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Unfinished Business: Starbuck [Dec. 4th, 2006|01:02 am]
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Spoilery ramblings about Kara Thrace and men. Two in particular.Collapse )
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It's been a while... [Aug. 13th, 2006|10:02 am]
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The time has really flown these last few months. Long story short, I passed all my 4th year classes and worked as an primary healthcare doctor for 2,5 months. When it was good, it was so heavenly good that I will never consider another profession ever again. When it was bad it was hell-like ordeal of pain. The best: all that little surgery going on, for exaple resecting little lipomas, stitching wounds. The worst: the nagging feeling that you have forgotten something. Late nights of worrying if I diagnosed right.

5th year begins with gynecology and obstetrics. Which would of have come handy this summer when I was on call and had to treat women patients as well. I consulted on each and everyone, even though it made me look like an insecure ass. But hey, in the name of good care it doesn't matter how ass-like you seem yourself :)
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Getting Ready. [Feb. 28th, 2006|04:29 pm]
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This Friday I'll pack my bags and head to beach. In between me and waves crashing to a sun-kissed shore is only 8-10 hours of flying. Did I meantion I'm a bit freaked out about flying?

Actually, I'm scared to death I'll end up having a panick attack on the plane and making a total and complete ass out of myself, but I simply refuse to let my fears and personal shortcomings come between me and a normal life. I wouldn't be in medschool anymore if I gave up everytime I feel like dying inside of utter panic...

The result of my 10 days escape, I'll miss BSG's two last episodes of this season. Which I think is quite great! I'll get to watch them one behind another when I come back. The last episode is supposedly a 90 minute special, so I'll be able to treat myself with about 130 minutes of BSG galore. I haven't done that since I watched season 1 and half of season 2 in 3 days when I discovered the series.

School? We have a midterm exam of Organ Pathology. The amount of pages I should study is ridiculous and I refuse to be a dummy who reads all without a little consideration of my own. I've sat through the lectures and peeped into a microscope long enough to be somewhat sure I'll pass the stupid test anyway.

You see, I'm already on my holiday mood ;)
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Still alive. [Feb. 24th, 2006|08:43 pm]
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Only barely.

Things have been quite rough for few weeks, with school and stuff. But I'm still hanging in there.

I re-took my psychiatry I exam, and luckily I passed this time. A lot of other results are finally back... Hmmm, let's see: neurosurgery (the results are still in but that course has notoriously been one of the easiest to pass: the surgeons are too buzy to care if we pass or not. All they want is to know that we know how to give first aid to an subarachnoid hemorraghia patient before sending them. And amybe recognize the symptims for other cranial hemorraghias. I heard that a few years ago, when students started to ask after their results after three weeks of waiting, they just sent an e-mail to the course mailing list : "You all passed."

Now THAT'S what I call quality education.

Then otorhinolaryngology... We had both written and oral exam. I think I did well on the written part. Totally screwed up one question about lateral face traumas, though. All I could remember was a vague recollection of a seminar about MEDIAL face traumas, so I cringed and wrote about them hoping there wouldn't be any significant differences. With Le Fort classification and all... As can be expected, there were some slight differences. The professor totally shred my ass in pieces at the oral exam where he read my whole essey out loud. Because I'm an smart ass, I stated "You have to play with what you remember." He just glanced me over the paper and replied. "It's even better to play with what you know." I wanted to die... *cigarette break*. I ended up having a magna cum laude on the course. It turned out my other answers had been near excellent, so he wanted to give me a chance to redeem myself at the oral exam. Had I known this I would have actually studied a bit before it... There goes my laudatur once again. So far I have only one, but it's the one that matters to me most: surgery. Oh, and I have antoher from nefrology (like WTF? I hated the class...)

Enough about school. I have a life outside. Right...

Still totally hung up on BSG. Only three episodes left of this season which really is a shame. I need some more means to escape the depressing existance that is my life at the moment. I've thrown myself in to the world of fanfiction. I used to want to be a writer before this whole medschool/doctor thing took over my life, and now I've discovered the whole genre again.

And Grey's Anatomy... Who cares about George&Meredith, I REALLY wished she would have ended between the sheets with Mark. The dirty mistresses of the world, UNITE! :) He was truly a Mc Steamy.
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It's been a while. [Feb. 3rd, 2006|07:57 pm]
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After Christmas life has really been hectic. I worked half of Januray at a neurology department. Although I was mainly pushed towards gruelling paperwork piles, I managed to get most of the experience I wanted. The rounds were useful: I was forcefed the most common neurology diseases, their treatment and such. And I took 6 spinal taps :)

I passed opthalmology ; I got a cum laude. I failed Psychiatry 1, though. I was a bit (an understatement of the year...) surprised, but I got around re-doing it today and I have high hopes of passing. But I really thought I passed it last time, too, so we shall see. This spring must be the most depressing coursewise. We have Organ Pathology II and Forensic Medicine among other smaller courses. Which is somewhat a problem to me.

I don't enjoy handling deceaced. I really don't. I just get really sad around them, thinking their illnesses, families and the amount of human suffering leading up to the moment they lay on the table. Forensic Medicine is the worst, because the cases are seldom of natural causes. It's my little secret which I've kept well, but sometimes I even feel like crying a little afterwards. I don't know, this is never a problem during surgery. So I think it's the death -part, that makes me sad.

My lacking enthusiasm towards studying helps to explain why I've practiced reality-escaping lately. I'm totally obsessing over Battlestar Galactica (from this on known as BSG). And GA. And OC. And ER. Anyways, BSG is a new crush :) I simply love Starbuck & Apollo! The connection between school and series is so clear it's almost amusing. I guess I've always had a soft spot for reality escape.
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Something Beautiful [Jan. 1st, 2006|02:44 pm]
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He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven
By W.B. Yates

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
 I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
 I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
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Small victories. [Dec. 22nd, 2005|09:21 pm]
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I passed neurology!!!! Magna cum laude!!!!
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Tired. [Dec. 19th, 2005|06:18 pm]
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I was working from 7am - 4pm; a reasonably lengthy day, but it felt like ages. I was drowning under paper work and it took me a LONG time to get everything done. Typing EVERYTHING up with a new computer program isn't peachy, especially when you have no idea how it works... All my consultation requests were late, all the test requests were late. Even the nice nurses were getting a little bit annoyed. I didn't have time to eat lunch before 3pm.

At some point you just have to accept that when you begin, you suck. If you keep expecting that you'll be afficient and great at everything, you'll just crash and burn every day until you're so depressed you don't go back to work. Learning to live in uncertainty and with a feeling that most of the time you really don't know how to do things is by far the most hardest thing I think I'll have to learn. And asking help. No, I don't have problems with asking for advice. But I have problems asking the same things x 10000 simply because I can't remember the answer. That's the most painful feeling nowadays...

On a lighter note, I got to do a full check-up of an neurological patient with my tutor doctor. Of course I have made neur. stat. during our course, but this time she gave me advice during physical examinations, made me try all the reflexes so that I got them all, not just guessing that maybe that twitch was indeed a reflex (as we did during course...achilles reflex was my achillee's heel...). I remembered all the cranial nerve examinations and got to do them all; she also gave me some nice advice on the preferable order of examinations, tips on which things to concentrate when patient is in bedrest/wheel-chair etc. So you could say that I have now formed my own routine of performing neurological status. Just need to get lots of practice :)

Tomorrow morning I've decided to brush up my iv.-line skills and arterial astrup taking, so I'll go extra early to join nurses' rounds. It's been almost an year since I completed internal medicine and surgical rotations and I haven't been around needles since then. It's so scary how quickly things are forgotten.
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Annoying Christmas [Dec. 18th, 2005|05:39 pm]
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The heading refers to one of my favorite tv-series, Grey's Anatomy and it's X-mas brake. When Lost is on hold too, what am I supposed to do when hiding from studying? Watch re-runs? Aaaargh... Being addicted to tv-series is quite odd in my age, but I am the first one to admit that a little reality escape is more than welcome every now and then.

On my research paper; I finally could get my ass to hospital and to the darkness of the filing room (that's where the patient records are on computer...luckily they are on computer, not as paper files). Well, I soon realised that there had been changes in the program settings, and I wasn't able to access the things I wanted. And today being Sunday, nobody was working and my chances of finding someone to help were from slim to none.

*cigarette break*

So, going to work was no good. Why, oh why did I ever leave my bed?

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Must...get...out...of...bed... [Dec. 17th, 2005|01:25 pm]
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I love Saturdays. Mornings, to be spesific. You can lay in bed just enjoying the fact that you don't have to do anything. Of course, I should be working on my research (about the epidemiology of ankle fractures...) if I have any free time, but on a Saturady morning it's so easy to just decide that "I'll do a longer day tomorrow...Sunday is depressing anyway."

This is why my research paper won't be ready any time soon.

After the major setback of most likely failing opthalmology, it was really nice to pass something in turn. Results from prescription-writing (OK, I have no idea how you write that word, I mean the piece of paper where you write drugs to a patient) came back. It was nice to learn something actually useful for a change. I mean everything is useful in the long run but...

Around here are 4 kinds of places you can go and search medical help: the smallest unit is primary healthcare center. And after we graduate we have to work a minimum of 2 years in PHC before we actually are legalized doctors. Also, after 4th year we can work as summer replacements for PHC doctors (with true responsibility and full rights). Then there are area hospitals which are smallest possible hospitals; and then central hopitals which are already a lot bigger institutions. Finally there are university hospitals, which provide the best treatment in all specialties and subspecialties, prestigious research etc.

So, we are of course trained in university hospitals. Which is awesome because we get to learn and do really challenging stuff. BUT, when it comes to working in PHC system, which we all have to do sooner or later, we have no training. For example, in university hospitals ER people come and are sent from PHC when fractures have to be operated or externally fixed. Or when sub-arachnoid bleed/ICH/SDH is suspected and there is a need for a MRI/CT and possible evacuation. Or when a malignant tumor is suspected and then treated if possible. All this is really intresting to see, but all I'm lately wondering is that how come they don't tell us about how to deal with the things that stay/are treated in PHC?

Like how to treat the minor fracture conservatively (in which position/angle you have to stabilize the orthosis), how to treat a chronic migraine/minor head trauma? How to treat the patient in terminal phase of cancer, who has been sent back to PHC? Of course these things were briefly mentioned before the professor went on to talk 3 hrs about Iliazarov external fixes in the use of complicated fractura cruris.

Or most importantly: how to work and diagnose when you don't have and extra CT lying around and extensive labs available?

*sigh*
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