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22 August 2011 @ 10:36 pm
I don't know why I still get the urge to write in this thing. I guess because for so long it was my place to come to rant and rave and cry and laugh and everything else that I wanted to say, but only to a few people. I don't really feel like this is the place for that anymore. There are things going on that I want to put into words and it's sad to say that the reason I don't want to put any of it here is because I feel like David still reads this. I don't know why he would for any reason other than curiosity, but when I got my things back from him last week, I saw that as the absolute end of things. I never have to see him again, I have no reason to talk to him, nothing. I won't even bother to ask him anymore if he's filed yet, because if I don't get papers before March, I will just do it myself. So! Time to find an outlet else where.

Although, I'll still come back to lurk on you, Chelsea ;)
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
13 May 2011 @ 03:16 am
Things are better than good, but I'm hesitant and am not willing to put too much thought into some things. I'm not liking this whole being in limbo thing. I feel like I can't make plans for much since in less than 6 months, I'll be leaving for a year. A lot changes in a year. But for now, I will thoroughly enjoy my life and my severely awesome group of people I have surrounding me.
Current Mood: contentcontent
26 April 2011 @ 12:57 pm

And if I'm the cause for me,
Next time I'll be braver,
I'll be my own savior,
Standing on two feet.

I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no.
I won't ask you, you to just desert me.
I can't give you what you think you gave me.
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables.
18 April 2011 @ 02:15 pm
The more and more I am told by him how shitty of a person I am and how worthless I am makes me more and more sure that I am actually an awesome person. Not to mention the countless people who have told me this over the past month. Even people whom I had just met sat there and told me that there's just something about me that makes me awesome. I told them it's probably just the fact that I don't give a fuck, but they were okay with that response lol. I don't think that if I was a shitty person, I would have the amazing friends that I do and would not have people going out of their way trying to make me happy or trying to convince me to go to dinner with them lol. There are so many nice people in this world and I have found a good sized group of them. :)
Fuck the negative people. Don't need that shit! See ya!
Current Mood: happyhappy
11 April 2011 @ 06:10 pm
Can NOT get over how amazing my life is. That is all.
Current Mood: chipperchipper
14 March 2011 @ 06:48 pm
I just had the best fucking weekend! I seriously love my friends. They are great. To say my weekend was a success would be an understatement.
Current Mood: happyhappy
08 March 2011 @ 10:17 am
I’d rather be lonely
I’d rather have no love
Then to know love like this
And if I know one thing
It’s that I’d rather have nothing
Then to hold on to something
That just don’t exist
08 March 2011 @ 02:16 am
David does not care anymore. He does not love me and who's to say he ever did? All I know is that he is toxic and will only continuously hurt me if I do not leave. He's immature and has a lot of issues he needs to work out on his own. So this is it, I'm going to go start myself a new and better life. I do not deserve to be treated like I don't matter and honestly I think he is just continuously hurting me SO I would leave. Well have at it, david. I'm done. Have fun with your nasty girls, maybe one day you'll grow up and learn to respect someone and think of other people besides yourself. Selfish bastard. Good riddance.

Look at that, after I tried to make sure he wasn't going to be like my dad, he is exactly like him. What a shame.

I hope you never tell a lie as big as the one you told me when you said your vows on the verge of tears. I hope you enjoy your loneliness. Dont knock that skanky bitch up :)
01 July 2010 @ 12:35 pm
This is the last Thursday that I will be spending alone :)
He's coming home and I still don't believe it.
Current Mood: relievedrelieved
18 May 2010 @ 11:27 pm
We've come to an agreement. We've listed the pro's and the con's and in the end, the pro's outweigh the con's. David has determined he will be reenlisting for real. Before it was just a possibility, nothing for certain. Germany will be at the top of our wish list followed by Italy and Colorado.

I'm really excited. I'm excited about a lot of things. I'm excited that David has made this decision solely based off of the fact that it's the wisest decision when it comes to supporting me and our future family and our future in general. We both know that this could mean another possible deployment somewhere in our future, which was one of the cons, but at this point in our lives, having a definite steady job is what's going to be best. I know for a long time he didn't want to reenlist and I don't know if he knows how much I appreciate these sacrifices that he's making now.

I picked a winner and I'm really lucky. That much I know for sure.