nice. :)

today should be fun.
hopefully i get to see everyone and stuff.
dead end darlings show tonight.
should be fun.

i made a new friend.
i think he's pretty cool.
i like meeting new people.

i'm lame. :)
but whatever.

"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age."
Lucille Ball

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Halloween 2005. basically.

Nov. 1st, 2005 | 02:25 pm
mood: blanki dont' even knooow.
music: none... silence... the sound of the keyboard.. dun dun dunnn

kso; last nite was basically my first nite out in like.. 5 days..
it was fun.
i felt awkward for some reason.. and no.. it wasn't my costume.
i dunno what was wrong...
but it was fun.
i saw so many people i haven't seen in awhile..
and then the girl who "walked out of walls"
craaaaaazzzyyy.... haha
k well. pictures nigaligs. : )
"I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on."
Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)


HAPPY HALLOWEEN,... yesterday.. lol.Collapse )

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