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ALL HANDS ON DECK

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[21 Jun 2006|12:58am]

does anybody read/check this anymore? 

3 binge| and purge

[07 Mar 2006|07:02pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

OMG PICTURES!!!!!
from my super bday

1 binge| and purge

[30 Dec 2005|04:04pm]
wisdom teeth = :(

perkaset = :)

i look like a fat kid
5 binge| and purge

[29 Oct 2005|12:32am]
bump.and.grind.bitches
bump.
and.
grind.
and purge

[08 Oct 2005|07:07pm]
i.
can.
not.
WAIT.
for.
college.

sometimes i just wanna get the fuck outta here and start over. you live in one place for too long and you get yourself a reputation...good or bad it doesnt matter, its still there. and the fact is...ive changed, everybodys changed. and i just wanna start over. i cant do that here.

ill be in michigan this week...and hopefully next year, if things go according to plan.

im seeing waiting and its gunna be hilarious
and purge

[25 Sep 2005|03:34am]
it really is always darkest before dawn
and purge

[16 Sep 2005|10:27pm]
...and the seed has been planted
3 binge| and purge

[12 Sep 2005|08:45pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

my orthodontist is dead.
he was old...but he wasnt old, you know?
we carried on the rest of our meal in silence.
it was awkward.
but what is there to say about it?
i had the weirdest dream last night.
jimmy was in it.
so was chris.
we were in flagstaff and we were getting drunk.

my parents are hiding things from me. im positive
my moms oncologist, the one who dealt with all her cancer shit, called and she went running back into her bedroom and closed the door.
last night when my dad called i vaguely heard her say "i have some bad news" as she again ran back to her room.
this morning i overheard, okay i eavesdropped, something about "getting back results" and "knowing for sure."
my dad gave her a huge hug when she left this morning. a hug i havent seen since she was diagnosed, or when her dad had a stroke, or some other tragedy that fate threw her way.

i hate them sometimes but im too afraid to ask. i'd much rather stay suspended in this blissful ignorance

2 binge| and purge

[28 Aug 2005|10:30pm]
[ mood | sick ]

problem
i would feel like im lying if i called myself a christian anymore. for alot of reasons. but, one of my top choices for colleges, pepperdine, scores extra points for religious affiliation.
so...do i play the game and say im a christian, and up my chances for acceptance? or do i tell the truth? whatever that is.

i doubt ill be accepted anyway
i doubt anything in my life will go according to plan
and i doubt i have the motivation and even just the raw talent to get myself where id like to be.

i want to believe the cliches...that you can make your own miracles, that you can be whatever you want to be, that everyone has the capacity to be happy.

i guess im just feeling like my life is really lame. i work, i school, i worry, and i stress. thats pretty much it, and when im not doing any of those, im sleeping.
i need a way to de-stress and have fun. any suggestions? bc seriously, i need help.

4 binge| and purge

[17 Aug 2005|02:42pm]
i have to write an literary analysis on a poem...
...entirely in questions

will somebody please accompany me to see my artwork at tohono chul park? i have a free ticket?
please!!! i really wanna see...but i dont wanna be lame and go alone
let me know...

back to the essay...
i mean...back to the essay?
and purge

[15 Aug 2005|09:05pm]
[ mood | cold ]

i ate so much food tonight...well not really, but it feels like i ate i whale
a big whale
a big blue one

i feel like throwing
in a bulimic-throwing-up kind of way

school is going good
work is going good
in general life is going good
i suppose

INTEGRATION

im watching a show about a woman with a 200 pound tumor
you would think one would see a doctor BEFORE it got that big.
her name is laurie

labor day weekend im going to look at schools in oregon
yeah...oregon

thats all

and purge

[08 Aug 2005|05:46pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I MADE COOKIES TODAY AND THEY TASTED AMAZING

I WANT TO GO BACK TO PARIS

WOMEN ON COOKING SHOWS ANNOY ME LIKE NO OTHER

I SUDDENLY LOVE RAISINS

I GOT HIT ON TWICE TODAY...I BLAME THE SHIRT

GUM IS OVERRATED

4 binge| and purge

[06 Aug 2005|04:31pm]
i hate my school
i hate my school
i hate my school
i hate my school
i hate my school
i hate my school
i hate my school
i hate my school
i hate my school
i hate my school
ironwood can kiss my ass
3 binge| and purge

did you know...? [03 Aug 2005|03:25am]
[ mood | awake ]

its 320 in the morning
i cant sleep
why? i keep thinking
why? becuase i set it in my mind to do one task. im not doing anything wrong. in theory everything should be working. right? well for some reason i keep getting the opposite of my desired result.
its kinda like...if someone wanted to lose weight, and they started eating considerably less food, and began to exercise, in theory they would lose weight.
well this is going on a diet and gaining weight because of it.
makes no sense right?
i mean the issue at hand is black and white. ill either get one result or the other. im working toward white but all im getting is black
and im so fucking confused.
i dont know what to do
i want to ask for help
but i dont think i can...and everyone i would go to wouldnt support me or even understand

god it just doesnt make any sense

17 binge| and purge

[23 Jul 2005|08:25pm]
[ mood | confused ]

sorry about that last entry bad day you know?

everyone should read Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo
theres not a single comma in the entire book
but thats not
why its
good

ive felt really
lonely lately
but at the same
time, every time im not alone
i get depressed, feeling like im having the same conversations over and over again. something stagnated and i dont know what...maybe it was me

i want a guy
to sing this to me:

the blower's daughter - damien rice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes...

download it...its the most beautiful song in the world
but also
the most
depressing...because it will
never
happen to me

8 binge| and purge

[19 Jul 2005|02:17pm]

you are my sunshine. you remember that song? the way our parents used to sing it to us at bed, making us feel secure and loved?

noone ever sung us the whole songCollapse )

2 binge| and purge

[18 Jul 2005|05:43pm]
[ mood | confused ]

hotel rwanda is one of the most depressing and moving movies ive ever seen

i highly recommend it...very poignant

i missed the first payday by 2 days, so i get my first paycheck on wednesday...finally. ive been working like 37 hours a week...i think ill treat myself to a pair of heels or something. maybe a haircut...or a new skirt...yeah, a skirt. that would be nice. as of last tuesday i had 363 dollars before taxes...mmmmm...sweet

ive been thinking alot lately. as consequence, ive been really confused. like really confused.

food is overrated

so is love

2 binge| and purge

[15 Jul 2005|04:41am]
[ mood | curious ]

well that was awkward

2 binge| and purge

[11 Jul 2005|03:03pm]
[ mood | determined ]

OMG

after a year or so of thought, i know what i want to do with my life

i will be a radiologist

1 binge| and purge

[09 Jul 2005|11:20pm]
[ mood | confused ]

wow...
thinking about the last year has put me in a really crappy mood
and the parents breathing down my neck about college
and my feet fucking hurt from work shoes...i need some of those fun gel inserts

i need some closure
and i need to know for sure if [ ] has any feelings for me
and if so, i need to be scared shitless

3 binge| and purge

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