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05 January 2009 @ 03:31 am
there's something to be said about a slow pace. even if it leads nowhere in time it's so much more enjoyable to savor the developing feelings as they come bit by bit than to go full speed ahead passing so many of the little moments by. the moments where you look at a person and realize that today you feel just a little bit warmer in their presence than you felt yesterday.

it's all worth breathing for.
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: iron and wine - evening on the ground
29 October 2008 @ 07:15 am
the world is alive with possibilities.
this weather is inspiring and snuggly.
Current Mood: contentcontent
04 September 2008 @ 05:50 pm
They knew they were at war, but the guards held their posts, never admitting defeat. They fought for feeling, they fought for hope, they fought for love in all it's varied forms. They stood their ground because of their faith, never showing their fear as each guard buckled at the knees and collapsed next to the rubble of the walls that they protected with the beating in their chests. They hurt for the lost but they fought on because it was all they could do in a world so far lost within itself. All they could do was connect to the trees, to the words, to the blank stares of the misguided, to the eyelashes, to the inflection, to the lyrics, to the blues and the grays and the emeralds, to the air that they breathed into their lungs, to the broken, to the sunshine, to the perspiration, to the insects. All they could do was connect to it and hope within it. Because every feeling they felt was pure and beautiful, it was raw and untouched. Every breath that hurt was theirs to breathe. It became harder to breathe, harder to hope, harder to trust, harder to fight, harder to desire, harder to let go, harder to live. The pain became inspiring; all the while defeating to watch months of time shattered carelessly, scattering the wasteland with wreckage of words, soft limbs against smooth flesh, shallow breathing, buried faces, warmth, unspoken syllables and broken blood vessels. Though what do they have if not to keep fighting? To fall to pieces and to love every crack as much as they hate to see their memories in fading fragments. To let go, whether it's towards a light or a fleeting darkness. To let the corners of their mouths turn up and to be okay with it, to be inspired by it, to know that it's okay. To know that every battle isn't lost, that no battle is fought in vain. Because any battle worth fighting will still hold it's meaning in the end. Because any fight worth fighting will end in flames or not at all. Because it will have meant something; it will have inspired, taught, brightened, warmned, endeared, darkened, changed, electrified. What more can they hope for in the end but to feel to the greatest depths of their being? It's humanity defined.
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: dispatch.
27 August 2008 @ 11:49 pm
I just made cookies again; only i'm impatient so I used the spatula to unite them with a plate before they'd even had a full thirty seconds to sit. due to this, they look more like cookie mashed potatoes. I also burnt my finger on the pan. every single time I am near an oven or something that came out of it I burn myself. sadly, I am only barely exaggerating this fact.

I'm gonna miss this place, but at least I'm leaving with both physical and emotional scars that I acquired while here, easier to remember it that way.
Current Location: my bedroom.
Current Mood: chipperchipper
22 July 2008 @ 07:34 am
Fuckin' dinosaurs and robots and shit man.
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: third eye blind - blinded
05 July 2008 @ 08:20 am
11 May 2008 @ 08:19 pm
The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test
Your Score: 4- the Individualist
Thanks for taking the test !

you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR (aka "The Romantic")

"I am unique"

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

* Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.

* Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.

* Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.

* Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.

* Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a FOUR

* my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
* my ability to establish warm connections with people
* admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
* my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
* being unique and being seen as unique by others
* having aesthetic sensibilities
* being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a FOUR

* experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
* feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
* feeling guilty when I disappoint people
* feeling hurt or attacked when someone misunderstands me
* expecting too much from myself and life
* fearing being abandoned
* obsessing over resentments
* longing for what I don't have

FOURs as Children Often

* have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
* are very sensitive
* feel that they don't fit in
* believe they are missing something that other people have
* attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
* become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
* feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

FOURs as Parents

* help their children become who they really are
* support their children's creativity and originality
* are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
* are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
* are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed
12 April 2008 @ 04:44 am
In 2007, the 'artist' Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, took
a dog from the street,
tied him to a rope in an art gallery, and starved
him to death.

For several days, the 'artist' and the visitors of
the exhibition have
watched emotionless the shameful 'masterpiece' based
on the dog's agony,
until eventually he died.

But this is not all... the prestigious Visual Arts
Biennial of the Central
American decided that the 'installation' was
actually art, so that
Guillermo Vargas Habacuc has been invited to repeat
his cruel action for the
biennial of 2008.


I want to see the world. I want to touch it with my fingertips.
I want to laugh in a new place next to new strangers with the same problems evident in their eyes.
I want to feel a different wind blow the bangs out of my eyes as I smile. I want to see the flaws in a city as much as I want to see it's beauty. I want to whisper in all the hidden spots and see with my own two eyes the ones everyone already talks about. I want to give a bum five dollars just because he's playing the guitar on the side of a new street in his old rags. I want to ask him his story and what steps led him to that city. I want to lie in the grass in a new place and stare up at the same sky and make silly guesses of what the clouds are, like "that one's a dog!" or "there is president bush... or is that a monkey?". I want to fall in love over and over again in a different city with the same person every time. I want to take my camera and capture it all so that I can keep it forever; so that you can see the world through my eyes if you're not given the same chance.

if only life were so carefree. =)
23 December 2007 @ 01:14 am
Logic? Who needs that. That's for smart people! Pfh, logic.

I started Christmas shopping today. Yeah, that's right... I said started. Anyone reading this should know that I'm a procrastinator. I need to finish tomorrow. I'm also broke. I think I'll go play the one guitar chord that I know over and over again on the street and see if anyone will give me some change. Chyeah. My head really hurts but I don't think I want to sleep just yet. Cassandra went shopping with me. I picked her up and we drove to the mall with the windows down [well mine was down, hers was up because she didn't want to mess up her hair... pfh, girls] and dashboard confessional playing because we're true emo kids like that [haha]. I can't believe that Christmas is a couple of days away. On one hand I feel like this year has gone by so fast that it almost feels like it's only mid 2007. On the other hand this has been the longest fucking year in the history of ever and I feel like it should have been over a long time ago.

I just want to say that... I know some really amazing people. They more than make up for all the other zillion shitty people that I know.