|| just here.
yes yes yes.
i seem to have fallen off the face face of the earth.
if you knew why, you'd forgive me.
i've been so busy with so much stuff. catching up with old friends, making new ones, changing myself for the better.
life has definatly cheered up. its almost happy now.
if life is happy, ruby is happy.
i've actually doing pretty good in school.
i have 3 A's and a B.
then there is that F in history...
and that F in math[but i got that one up].
so in the past few months:
i've realized the music will collapse on its self.
i've been in love. twice.
i've turned 15.
i've forgotton about the past...for the most part.
i've decided i like taking pictures.
i started a band.
i found out alkaline trio comes here on MAY 30!
i've decided on my first tatoo[which i'll get in a year(hopefully)]
the saddest thing happened to me. sadder than a death in the family. sadder than anything:
VENDETTA RED BROKE UP.
much more to say on that topic...
i found out march 7. sobbed for ever.
[march 7 2006 8:46 p.m.]
so last night, they died. everything i lived for, everything i breathed for, everything that ever helped me, gone. i can't beleive their gone. so young. so meaningful. so everything. they meant the world to me. it's fucking impossible. those last words, they just can't be fucking true. this is seriously the end of me. nothing will ever be the same. it's like everything i lied for was a lie. i hope to god i don't wake up in the morning. why is everything falling to shit? fuck this. i'm fucking dying. this is retarted. i loved them. i worshiped them. they were/are gods to me. they are brilliant. they are lifesavers. happy fucking birthday to me. goodbye december 12, goodbye september 27, good bye bumbershoot, good bye the 12 other times i saw them. i praise those moments. speaking of which their last show ever is in a month. that was supposed to be my birthday party. i was gonna invite all my friends to come see my favorite band with me. not see them for the last time with me. i feel like part of me died and part of me did.
TEARS ARE SHED, BLOOD IS LET, AND WE ALL STILL LOVE VENDETTA RED.©
[that was a journal entry into my personal journal]
i know that sounded completely pathetic, but that's how i felt when i found out.
but with everything beautiful, there comes death.
April 8 however, was one of the best days and suckiest days of my life.
woke up at noon[the time i planned to be to el corazon]. got to elcorazon at 1. my mom didn't want me there alone, so she came and picked me up. i wanted to murder her for that, by the way. we went and picked everybody up and went to el corazon. no one was there, thank god. we were there at three. three hours later than i wanted to be there. eventually leif showed up and we chatted with him, jeff and levi. i almost started crying just talking to him. then i saw justin, you know the love of my life since like 6th grade. he was al cute, dressed in a suit and whatnot. these four girls behind us. god i hated them. they crowded us. we had seven people. they had four. it was barely even sprinkling and they crowed our little area to stay dry. they basically forced three of us to always be out of the group. so fucking annoying. two of the girls didn't even listen to them. didn't have tickets, nothing! they begged justin to get them in. he seemed reluctant, but he did it! i was so angry! those dumb bitches didn't care. finally vendetta red did sound check. i cried listening to it. at 7:15 they let us in.i took my rightful spot in the front and center. after, of course, i visited the merch table to get my belt buckle and also to say hello to the darling CHRISTINA. Raheem Shuclah came on. pretty catchy. Kane Hodder, amazing as usual. The Divorce, dancy. I enjoyed them, but half way through i realized how close it was until the thing i didn't want to beleive. As soon as The Divorce stopped, i started crying. i saw jacob on the side of the stage. waved. he waved back. sweet heart. i love him. then the vendetta red banner went up. i cried harder. Jeff saw me crying, handed me a bottle of water and a kiss on the forehead. still sobbing, they began. i started taking pictures too. through blurry eyes though. they opened with Silhouette Serenade, i beleive. i saw ben, waved at eachother, then i went back to crying. In the stairwell, i saw RAE and SARAH. i hadn't seen them in forever. did i mention joe was there? like the old bassist. yeah that was cool. i stopped crying around P.S. Love The Black. I noticed Zach hung from the pipes. i hadn't seen that since S.T.U.N./ Vendetta Red back in december of 2003. Then they played All Cried Out. gotta love the old songs. Then the glorious. the best song EVER. LIPSTICK TOURNIQUETS. right before leif located me in the crowd and blew me a kiss. i got on stage, ritually. and i stage dived. the last time i will ever be on stage for vendetta red. the last time i will hear lipstick tourniquets. the last time i stage dived/crowd surfed to them. i came off stage and found alex. the only other person who i knew listened to vr longer than me. our friendship was built on their music. and brought back together by their music, also. they played 25 songs i beleive. including ribcage menegrie and the long goodbye. i started crying during Por Vida and didn't stop until an hour after the show. i got the BTNATN vinyl[thank you christina], one of Justin's guitar strings[which while getting it cut my hand realy bad], and leif's guitar pick. i wanted to talk to zach, couldn't find him. Justin is still sneaky and ran away before i could catch his attention. i found jeff he gave me another kiss and bottle of water. i found leif and we hugged for a long time. he told me very nice things. he said i was the apple of his eye. he gave me the translation and the real meaning to that saying. he is possibly the nicest person i have ever met. i could barely keep myself up and walking. Domenico was there, no Matthew how ever. :[
thats bassically been it. i have nothing else to say for now. i hope you enjoyed my entry about the saddest day of my life.
now i will go to sams and see Ryan♥, but hes bringing tara. goodie.