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Our conversations are like minefields...
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Date:2009-10-29 15:32
Subject:attn: orso
Security:Public

lauren orso and I are supposed to be starting a sludge band
but I dont know what that means
she said she wanted to do "twee pop" or sludge.
I dont really know what twee pop is
3:19pmRyan
Sludge means any song CJ wrote for RSO that got the LETS JUST NOT SAY ANYTHING UNTIL HE FORGETS veto from me or the THIS SUCKS SHIT veto from Mordechai.
3:20pmRyan
Twee pop is very annoying, cutesy girl harmony singing & such.
3:20pmJohanna
yeah
I fiugured
and that represents everything I hate about girls being in bands
and I cant sing
or strum quickly
so I nixed that
3:20pmRyan
Sludge is easy to do, especially as the bassist.
You just need at RAT pedal or something and a loud amp.
3:20pmJohanna
I was like...I can sing-talk in a monotone voice sorta sonic youth esque...
3:21pmRyan
Basically go listen to the bass riff from the Melvins song NIGHT GOAT and that's all you really need to do.
3:21pmJohanna
its gonna be really bad since I havent touched that bass since I moved.
3:21pmRyan
oh boy
I think we should solve 11 problems with one stone & have two bass players and have me come by.
3:22pmJohanna
I like that
I asked lauren originally if she was gonna play bass too, but she wants to play drums
I think you could keep us motivated.
I kinda want less sludge...slightly more garagey...weirdness.
like...not total boner kill droney sludge.
3:22pmRyan
Shortscale bass & bow it is!
3:23pmJohanna
hhahah
lauren suggest the name "funny uncles"
I say it should be"say uncle" because it will be so so so bad
3:24pmRyan
FAT KID TAP OUT
3:24pmJohanna
hahahhahaa
HAHAHHAHAA
3:24pmRyan
It's a name and a warning!
You gotta get cerebral with these things!
3:24pmJohanna
what kind of pedal would I need?
3:25pmRyan
I actually would just bring that Beta Lead amp I have over (the one I used in RSO for the longest time before I got the fancy new Sunn amp) as it has three instrument inputs.
So we could both just use the same amp.
3:25pmJohanna
also. I dont have a head or a cab and have crippling stage fright, so this isnt really terribly realistic
oh
neat
I can just be real stoned.
all the time.
right?
3:26pmRyan
Yeah, it's got a "GAIN" (i.e. distortion) knob on the amp & you know that thing is stupid loud so it'll be fine.
Lake was always real stoned.
Or drunk.
Or both.
3:26pmJohanna
I'd also have to feign an obnoxious amount of apathy.
would could get annoying
but I'm getting carried away...
3:27pmRyan
Chris was great at that, shut up.
3:27pmJohanna
LISTEN, RYAN. THIS ISNT RSO 2.0
wait.
lets just call it that anyway, though
3:27pmRyan
I'll give you one of my luchador masks to wear if you don't want to look at people.
3:27pmJohanna
BWAHAHAHHAH
rsotwopointoh
3:27pmRyan
I think we should be Mordechai & the Beagles.
3:28pmJohanna
Wood
semi
LETS BE "SEMI"
it could refer to the fact that we are all total dicks.
sorta
3:28pmRyan
I'll run with SEMI, semi committed, semi hardon, semi people, etc.
GOOD CALL!
There's no off position on the genius switch.

(2 broken bones | sticks and stones)





Date:2009-09-17 20:17
Subject:
Security:Public

marriage. wow.

could you ever imagine someone loving you so dang much, they'd wanna spend the rest of their damn life with you?

I can't.

I mean, I know people get divorced left and right anyway...but could you imagine them thinking that, even for just little while? long enough to go through with it?

getting married would probably mean they really REALLY mean it. like proof. proof that everyone could see.

it would probably be a really nice feeling. I mean knowing that someone loved me that dang much.


But...maybe a little, to me...marriage means investing enough time and energy and emotion with someone, that you are so exhausted about the idea of ever breaking up, and having to do so much work to get to that point with another person again, that you really don't wanna bother, so you do something that is the closest thing to making sure you won't have to. at least for a long, long time.

marriage is proof. I think that's why breaking up after a long ass relationship sucks so bad. you got nothing to show for it.

I'm the kind of person who likes proof. So that and the end of it all, I can say, "Here, look, I can prove it. I wasn't just fooling myself. He really did love me."

But I don't want no marriage.

(2 broken bones | sticks and stones)





Date:2009-09-12 21:15
Subject:CRZY AZNS
Security:Public

Denis
can we go to my friends going away party tonite?

8:59pmJohanna
are there gonna be jerks there?
I mean, you can go. duh. why are you even asking me?

8:59pmDenis
i meant we because i want you to come

9:00pmJohanna
i anyone I know gonna be there?

9:00pmDenis
i dont think so
my friend eric from work

9:00pmJohanna
can you get luc to go?

9:00pmDenis
possibly
he knows him

9:01pmJohanna
will there be free booze?

9:01pmDenis
no but im buying

9:01pmJohanna
will I have to have a conversation started by a stranger asking me "what do you do?"

9:02pmDenis
no idea?
if you do, say astronaut
thats my default

9:03pmJohanna
fine.
can I just lie to everyone to talks to me?

9:04pmDenis
whatever you want

9:05pmJohanna
will there be girls there wearing absurd clothing involving spandex and/or things my grandmother wore in the 80s.

9:07pmDenis
i dont think so
hes kind of a nerd
his apartment has a lot of vhs tapes and huey lewis and the news records

9:08pmJohanna
can we pretend I'm a deaf mute?

9:08pmDenis
haha
well youve talked to people from my job before so i dont think thatll work
unless we say you got in an accident
but then ill have to horribly disfigure you before we go

9:08pmJohanna
we'll pretend I've had scarlette fever since.
we can say I had yellow fever and then theyll be like "o rly?" and I'll be like "yeah, some crazy AZN bit me"
only in fake-sign language.

9:09pmDenis
how do you say azn in sign language

9:10pmJohanna
you squint your eyes

9:10pmDenis
no
you pull the sides of your eyes back

9:10pmJohanna
you make the motion of using chopsticks.

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-09-08 12:14
Subject:
Security:Public

I love fall the best. While it makes the city more tolerable, I'm also aware of just how much more amazing it could be anywhere else.

And that realization hurts my soul.

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-08-21 00:45
Subject:
Security:Public

Denis is leaving for tour in about 12 or so hours.


I hate stuff. I REAAAAAAAAALLLYYYY hate stuff.

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-08-20 22:58
Subject:
Security:Public

Oh, and afro-pop. Recommend some good afro-pop.


I am totally serious.

(1 broken bone | sticks and stones)





Date:2009-08-20 22:48
Subject:
Security:Public

Ok, I figured it out, I think.

I can mostly only stomach 80s/90s shoegazey/garage/post-punk type stuff right now.

Ok? Ok.

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-08-20 12:49
Subject:
Security:Public

Finding music to listen to when you are happy is impossible. It's like I don't even LIKE music when I'm in a good mood. Or maybe I just mostly like boner kill jamz, which I can't identify with when I'm mostly stoked on life.

(3 broken bones | sticks and stones)





Date:2009-08-03 17:16
Subject:and...
Security:Public

I'm happy.

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-07-18 19:41
Subject:fucked.
Security:Public

not eligible for tap cuz Laguardia is a two-year school or whatever the shit. not sure how much I'm gonna get from fafsa, even if it's enough to cover tuition, I probably can't go to school. unless I want to completely deplete my meager savings to pay rent while going. or take out loans. which I imagine will be incredibly difficult since I have no co-signer and inexplicably lousy credit, even though I've never had a credit card.

it's not even like I really REALLY wanna be a vet tech. it'll still take two or more years of school, regardless of how many of my credits transfer from CCNY.

so what should I do?

-go to laguardia and end up with an associates in applied science of whatever the hell, SORTA get some "official education" towards the general direction of what I THINK I might want to end up doing some day...


-or potentially spend the same (or slightly less) amount of time and maybe go to back to CCNY, probably receive both tap and fafsa since it's a 4 year program. end up with some kind of bullshit bachelors degree in english.

although who knows what difference it will make with the way to job market is.

I mean, I KNOW it doesnt make a goddamned difference, really. But I need to start working towards something, even if I ultimately know it's a pointless waste of time and money.

Seriously, people, decide this for me. I'm going to do laundry, now, finally. I want answers/advice when I get back!

(3 broken bones | sticks and stones)





Date:2009-07-16 14:24
Subject:
Security:Public

"It's going to be ok. You're going to be ok." - Denis


I love this man.

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-07-15 14:44
Subject:
Security:Public

I don't know how I've continued to have nothing but bad luck since 12-07. Maybe all the good luck just ran out. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe I'm just looking at it that way and making it happen. It's just disheartening and overwhelming at this point. And it's really just fucking with me, my self esteem, my confidence, my ability to cope/adjust to new situations, etc. And I'm exhausted. Maybe if I was still 19-23 I could deal better, find something good thats come out of it all, or have the determination to fight through it and prove whatever it is I have to prove, to myself, to other people, whatever. But I'm just fucking tired or even broken. I'm so fucking worn down and tired of fighting and proving things. Denis tells me to just relax and take one thing at a time and all that advice that makes perfect sense but is impossible to follow in my situation. I don't want to consider moving, even though it would probably be really good for me. It's not like I have a lot of stuff. I don't even actually have anything. Not a bed, not a dresser. I would gladly purge whatever crap I've amassed while living here this past year. But I just want to crawl into bed and not do or think about anything, and just nurse my wounds for a year or two. My roommate Luc and Denis kept buying me pity whiskey last night. Tey kept trying to convince me how much better off I am, because I'll be forced to come up with more creative ideas of how to make money, instead of being complacent at a bullshit dead end job I don't give a shit about. Denis probably said the word "resume" about a dozen times this morning before he left for work. There's a lot I could be doing right now instead of writing this and feeling sorry for myself and wondering "why me"? But I'm tired.

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-07-15 14:36
Subject:
Security:Public

I thought things were picking up, mostly.

I found a new place to move. With a backyard. And a puppy. And a room with ROOM. And a closet. And no boiler next to my head. Etc.
But Toby's foot isn't healing well at all.
And I had a panic attack while checking out the college I was thinking of applying to.
And then I got fired, again.
And my current roommates are all conspiring and talking shit on me.
And I'm pretty sure my boyfriend has only been dating me out of convenience due to the fact that I live with a bunch of his friends/bandmates.
And I feel fucking trapped and alone.
And I'm losing my mind a little.

WAH WAH WAH.

The End.

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-07-10 19:05
Subject:oh.
Security:Public

"Being in a relationship with Johanna is less like being in a relationship, and more like being on board an out-of-control train. At times it might be exciting, but eventually you're just trying to figure out when to jump off, because you know, ultimately, she's just gonna crash and burn. You can't stop her or save her. You might be able to slow her down a little...but she'll hate you for it."

(4 broken bones | sticks and stones)





Date:2009-06-24 23:22
Subject:
Security:Public

Johanna
not even the sloth video is cheering me up.
11:19pmDenis
but what if you got there and sloths in person were the most creepy disgusting things
and you didnt want to touch them
but you had to
11:19pmJohanna
not possible.
11:19pmDenis
and you paid for it
11:20pmJohanna
I mean, you've got to be expecting them to be a little creepy.
thats part of the appeal
similar to penises
only less sexy
11:20pmDenis
HA
11:20pmJohanna
actually, penises arent all that sexy either.
actually, actually, penises themselves are probably more creepy than sloths.
as they resemble newborn ferrets.
11:21pmDenis
uh
Johanna
jus sayin...

(1 broken bone | sticks and stones)





Date:2009-06-09 00:04
Subject:
Security:Public

Marz
i just read the best youtube comment
i'm looking at a video for bto-taking care of business
11:57pmJohanna
oh
11:57pmMarz
and one kid types "if you press a button on my dads coffy cup it plays this song"
11:57pmJohanna
AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAA
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
FUCK!
11:57pmMarz
then some other kid types "lol! id like to buy that coffee cup xD "
and i totally agree with him
11:58pmJohanna
tell them they can probably get it at spencers
along with big mouth billy bass
and farting birthday cards
giant condoms.
and belly rings for chicks with the playboy bunny
fuck
spencers gifts is great.
and horrible.
11:59pmMarz
anytime i've been in that store it smells so weird
it's all that fuckin plastic
11:59pmJohanna
its like a marketable museum of objects that exemplify the worst, most unhilarious, white trash sides of humans ever.
Today
12:00amJohanna
velvet black light posters of wizards and schrooms
12:00amMarz
jesus
penis pasta
12:00amJohanna
boobie shot glasses
12:00amMarz
corona boxers
12:01amJohanna
endless supplies of "over the hill" joke bumper stickers
12:02amMarz
did we miss anything
12:02amJohanna
bob marley tie dye shirts?
hacky sacks in jamaican colours
how can we forget?!?! LAVA FUCKING LAMPS?!?!??!!?
12:03amMarz
true
12:03amJohanna
homer simpson beer bottle openers
12:03amMarz
38 year old guy trying to make a living
12:03amJohanna
the crowning glory

(1 broken bone | sticks and stones)





Date:2009-06-09 00:02
Subject:
Security:Public

missing jamie.

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-06-07 17:53
Subject:
Security:Public

I don't think this klonopin is really doing anything for me. And I need to figure out a way to deal with this sudden and irrational murderous rage thing some other way.

Last night was really, really REALLY stupid and I can't figure out if it's from a REALLY long, sorta stressful day at work coupled with stupid meds, and then drinking and being about to get my period, thus more or less making it all my fault...or if my boyfriend kinda has a weird sorta emotional/temper/issues too.

I lost 3/5 of my tips last night. Which was $60. Somehow. That's kinda a drag.

And half of my 2nd turkeys nest margarita burst in my bag while I was locking my bike. I was more bummed on the loss of marg, vs the dampation of my belongings. A girls gotta have priorities...

I really, really, REALLY wanna get out of town for a little bit. See some goddamned trees. Go swimming. Hang out with some dogs in my mom's backyard. Etc.

I haven't seen or really even talked to, much, anyone who was/is? my best friend in a long, long, loooooong time. That's kinda weird. Maybe I'm too old for "best friends". The only people I'm ever around anymore are my roommates, or my coworkers, or my boyfriend, or people I've known for years who I like seeing around all the time, but I'm not all that close to, or new people I couldn't really be bothered with meeting, that I have no desire to invest effort in forming friendships with.
Oh well.

And the search of a kiddie pool for Toby continues...but even if we find one...I have no idea how I'm going to fill it up once it's on the roof...

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-05-28 22:38
Subject:
Security:Public

something is up/off/wrong/amiss with Denis and I. I think it's my fault.

It feels like the beginning of the end already. And it sucks. And it hurts.

I started taking Klonopin. This is the 4th day. I don't like it much. And mostly everyone thinks its a pretty bad idea.

I don't feel like myself.

But I haven't felt like myself in a long, long time anyway.

(sticks and stones)





Date:2009-05-26 22:43
Subject:
Security:Public

Johanna
AHAHAHHA
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/tlg/1176659459.html
10:30pmDenis
haaha
do it
10:31pmJohanna
would you consider me an opinionated 20 something?
I sure as hell would.
10:31pmDenis
hahaha yea
10:32pmJohanna
wouldnt it be cool if I got to live in some swanky real world esque house, only with a bunch of weirdo dog owners?
10:32pmDenis
you would be puck
10:32pmJohanna
totallly.

(1 broken bone | sticks and stones)




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